Last time you went to church?

[It Aint Necessarily So]

Can you tell me about the last time you went to church

The last time I went as an adherent was over forty years ago, which is probably what you're asking.

I think I've been back to a church being used as a church three times since then (I've been in churches for secular activities), the last time for a wedding about two months ago, the other two about 20 years ago. There were sermons and attempts to convert with all three. One was a bait-and-switch. We had been invited to hear musicians perform in a church by fellow musicians, but weren't told that it was going to be a church service and an attempt to convert us.

 

[anna.]

That’s not a bad description of my attendance either. But I like it and I feel it does me good.

Same. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

I struggle with doubt, all the time. Dabbled a bit with Sam Harris and determinism and Hemant Mehta (The Friendly Atheist first at Patheos, he's now on Substack). Went to an Episcopal church, first woman minister I've ever listened to and she was amazing. If it wasn't for the woman minister, it would be hard to tell it wasn't a Catholic Mass. Embarrassed to say I reveled in the covid shutdown, not having to go to Mass... (A dispensation from Sunday obligation plus a general absolution - win/win!) But when there was a family emergency a few years ago, I went looking for my rosary. I really, really want there to be somewhere to go after I die. I think that's what keeps me going, that and the proverbial mustard seed.

 

[The Hammer]

Can you tell me about the last time you went to church or similar thing? Was it last Sunday? Last Easter? Or was it many years ago

Last time I went to a Christian church for a service was many years ago. 7 or 8.

I went to a Pagan service for the Spring Equinox this year. And I might go to their Beltane festival as well.

 

[JustGeorge]

Last time I went to a Christian church for a service was many years ago. 7 or 8.

I went to a Pagan service for the Spring Equinox this year. And I might go to their Beltane festival as well.

I ended up hosting a Spring Equinox ritual in the woods for my sister's family. Out of nowhere, she decided she's Pagan(with emphasis on earth and healing spirits and deities). She wants to celebrate the Wheel festivals, so I threw that one together for her. She's hosting Beltane, as she has the yard space for a Maypole.

 

[exchemist]

I ended up hosting a Spring Equinox ritual in the woods for my sister's family. Out of nowhere, she decided she's Pagan(with emphasis on earth and healing spirits and deities). She wants to celebrate the Wheel festivals, so I threw that one together for her. She's hosting Beltane, as she has the yard space for a Maypole.

When we were kids in the 60s we had maypole dancing at school every May. It was quite a thing, with a wooden pole with a disc at the top that was free to rotate. This had rings fixed to the periphery, to which long, coloured ribbons were tied. The children did various dances that progressively intertwined the ribbons in a pattern that eventually covered most of the pole. And then they would change direction and untwine it all again.it was done to the accompaniment of a portable gramophone, playing dance tunes.

I’m sure none of it would be allowed now, but they were more innocent days.

 

[The Hammer]

I ended up hosting a Spring Equinox ritual in the woods for my sister's family. Out of nowhere, she decided she's Pagan(with emphasis on earth and healing spirits and deities). She wants to celebrate the Wheel festivals, so I threw that one together for her. She's hosting Beltane, as she has the yard space for a Maypole.

That's awesome! Was your sister not typically of the religious sort before, or a different faith?

The spring equinox and Beltane are two of my favorite holidays on the wheel. Well, along with Yule and Midsummer, lol.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm sure that's wise and hope it lifts your spirits, given time - one has to be patient. I'm only just regaining momentum in my own life, 6 years after my wife died. It has taken me this long to feel like getting on with the many house maintenance projects that are needed. Somehow such things are a lot harder to get motivated to do, when one is not building a shared life and there is no one who will say what an improvement it is when it's done.

It is only nine months, too soon for me to know what I want to do. Actually, I did get a new furnace a couple of months ago, as my old one was on its last leg and it was too old to get parts to repair it. It had become a fire hazard and I was not about to take any chances so I went without hear for two weeks, before I could get it replaced. My kitchen and bathrooms are old but I don't really need to remodel anything although the front deck could be replaced and the roof needs cleaning. Most of the carpet is in bad shape because of what cats did years ago, but that would be a big project to replace it. If I was going to stay here and I had someone else living with me I might be motivated but otherwise I don't care. I have my carpets covered up with throw rugs. That was the extent of my living room remodeling. I still cannot sleep in the bedroom so I sleep on the couch in the living room with at least three cats.

But now I've had the living room redecorated, the floor tiles fixed to get rid of the big crack across them, and the brickwork at the front of the house cleaned and repointed. And I've now just had my heart op, to try to fix the arrhythmia that has been bothering me for the last 5 years. Too soon to tell if it has worked, but it gives me a sense of moving forward rather than stagnating or declining. And I've found the women I know are queuing up to call on me to see how I am and bring me little presents, which is very gratifying.

