Insane Times

[beenie]

You know how I feel about you, and I will only duplicate what others have said.

Many of the greatest people in history suffered with severe depression, as they were often ostracized and placed in situations and locations that were opposing forces to their mission and message. DS, you are one of those great people, and trust me when I say that the world... my world... would be a much worse place without you and the very few people like you.

I wish immensely for you to find a way out of the ME and come live somewhere that your wonderful spirit and loving ways would be embraced. I've seen the changes in you over the last few years, and I couldn't be more proud to call you a dear friend.

I'm here if you need me, as always.

Stop googling suicide. Now. This is your cyber-mother speaking.

xoxo

 

[Kirran]

If everyone was like you, or had the levels of compassion that you do, there would be absolute peace in the world. Just by holding the kinds of views you do, you are spreading this level of compassion and awareness to other people. Things rub off. Even by having this level of concern you are actively making the world a better place.

You not being around would remove one more catalyst for peace and tolerance in the world.

 

[Nakosis]

I had plans to kill myself, when I was a kid and my folks abandoned me. No place to live, no money or food. I didn't see a future that was anything to look forward to.

Instead of killing myself, I decided to give it 3 days and just see what happened. If things didn't improve I'd just give it up and kill myself.

I don't know, things just got interesting. Trying to survive, meeting different folks. People I'd have never otherwise met. They weren't all good people but they were interesting. I decide as long as I could keep going there'd be new things to discover and experience. I don't know what happens when we die, but life can be interesting. I'm not going to be perfect in life but I can try to do the best that I can.

Now I have one grand-kid, that's cool, another one on the why. My son isn't prepared for any of this and it's going to be difficult. Always a challenge, but it's interesting to find out what I can accomplish and what I can learn.

People cast stones, but they don't really know you. They have some idea, some image in their head that they insult, that they belittle. That's not you. It's not even personal, it's just something they got going on inside their head. No sense taking it personally. If they really knew you, they'd know what a great person you were right? So they aren't attacking who you are, they're attack what they think you are. Sometimes I even feel a little sad for them. Creating some image of you in their head and furiously lobbing mud at it.

Some movie I watched, guy says if someone brings you an insult and you don't accept it, whom does the insult stay with?

 

[Iti oj]

Your in the first wave of the movement of there. Its going to be hard, but its needed. Committing suicide wont make the problems go away, only your life can be the solution.

I wish you strengthen my friend.

 

[Iti oj]

Also stay safe, stay strong, stay smart!

 

[LuisDantas]

DS, I sympathise, I truly do. There is more than a touch of the heroic in what you do.

But do attempt to preserve yourself. Don't give people who fall short of respecting people a victory that they would not even understand. Avoid the stressors at least enough to regain a measure of peace.

And take care, friend.

 

[YmirGF]

Never give in to the despair, DS. It's just not worth it. Never think that you are alone. You have dozens of people here who are ready to listen and bump up your spirits.

I can only echo the words of Ssainhu, do everything in your power to get out of Egypt and the Middle East.

I'm planning to become a women's rights and LGBT rights activist here. That's one of the reasons I've hanged in there for this long, actually.

I appreciate your concern and wish to help other, DS, but I can't help but wonder how such activities fit into your current suicidal bent as becoming an activist in your country would make you a target.

Apply to Canada for refugee status.

 

[Jumi]

The sad thing is that they are otherwise kind, peaceful people. It's just that their beliefs are so ignorant and disgusting when it comes to certain issues. Cultural conditioning is indeed a scary thing.

I know how you feel so much it hurts. Be strong.

 

[AnnaCzereda]

Trying to save the world is an escape mechanism. I don't know you personally and I can't know what really bothers you but it is possible that you get preoccupied with other people's problems because you are afraid to stare your own problems in the face. Your own issues can be so painful that you seek distractions. It's something to think about. Your depression and suicidal thoughts will not go away unless you get to the core of it.

As regards Facebook, it offers you several ways of managing your newsfeed. If you don't want to delete or block people, you can unfollow them but stay friends with them, you can hide certain types of posts from your newsfeed, you can also block all posts from a specific person or page.

