If your child's religion is different.

[Comet]

As far as how much influence I have on my children, well, right now they go to church with me and also Sunday school and they really enjoy it. If there comes a day when they start to question religion I look forward to talking with them about it (I hope they will ask me--I try to set the tone now by answering their questions about God as best I can). I have two great experiences to draw upon. First is that I myself explored religion and converted to another religion when I returned to faith after many years of being a secular agnostic. I know that this experience was very important for my own spiritual growth and so I don't need to be afraid of similar explorations by my children.
luna

I must ask you luna (love that name by the way, though lunamoths bring me pain):

Your child begins to ask questions when they are 5. They start to ask questions neither you nor the Sunday school teacher can answer. You send him to the pastor/preacher/priest and the answers they give are not sufficient for the 5 year old. What then happens from your point of view? (I will relate my own expiriences as you have- but from where you are now and back then, what happens next?)

 

[Draka]

To me, my religion isn't "just there." It literally defines who I am. On the other hand, a huge part of the LDS faith is a belief that each human being has his agency and is free to choose for himself. I would be acting counter to what I believe if I were to try to pressure my kids to see things my way. I don't believe God would want that. But... it's hard. I really can't even begin to explain how hard it is.

It's nice that you try to be as accepting as you can. It must be hard. And as for the "just there" thing. I didn't mean that in a way that degrades it as not important, just that it is a fact of what a person is. My family doesn't diminish belief to say it doesn't matter, just that everyone has their own and it's accepted and not made a big deal of. I'm Wiccan, my mom...well, hard to describe, Christian in general with other beliefs as well, most of her family Catholic, with a Pagan sister of hers, father's side is Presbyterian I think, at least his mother is, and my brother has claimed to Satanism to some and no religion to others. We're all different, but no one makes any big deal of it. "It's all good". I hope to pass this mentality on to my children as well.

 

[Katzpur]

It's nice that you try to be as accepting as you can. It must be hard. And as for the "just there" thing. I didn't mean that in a way that degrades it as not important, just that it is a fact of what a person is.

Don't worry. I didn't take it that way. But I do think that for a lot of people, saying "I'm Catholic or I'm pagan or I'm Buddhist" is no more significant than "I have blue eyes or I'm 5'5" tall." Their religious beliefs don't define who they are much more than their physical appearance does. For most believing Latter-day Saints, the reverse is true.

We're all different, but no one makes any big deal of it. "It's all good". I hope to pass this mentality on to my children as well.

Well, knowing you, Draka, I have a feeling you'll do a pretty good job of it.

 

[lunamoth]

Hi Comet,

I must ask you luna (love that name by the way, though lunamoths bring me pain):

luna moths bring you pain? How so? I think they are a little rare. I have only ever seen two in the wild and I thought they were spectacular.

Your child begins to ask questions when they are 5. They start to ask questions neither you nor the Sunday school teacher can answer. You send him to the pastor/preacher/priest and the answers they give are not sufficient for the 5 year old.

Yes, my six year old has been asking questions about God for a couple of years now. I answer the best I can, I try to be honest that we don't know all the answers but this is what we believe, or these are the different ways we might think about it. But I also try to keep it simple and not too confusing. Obviously the answers I give will change as she grows older. I expect her questions will change too. I would never send my five year old to someone else for answers. If of their own initiative they wanted to go ask someone else I would help and encourage them, but also ask them what they thought about the answers they received (not to disagree or redirect them, but just to give them time to reflect on what they heard).

What then happens from your point of view? (I will relate my own expiriences as you have- but from where you are now and back then, what happens next?)

I hope I've expressed above that I would encourage her to keep searching and asking. It's part of my faith that I don't know all of the answers, that part of life is to explore and learn yet at times we need to let go and rest in the mystery. That's a pretty mature concept for kids perhaps, I guess it depends upon the kid. But, for example we've already discussed a number of times where God is and what He looks like. It is confusing for a kid because they are such concrete thinkers, but they also have going for them that they can live with magical thinking about things. So some of the more esoteric concepts can stay in that magical world but then develop as they mature and that becomes disatisfying.

So anyway, about where God is and what He looks like, I'll say something like 'well, some people think God lives in heaven, and some people think God is everywhere all the time, and some people think God lives in our hearts. I guess I think that God is in all of those places." And then she'll tell me another time that God looks like a man with a beard, adn I'll say "well, God is like our Father because he loves and cares for us, but really no one knows what God looks like. God probably does not really look like a person at all, but it's OK to think of Him that way."

I would be interested in hearing about your experience.

cheers,
luna

 

[lasthope]

I would hope that my children would follow a christian path as my wife and I have. If they chose another path, I would have to live with that. It is their choice and I will not force my beliefs on them. But it is my job as their father and as a christian to make them aware of God and the christian faith.

