lewisnotmiller's Junkyard Sell-a-thon

[columbus]

Well, I used to want #3. But I thought Quagmire was being thrown in.

Now I don't care at all. Why would I care about some Aussie's sig line or jump shot?



Tom

 

[Willamena]

It doesn't look like there's many bids on #9 yet. If that's the case, I'd like to throw in my bid for 30 lbs of flesh (I'm counting calories... 30 lbs should take me about 30 weeks).

 

[The Neo Nerd]

#8 - Your name in my sigline
Current Leader/Bid : Buttercup/Black buttercups delivered weekly, a back rub by her husband in a French Maids outfit, a book by Peewee Herman, and a discount in her store

Strangely, this was the most hotly contested item. Quax's bid was mighty tempting, and a small boost might get the job done, but I heard rumours Buttercup's husband looks killer in fishnets, so...yeah...

I will offer a pic of treks topless

A pic of me topless

And a free juggling lesson

 

[Treks]

The juggling lessons are a really good deal. You should see what Quax can do with his balls. He can teach you how to handle your own balls just as good.

...

 

[columbus]

You should see what Quax can do with his balls.

I'm sure that would make a more interesting pic than Quax topless.

Tom

 

[oldbadger]

Okay, so the interests of charity, I've decided to have a little cleanup, and flog off a few things.

OldBastard's tender, offered herewith... Oh.... that's another name for Oldbadger, not Revolting or Wirey....

#1 - Sense of Humour
Slightly damaged. Okay, let's face it, extremely damaged.

Don't need it. Folks laugh at me whenever and wherever they see me. It could be the odd sock colours, or the 1950's duffle coat..... could be anything, but folks pee 'emselves as soon as I come in sight.

#2 - Dress Sense
I'd love to show you this one, but I've temporarily misplaced it.

Don't need it. See above. Have unique dress sense of my own.

#3 - Ban Stick for a Day

Banned in the UK, mate. See HM Gov Library. Offences against the person. 1851. sec 23, para 4, clause 6, line 13......
'...and that includes effing RF Ban Sticks! You Brit Fools!'

#4 - Jump Shot

That sound disgustin' ..... really!

#5 - Hair Dryer with extra hot setting

Banned in the EU since last month. No vacuum cleaners of hair dryers over 1400Watts. You tryin' to get me into trouble?

#6 - A date with lewisnotmiller

Ohhhhh Gaawwd! Mrs B saw that one. She putting on her lippy and false leg as I write this. She's told me to tell you she's on her way to Heathrow now... will be in Canberra (or wherever) soon. She doesn't care if she doesn't get the winning bid on this ...... you goin' out with her, an' that's that.

#7 - Unconditional support on any one debate issue from lewisnotmiller

What possible support can you offer in a heated debate over 'dispute about the open season months for part-time aardvark hunting'.? Bloody Australians think they know everythin'.

#8 - Your name in my sigline

Ohh right...... so I'm biiding to get 'sod oldbadger' in your sigline?

#9 - The chance to determine my signature
Apart from whomever successfully procures item #8. Just imagine the possibilities if Sunstone gets a place in my sig, and you have the chance to do with him as you will!!!

There you go...... Revolting'll win this, and if I win the one above, God help me.

#10 - Rights to determine my next thread name

What?..... sort of.... 'Why Australians pine for the fields of Hampshire?'.... kind of thing? Or...... 'When will Australians learn proper table manners?'
Nah....... they'd all just agree like possums. The thread 'ud never get going.....


So, as you can see, the best thing you can do with the above is take 'em to the dump. It is an Offence to dump stuff on charity shop doorsteps!

 

[Draka]

As it seems some bids have changed it appears I must also keep up in order to stay considered.

As for my bids on #3 and #9, the original bids of frubals, doughnuts/coffee for 3 mtgs, and pics still apply, though I am willing to raise the bid upon #9 to include 2 original stories (written my none other than myself) that both center upon you as being the pinnacle sexiness. You would be a hero, a god, a man that women would dream about for years and years to come. I would immortalize you.