I am glad to hear you got all that work done but as you said it took a while before you were ready to get on with the house maintenance projects that were needed. I don't know if I will ever be ready but at least your experience gives me some hope for the future. Right now the most important thing I need to do is stay above the depression, however I can do that, and finding people to talk to is a big part of that.

I hope your heart operation goes well and at least you have people who are to come and visit you. When I was dead set on getting married again, as you might recall, I was not looking for romantic love but rather companionship and some help around the house, but since most men are looking for romantic love that is a pipe dream.

I have come to a point where I am pretty detached about the idea of getting remarried and I am leaving it to fate and the will of God. On the other hand, I cannot imagine being alone for the rest of my life either, so I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. Please bear in mind that I have no children or other family and I have no friends who I see in person. It is possible to make friends but that isn't as easy as it sounds.

And it's spring!

Actually, I never liked spring very much and I never even noticed it was spring until this year, since my life has been in chaos for over 20 years. Now with my husband gone, and other things settling down, I notice the trees and the clouds and the birds and squirrels scurrying around on my deck. However, sadly, this month and the three to follow are the anniversassary of my husband's diagnosis and demise, so I am just hoping and praying that I am able to get through these months and I am grateful that I have the GriefShare group until July 15. After that I will have to figure out what to do. I try to take one day at a time, that is all I can do.

 

[exchemist]

It is only nine months, too soon for me to know what I want to do. Actually, I did get a new furnace a couple of months ago, as my old one was on its last leg and it was too old to get parts to repair it. It had become a fire hazard and I was not about to take any chances so I went without hear for two weeks, before I could get it replaced. My kitchen and bathrooms are old but I don't really need to remodel anything although the front deck could be replaced and the roof needs cleaning. Most of the carpet is in bad shape because of what cats did years ago, but that would be a big project to replace it. If I was going to stay here and I had someone else living with me I might be motivated but otherwise I don't care. I have my carpets covered up with throw rugs. That was the extent of my living room remodeling. I still cannot sleep in the bedroom so I sleep on the couch in the living room with at least three cats.

I am glad to hear you got all that work done but as you said it took a while before you were ready to get on with the house maintenance projects that were needed. I don't know if I will ever be ready but at least your experience gives me some hope for the future. Right now the most important thing I need to do is stay above the depression, however I can do that, and finding people to talk to is a big part of that.

I hope your heart operation goes well and at least you have people who are to come and visit you. When I was dead set on getting married again, as you might recall, I was not looking for romantic love but rather companionship and some help around the house, but since most men are looking for romantic love that is a pipe dream.

I have come to a point where I am pretty detached about the idea of getting remarried and I am leaving it to fate and the will of God. On the other hand, I cannot imagine being alone for the rest of my life either, so I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. Please bear in mind that I have no children or other family and I have no friends who I see in person. It is possible to make friends but that isn't as easy as it sounds.

Actually, I never liked spring very much and I never even noticed it was spring until this year, since my life has been in chaos for over 20 years. Now with my husband gone, and other things settling down, I notice the trees and the clouds and the birds and squirrels scurrying around on my deck. However, sadly, this month and the three to follow are the anniversassary of my husband's diagnosis and demise, so I am just hoping and praying that I am able to get through these months and I am grateful that I have the GriefShare group until July 15. After that I will have to figure out what to do. I try to take one day at a time, that is all I can do.

Everyone says it can take a long time. Just need patience and do enough to stop a downward spiral developing. I was helped immeasurably by my son, who was 13 when she died. So we had to help each other and there was school and all his growing up to keep me busy. He was after all a shared project of ours, so that was motivating. And he’s a good fellow anyway and quietly solicitous of my wellbeing. I’m lucky to have him.

None of my business I know, but I think you ought to get back to sleeping in the bedroom. One early decision I took was that there must not be any “no go” areas. I refused to let it circumscribe my life by creating subjects I could not speak about, places I could not go, or anything like that. Though it has taken me years to dispose of her things. I still have some clothes in the cupboard as a memento, including her wedding dress, which had also been her mother’s, cleverly adapted. They don’t make me sad - I smile when I see them.

But these are all things you have to work out, I suppose.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Couple of weeks ago, for my niece's communion. God gave me the strength to endure.

 

[JustGeorge]

That's awesome! Was your sister not typically of the religious sort before, or a different faith?

The spring equinox and Beltane are two of my favorite holidays on the wheel. Well, along with Yule and Midsummer, lol.

