Is it okay to beat the heck out of my autism brother?

[Sw. Vandana Jyothi]

I'm so struggling right now

Peace and more peace to you, Kevin! This situation cannot be easy at all for either your parents or you to state the very obvious. Breathe, breathe, breathe slowly and very deeply to connect with the source of peace within you. It exists. Breath is to the mind as reins are to a horse. If you put two guitars in the same room with each other and pluck the string of one of them, the matching string on the other will vibrate. Tune your own guitar first, don't try to fix your brother's. In other words, violence begets violence. And there's already a lot of violence in your home. Don't add to it.

I got angry

The root cause of anger is desire unfulfilled. You write both of current desire for peace in your home and among the family members. Understandable without any doubt. See above for first crack at bringing some peace to the environment. The second desire you write of is to have an attempt at securing a suitable environment to continue your studies. That is a desire for the future. You haven't been denied it yet, so chill on that one if you can.

[my parents say after their death that] it's my responsibility for taking care of him

If I read this correctly, your parents are still living and even have absolved you, for now, of "taking care of your brother." Listen to them! Your first duty, as a son, is to YOUR PARENTS. Figure out what is your duty to them and how you can support them in every way possible with the difficult task they have. Do your duty and serve your parents first and foremost so they can perform their duties to their children. When the time comes, you will figure out if you have and how to perform your duty to your brother.

 

[Parchment]

Peace and more peace to you, Kevin! This situation cannot be easy at all for either your parents or you to state the very obvious. Breathe, breathe, breathe slowly and very deeply to connect with the source of peace within you. It exists. Breath is to the mind as reins are to a horse. If you put two guitars in the same room with each other and pluck the string of one of them, the matching string on the other will vibrate. Tune your own guitar first, don't try to fix your brother's. In other words, violence begets violence. And there's already a lot of violence in your home. Don't add to it.



The root cause of anger is desire unfulfilled. You write both of current desire for peace in your home and among the family members. Understandable without any doubt. See above for first crack at bringing some peace to the environment. The second desire you write of is to have an attempt at securing a suitable environment to continue your studies. That is a desire for the future. You haven't been denied it yet, so chill on that one if you can.



If I read this correctly, your parents are still living and even have absolved you, for now, of "taking care of your brother." Listen to them! Your first duty, as a son, is to YOUR PARENTS. Figure out what is your duty to them and how you can support them in every way possible with the difficult task they have. Do your duty and serve your parents first and foremost so they can perform their duties to their children. When the time comes, you will figure out if you have and how to perform your duty to your brother.

Bathe in the good wishes of all the people here who are feeling and rooting for you. We care; you are not alone.

Damned if that doesn't smack of a "concern troll", go easy
Kevin

 

[Godobeyer]

I have a younger autism brother.
This year he is turning 15.
Almost everyday he turned violent.
He threw things, try to beat my mom, and he even try to smash furnitures and TV.
I got angry and I started to hit him.
But my dad prohibited it. Only my parents are allowed to hit him.

My dad has done almost everything to cure him.
My parents said that if they grow old or passed away, it's my responsibility for taking care of him. But I don't wanna.

What would you do if you have an autism brother and you can't create a good life and future?

I'm still in high school now. I'm planning to move far away from him when I'm already finished high school.

I'm afraid if I stayed with him any longer, I can't make any friends later in college and mess up my future.

What do you guys think?
Is it okay to beat the **** of him or is it better to just leave him alone?
I'm so struggling right now

No don't beat him, just move your things away from his space .

 

[Parchment]

What? What is that? My post is trolling? I genuinely do not understand

On ignore

 

[Jumi]

My parents didn't beat him that bad.
They're like punishing a little child for doing bad things.

If he's a low functioning autist, he understand even less than normal people why they are beaten. Basically he's been taught that a little violence is a normal response to things he doesn't like. That's most likely why he gets violent.

Even if I'm capable enough to deal with him, he's just a burden to me..

There may be a time when you are a burden to someone. If people treat you wrong, you will remember how you thought of your brother.

 

[Burl]

I even doubted if he understand what is girlfriend..

If circumstances allow... Your parents might make grateful in-laws to a lucky bride in an arranged marriage none-the-less.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

No, you shouldn't beat him. There is no curing autism, though with work, guidance, and support, those with autism can "work up the scales" and function better in society. If your brother is that severely autistic, he doesn't need to have someone hitting him, but rather helping him to function better and helping to explain why violent meltdowns are not suitable or appropriate.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

If circumstances allow... Your parents might make grateful in-laws to a lucky bride in an arranged marriage none-the-less.

Many austic people find relationships, love, and marriage without such arrangements.

 

[Burl]

Others are just abandoned...

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Others are just abandoned...

Some are, but is it worse to just not find love or have some say "we felt you would fail anyways, so here you go."? It would, at all, help someone with autism, and it isn't helping them to learn how to function socially.

