Is It Possible For Males and Females to Be Platonic Friends?

[Kathryn]

Why do you think it
complicates things?
And is complication always a bad thing?

Why do I think that sexual tension or activity between a male and a female complicates things? Is this a serious question?


I didn't say it was always a bad thing. In fact, I specifically said that my opinion is that the best intimate relationships often grow out of friendships.

I am a married woman however, and my husband and I do not want or need the complication of sexual tension, let alone activity, with other people and therefore we intentionally minimize the possibility of that.

Being completely emotionally satisfied in our life, between our marriage and our same sex close friendships, family relationships, and casual friendships with both men and women, we don't want or need a very close friendship with a member of the opposite sex. And we expect the same from each other.

 

[Cassiopia]

Why do I think that sexual tension or activity between a male and a female complicates things? Is this a serious question?

Yes it is and if you have been reading any of my replies and the replies of many others you will have seen that for us it doesn't really complicate things;- well unless you have a very low threshold for complication.

I have many platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex and some of those I would count among the closest and most important friendships I have.

I understand that you ans your husband feel happy to only have close friendships with people of the same sex, and that is fine. I just find the concept that it is generally too complicated to have platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex, odd.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Being completely emotionally satisfied in our life, between our marriage and our same sex close friendships, family relationships, and casual friendships with both men and women, we don't want or need a very close friendship with a member of the opposite sex. And we expect the same from each other.

If you really are in a position where another friend would be of no benefit, then I envy you.

And you'd be the only person I'd ever met to be in that position.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

And at the very least I would bet dollars to shekels that nearly all men as in the grand majority are not looking to be solely in the friend zone if they don't have to be. And the rate of cheating in relationships testifies.

Even saying nearly all is far from off. Again bisexuals make a rather good control when approaching the subject, and since they are perfectly capable of forming platonic relationships with both sexes, and even other bisexuals, then there is no reason why a heterosexual male and female cannot be platonic friends. Another thing to take into consideration is many women have more male friends than female, and many men have more female friends than male. Sure there will be sexual feelings in some of the relationships, but for numerous reasons a man will only ever be a friend to his female friends. One such example is when a guy would say his female friend is like a sister to him.

 

[dust1n]

If you're going to disagree, at least don't change the context from consentual relations to rape. If I have to clarify "Don't have to be in the friend zone" implies "with consent and allowed". *Also included is religious prohibition against extra-marital activity.

And at the very least I would bet dollars to shekels that nearly all men as in the grand majority are not looking to be solely in the friend zone if they don't have to be. And the rate of cheating in relationships testifies.

Ah, I was just joking, but yea, I do disagree. There are ridiculously lustful men out there though.

 

[dust1n]

Well that's why I said "If they were able to", which I guess I need to clarify further, includes social and work situations. Either way, the fact that they'd want to is enough to prove my point, even if they don't act on it or try for it due to various impediments.

I abstain for religious reasons, I have to practice self-discipline to not think lustfully about every pretty woman I see.

I.e. If it's possible without problems.

Would you be purely platonic friends with a woman you found particularly attractive (judging by your responses to certain female posters) without thinking lustfully/desiring if there was no reason not to?

It would seem to me that most cheaters cheat because they are dissatisfied with their relationship or a faucet of it.

 

[cablescavenger]

Depends how you mean. If you already have a partner I don't see that one could regularly be going out with a platonic friend in a social context without serious friction arising. That's a shame, but I think it's entirely understandable.

That would depend on the integrity of the couple and how secure they are with each other.

 

[dust1n]

My husband has some really attractive female friends.

These friends are just friends because he likes to get to know a woman before indulging in any fantasy.

He got to know them, and thinks they aren't fantasy-worthy. But they certainly are friends and certainly are beautiful.

They're just not his type.

Honestly, once you find a great woman to be with, it's hard to find women to compare.

 

[dust1n]

Born in N.C., raised in N.Y., basic training in Texas, lived in Virginia, Florida and Iowa. Iowa is the first state that I haven't had a close female friend. Must be the corn.....

Population is too sparse to avoid activity.

 

[dust1n]

Sure, nothing wrong with that.

This should probably be in the philosophy section. Although, you could just as easily edit the OP to include some kind of religious twist. Maybe, add in a line that says, 'Do you think God, if he exists, would approve of platonic relationships?'.

It'd probably fit more accurately into lifestyle/relationships.

 

[darkstar]

Honestly, once you find a great woman to be with, it's hard to find women to compare.

Exactly! My wife and I will look and talk about who we find attractive. We have never cheated, even though there have been opportunities.
We even have an agreement on conditions to be met in order to bring another person into our relationship, though we haven't seen a reason to act on it.

As I said earlier, and other guys have too, I view my close female friends as sisters. I can admit that they are quite attractive. I also have absolutely no desire to have sex with them.
I have gone out to lunch with female friends without my wife. My wife has done the same with male friends.
I can see people that dont think they can keep their lust in check not having friends of the opposite sex, but for those of US that are more than walking sexual organs, there really isn't a problem.

 

[839311]

It'd probably fit more accurately into lifestyle/relationships.

Even better.

 

[dust1n]

Exactly! My wife and I will look and talk about who we find attractive. We have never cheated, even though there have been opportunities.
We even have an agreement on conditions to be met in order to bring another person into our relationship, though we haven't seen a reason to act on it.

