"I'm Offended"

[Deathbydefault]

It depends what you mean.

If the purpose is simply to offend someone for no reason other than to upset them then that's just being a **** and you shouldn't be surprised if the response is a headbutt.

It's ok to say something you know will offend others if you believe that it serves a more important purpose. I'd try to avoid offending people as much as possible out of politeness, but reserve the right to do so if I consider it necessary.

To get a point across, mainly.
It works for both sides but I guess that would make it a non-biased reason.

 

[Mycroft]

Yeah it's a perennial complaint. 'I'm offended.'

So be offended. What's wrong with being offended? When did Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones stop being relevant? Isn't that what you teach children? 'He called you a name, son? Don't worry about it, he's a dick.'

But now you have adults saying. 'I was offended! I was offended by that and I have rights!'

So what? Be offended! Nothing happens. You're an adult! Grow up and deal with it! Nothing happens! There's no: 'I went on the religious forums and Mycroft said something about the Lord - and I was offended - and in the morning I woke up with leprosy!'

People who tout the idea 'I want to live in a democracy, but I never want to be offended again!' are complete idiots.

 

[Laika]

It's a pain you get used to.
They broke my left wrist once, and dislocated my right shoulder.
Otherwise it's never gone further than cutting me up a bit.
The basics for those who don't submit to dominate powers in inner city public school.

With that experience in mind, I can't blame you for wanting to humilitate people you disagree with. its probably hard to differinate people as individuals as they all come under the same label as a potential threat.

Hmm. I love education for the sake of education.
I'm not really attending college with any particular goal in mind, just a degree in science.

My similar story would have to be the last year and a half I spent with my parents.
They are people I reference often and are responsible for many issues I have along with a bigoted position I can't shake.
I hate them, to say the least. Spending my childhood, what I remember of it, was bad enough.
It got even worse as I got older, they stopped feeding me and I had to support myself.
Saying I could have died isn't far fetched.

Being kicked out, for the final time, at 18 was the best thing to happen to me in life thus far.
I feel absolutely free, at least in my own way.
What I regret is not standing up for myself against them.
I really wanted to, but if I did I wouldn't be here talking to you now.

I don't think you can blame yourself for not standing up against them. you were a kid and they were your parents. they were supposed to look after you and they didn't. that probably doesn't make the rage feel any better though or the fear of being put in that position again, especially if they were prepared to kill you.

I "get along" with my parents, but its far from perfect. they have fed and clothed me, but something else was always missing. they have tantrums over lots of things and get worked up very easily. my dad always talked about politics/history and that was why I grew up the way I did. we had intense political discussions when I was in my mid-teens which would probably be a form of abuse in any other household. it wasn't until I started coming out as bi and the number of conflicts I started having with them over the guy I had a crush on that I started to realise something was wrong. being made homeless was threatened a few times as all this aggravated my mental problems, though I could never tell how seriously they were. I did pack a bag of important stuff if it ever happened on the spur of the moment. I felt very lonely dating all the way back to early childhood which may have been part of the same issue. that has lifted slowly with the depression (RF has helped too). when I joined the communist party last year (only to leave a few months later), my dad got over it in a few days, though not without cutting my allowance as well as making absolutely clear that if I did anything "stupid" they would turn me into the authorities. [I was a saint pretty much my whole life and this is what I get.*shakes head*] my mum didn't talk to me for a month, even though we live under the same roof and there were still tensions long into the year. ironically, it was when we agreed Jeremy Corbyn was bad for the labour party (for opposite reasons, they thinking he's too left-wing and my thinking he's too right-wing/incomptent) that that issue started to dissapate a bit. leaving the party helped (but I did it for my own reasons, not there's).

reading the above paragraph back to myself feels weird though. it doesn't "connect" with who I think I am.

 

[Deathbydefault]

we are going a bit off track and should take this to pm, if you want.

I don't think you can blame yourself for not standing up against them. you were a kid and they were your parents. they were supposed to look after you and they didn't. that probably doesn't make the rage feel any better though or the fear of being put in that position again, especially if they were prepared to kill you.

I doubt they wanted to kill me.
Probably just want to make me suffer into some form of submission.
I am not a submissive person to anyone but my youngest sister and girlfriend.
They learned this fact.

I didn't stand up to them because they would die.
This is an understanding I've had of myself for half my life.

I "get along" with my parents, but its far from perfect. they have fed and clothed me, but something else was always missing. they have tantrums over lots of things and get worked up very easily. my dad always talked about politics/history and that was why I grew up the way I did. we had intense political discussions when I was in my mid-teens which would probably be a form of abuse in any other household. it wasn't until I started coming out as bi and the number of conflicts I started having with them over the guy I had a crush on that I started to realise something was wrong. being made homeless was threatened a few times as all this aggravated my mental problems, though I could never tell how seriously they were. I did pack a bag of important stuff if it ever happened on the spur of the moment. I felt very lonely dating all the way back to early childhood which may have been part of the same issue. that has lifted slowly with the depression (RF has helped too). when I joined the communist party last year (only to leave a few months later), my dad got over it in a few days, though not without cutting my allowance as well as making absolutely clear that if I did anything "stupid" they would turn me into the authorities. [I was a saint pretty much my whole life and this is what I get.*shakes head*] my mum didn't talk to me for a month, even though we live under the same roof and there were still tensions long into the year. ironically, it was when we agreed Jeremy Corbyn was bad for the labour party (for opposite reasons, they thinking he's too left-wing and my thinking he's too right-wing/incomptent) that that issue started to dissapate a bit. leaving the party helped (but I did it for my own reasons, not there's).

