Is it okay I want to be with my father

[Shadow Wolf]

She was neglectful during her entire affair! How else do you explain her not being there during my first period!?

Perhaps, perhaps not. It's not my place to say.
However, it's still very likely there is much more going on than you know.

 

[Octogan]

You have to live with her.

She's the worst. She's the one keeps saying I'm poisoned by the bible.

Perhaps, perhaps not. It's not my place to say.
However, it's still very likely there is much more going on than you know.

When I needed my father, he was there. That's all I know and that's all that matters.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Explain the logic of making nice with the woman my mother cheated on my father with.

Living under the same roof is reason enough. You're young, but just trust me when I say it will make your life that much easier for all involved.
Really, these are issues you, and both of your parents, should be working out together in family therapy. There are many things unknown, unsaid, and it is even a possibility well intentioned parents are trying to keep something from you.
But this all hinges on why your father doesn't have custody. There is a reason, and it's something you are going to have to find out. No one here can say, but it may be you really would rather not be with your father. For all we know, he gave up and didn't want custody. The only thing for certain, one parent being awarded full custody is not something that just happens without reason.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

When I needed my father, he was there. That's all I know and that's all that matters.

Clearly there is something else that does matter or the state would have awarded him joint custody. I've been through this with friends and family, it overlaps into my area (psychology), and though state laws do vary there is some reason your mother was given full custody rather than joint custody with your father.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

the worst. She's the one keeps saying I'm poisoned by the bible

That's an area you will have both have to compromise on. Again, I suggest family counseling.

 

[Octogan]

Clearly there is something else that does matter or the state would have awarded him joint custody. I've been through this with friends and family, it overlaps into my area (psychology), and though state laws do vary there is some reason your mother was given full custody rather than joint custody with your father.

The only thing I can think of is a fight that the police were called to. But, I knew about that and my dad was just shutting up a loud mouth soccer dad at one of my games.

That's an area you will have both have to compromise on. Again, I suggest family counseling.

They'll just gang up on me.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

They'll just gang up on me.

In counseling, they won't be allowed to. Everyone will have a chance to speak.

 

[Curious George]

My mother came out last year and said she'd been having an affair. She got full custody even though she knows I want to stay with my father and that I think it's a sin. She wont let me got bible study anymore because of it. I also don't like her girlfriend. She gets really aggressive when I oppose her beliefs.

I just want to be with my father. He's always been there more, even when I had my period.

People are saying some awfully ignorant things in this thread. Custody is different from visitation. That one parent was awarded custody, in most states means that the parents could not agree on joint custody. Therefore the implication that your dad did anything is likely wrong based on what you have said.

Different states have different laws, but one parent poisoning the child against the other parent is often enough to favor one parent if all other things are equal.

That said. If you want to live with your father, that is okay. While the court tries to act in the best interest of the child, they do not always get it right. But if the court decided, it is only because your parents could not.

If you are unhappy, feel free to vent. But this will not change anything. Speak with your parents about what you want. Do not get upset if you feel that they are not listening. If you feel yourself getting upset, calm down and try again later. Different states have different laws, so there is no way to know at what age your opinion will hold the most sway. And no way you should give the information required to know out over the internet.

The best advice I can give you is to ask a trusted adult i.e. a teacher to help you understand the law and your rights.

Custody is largely irrelevant. What is more relevant is visitation. What level of visitation do you have with your father?

 

[Curious George]

You should also be allowed to get a copy of the court records if you want to know more.

 

[Kapalika]

You people scare me. Some of what was said here is pretty horrible and ignorant.

I had a messed up childhood so I know not to put blind trust in the system. When I was 13 my mom and step father when through a really toxic divorce,. Stuff isn't always fair and the court doesn't always actually do what's in the best interests of the children.

Perhaps it is time to ask mom why he doesn't have shared custody, - AND LISTEN!

Because a mother could never be off her hinges or lie, right?

You people just want me to accept that its okay how horrible my mom is just because she's a lesbian.

I don't know about the others but I think her being a lesbian isn't important. She could of done the same thing with another man and the same thing happen, even you bringing up your belief it was wrong for her to cheat and leave.

People are saying some awfully ignorant things in this thread. Custody is different from visitation. That one parent was awarded custody, in most states means that the parents could not agree on joint custody.

Oh thank god someone else here is seeing what I'm seeing!

That said. If you want to live with your father, that is okay. While the court tries to act in the best interest of the child, they do not always get it right. But if the court decided, it is only because your parents could not.

Exactly.

 

[Ingledsva]

The only thing wrong is my mother accused my father of forcing the idea that her lifestyle is a sin on me.

