I have a problem...update

[Left Coast]

As i understand it, the child is 8 years old. This has been going on for months. He has no life or ability to play or be with friends or do anything outside of school. He sits alone in his room allowed to do nothing for hours on end, no stimulation. For months. He's 8.

This isn't normal grounding at all. It's very harsh. No one I know, including my own parents and older siblings with children, would do anything that extreme. Grounding with no TV or games for some period of time, sure. But months? And expected to just sit alone in your roo. and do nothing by yourself while the rest of your family spends time together, every day for months? No.

 

[We Never Know]

As i understand it, the child is 8 years old. This has been going on for months. He has no life or ability to play or be with friends or do anything outside of school. He sits alone in his room allowed to do nothing for hours on end, no stimulation. For months. He's 8.

This isn't normal grounding at all. It's very harsh. No one I know, including my own parents and older siblings with children, would do anything that extreme. Grounding with no TV or games for some period of time, sure. But months? And expected to just sit alone in your roo. and do nothing by yourself while the rest of your family spends time together, every day for months? No.

For two/three years

 

[Left Coast]

Let me tell you all some thing else....

Last week I just found out for the first time two years ago his step dad beat his *** with a belt, bruising his *** and both legs.
My ex wife finally informed me if that last week. Her excuse was she didn't tell me because she thought I would kill him.
That doesn't excuse her for not telling me or him or my daughter for letting it happen. Supposedly it hasn't happened again. Yeah BS!

Spanking so bad it bruised? This is now going into physical abuse.

No wonder this kid acts out.

 

[stvdv]

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

My advice (tough one, most parents fail here):
You talk to your daughter alone first

First you ask her if you have made any parenting mistakes while bringing her up. Definitely you made, unless you are a Saint. Make her speak out all the mistakes you made.

And for each mistake you made:
1)admit it + 2)say sorry + 3)ask her to forgive you

After this you probably have to do nothing about the situation of your grandson, because you have fully empowered your daughter that a husband should make no mistake w/o saying sorry and asking forgivenese

You can only correct your daughter's parenting if you live by example and it's a must you ask forgiveness in case you made any mistakes

 

[We Never Know]

Spanking so bad it bruised? This is now going into physical abuse.

No wonder this kid acts out.

I think.that is part of the reason my daughter lashed out it me. Because now she knows I know and she knows what I will do.

So ban me to avoid the problem.

 

[We Never Know]

My advice (tough one, most parents fail here):
You talk to your daughter alone first

First you ask her if you have made any parenting mistakes while bringing her up. Definitely you made, unless you are a Saint. Make her speak out all the mistakes you made.

And for each mistake you made:
1)admit it + 2)say sorry + 3)ask her to forgive you

After this you probably have to do nothing about the situation of your grandson, because you have fully empowered your daughter that a husband should make no mistake w/o saying sorry and asking forgivenese

You can only correct your daughter's parenting if you live by example and it's a must you ask forgiveness in case you made any mistakes

I have never empowered my son-in-law over my daughter or even fully empowered my daughter over my grandson.

 

[Left Coast]

I think.that is part of the reason my daughter lashed out it me. Because now she knows I know and she knows what I will do.

So ban me to avoid the problem.

Would dad let him play a sport? Does he like sports? Or music or some other extracurricular thing?

That would at least get him out of the house more.

 

[We Never Know]

Would dad let him play a sport? Does he like sports? Or music or some other extracurricular thing?

That would at least get him out of the house more.

He played mightmite football last year. Mom always was there. Step dad showed up late or not at all.

And poppy(me) never missed a game.

 

[stvdv]

Let me tell you all some thing else....

Last week I just found out for the first time two years ago his step dad beat his *** with a belt, bruising his *** and both legs.
My ex wife finally informed me if that last week. Her excuse was she didn't tell me because she thought I would kill him.
That doesn't excuse her for not telling me or him or my daughter for letting it happen. Supposedly it hasn't happened again. Yeah BS!

Aha, some very important update

*) Beating with a belt is far too excessive

Still my previous reply a minute ago applies. You must empower your daughter so that she is convinced and powerful enough to stop her husband

Of course you help her if she can't manage herself

 

[Left Coast]

He played mightmite football last year. Mom always was there. Step dad showed up late or not at all.

