I have a problem...update

[stvdv]

I have never empowered my son-in-law over my daughter or even fully empowered my daughter over my grandson.

You totally misunderstood what I wrote

Your daughter choose a husband who abuses her child. So, she is not strong (enough) to fight him and protect her son

Have you made any parenting mistakes yourself? It's crucial to clean up my own mistakes before I can point out mistakes in my child (and others)

So, that is the first question I asked myself. I made mistakes hurting others even, unknowingly though, but still, and I have asked forgiveness to persons for my mistakes. I always say sorry after making/discovering a mistake that hurts others

If I have been perfect, my daughter would be fighting like a tigress to protect her son. Did you give her that tigress power? How is your relationship with your daughter?

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

Dear We Never Know,

If your grandson is acting out in school, it may well have to do with him so often being excluded from partaking in family life.

Also, I find myself wondering whether your daughter truly is in control of their situation, or whether she’s being coerced into it. If so, she too may need assistance getting out of their predicament.

I do think expert legal - and possibly psychological - advice is called for.
I’d especially be wanting to know what rights the boy’s biological father has, should your daughter temporarily lose custody of your grandson and would those rights precede your own?

This whole thing seems an awful situation for everyone involved; I very much feel for you and truly hope things turn out for the best - especially for your grandson.

Sending you strength.


Humbly
Hermit

 

[rational experiences]

If humans told human's no machines based on the premise..

A human thinking designs machine.
A human thinking physically builds machine.
A human thinking biological thoughts owns operates physical manual manipulation AI machine by design to knowingly attack biology.

Whole thesis a human is AI abstractly as self as conscious self advice human pretending the machine is doing it all by itself ...yet its human biologies owned human as God instructs it.

Is a full human scientist circuit self possessed life mind body condition using machines ...all types.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I think we already have a consensus here that this is child abuse.

That said, if you do decide to call children's services, what are you prepared to do? Are you willing to take your grandchild into your home on a permanent basis and raise him? The consequences of taking such an action could potentially be worse than the situation he is presently in.

 

[VoidCat]

The grounding thing...
When I was a kid my parents would have me sit in a corner for months. I wasn't allowed out of it execpt for a few circumstances. Basically that corner was my home and I would just sit there looking at the wall.

This sounds very similar. People tell me that was abusive and I didn't realize it was abuse. I think this is abuse too for the same reasons me standing in the corner was. But I doubt cps would actually do anything. Often they don't take kids over psychological abuse.

The bruises tho they might take the kid for that. Altho if cps is anything like the one around here...
You can have bruises and cps won't do anything. So good luck with CPS

 

[VoidCat]

I've thought harder on this. As someone who was abused this is what I have to say(listen very carefully)...

You 100% need to call CPS. They can possibly save the child's life and or mental health even if sometimes they don't do anything they might and that's a good enough reason to. They are the ones who can help stop the abuse the most. You might get one that actually knows what abuse is. But there are things to be aware of...

CPS might not help the kid and they continue to be abused. Cuz CPS was called its likely it'll be taken out on the kid. You have two options then both have risks and unwanted consquences...

You can make it obvious you called CPS. This may protect the child temporarily. If the parents are mad at you and not the kid they might not hurt the kid for CPS being called. However a kid needs a safe adult. When being abused an adult you can trust is going to go a long way. They can help offset some of the trauma and basically help the child not go down a bad path like drug use or something. If you make it obvious it was you that called the parents might ban you from contact. You right now are a positive and safe adult. Right now you are helping the kid in more ways then you possibly even know.

The other option is you don't tell them you called. They probably might think it was you if you told them you thought of it but...
If you keep telling them and lie say you didn't do it they might believe you. Thus they might keep you in the kids life. You could see what's going on and possibly be a good influence offsetting trauma,helping the kid and maybe seeing an opportunity to call cps again if something happens they can't ignore. They still may take it out on the kid but at least youd be there for them.

In the meantime id be more quiet about your concerns with the parents. If they arent listening to you now on it they likely won't later. You need to be able to be a good influence on the kids life and you can't do that if you aren't able to see him. Which the parents might kick you out of his life if you keep voicing concerns. If it were me and cps didn't do anything id go with option two tho it's your choice. Cuz I know most of the trauma I have was offset by safe adults. Im not as down a bad path cuz of adults who were safe and positive influences. It's a literal life saver safe adults are for a child. Even if you don't stop the trauma you can lessen it just by being a safe adult to be around.

 

[Brian2]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

We readers have not all the facts of course but it seems to me that you are creating problems for your relationship with your daughter and access to your grand children.
Having an opinion and expressing it is one thing, going to a lawyer is a step beyond that.
It would be good if you were in the picture just in case something more drastic did develop and someone was there to report it. I just don't think what you describe is abuse.
My wife has been working in child protection for a long time and I will try to remember to ask her but abuse seems to be a matter of opinion to a certain extent. What some people call abuse others call discipline.
In the meantime I guess getting advice from a lawyer or child protection authorities might be a good thing, but as I say, and as your daughter said, things could end up worse for you and probably no different for your grandchildren. So I would say not to tell child protection of the address etc of your daughter.

 

[pearl]

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

A situation that is very difficult to offer any advice. I take it that this is not the first incident requiring parental action. I would suggest the possibility of a medical pre-condition to explain some behavior, depending on the frequency of the behavior. My youngest grandson, now 18, was 7 when he was diagnosed with ADHD.

 

[Vitality]

This is absolutely abuse. CPS involvement may provide them with resources that can help guide their parenting, but they would need to be open to such things. Unless you are successful at having them court ordered to some sort of therapy or parenting classes then I’m afraid there’s not much you can do. I would proceed carefully because if they catch wind about you taking legal action it may hinder your relationship and prevent them from allowing visitation.

I think it’s wonderful that you are looking into ways you can help. Hopefully the parents wise up to how damaging their approach to consequences is for their son.

It sounds like, at the very least, this child would benefit from therapy.

If you have concerns about getting CPS involved and the parents are unwilling to acknowledge your concerns, another option to consider is speaking with the guidance counselor at his school. They will be able to do a preliminary assessment on his behavior, offer resources to him as well as the parents, and help you decide whether to contact CPS. I will say that if you can assist this child in getting the help he needs without legal action it may benefit everyone.

 

[ChristineM]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

It sounds to me to be more than borderline. How i read this is new husband resents the child from a previous husband and is domineering your daughter and punishing your grandson.

Your daughter may be willing to accept the situation out of fear of the guy or love for him. That bit I don't know.

If it's fear then both your daughter and grandson could be in danger. Your grandson certainly is in danger of at least long term resentment which can turn nasty.

This abuse needs to be stoped, I think getting legal advice is a must. Also in conjunction with other relatives get in touch with child protection services. They are more likely to listen and act to a group complaint than an individual.

If this is as bad as it sounds and you don't intervene your grandson could also turn resentment on to you.

 

[We Never Know]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

Thanks everyone. I've been talking to my exwife the last few days and we decided we are going to join together to see what we can do. We have both talked with attorneys and we will.go from there.
All we can do.is hope for the best at the moment.

Thanks again.

 

[We Never Know]

I think we already have a consensus here that this is child abuse.

That said, if you do decide to call children's services, what are you prepared to do? Are you willing to take your grandchild into your home on a permanent basis and raise him? The consequences of taking such an action could potentially be worse than the situation he is presently in.

Already have a room for him... So yes.

 

[JustGeorge]

Already have a room for him... So yes.

You're a wonderful grandparent.