A court couldn't use that, - so - something else.

*

 

[Ingledsva]

You people just want me to accept that its okay how horrible my mom is just because she's a lesbian.

Nope. The court looks at all sides. Your father had a lawyer. Something else has to be wrong.

Again, ask her point blank, - why the court gave full custody to her.

*

 

[Curious George]

A court couldn't use that, - so - something else.

*

I think you are jumping to conclusions here. If it was extreme enough, a court could and would use that in establishing both custody and parenting time.

You are telling a 13 year old that her father did something bad, and basing your conclusion off ambiguous information at best.

If she wants to know about her situation she should speak with trusted adults near her and get the court records.

 

[Kapalika]

I think you are jumping to conclusions here. If it was extreme enough, a court could and would use that in establishing both custody and parenting time.

You are telling a 13 year old that her father did something bad, and basing your conclusion off ambiguous information at best.

If she wants to know about her situation she should speak with trusted adults near her and get the court records.

I agree with @Curious George It's like you've @Ingledsva never had dysfunctional parents or been a kid with parents going through a nasty divorce. We don't know how well she would react to that, or really anything about the situation. No one really acts rational or logical in these types of situations.

 

[Ingledsva]

I agree with @Curious George It's like you've @Ingledsva never had dysfunctional parents or been a kid with parents going through a nasty divorce. We don't know how well she would react to that, or really anything about the situation. No one really acts rational or logical in these types of situations.

I don't know what your problem is with what I have said. It is common sense.

The courts have a reason for what they do.

She should ask her full custody parent why the court did not give shared custody.

She could also ask her father the next time she sees him, if she isn't a troll and this is real of course.

*

 

[Curious George]

I don't know what your problem is with what I have said. It is common sense.

The courts have a reason for what they do.

She should ask her full custody parent why the court did not give shared custody.

She could also ask her father the next time she sees him, if she isn't a troll and this is real of course.

*

My problem is first and foremost that this is a (potentially) 13 year old girl.

Second, custody is different than parenting time.

Third, you are mistaken in asserting that a court would not take into consideration attempts by one parent to villify another into consideration when deciding custody and parenting time.

Lastly, given our level of knowledge about the divorce, this girl, her age, and her parents telling her that her dad "did something" is just mean.

That she should open a dialogue with her mother and father is fine. If that was all that was said then I don't think anyone would take issue.

 

[DavidFirth]

I'm 13. I know my father has done nothing.

Wow, I admire your courage for your age.

 

[DavidFirth]

She's the worst. She's the one keeps saying I'm poisoned by the bible.



When I needed my father, he was there. That's all I know and that's all that matters.

Well, where is he now? Why isn't he fighting to gain custody?

 

[leibowde84]

My mother came out last year and said she'd been having an affair. She got full custody even though she knows I want to stay with my father and that I think it's a sin. She wont let me got bible study anymore because of it. I also don't like her girlfriend. She gets really aggressive when I oppose her beliefs.

I just want to be with my father. He's always been there more, even when I had my period.

Personally, I don't think you should let your own personal opinion about what is sinful and what is not get in the way of your relationship with your mother and her girlfriend. But, there is nothing wrong with wanting to stay with your Dad.

 

[Sanzbir]

But this all hinges on why your father doesn't have custody. There is a reason, and it's something you are going to have to find out. No one here can say, but it may be you really would rather not be with your father. For all we know, he gave up and didn't want custody. The only thing for certain, one parent being awarded full custody is not something that just happens without reason.

You appear to be WOEFULLY ignorant on how child custody law works in the US. So maybe you should be quiet about the subject and stop berating this young girl!!

It's called "Primary-Caregiver Doctrine Law". This US legal doctrine gives the "Primary Caregiver" of the child preferential treatment when awarding custody. The "Primary Caregiver" is furthermore almost always judged to be the mother of the child because sexism is still quite active in society.

It is very well possible that the sexism inherent in the judiciary and the law would result in the mother gaining sole custody despite the father's wishes. This happens with some regularity.

Since you appear to be woefully ignorant of how these laws work and function, leave the girl who has been victimized by this system alone.

Primary-Caregiver Doctrine Law. All the people who are just commenting on this girl's situation having NEVER experienced the horrors of child custody battles should just back off and give the girl a break. The system is broken, stop berating the victims for the faults of the system.

Anyone who asserts that the law "looks at both sides" or thinks that the fact this woman has sole custody means the father isn't seeking custody must account for Primary-Caregiver Doctrine Law and explain how that part of the legal code treats both sides fairly, when giving one side preferential treatment is literally written into law in many states.