 

[Comet]

Hi Comet,

Hello indeed and nice to meet you. (Draka- this conversation is somewhat relavent and thus I leave it in while I pull out muchimistu's conversation with me - hope you understand why)

luna moths bring you pain? How so? I think they are a little rare. I have only ever seen two in the wild and I thought they were spectacular.

Personal- Lets just say that I have faith enough in my ways that I demand anybody I am with and considering having kids with agrees to name our first daughter "Selene". My last girlfriend has a lunamoth tattoo and I know the story of her grandmother "Luna". I need not explain what happened, nor share that pain with others :no:

Yes, my six year old has been asking questions about God for a couple of years now. I answer the best I can, I try to be honest that we don't know all the answers but this is what we believe, or these are the different ways we might think about it. But I also try to keep it simple and not too confusing. Obviously the answers I give will change as she grows older. I expect her questions will change too. I would never send my five year old to someone else for answers. If of their own initiative they wanted to go ask someone else I would help and encourage them, but also ask them what they thought about the answers they received (not to disagree or redirect them, but just to give them time to reflect on what they heard).

Yet, it seems the questions are simple by an adult mind that believes something. At least you ask as to what the answers from others were and how viewed. (just saw you in chat!) ha ha ha.

I hope I've expressed above that I would encourage her to keep searching and asking. It's part of my faith that I don't know all of the answers, that part of life is to explore and learn yet at times we need to let go and rest in the mystery. That's a pretty mature concept for kids perhaps, I guess it depends upon the kid. But, for example we've already discussed a number of times where God is and what He looks like. It is confusing for a kid because they are such concrete thinkers, but they also have going for them that they can live with magical thinking about things. So some of the more esoteric concepts can stay in that magical world but then develop as they mature and that becomes disatisfying.

So anyway, about where God is and what He looks like, I'll say something like 'well, some people think God lives in heaven, and some people think God is everywhere all the time, and some people think God lives in our hearts. I guess I think that God is in all of those places." And then she'll tell me another time that God looks like a man with a beard, adn I'll say "well, God is like our Father because he loves and cares for us, but really no one knows what God looks like. God probably does not really look like a person at all, but it's OK to think of Him that way."

I would be interested in hearing about your experience.

cheers,
luna

Some of the first questions I asked were: How has God always just been? How did Moses part the Red Sea and why did he kill his brothers in it? Etc..........

The mind of a child is amazing! Closed minds are a hinderance in growth.

 

[EnhancedSpirit]

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

I would be thankful to God for giving me the opportunity to learn something new about Him. The truth is everywhere, and it's in a gadgillion different pieces. The more pieces I collect, the bigger the picture gets. You never know where your next teacher will come from, including your own children.

 

[Mike182]

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

hehe, if i was in that sort of situation, i would do the opposite of my parents did/are doing!

they know that i am gay, and they know that i am geared towards paganism.... i used to get weekly appointments with a christian counselor, who after about 2 months told my mum that he didn't know what he was meant to do, because i was sure in my personal faith and orientations, and maybe she needed counseling to learn how to cope with diversity :biglaugh:

 

[BruceDLimber]

How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

Greetings!

I'm a Baha'i, and we Baha'is have several applicable laws:

• First off, Individual Investigation of Truth is one of cour central principles! So we beleive EVERYONE has the right and duty to investigate the various religions, decide where the truth lies, and follow that! (And for this reason, among others, we have no clergy.) And NO ONE can inherit membership in the Baha'i Faith: one can become a member only by specifically requesting it.
• As part of all this, Baha'i parents have the duty to educate their children about ALL the great religions. (Baha'i schools help in this; my son was already taking a comparative-religion course there at the age of six, for example.)
• Then, when the child reaches the Age of Maturiey (15), he or she has the right to choose between becoming a Baha'i, something else, or nothing at all! Parents may not interfere in this, and must support this decision, whatever it turns out to be.

So while I might have preferences for what I'd like my child to choose, it's strictly his decision to make, and he indeed made his decision with my full knowledge and support!

Works for us, and I recommend this way to others!

Best,

Bruce

 

[BruceDLimber]

... I had converted to the Baha'i Faith.... I returned to religion later in life,

Laurie, I would simply point out to you that seven million Baha'is--and I'm sure many millions of other people--will STRONGLY DISAGREE with your implication above that the Baha'i Faith was in any way an "exit from religion!"

If you want to say you changed religion later, fine. But unless you found some extremely unique way of "being" a Baha'i, you were never absent religion during that time.

I do hope this was an inadvertant misstatement on your part and doesn't intentionally imply what it appears to!

Peace,

Bruce

 

[Melody]

While my faith is not tied to a specific religion, I do have specific beliefs which I hope my children will choose to follow. Ultimately, though, it's their choice.

