Masking and autism

[JustGeorge]

Imagine this. You are in a classroom. Something catches your attention and you do something in response to that cuz its enjoyable. Like something sensory. Maybe you are crumbling up paper cuz it's enjoyable the sound. Or maybe there's a nice texture on the wall you noticed so you start touching it. Maybe in both instances you handflap, squeak maybe, or basically you just dont respond in ways that are normal. You may lose yourself in these behaviors. Then you look up and you see the adults around you just give you this horrified look. A look of this one isnt normal something is not right. Maybe the adults try to give an explanation for the behavior that assumes bad intent. Like oh you just trying to disturb the class, stop acting like that. That is typical. And this dont happen one time. This happens over and over and over again. And its not like just this one adult but different ones. You just doing something out the norm and responding in ways not typical and feeling so much joy. But then recieving a look from people of: This isn't right.
And so you learn to mask


Can anyone else here relate?

It sounds a lot like me when I was in the classroom setting, though I had to say I got a different response from adults, which was to basically ignore what I was doing. Yes, I had to sometimes spontaneously hit myself in the thigh 3 times, crack my nose, or fold my lip. Adults didn't say anything(sometimes kids did, and it wasn't nice). I didn't make noise typically(other than humming, which didn't get a lot of attention), but would sometimes focus on my hair(the ends of it) past a point that was normal. Mostly, I was ignored. I asked my mom once why they never looked into my oddities, and she said I got good grades, so they didn't care.

Though, I have a story that might warm one's heart a bit...

My oldest son handflapped and jumped up and down when he was younger(he grew out of it and paces now). His classroom teacher was a sweet woman, but would get overwhelmed with the energy. He had a one on one staff to help keep him on task(and to keep him from wandering away, as he was sometimes known to do).

The music teacher was a grumpy old woman. She didn't seem to like kids, and didn't get along with the staff. However, she loved my son. She loved his enthusiasm, and that he'd flap and jump and get into the music. So, instead of trying to keep it controlled, she encouraged him to do more. And he would. And then it would spread. And then all the kids would jump and flap. The staff told me it was hilarious seeing a group of 20something kids coming back from music class, jumping and flapping down the hall.

 

[VoidCat]

And then it would spread. And then all the kids would jump and flap. The staff told me it was hilarious seeing a group of 20something kids coming back from music class, jumping and flapping down the hall

Lol so I teach 2 year olds at the daycare most days. Two year olds love copying adults....


I now have a cult of handflappers

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Can anyone else here relate?

Yup.

 

[Brian2]

Imagine this. You are in a classroom. Something catches your attention and you do something in response to that cuz its enjoyable. Like something sensory. Maybe you are crumbling up paper cuz it's enjoyable the sound. Or maybe there's a nice texture on the wall you noticed so you start touching it. Maybe in both instances you handflap, squeak maybe, or basically you just dont respond in ways that are normal. You may lose yourself in these behaviors. Then you look up and you see the adults around you just give you this horrified look. A look of this one isnt normal something is not right. Maybe the adults try to give an explanation for the behavior that assumes bad intent. Like oh you just trying to disturb the class, stop acting like that. That is typical. And this dont happen one time. This happens over and over and over again. And its not like just this one adult but different ones. You just doing something out the norm and responding in ways not typical and feeling so much joy. But then recieving a look from people of: This isn't right.
And so you learn to mask


Can anyone else here relate?

Yes and no. I sort of remember being an adult in a class and helping a teacher, but relating to the kids more on their level and sort of almost bringing the class to a point of chaos when the real teacher wanted more control in the class. But I felt in control still just because of who I was, my position of authority, and was in control really, but I quickly learned to do things the way the teacher above me did things, and to be more serious.