She was of the "religion is boring, I have better things to do" nature.

And then one day, she called me and said she'd been thinking, and she's religious after all. After spending the last several years beginning to homestead, she felt great gratitude towards the Earth and Earth spirits, and she wanted to worship the Gods. All of them. (That took a big of talk of pantheons, and cultures, and... well, that's been complicated for her.)

She's just beginning, but its been fun to watch and support her journey. Her daughter was already Pagan, so there's something there to bond over, too.

I think Beltane's my favorite 'wheel' holiday. I like passing out baskets.

 

[Windwalker]

My last two funerals were not in a church

Your last two funerals? How many times have you died?

 

[Jainarayan]

Last time I was in a church (Catholic) was my brother-in-law's funeral maybe 6 or 8 years ago. My family is Catholic-When-Necessary but I am, of course, Hindu. However, I haven't been to temple in several months. It's a fair distance away, along a route I am uncomfortable driving. I have anxiety about driving far, so I don't anymore. But I have my shrine room at home I can go into and close the door. One day I'll muster the courage to drive to temple.

 

[JustGeorge]

Last time I was in a church (Catholic) was my brother-in-law's funeral maybe 6 or 8 years ago. My family is Catholic-When-Necessary but I am, of course, Hindu. However, I haven't been to temple in several months. It's a fair distance away, along a route I am uncomfortable driving. I have anxiety about driving far, so I don't anymore. But I have my shrine room at home I can go into and close the door. One day I'll muster the courage to drive to temple.

I don't think I could drive to mine alone... I'd fall asleep. My husband goes with when we find the means to go, though.

 

[Trailblazer]

Everyone says it can take a long time. Just need patience and do enough to stop a downward spiral developing. I was helped immeasurably by my son, who was 13 when she died. So we had to help each other and there was school and all his growing up to keep me busy. He was after all a shared project of ours, so that was motivating. And he’s a good fellow anyway and quietly solicitous of my wellbeing. I’m lucky to have him.

None of my business I know, but I think you ought to get back to sleeping in the bedroom. One early decision I took was that there must not be any “no go” areas. I refused to let it circumscribe my life by creating subjects I could not speak about, places I could not go, or anything like that. Though it has taken me years to dispose of her things. I still have some clothes in the cupboard as a memento, including her wedding dress, which had also been her mother’s, cleverly adapted. They don’t make me sad - I smile when I see them.

But these are all things you have to work out, I suppose.

As my counselor always says, we are all different in how we grieve, and every relationship is so unique, as are the circumstances surrounding the loss. As such, we need to respect our own process and not expect too much of ourselves. I know myself so I know when I am ready to face certain things. Meanwhile I get by okay avoiding them.

What makes some people sad makes others happy. Most people like to look at photos of their late spouse but I cannot look at a photo and I probably never will.

 

[Quintessence]

I don't remember the last time I went to a Christian church. I had not attended with any regularity since before hitting two digits in age. Whatever that last time was, it was more of a one-off for one of the high holy days and done out of respect for family. I don't remember when it was. High school? Undergrad? Somewhere around then. I only remember bits of how I felt about it. Too many people, packed in a soulless building, seated in cheaply made and uncomfortable folding chairs. Nothing like the church I went to as a kid, which was a beautiful though modest building with actual pews (which were, granted, still uncomfortable). I remember the sermon was beautiful and inspiring in its own way right up until the point the priest utterly ruined it with sin this, naughty that, which was a huge emotional let-down. The experience basically affirmed to me "yup, skipping out on this type of religion was the right call."

I don't remember the last time I went to a Unitarian Universalist fellowship either. It would have been within the last decade. I probably have an entry about it in my Book of Shadows, because it was after (or during) I did my Bardic Grade with OBOD. What I remember about it right now is being very impatient for the ritual to start. You know, the part where you get to actively participate? Then feeling really disappointed as I remembered that's not a thing that is going to happen at these types of services. It was a very visceral recognition of how thoroughly Pagan and Druidic I'd become... that I felt the service was missing something because it didn't do ritual. And I was a bit sad, because I'd liked UU back when I attended semi-regularly, but I just couldn't see myself getting into it again when I had my own practice to attend to.

I do remember the last time I held ritual as a Pagan and Druid. Depending on how stingy you wanna get about what it means to hold ritual, I either hold ritual almost daily, at least weekly, or at least moonthly (no, that's not a spelling mistake).

South Wind comes, foretelling warmth
Crossing paths with friend Squirrel
Magnolia's battered blooms fade and wither
Yet still welcome Wasp and witness with open bough

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