As I said earlier, and other guys have too, I view my close female friends as sisters. I can admit that they are quite attractive. I also have absolutely no desire to have sex with them.
I have gone out to lunch with female friends without my wife. My wife has done the same with male friends.
I can see people that dont think they can keep their lust in check not having friends of the opposite sex, but for those of US that are more than walking sexual organs, there really isn't a problem.

Aye, well it sounds the lad is just young. Sex is a bit more complicated than that.

I mean, honestly, I'm single and 22. Most girls I have sexual attractions to, I will entertain the notion and will explore if given some sort of indication the feelings are mutual. But I've also been in love (I guess..) 3 times, and uh, that pretty much flips the whole 'desperately looking for sex' switch off.

Random sex is often disappointing (often great though.) And getting to it takes a lot of time and effort and money. Most nights, honestly, I'd rather get drunk and write or work on music than pursue sex, even with attractive women.

Then again, I don't have any hold ups with sex like some do, so I have no problem embracing success. Nor do I have any platonic friends. I have a punch of friends, and even that in itself, let alone extra adjectives, is subject to change.

 

[Kathryn]

If you really are in a position where another friend would be of no benefit, then I envy you.

And you'd be the only person I'd ever met to be in that position.

You've totally twisted my words. I didn't say that another friend would be of no benefit to me OR my husband.

 

[Kathryn]

Exactly! My wife and I will look and talk about who we find attractive. We have never cheated, even though there have been opportunities.
We even have an agreement on conditions to be met in order to bring another person into our relationship, though we haven't seen a reason to act on it.

As I said earlier, and other guys have too, I view my close female friends as sisters. I can admit that they are quite attractive. I also have absolutely no desire to have sex with them.
I have gone out to lunch with female friends without my wife. My wife has done the same with male friends.
I can see people that dont think they can keep their lust in check not having friends of the opposite sex, but for those of US that are more than walking sexual organs, there really isn't a problem.

I've gone to lunch with male friends without my husband - in fact, pretty regularly at times. In fact, last week. I have male friends I email back and forth with. I've traveled on business trips with male friends.

But these are not people I would consider CLOSE friends. They are CASUAL friends and acquaintances. I would not consider sharing intimate or even particularly deep thoughts or emotions with them. I would not go out drinking with them. I wouldn't consider sharing private information about my relationship with my husband with them.

I would certainly never go hang out with them at their house and curl up on a sofa with them. Frankly, I can't even imagine it.

 

[darkstar]

I've gone to lunch with male friends without my husband - in fact, pretty regularly at times. In fact, last week. I have male friends I email back and forth with. I've traveled on business trips with male friends.

But these are not people I would consider CLOSE friends. They are CASUAL friends and acquaintances. I would not consider sharing intimate or even particularly deep thoughts or emotions with them. I would not go out drinking with them. I wouldn't consider sharing private information about my relationship with my husband with them.

I would certainly never go hang out with them at their house and curl up on a sofa with them. Frankly, I can't even imagine it.

Yes, while our friends are known to curl up on the couch with each other and go out for drinks etc. We consider each other family.

I don't judge people who are uncomfortable with these things, or chooses not to have close friends of the opposite gender.
I AM surprised that so many people believe it is impossible to have close friends of the opposite gender without wanting it to go further than friendship. But people believing that its impossible is their own view, it doesn't impact my life at all. To each their own.

 

[blackout]

People are just different, that's all.

Some people are comfortable and happy with some things,
other people are comfortable and happy with other things.

People have different tendencies, and different styles.

As long as everyone's happy,
and no one is being coerced, or repressed
to 'behave' in certain ways,
I hardly see how it all matters.

 

[Kathryn]

Yes, while our friends are known to curl up on the couch with each other and go out for drinks etc. We consider each other family.

I don't judge people who are uncomfortable with these things, or chooses not to have close friends of the opposite gender.
I AM surprised that so many people believe it is impossible to have close friends of the opposite gender without wanting it to go further than friendship. But people believing that its impossible is their own view, it doesn't impact my life at all. To each their own.

Wait - I believe you've already said that you and your partner would consider adding other sexual partners to your relatioship. Your parameters in general differ quite a bit from those in my marriage.

By the way, you may not be addressing this at me, but I'd like to point out again that I've never said it's impossible to have close friends of the opposite gender without wanting it to go further. All I've said is that I choose not to seek out deep relationships with men outside my relationship with my husband.

 

[Kathryn]

People are just different, that's all.

Some people are comfortable and happy with some things,
other people are comfortable and happy with other things.

People have different tendencies, and different styles.

As long as everyone's happy,
and no one is being coerced, or repressed
to 'behave' in certain ways,
I hardly see how it all matters.

Right on.

 

[darkstar]

Wait - I believe you've already said that you and your partner would consider adding other sexual partners to your relatioship. Your parameters in general differ quite a bit from those in my marriage.

By the way, you may not be addressing this at me, but I'd like to point out again that I've never said it's impossible to have close friends of the opposite gender without wanting it to go further. All I've said is that I choose not to seek out deep relationships with men outside my relationship with my husband.

No I am not addressing you directly because you haven't said that its impossible, obviously.

And yes, under the right conditions, adding another partner is a possibility. However our close friends will never be one of these possibilities. They are like siblings to us end it would be way too weird.
Also as a side note, while we have had the chance and considered adding another partner a couple times, we won't add just anyone to the mix. Random monkey sex is not something we're into.