 

[Father Heathen]

You should consider trying your hand at art and/or writing (like blogging) to not only get your feelings and frustrations out of your system, but to share and spread them with others.

Also, your life is too valuable to end. The world needs hearts and minds like yours, and there is happiness and fulfillment waiting for you out there.

 

[YmirGF]

You should consider trying your hand at art and/or writing (like blogging) to not only get your feelings and frustrations out of your system, but to share and spread them with others.

In modern day Egypt?

 

[Father Heathen]

In modern day Egypt?

Well, obviously I would suggest that he practice discretion, use a pseudonym, etc..

 

[FTNZ]

<snip>

Apply to Canada for refugee status.

This is actually a really good idea. As a refugee, you could get government support to possibly do some study or at least to work for a while and maybe study later. You can do just as much good for human rights in the Middle East from a safe country where you will also get good medical care and lots of support services. You could even try NZ, or Australia, or any of the countries in the world that take refugees.

Also, it's Canada day. Like many countries in the British Commonwealth, Canada values human rights and the welfare of people who need extra help. Let's meet up here again next year on Canada day and see how far you have come.

 

[Jumi]

We have an immigrant from Afghanistan, Nasima Razmyar, who is for social justice and equality. She got elected here in Finland to our parliament and has been facilitating exchange of ideas between cultures. I think her efforts have been quite a success and she is very popular here. She has defended Islam for the local population and homosexuals, western dress for Muslim immigrants.

Here she is, posing with an immigrant from Turkey, who are both the first immigrants elected to our parliament. Both are pro-equality, pro-human rights, pro-religious freedom. Now I don't agree with or follow everything she says, but yes, she is inspirational.

I think working for equality without living in Egypt and Saudi could also work for you and work better for you actually. Just my thoughts.

 

[FTNZ]

People applying for refugee status in Canada can do so in a number of ways.

There are all sorts of possibilities.

Resettlement from outside Canada

 

[Thana]

These last few days have been, for lack of a better word, insane times for me. Every single thing that has been going wrong in the last several months converged into one huge boulder that almost led me to kill myself in the last two days. This is a summary of what happened, in logical order:

• After the ruling of the U.S. Supreme Court to legalize same-sex marriage, a lot of posts about it made the rounds on Facebook. There were many homophobic posts on my news feed, to the point where I saw more than one every day. I only know two people who don't share the homophobic sentiments expressed in those posts. Worse, when I changed my profile picture to add a rainbow filter over it, I got comments and even private messages from people telling me that what I had done was a "sin," that I shouldn't support "queer marriage," that I was supporting the things that led to the destruction of the People of Lot because of God's wrath, etc. I ended up deleting the picture not because I stopped supporting LGBT rights but because I got sick and tired of the comments that kept coming in.

Also, someone rejected my friend request after months of stalling, and I'm 95% sure it was because of my secularism, and another asked me, "Are you crazy?" because I said I supported equality for LGBT people.

• After feeling lonely, disillusioned, and generally jaded, mainly because of the above, I went into a depressive episode that almost led me to post one last thread here and go kill myself immediately after. I looked up "Best ways to kill yourself" on Google and ended up reading a long blog post about it to find a reliable way to kill myself, and I'm sure I would have done it if I had found an easy and reliable way to do so. I had to leave school early on the same day because I couldn't concentrate due to depression. I went into the kitchen and passed a knife over my wrist to see if it would hurt and to "test" what it would feel like to kill myself using the knife. I went into bed after that to rest and give myself a break, and I didn't feel any better when I woke up.

• Yesterday I was just about ready to end everything, so I decided to call my therapist to help me. "He is the one person who may be able to help in this situation," I thought to myself. Nope. It didn't work out: I called him only to find that he wasn't there. I had read that a lot of therapists in most developed countries always had a way to contact their patients in cases where the patients were suicidal like I am, but because of the subpar healthcare standards here, therapists are not required to be available at all times for their patients. I was desperate to talk to anyone before killing myself, so I came here and vented to a couple of people. It only worked for a few hours before I felt like going ahead with my thoughts yet again.