My oldest is agnostic. We still have non-antagonistic conversations about God and faith in which I hope I've been able to plant a few seeds for thought. My middle son has finally moved from agnostic to a belief in God although he's not quite sure whether he buys into all the rest of my beliefs. I'm still thankful that we can discuss it though since it means his mind is open to the possibilities. My 14 year old believes in God and my beliefs but I'm aware it's because he loves me and wants to please me. At some point, if I've raised him right, he'll move into his own independent beliefs knowing that I'm going to love him no matter what his choice. I pray that he'll choose the beliefs I've raised him. If he doesn't, well it will sadden me but ultimately it's his choice.

 

[Rejected]

My girlfriend and I are raising her 3 year old son. Neither one of us are Christians but we live in southern Georgia, a very religious region, so I know that eventually the topic will come up.
I think that as long as we raise him to understand the difference between right and wrong and to have the mental tools necessary to survive in today’s world he will be OK. We will defiantly not push him towards any religion, but neither will we discourage him from following any path he may choose.
I believe it is a decision each of us must make in our own mind and hearts, and as long as e finds a belief that brings him happiness and a sense of purpose I could care less.

 

[michel]

My two sons, Andy and James are like chalk and cheese.

My wife is a lapsed Catholic, and doesn't want to discuss religion (I have never quite found out why).

Any is a diehard Atheist, but he has an admirable code of ethics and morals. He recycles everything he can; was a member of Green peace, votes for the green party, and doesn't believe in money (except for Dad's)

James does belive in God (but doesn't like to discuss it); he is a Conservative,and his moral code is excellent.

Whatever makes them happiest..............

 

[James the Persian]

I would be disappointed and hope that they would come back to the faith, but I'd be accepting of their decision. I have been at the receiving end of a parent whose hatred for my religion has caused a strain on the relationship and it's not a good situation. I certainly wouldn't want anything like that to come between my children and myself.

James

 

[BrandonE]

I was glad to find this thread and very glad to read the responses here. I was particularly glad to read Katzpurr's and lunamoth's responses; you both helped to give me a little perspective on what my parents might feel.

I was raised in a very conservative Christian home, but could not personally accept some of the doctrines I was raised to believe. My parents are very disappointed by this, and they have not really accepted my choice very well.

My wife and I chose the UU church so that my son will have an open minded religious education in an open minded community of faith. It has turned out to be a great thing for us as well, though we chose it for him. I will be happy with any choice of faith he makes, but I would be disappointed if he were to judge other's faiths to be worthless. I truly don't think that will happen though. He's only three, but it is already clear that he is kind and empathetic.

 

[Bishka]

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

I would be okay with it, might take a bit of getting used to. I would also ask them to respect the faith of the household, and be respectful about it. Frankly, I'd be glad that they had a religion.

 

[dawny0826]

I think it really depends on the religion that they chose for themselves...if my children turned away from God completely, I won't lie to you...it would break my heart.

Regardless, my love for my children is unwaivering.

I think that I would be better off praying for my children in silence as opposed to outwardly carrying on over their choice of religion.

I can voice my opinion, of course about their choice of religion and I would. But...I wouldn't allow the issue to create a drift between us. They will no doubt, grow to be women with their own ideas and views on religion and spirituality. I am of course raising them with the hopes that they will embrace Christianity but it's their choice as to whether or not they pursue a Christian religious avenue.

 

[Ody]

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

Love them just the same, I have no logical reason not to do otherwise. I try to run on logic.

 

[lunamoth]

Laurie, I would simply point out to you that seven million Baha'is--and I'm sure many millions of other people--will STRONGLY DISAGREE with your implication above that the Baha'i Faith was in any way an "exit from religion!"

If you want to say you changed religion later, fine. But unless you found some extremely unique way of "being" a Baha'i, you were never absent religion during that time.

I do hope this was an inadvertant misstatement on your part and doesn't intentionally imply what it appears to!

Peace,

Bruce

Hi Bruce, you are reading something into my post that is not there. luna

 

[turk179]

I have often heard people, especially the younger ones, lamenting about how their family won't accept them because of their religion choice. This happens very frequently especially with very differing religions. Not just talking a different denomination, but a whole different belief philosophy.

Now, for my question: How would you think you would honestly react to a child of yours coming out to you that they totally are not what you are in terms of religion and that they have decided to prescribe to a religion that is extremely different to yours?

It would not bother me in the least. I agree with Katzpur in regard to her statement " if their parents have shown by the way they act that they're good people, their kids will respect that." I believe that any misconceptions that they may be shown about my religion would be dispelled instantly because my child will have seen how I live my life. Any religion that they chose would ultimately end up as a learning experience between the two of us due to the fact that I believe all religion is connected.