Some folks asked me:
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Noachidism | Religious Forums
Switching from one set of beliefs to another is hard. It's especially hard when it's fraught with bitterness, heartbreak, and grief, as well as some anger. I ned to go through my angry stage, it's inevitable. It is what it is.
I think I still need to clarify some things.
I am not a Pagan because I thought Paganism would work for me, or even that I think that 'Paganism' is a particularly meaningful term. My favoured form of religion is Abrahamic style, with a scripture, a set of laws, one God, a place of worship, a set liturgy, you know the drill. Pagan faiths always seemed a bit folksy to me; about spirits, lesser-deities, theological heterodoxies, magic. I'm not trying to hide who I am, here; I'm a rules based person who highly values religious orthodoxy, law, and orthopraxy. My religious 'style' is thoroughly Abrahamic. In other words, I'm not suddenly moving into the world of 'circles' and 'sabbats' and 'magick' and 'craft work'. I don't mean to offend folks who practice these things, I'm just saying I want to make it clear that this is not my stead.
So far I've had dreams I've asked for. Dreams of Horu and dreams of Ra, and possibly one of Inpu. I place a lot of importance on dreams, so this works for me. I take these kinds of things very seriously. There was also an incident with a candle I'd left burning at my altar. It was a tealight with a maximum burn time of 4 hours that somehow ended up burning all night for more than 8 hours. I'd had a dream of Horu that morning, too. There may be an explanation for the candle, but I haven't found one. On that night I'd done a candle-lighting ritual to Horu.
The rituals are good and the community seems welcoming. I registered as a user on a UK forum for Kemetics. Turns out we're a very indie bunch.
I've bought several books that have been helpful, my altar is complete, and one man saw me performing the henu gesture outside on the riverbank and could hardly contain his laughter. It's alright; I bought a prayer rug so I could perform henu outside more often now it's summer coming, and he can laugh all he likes.
I'm still surprised at how niche this particular faith is, when other Pagan faiths such as Asatru, Heathenry etc. Druidry, other Celtic faiths, Hellenismos, Religio Romana, and even Slavic Paganism are on the rise and come with plenty of materials, communities, etc. - at least much more so than Kemeticism. What seems to be the deal here is that the most popular Pagan faiths are European ones, and it's Europeans living in Christian countries who want their ancestral faiths. Folks in Muslim countries such as Egypt haven't really this option, as it could prove a socially bad move in light of their communities, so Kemeticism, being an African spirituality, isn't so popular.
The one thing that's getting me most is that a lot of folks seem to join Pagan religions because they want to abandon Abrahamic norms, because they want to have nothing like their former religion - so I'm feeling a little weird in a [vague] community where I'm saying I have no interest in magic or spirits or spells or such. It's making me feel very disparate.
So there's my daily dose of honesty. I miss Abrahamic religion.