And poppy(me) never missed a game.

I already have a piece of my mind to give this stepdad and I haven't even met him...

 

[We Never Know]

Aha, some very important update

*) Beating with a belt is far too excessive

Still my previous reply a minute ago applies. You must empower your daughter so that she is convinced and powerful enough to stop her husband

Of course you help her if she can't manage herself

Her church teaches the husband is law and what he does is not to contested.

Im actually thinking about showing up at their church.

 

[JustGeorge]

Let me tell you all some thing else....

Last week I just found out for the first time two years ago his step dad beat his *** with a belt, bruising his *** and both legs.
My ex wife finally informed me if that last week. Her excuse was she didn't tell me because she thought I would kill him.
That doesn't excuse her for not telling me or him or my daughter for letting it happen. Supposedly it hasn't happened again. Yeah BS!

This is unquestionable abuse....

What did your daughter say about the incident?

Her church sounds like a cult. I am not a Christian, but I was raised one, and beating your young children is not Christian teachings.

This isn't a swat on the behind or a smack on the mouth. Beating with a belt to that extent is excessive and abusive.

 

[We Never Know]

This is unquestionable abuse....

What did your daughter say about the incident?

Her church sounds like a cult. I am not a Christian, but I was raised one, and beating your young children is not Christian teachings.

This isn't a swat on the behind or a smack on the mouth. Beating with a belt to that extent is excessive and abusive.

My daughter told me it was a one time thing...but she also hid it from me.

Yes I agree her church is wacked. Thats why Im thinking of going just to see for myself

 

[JustGeorge]

My daughter told me it was a one time thing...but she also hid it from me.

Yes I agree her church is wacked. Thats why Im thinking of going just to see for myself

Good luck. I hope you're able to make some change here...

Do you think they would allow him to stay with you for the summer?

 

[We Never Know]

Good luck. I hope you're able to make some change here...

Do you think they would allow him to stay with you for the summer?

Not a chance since they always have him grounded, I get him for a weekend very 2-3 months if I'm lucky.

 

[Harel13]

It sounds like he's being abused. Try stepping out of the grandfather position for a moment. If you were an outsider, a neighbor, an educator, I'm sure you would have called child services. I think that for the good of your grandson, something more drastic than talking to your daughter must be done, because it doesn't seem to be helping so far.

 

[We Never Know]

It sounds like he's being abused. Try stepping out of the grandfather position for a moment. If you were an outsider, a neighbor, an educator, I'm sure you would have called child services. I think that for the good of your grandson, something more drastic than talking to your daughter must be done, because it doesn't seem to be helping so far.

You are right. Because she is my daughter I have avoided that but now I think I need to stop avoiding that..

 

[We Never Know]

Thanks everyone. I'm off to bed. I have a long day tomorrow. I will think some more and more than likely be back asking more questions.

 

[JustGeorge]

You are right. Because she is my daughter I have avoided that but now I think I need to stop avoiding that..

My dad called CPS on my sister once over concern for her and her son. They did step in; they didn't remove the kids, but shortly after, her boyfriend attempted to kill her. (He went to jail.)

She may potentially be in danger, too.

 

[stvdv]

He comes out of his room to use the bathroom and sees his mother, step dad and little brother watching TV and playing.
That will build bitterness and hate in my opinion.

Yes, I read your updates. Very good you check him out.

You mentioned the Church with father, mother, child

My Master said "I incarnated also to correct Scriptural errors"
He has said that "Father" means God, and is male...all humans are concidered female, hence man, woman, child are to be treated equally respectful

What their Church teaches is extremely dangerous, and easily can aloow Hitler "lookalikes" to emerge I think

Together with all other facts you gave, it seems right that you help your daughter. Her husband probably selected this Church, and that might be an indication he has some narcissistic tendencies (grandiosity...husband MUST be followed, and never be spoken against).

But first talk to your daughter I would say. Because normally a mother is like a tigress when the husband hurts her child and she will give her life to protect her child (even animals do). My mother did not, because she was too weak to fight.

How is your relationship with your daughter?
How much of a tigress is still left in her?
If your daughter trusts you it's much easier to help her child