Friends,
A couple of years ago I announced that I was no longer an atheist. I became a Unitarian Universalist and I started to gravitate very strongly towards "panendeism". I just couldn't let go of the idea that there were objective moral values and that they couldn't originate in human consciousness. I have renounced Unitarian Universalism. I once again consider myself an atheist. I started a spiritual journey, seriously wondering if there was any kind of higher being "out there" that maybe I overlooked. I have come to the conclusion that there probably isn't. I see no reason to believe that any kind of divine being exists.
However, I have let go of this idea that there has to be objective moral values or that there is an objective purpose to life. This psychological need of mine was what led me to experiment with liberal religion. I now seriously believe that I was just fooling myself. I believe that this life is all there is to it and that there is probably nothing "out there". I am convinced that if there is any kind of divine being out there, this being would've revealed itself to me and everyone else sometime ago. But nothing happened.
I do not consider myself a Secular Humanist again. For me, Humanism seems to embrace the possibility of naturalistic ethics. I am convinced that free will doesn't exist and there exists no such thing as moral values. So I conclude that I am a moral skeptic in addition to being a free-will skeptic. I am now convinced that everything human beings do, they do because of basic selfishness and that's all.
I don't hate religion. I don't hate holy books. I still retain a fondness for Unitarian Universalism but I can't see any point of being one if no divine being exists and I am strongly skeptical and disbelieve that any exist. If I am wrong about this, a divine being can correct me but none has all of this time so I am not holding my breath. I remember reading one book titled Moving Beyond the Christian Myth by one author named John W Sloat. He talked about how he woke up at 4:44 in the morning after reading a book about angels. I have read a number of stories over the years about people waking up at 4:44 in the morning or seeing some kind of pattern of 444. This number, 444, is supposed to be a number of angels and people who see it are being contacted by angels.
For months and months, over the last year, I tested this. Every time that I woke up, I would honestly check my alarm clock to see if it was 4:44 AM. This never happened. My conclusion? Angels as well as other supernatural beings probably do not exist. I have never seen evidence, in my life, of any angels, divine beings, reincarnation, near-death experiences, prebirth experiences, or any of that. Nothing. I believe that the supernatural probably isn't real and I have concluded that if the supernatural is real, I would've encountered some convincing evidence by now. Nothing. Ergo, I am back to being an atheist.