This continued until I woke up today feeling the same way as I did the two days before. I went on Facebook only to find more homophobic posts, but then I found two good friends online and talked to them. They made me feel better, mainly because both of them are fellow secularists (although one of them is a Muslim). They both told me to ignore things that made me feel bad and not to let anyone have the power to make me depressed. Talking to them brightened my day in a way that not even both of my therapists could achieve. They literally saved my life by talking to me the way they did. I calmed down a bit and followed their advice to ignore the posts that upset me.

So, here I am a few days later, still depressed but not direly suicidal anymore (despite still being suicidal to an extent). I have thought about posting a "goodbye" thread here before leaving, as I mentioned before, and I'm still kind of thinking about doing that, but at least I called my therapist's secretary today and scheduled a session for Saturday. Yes, the session is on Saturday even though I feel suicidal now and have been feeling this way for a few days. So much for a therapist's being supposed to be there all the time for his suicidal patients.

Sometimes I wonder if compassion is really always a gift. I feel as bad for homosexuals here as I do for myself, if not more. I feel as bad for abused women here as I do for myself. I feel as bad for my neighbor who has to deal with domestic abuse as I do for myself. I don't know if I'm carrying more than my shoulders can withstand, but I can't help it. I empathize with people very easily and very passionately. It has almost caused me to kill myself, but I'm not afraid to say it: it makes me feel proud. If I go down, it will be with pride. I'm not going to change my principles for anyone, much less uninformed and intolerant people.

Seriously, one of the best decisions I've ever made was deleting my f-book account. It's really freeing.

You can't change other people but you can change yourself.

I hope you feel better, Best of luck on your life journey

 

[sun rise]

There are way way way too many toxic people running around today. I get not depressed but in a rage where I want to tear people's arms out of their sockets and beat them over the heads with them before strangling them. It's the same thing as depression but turned outward rather than inward.

We need to protect ourselves from such people and not express our very legitimate and understandable emotions except to discharge them in a safe way. And we need to surround ourselves with the best, most positive people and environment we can to strengthen us.

And we win not by giving into their toxicity but by living up to the truth as best we see it no matter what.

 

[illykitty]

Hi DS, I feel you, depression and all. It's gone through my head more than once to end it all But really, you are a precious person and I'm not saying this out of nowhere. I think you can tell already from all of the posts here how much people care about you and it's because of who you are. You are an amazing person to me. You have such huge empathy and you are so kind. The world needs more people like you. And that you said you wanted to be an activist, this is really impressive. Only a brave soul can do that. It would be a huge loss if you went through and left the world.

I echo people saying to avoid triggers. I'm trying to do this and it's not always easy to do but it helps, even if just a little, it's that much less on the mind. I deleted my Facebook. I just feel it's toxic for me for many reasons, not just people posting stupid things but also bragging about their lives made me feel low. So there's that removed. Try to find positive places online and people who can support you, even just a little. It lifts the mood to know you're not alone and that there's brightness in the world.

I also would say that if you can do this somehow, do move somewhere else. Seriously, your environment seems to cause a lot of harm to you, so the solution is to switch the environment. Canada is indeed a nice place to live in (that's where I'm from) and they do take in many refugees and immigrants. I'm sure your mental state will improve a lot and don't feel that if you leave your country, you can't help. There's many people doing this even if they had to leave their country of birth, like others pointed out. It might not be easy to do, but it is a solution. I hesitated to say this before, because I know first hand how hard immigrating can be, but maybe if you claim refugee status that would make it easier. Anyway, it's an option you can consider.

Also don't hesitate to vent or chat. ^_^ *Soft fluffy hugs*

 

[Smart_Guy]

Don't let them bother you, or you will then have given them a thing they wanted.

A gentle reminder: I love you man.

 

[Curious George]

Will you please share a story where your empathy brought you joy? To feel as others can both be joyful and sorrowful. I would very much like to hear a story of your joy.