Take pride that you can still call them family members.
The only people I consider family are my youngest sister and (dead) grandfather, the rest may as well be non-existent.
If you can have a discussion with them then that should be enough.

Though I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.
You don't need much when you never had any.

reading the above paragraph back to myself feels weird though. it doesn't "connect" with who I think I am

Perhaps an issue with pushing?
Before I got diagnosed with DID they thought I was experiencing pushing.
As in making myself someone I wanted to be and not who I really was.

I believe that is quite a common assumption of those with DID (before diagnosed) that don't use terms like "we" when speaking to others normally.
Suppose that would be irrelevant to you, though.

 

[Quetzal]

Adulthood is overrated.
So is verbal decency.

What alternative do you suggest? Perpetual immaturity and verbal indecency?

 

[Deathbydefault]

What alternative do you suggest? Perpetual immaturity and verbal indecency?

Humor and unfiltered speech.

 

[Quetzal]

Humor and unfiltered speech.

As far as humor, that is not mutually exclusive of the concepts you are talking about. Unfiltered speech, you have that now. There is nothing to stop you from verbally berating a cancer patient for no reason. With that said, even a minimal sense of decency is required for any mature person.

 

[Deathbydefault]

As far as humor, that is not mutually exclusive of the concepts you are talking about. Unfiltered speech, you have that now. There is nothing to stop you from verbally berating a cancer patient for no reason. With that said, even a minimal sense of decency is required for any mature person.

Hmm.
I admittedly typed out that message in 30seconds without really thinking about it.
The initial post was more or less a joke to start with...
Allow me to redefine my argument.

A replacement for adulthood would be nice but not necessary.
Still, being an adult is overrated. I'd rather be a normal child.
Opinions are fun.

Verbal decency should be taken down a few notches but not done away with.
I mean this mainly in the sense of censorship.
There are many songs that have their less desirable words traded out so younger people can listen too.
Don't know why they bother, such language is commonplace among kids.

 

[Quetzal]

A replacement for adulthood would be nice but not necessary.
Still, being an adult is overrated. I'd rather be a normal child.
Opinions are fun.

Heck yeah! But I get two turns on the swings!

Verbal decency should be taken down a few notches but not done away with.

Ahh, okay. That makes a bit more sense. I will agree to the extent of PC and "being offended". The extent at which people get upset is a bit excessive.

 

[Covellite]

Why is it that people seem to think those two words constitute an argument?

There is much of this going on in the world today and in the past as well.
There have been plenty of instances where people will act out when they get offended.
Resorting to violence is childish, it's the grownup equivalent to throwing a temper tantrum.

Is it alright to offend others purposefully?
Do you feel that offending others should be avoided?
Is it okay to with you to avoid offending a party who incites violence when criticized, and because they are criticized?

Please answer my questions as you may and commence discourse .

It's a question "how much is too much". It is normal to find yourself offended some times. It usually doesn't have nothing with you. Maybe that person had his moment. If not, if you've been offending all the time and with bad intention, that' different. I put them on my "ignore and stay away from me" list - sometimes it means to call a friend who has his methods I don' t have. I value myself enough to give them my time, emotion respond and place in my head.

 

[Politesse]

Adulthood is overrated.
So is verbal decency.

Luckily, ignoring the standards of decency is a right you already possess.

And since you never choose to get offended, the negative reaction you get in response shouldn't bother you.

 

[Deathbydefault]

Luckily, ignoring the standards of decency is a right you already possess.

And since you never choose to get offended, the negative reaction you get in response shouldn't bother you.

They don't.

 

[Politesse]

This statement offends me. Don't you feel guilty?

Not particularly, no.

 

[Politesse]

They don't.

I am curious then: why the seemingly whiny thread about not wanting to be criticized for rudeness?

 

[Deathbydefault]

I am curious then: why the seemingly whiny thread about not wanting to be criticized for rudeness?

Not wanting to be criticized?
Did I say something like that?

I don't mind being criticized at all.
It's just that I don't think people should even bother with telling me I've offended them, mainly because I don't care.
If they take issue, the best way to respond is in kind.

 

[Politesse]

It's just that I don't think people should even bother with telling me I've offended them, mainly because I don't care.

Why not? I thought you were pro-criticism.

 

[Deathbydefault]

Why not? I thought you were pro-criticism.

I am, how does my statement detract from that?
Just because someone criticizes me it doesn't mean I have to care.

 

[Quetzal]

Just because someone criticizes me it doesn't mean I have to care.

There are two topics that I think are getting muddled here.

1. Being offended
2. Being critical

I see these are two separate entities (but it is possible to hit both).

 

[Politesse]

I am, how does my statement detract from that?
Just because someone criticizes me it doesn't mean I have to care.

So why start a whole thread telling people not to be offended? Their being offended furthers your goal of an uncivil society.

 

[Deathbydefault]

So why start a whole thread telling people not to be offended? Their being offended furthers your goal of an uncivil society.

The point is saying "I'm offended" isn't a counter argument.
Nor should it be used for incitement of violence.