Is it Wise to Marry Exclusively or Predominantly for Love?

[Tumah]

I think (and I may be biased), marriage should come from shared values, goals and compatibility. Love should be a product of marriage rather than the cause. Emotions are fickle. Having a stable bedrock in one's marriage helps weather the storms and goes a long way towards ensuring a long-term marriage.

 

[Wirey]

A purple suit!!!

OK, my guess it that it got thrown away or donated in one big hurry after you two got married, right? Please say "Yes!"

Anyhow, glad she saw past the suit and saw someone who loved and liked her-- that's big.

It was the 80s. My purple suit was the height of sartorial splendor.

 

[BSM1]

My wife and I were best friends in high school. I took her to our senior prom in a purple suit, and she married me anyways. Love is good, but like matters too.

What did you wear?

 

[illykitty]

Not exclusively. I've seen my friend go through many infatuations to know it doesn't produce anything stable or long term. I wouldn't marry for material reasons either.

Of course though, I love my husband, wouldn't have married him if I didn't, but it was not the only factor. We were friends before falling in love, we liked each other, have similar tastes, goals and values. Really compatible all around, so it was almost unavoidable of it happening.

What I'm saying is there are many factors, and I feel it was a good decision. And it was good to not just settle for anyone, to be a little more "picky".

 

[Akivah]

Is it wise to marry exclusively or even predominantly for love? Why or why not?

In my experience, love or infatuation, set the stage for us to want to be together. Once that lustful stage passed, wanting to still be with that person and develop a relationship with them, formed the basis for making our relationship permanent through marriage.

 

[Milton Platt]

Is it wise to marry exclusively or even predominantly for love? Why or why not?

A marriage without love is probably doomed. But you can love someone and be so horribly mismatched that the marriage is a wreck. You need both love and compatibility.

Love is grand, but keep your thinking cap on.

As someone once said:
"You know that tingly feeling you get when you fall in love? That's common sense leaving your body".

 

[Wirey]

What did you wear?

Sequined ball gown. I have the legs for it.

 

[metis]

It was the 80s. My purple suit was the height of sartorial splendor.

By chance do you walk with a white cane or a dog with a handle on it?

 

[metis]

In my experience, love or infatuation, set the stage for us to want to be together. Once that lustful stage passed, wanting to still be with that person and develop a relationship with them, formed the basis for making our relationship permanent through marriage.

I was fairly recently asked by my 16 year old grandson what really being in love is like, and here's how I answered him (see if you agree): That you love her so much that you want to be "into her" (not sexually) whereas you can't wait to be with her again, even if just to talk with her, and that you would be willing to die to protect her. Then you know you're truly in love.

 

[BSM1]

Sequined ball gown. I have the legs for it.

Lucky guy!

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Why not? If it doesn't work out, there's always divorce. Lol.

 

[Papoon]

Perhaps this not the thread for it, but it could be worthwhile discussing what we call marriage The dynamics of marriage can be very different at different ages, or depending on the goals and desires driving the marriage.

Are we including long term ongoing committed relationship in general here ? Does it require cohabitation of one dwelling ? Does it necessarily involve sharing financial commitments ?

I guess I'm wondering if you would consider it a marriage if I had a long term, monogamous, deeply personally connected relationship with a woman living very close by, with whom I share no economic commitments.

Does that qualify as marriage ?

And if not, I would be interested to know what you would call it, and exactly how it differs from marriage.

Edit: In answer to the OP, this marriage is all about love, and eroticism. That we are both also musicians and yogis makes it even sweeter. So yeah, sometimes

 

[Papoon]

What most people call romantic love dries up after about two or so years. If your relationship isn't founded on much more than giddy feelings then it's no surprise when your relationship falls apart.

A lot of great art comes from those giddy feelings.


muse1
mjuːz/
noun

1. 1.
   (in Greek and Roman mythology) each of nine goddesses, the daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, who preside over the arts and sciences.
   synonyms: inspiration, creative influence, stimulus, stimulation;
   rareafflatus
   "the poet's muse"
2. 2.
   a woman, or a force personified as a woman, who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.
   "Yeats' muse, Maud Gonne"
   synonyms: inspiration, creative influence, stimulus, stimulation;
   rareafflatus
   "the poet's muse"

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

If you love someone, would you not love them for shared interests, values, goals, as well as the differences between you that makes them add vibrancy to your life? So yes it's wise to marry for love. I guess it comes down to how you perceive love.

 

[BSM1]

If you love someone, would you not love them for shared interests, values, goals, as well as the differences between you that makes them add vibrancy to your life? So yes it's wise to marry for love. I guess it comes down to how you perceive love.

These are just superficial attributes. To truly love someone you have to discover and love their true selves. Once you find and love the real person you will never stop loving that person no matter what they do or say. You can, however, not like that person for hurting you but you will never stop loving them. Also, love is never taking it is always giving. It seems many who do not "find" love are simply afraid to give love.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

These are just superficial attributes. To truly love someone you have to discover and love their true selves. Once you find and love the real person you will never stop loving that person no matter what they do or say. You can, however, not like that person for hurting you but you will never stop loving them. Also, love is never taking it is always giving. It seems many who do not "find" love are simply afraid to give love.

I disagree that values and goals are superficial, they are part of who we are also.
Everyone hurts you.
Love is giving definitely! But it's also important to know what you want. Who what's to give and then be taken advantage of?

 

[BSM1]

I disagree that values and goals are superficial, they are part of who we are also.
Everyone hurts you.
Love is giving definitely! But it's also important to know what you want. Who what's to give and then be taken advantage of?

Values and goals are fluid, they change as needed. This simple of what we show the world to define ourselves. The true self is constant and needs no validation. Only when you find your true self can you find the true self of another; only when you love yourself can you love another. Also, what you want is never important when you understand unconditional love. This is the beauty of giving love, you receive back much more than you give. Now go, Grasshopper, and live long.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Values and goals are fluid, they change as needed. This simple of what we show the world to define ourselves. The true self is constant and needs no validation. Only when you find your true self can you find the true self of another; only when you love yourself can you love another. Also, what you want is never important when you understand unconditional love. This is the beauty of giving love, you receive back much more than you give. Now go, Grasshopper, and live long.

In my opinion, loving oneself involves self respect and self preservation-which means I have standards and can not love unconditionally if I love myself. Otherwise I would still be trying to love my manipulative ex's (I mean via actions, not just emotional attachment.)

 

[BSM1]

In my opinion, loving oneself involves self respect and self preservation-which means I have standards and can not love unconditionally if I love myself. Otherwise I would still be trying to love my manipulative ex's (I mean via actions, not just emotional attachment.)

Once you learn how to love yourself the actions of others cannot hurt you unless you allow it.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Once you learn how to love yourself the actions of others cannot hurt you unless you allow it.

Wishful thinking, much?