Is It Possible For Males and Females to Be Platonic Friends?

[Kathryn]

Obviously, it's easier for some people than others. And that's OK. But that's why none of the generalizations are working as arguments.

That's why I limited my application of how I see it to myself. My husband and I are similar and have the same opinion when it comes to opposite sex friends, and therefore our parameters work for us.

We pick our battles. Not every hill is worth dying on.

 

[Cassiopia]

What is the gist of the other arguments, and can you quote two non-"strangers" who agree with you? We've seen holes in the arguments (and stories) of the others here that even Kathryn had to point out to them. If you disagree with what my two "random strangers" posted about, please by all means show an article that says otherwise from someone who has more clout.

Why don't you ask your male friends "If I was drunk and wanted you to do stuff with me, would you" and report your findings.

Because I choose my male friends more wisely. I have been drunk in their company and nothing bad happened. They are decent human beings. In fact I have even come home late and a little drunk and slept in the same bed as a male friend and nothing happened. And no, he wasn't gay; far from it!

As for two non strangers... All I can say is there have been many people in this thread who agree with my views and they are at least better known to me than random bigots who write blogs. Why don't you take what they say seriously?

If I have time later I might dig out some articles from reputable news and information sites, but I doubt that you would seriously be interested.

I think I am fairly attractive (never had any complaints on that score) and I have some very good platonic friendships with very good looking men. Your view of reality just doesn't ring true to me.

Does my own experience of life and the experience of the others in this thread who have said similar things just not count? Do you think we are making it up?
Oh, and you haven't answered the following yet either...

I'm curious as to what your definition of the Alpha Criteria is though.

 

[Shermana]

Because I choose my male friends more wisely. I have been drunk in their company and nothing bad happened. They are decent human beings. In fact I have even come home late and a little drunk and slept in the same bed as a male friend and nothing happened. And no, he wasn't gay; far from it!

That's great, there's all kinds of variables here. Assuming you are "fairly attractive" as you call yourself and assuming that they find you fairly attractive, I can assume part of the reason may be that they wouldn't want to do anything that there'd be problems later with. (Hence why I said "if they have to"). I've had opprotunities I've refused due to the implications involved later. I'd bet things would be different (assuming you were considered attractive to them) had you shown signs of initiation.

As for two non strangers... All I can say is there have been many people in this thread who agree with my views and they are at least better known to me than random bigots who write blogs. Why don't you take what they say seriously?

We've already seen cracks in what they say about what they're willing to do and they boil down to what I've said about availability. You can trust random posters for their word if you want as if that carries more weight than the sites I've linked (and the many, many more sites I can link to.) What kind of "credible" sources would you consider to be more credible? This? Steve Harvey: Can Men and Women Be Just Friends - ABC News Calling my sources "Bigots" doesn't exactly make what they say wrong.

If I have time later I might dig out some articles from reputable news and information sites, but I doubt that you would seriously be interested.

I doubt you'd be interested in the Abcnews article with Steve Harvey, telling me what you think I'd be interested in sounds like a cop-out.

Does my own experience of life and the experience of the others in this thread who have said similar things just not count? Do you think we are making it up?
Oh, and you haven't answered the following yet either...

[/quote]

There are many factors and variables that we don't know. I don't know how attractive you are, I don't know what kinds of signals you give or don't to your male friends, I don't know what goes on in their minds, I don't know if they're hovering like vultures waiting for an invitation.

As for Alpha Male criteria, I'm referring to those who have the most wealth, most muscles, best "looks", most power, maybe even "personality" as in social refinement.

This article touches on the more "Positive" aspects of it.

24 Traits of Alpha Male

 

[MysticSang'ha]

This is hilarious.

I'm friends with plenty of men. Quite a few of them are well-known in the martial arts industry (which can be rife with huge egos)...and in spite of many instances of playful flirting and acknowledgements of attraction, I've had lunches, dinners, and have spent many moments alone with these "Alpha Males" in long but friendly embraces.

We care for and support each other. Yes...we find each other attractive...and some of these men are quite aware of my sexuality and my polyamorous marriage.

I've changed clothes in front of heterosexual men without any more than a quick glance in my direction. If anybody has seen ample opportunity present....I certainly have! LOL

Cripes, men are much more capable of self-control, depth, and an ability to develop strong bonds with women than what has been expressed here.

 

[Revoltingest]

This is hilarious.
I'm friends with plenty of men. Quite a few of them are well-known in the martial arts industry (which can be rife with huge egos)...and in spite of many instances of playful flirting and acknowledgements of attraction, I've had lunches, dinners, and have spent many moments alone with these "Alpha Males" in long but friendly embraces.
We care for and support each other. Yes...we find each other attractive...and some of these men are quite aware of my sexuality and my polyamorous marriage.
I've changed clothes in front of heterosexual men without any more than a quick glance in my direction. If anybody has seen ample opportunity present....I certainly have! LOL
Cripes, men are much more capable of self-control, depth, and an ability to develop strong bonds with women than what has been expressed here.

But if you read the thought bubbles over their heads, you'd see that men are simply
brutish animals with make'n bacon on their minds. This is not a bad thing though.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

But if you read the thought bubbles over their heads, you'd see that men are simply
brutish animals with make'n bacon on their minds. This is not a bad thing though.

LOL...my thoughts can be pretty raunchy too.