Throwing in a bid for #6. Although we both know that the "date" must take place online as we cannot be in the same hemisphere due to our "rightness" being in such close proximity having the possibility of offsetting the balance of the world. It would be nice to spend some alone time with you to just see how much we can be "right" together. For this bid, I just need remind you of all we could accomplish together and to keep in mind it is for the benefit of all humanity.

: hamster :

 

[Iti oj]

I want number 8. How much?

 

[Brickjectivity]

It doesn't look like there's many bids on #9 yet. If that's the case, I'd like to throw in my bid for 30 lbs of flesh (I'm counting calories... 30 lbs should take me about 30 weeks).

I'll see Willamena's bid and add an inspirational poster.

 

[Brickjectivity]

As for my bids on #3 and #9, the original bids of frubals, doughnuts/coffee for 3 mtgs, and pics still apply, though I am willing to raise the bid upon #9 to include 2 original stories (written my none other than myself) that both center upon you as being the pinnacle sexiness. You would be a hero, a god, a man that women would dream about for years and years to come. I would immortalize you.

I'd like to bid on those two stories, but I lack the means to pay. Would you accept credit?

 

[Draka]

I must admit, I may have overbid. Such stories could be powerful. I think I could probably slip in #8 into that bid as well. I mean, if I'm going to determine the sigline, might as well have it be about me.

 

[Sunstone]

Dave, I'll bid a romantic weekend for two in a New Jersey motel with my Acme Latex Love Doll model 1057 -- the one with the self-rotating nipple tassels -- for the whole lot.

 

[Viker]

I know last night, before I laid down, I saw some of the bidding proposal. Where'd that go? I was going to start bidding on the bid.

 

[sun rise]

Hmm, with all this hot and heaving breathing, I mean bidding, it's interested another side of me.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Okey then...think it's about time to wrap this up and work out who has 'won'...in the case of some of this junk, I'm not really sure a term like 'winning' applies, but whatever. More fool all you lot for bidding, I guess.

#1 - Sense of Humour
4con 'wins'. Lucky her. Try telling someone a joke, 4con. Groans of discomfort and non-laughter? There ya go. Congratulations. Feel free to inflict...err...transfer it on to whatever victim you like. And by victim I mean...well, actually, victim covers it pretty nicely.

I do need Wirey and Rev to put on their party dresses and meet me in the city on Saturday night, but I'm assuming that's easy enough to arrange...

#2 - Dress Sense
Current Leader/Bid : Revoltingest/1 frubal

Less Hawaiin shirts, more midriff tops. That's it. That's all I know about fashion. I'm not sure what age or gender that tip was for, but there you go. You are now the proud owner of my complete dress sense. I'll expect your frubal presently. There are no frubal-returns, rainchecks, or coverage by fair trade laws on this matter.


#3 - Ban Stick for a Day
Current Leader/Bid : Item withdrawn by vendor.

Turns out there was no way to stop the ban stick for the day from being used to ban ME! This would clearly be a catastrophe (for me) and so this item is unfortunately withdrawn from sale.

#4 - Jump Shot
Lunamoth wins this one. Eternal consciousness on my deathbed was the offer, so I'm hoping I won't be in a position to collect for many a good year.
Lunamoth, I have magically transferred my jump-shot to you. Please take a ball to the nearest court and fire away. If it misses, you'll know you've received the goods.


#5 - Hair Dryer with extra hot setting
Wirey gets it. Sure, he didn't bid on it, but I'd like him to look his best for our party-time on Saturday night.

#6 - A date with lewisnotmiller
Draka gets it. Sure, her bid was complete rubbish, but she convinced me it was the right choice. I also found out Chernobyl was not the same hipster party destination it once was, which discounted Viker's bid.

#7 - Unconditional support on any one debate issue from lewisnotmiller
Brickjectivity wins. Not sure his random bids were very helpful, but they were certainly 'random'. So PM me with the thread, and what side you want me to support, and I'll be there, warts and all. Unless we're taking the anti-wart side of a debate, of course. Then I'll be wartless.

#8 & #9 - Place in my sig, including their own name and the accompanying statement

It's a little scary to me, but Buttercup has won both. PM me what you want to see in my sig (including your name) and it's there. Of course, I expect to see a temporary Josef Stalin avatar next to your posting name.