 

[Burl]

If his autistic brother is not interested in girls and is a prospect of becoming a ward of the State, I see no problem, if circumstances allow, in spreading the wealth to an unfortunate who may welcome the chance to improve their lot by 'babysitting'.

I don't know much about autism but I have had experience with 'drop-offs' who couldn't manage for themselves. Of course all depends on the finances of the parents and their inclination.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I see no problem, if circumstances allow, in spreading the wealth to an unfortunate who may welcome the chance to improve their lot by 'babysitting'.

In relationships in general that just doesn't tend to work out very well for many people.

I don't know much about autism but I have had experience with 'drop-offs' who couldn't manage for themselves.

Autism is considered a spectrum, with low-functioning and high-functioning at the two "poles." With effort, work, patients, and a strong support system, people on the low-functioning end can work towards various degrees of high-functioning, with many children on the low-functioning end able to achieve high-functioning status provided their parents did what they should (such as working with their child, keeping a strict daily routine, and helping them to understand things), and those with high-functioning can even achieve the ability to go through society passing as non-Autistic. Myself, I do tend to struggle socially, and many people either wonder or assume I am on the spectrum, but as long as someone keeps providing me cues and prompts (and assuming I recognize and understand these ques and prompts) I don't do too bad. I just may feel totally exhausted by the end of the day from having so many conversations to analyze, process, keep up with, and working out appropriate responses.
Generally speaking though, most people with autism are capable of taking care of themselves, but those with more severe forms may need an assisted-living type of arrangement or a case-worker who helps them keep up with their daily functions and tasks. Even still, it typically isn't impossible, though it may be difficult and an uphill struggle if the person has years of poor care and no one seeking appropriate help for them.

 

[Kapalika]

My entire family is completely normal except my younger brother.
And yes he can talk but not like a normal person.

But he's low functioning? I'm trying to get a picture of what he's like. Depending on where he is on the autism spectrum I might be able to give some real advice.

Well, brothers beating each other is okay because they're NORMAL....

It's only "normal" in violent cultures.

Beating each other isn't the same as rough housing, and I don't think it's normal to continue that kind of behavior into the teenage years. The very few people I knew growing up who got physical like that were immature in a lot of ways, and it showed in how the acted.

This actually makes me worry for you as much as your brother that you've been taught that this is normal.

 

[Deidre]

Violence only begets more violence, and especially in a situation where your brother might not be entirely cognizant of the hurt he's causing others, it would be wrong being fully cognizant, to harm him. Just my opinion.

 

[Kapalika]

Damned if that doesn't smack of a "concern troll", go easy
Kevin

On ignore

I can't decide if you just don't understand what you read or something else. Nothing they said sounds even remotely like a concern troll, particularly when you consider their religious persuasion. They seem totally sincere to me based on what I read and what I've seen the poster post in the past.

 

[columbus]

What do you guys think?
Is it okay to beat the **** of him or is it better to just leave him alone?
I'm so struggling right now

Here's why you can't beat up your brother.
It won't help. It will harm.
It might make you feel better. But the reality is that your brothers behavior will be more aggravating. Everyone will be worse off. That is nearly always the result of violence.
Tom

 

[jeager106]

I think I posted this already but perhaps it's good to repeat it.
I pretty much live with my fiance.
Her daughter lives with us also.
She is 41 and paranoid schizophrenic and a real handful at times.
I IGNORE here when she's off into schizo land. (no offense meant)
At times I can't ignore here. Like the time she spat in her mother's face about a dozen times.
I gave her a mild slap which stopped her rant.
(very mild)
Frankly I wanted to knock her out but thought a mild tap might stop her.
It did and she hasn't done such since.
Not saying it was right. It wasn't
But.........................................................IT FELT GOOD!

 

[Riders]

I have a good friend whom I use to go out with once a month, here of late I don't have money and hes too depressed. John has Aspergers and just a little bit of autism. He has had violent spells but not as bad as your brother. He does have anger issues though. When he comes to my house i don't have an issue with it.

But one thing you could do, I was thinking of doing this then decided not too, but they have groups who meet through meetup.com for family parents and friends of Autistic and also Aspergers
folks to give support and suggestion of how to cope. I strongly suggest this for you. Of course when hes old enough also getting on welfare will be a mandatory option for him as well.

 

[Willamena]

You ought not to post joke threads in a serious forum.

 

[Vinayaka]

Really hard to tell anything without further information. I don't even know what country you're in, but if you're in any position to get outside help, you should get it. If he is prone to violence, the law will have him institutionalized soon enough. Most societies have protection mechanisms built into their social systems. As Mandi pointed out 'autism' is a general term that covers a lot of conditions, on a spectrum. That too varies by country, and health care system you're in.

One thing is clear in about 100% of all situations ... beating him up will not help.