But just because one thinks something, doesn't mean one has to actually act on it.

In ANY situation.

 

[Shermana]

If they're thinking of make'n bacon and waiting and wishing for the day the gates voluntarily open, it's not Platonic.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

If they're thinking of make'n bacon and waiting and wishing for the day the gates voluntarily open, it's not Platonic.

No. :no:

That's called delusion. You can acknowledge attraction without acting on it.

Do men go to strip clubs in the hope that they hook up? I know a few who do - and they're just weird - but the majority don't...they just want to enjoy the show.

Again...give men more credit. They aren't stupid puppies who only want to hump someone's leg the minute it sticks out.

 

[Revoltingest]

They aren't stupid puppies who only want to hump someone's leg the minute it sticks out.

Oh, but they are.
Just have to keep that brain in line at times.

 

[Cassiopia]

If I have time later I might dig out some articles from reputable news and information sites,

This article ( LINK) didn't take long to find with a quick google search into platonic friendship. And Shermana, it does mention the potential problems you have spoken of. It doesn't quite agree with everything I have said either, so it might be worth your while giving the whole article a read.

Extract.

In the 1989 film When Harry Met Sally, Billy Crystal delivered the immortal words, "Men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way," and set the tone for a generation of relations between men and women. Friends, Sex and the City, Bridget Jones - the moral of all those Nineties dramas was, don't kid yourself - eventually you're going to get together or drift apart.

"When Harry Met Sally set the potential for male-female friendship back about 25 years," Dr Michael Monsour, professor of communications at the University of Colorado at Denver, observed at the time. "Almost every time you see a male-female friendship on TV, it winds up turning into romance. Think Sam and Diane [Cheers] or Chandler and Monica [Friends]. These cultural images are hard to overcome."

Yet maybe it is happening at last. Next week Stephen Poliakoff, in his new TV drama, Friends & Crocodiles, sets out to prove that we've all grown up since then. The film tracks the decade-long relationship between a boss and his female secretary. We keep waiting for them to turn into lovers, but they never do. "I've always wanted to write a relationship between a man and a woman that was not a conventional love story," says Poliakoff. Similarly, one of the joys of BBC2's Extras was the platonic friendship between Ricky Gervais and Ashley Jensen. As Jensen observes, "Why is it that just because there's a man and a woman there needs to be a romance? I mean, not every man you meet has to be a potential suitor."

In a recent survey conducted by Friends Reunited, when respondents were asked "what's more important - being friends or being lovers?", nine out of 10 women and eight out of 10 men said it was most important to be friends. And 35 per cent of women and 41 per cent of men said their "very best friend" is a member of the opposite sex...
*****************
So are we kidding ourselves? Behind every great platonic friendship is there a delicious game of denial going on? Or one partner secretly longing and waiting, the other basking in the glow of their adoration?

"I have to admit I know at least two of my male friends have always been a bit in love with me," says Deborah, an artist. "I find it creepy but also quite reassuring." Hodson believes that some people are definitely incapable of platonic relationships: "A person who is sexually incontinent or exhibitionistic, who needs to know the other person is responding to them in the full range of responses, couldn't stand it," he says. "They would flirt and drop their knickers at the drop of a handkerchief."
*****************
(In conclusion before details of several case studies are given in the article)...

Truly great and lasting platonic friendships are probably rare but they are worth fighting for.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Oh, but they are.
Just have to keep that brain in line at times.

Which head?

Oh, I'm sorry...you said brain.

.

.

.

Anyhoo...some of the arguments put forth in this thread are ironically some of the same arguments I hear for why women need to wear a burka.

"Men are filthy animals that can't be trusted."

And then everybody suffers as a result of this simple but powerful misunderstanding of male sexuality.

 

[839311]

They aren't stupid puppies who only want to hump someone's leg the minute it sticks out.

Thats perhaps the first time Ive ever heard it being admitted so readily. A great victory for males everywhere!! uppy:

 

[Songbird]

I have sooo many examples of long-term platonic friendships with men, I wouldn't know where to start.

 

[Shermana]

Do men go to strip clubs in the hope that they hook up? I know a few who do - and they're just weird - but the majority don't...they just want to enjoy the show.

So only the "weird" ones are giving them tips (as an excuse to touch) and hiring them for lapdances?

 

[Shermana]

I have sooo many examples of long-term platonic friendships with men, I wouldn't know where to start.

And none of them had any desires or hidden intentions of course.

 

[Revoltingest]

Anyhoo...some of the arguments put forth in this thread are ironically some of the same arguments I hear for why women need to wear a burka.
"Men are filthy animals that can't be trusted."

I don't buy the burka argument.
People may have rude thoughts, but they may behave with decorum.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I have sooo many examples of long-term platonic friendships with men, I wouldn't know where to start.

Me too.

We must be ugly.

 

[Shermana]

Me too.

We must be ugly.

Or oblivious.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I don't buy the burka argument.
People may have rude thoughts, but they may behave with decorum.

Doesn't that support my argument?

Ah, hell with this. I'm leaving to go watch chicks bounce on the trampoline. Cuz you know as a bisexual...I'm sooooo hoping that someday they'll give me the green light to get in their pants.

 

[Songbird]

And none of them had any desires or hidden intentions of course.

So what if they did? I'm not saying none of them didn't. You said ALL of them do with ALL of their friends. That's ridiculously assumptive.