Please note : This was MIGHTY close. Quax's bid was good, Draka's was as well, but my decision is final-ish.

#10 - Rights to determine my next thread name

As a reward for strong bidding, both Draka and Quax have the option of picking up thread-naming rights for a much cheaper price.

Quax? I won't need a topless photo of Treks, but instead just a picture of her top.
Draka? Don't need two stories with me as the hero, but instead a limerick that makes me laugh.

Your choice, folks, it's just a cheap way of rewarding those who played along, and I'm nothing if not cheap.

 

[Brickjectivity]

#7 - Unconditional support on any one debate issue from lewisnotmiller
Brickjectivity wins. Not sure his random bids were very helpful, but they were certainly 'random'. So PM me with the thread, and what side you want me to support, and I'll be there, warts and all. Unless we're taking the anti-wart side of a debate, of course. Then I'll be wartless.

No need for a pm. You are now supporting my point of view in the last to post wins thread.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

No need for a pm. You are now supporting my point of view in the last to post wins thread.

LMAO.
Okay then! Never knew that was a debate thread, but now that I am aware of that fact, I'm all over it like Clinton on an Intern.

Sorry, that was a little politically biased. What if I even it up?
All over it like Bush over a small Middle Eastern nation with rumours of oil.

 

[Buttercup]

#8 & #9 - Place in my sig, including their own name and the accompanying statement[/B]

It's a little scary to me, but Buttercup has won both. PM me what you want to see in my sig (including your name) and it's there. Of course, I expect to see a temporary Josef Stalin avatar next to your posting name.

I KNEW flattery gets you everywhere, works with men every time! They're simpleton's like that. :flirt: I'll think of a good signature line and get back to you soon.

Meanwhile, I will enjoy the confused looks of the newbies when they see Joseph Stalin paired with the name Buttercup.

 

[Draka]

Alas, my talent for limericks is lacking. I am no Revoltingest (gratefully) .

I am willing to provide, instead, an old whipped-out few minute writing assignment I had in a college class from way-back-when I dug out of my computer. The instructor had this thing about providing a picture or painting and saying basically, "here, you have so many minutes, write something based on this, GO". This one was based on some goofy looking orange blobby looking thing. Given that this is very old though I'll understand if you'd prefer something new. I'm afraid a limerick would truly suck though.

As if the day he showed up wasn’t strange enough I caught Nilo trying to smoke one of my cigarettes today. Nilo is a short, red-orange, rotund little alien that crash landed near my cabin by Lake Wahatchee about a month ago.
He was wandering around near my cabin when I first saw him. I think I would have been scared to death of him if he didn’t look so much like a children’s show creation. He was dazed and limping around on his two short stubby little legs. I took him in and tried to help him that day. It was a little hard at first considering the communication barrier, but I think he knew I meant him no harm. Over this past month I think we have grown to understand each other a bit better.
Today he obviously seems well enough that we are going to see if we can repair his ship. He really should have asked me for that cigarette though, I only have so many left.
As we were getting ready to leave my cell phone rang and it was my sister.
“Hey Laurie! How are you? I didn’t expect your little retreat to be so long.”
“I’m fine Jess, I have just really been enjoying the time away.”
“Well, why don’t I come up there to visit for awhile?” She said, “We really need to talk about Dad.”
I looked over at Nilo who was at that time trying to figure out how to wear my yellow sundress and quickly said, “No, uh, that wouldn’t be good now.” My brain scrambled for a good excuse.
“Lor, you can’t avoid this forever!” I could hear the exasperation in her voice.
“Look, I know he needs help now, and I want to help him.” I said. “I just went swimming yesterday and feel a little sick now is all.”
I hoped that was believable. She went on about Dad for a little while longer, then just said, “Whatever, do what you want, you always do. Bye.” Then hung up on me.
I turned to Nilo, who now had my dress hanging around his neck. Who’d believe this anyway?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Haha...good enough, Draka.
PM me a thread name of your choosing and I'll set it up.
Incidentally, this is a quick post from the airport lounge, so yet to update sig with Buttercup's selection
It was about as subtle as I expected/feared!