I'm sorry that it needed to be you who unleashed this rant, but this is a bit of a peeve of mine. I really don't understand. Why does a man need to "feel like a man" at all? Isn't a man something someone just
is? There is nothing wrong with being feminine if you're a woman. What shame is it if a man isn't masculine (let alone if a man doesn't
feel masculine)? Why do we need to feel like we are "good little members" of our assigned gender?
I have absolutely no need at all to "feel like a man". Actually, I usually feel insulted when someone calls me "masculine". I'm not saying I'm not masculine, or that there is anything wrong with being male, but I still cringe whenever anyone makes the connection. It's probably why I don't have my gender listed (though I will volunteer it when appropriate, and leap on the opportunity when it involves breaking stereotypes). That's partly because there is almost nothing remotely flattering about the way masculinity is presented in popular culture. But more importantly, it's because men are supposed to live up to these expectations of what a man is supposed to be, or..."not be a real man" (oh the horror!) This would be fine, but the social cost of not doing so can sometimes be serious. Grown men crying is usually treated as a joke in comedies.
Taking stupid risks is another example. This is a very negative trait, but for some reason, men often do things that are undeniably stupid, whose only reward is a cheap rush (like risky sex or physical risks), so they can "feel like men". But hold on...why would you have a desperate desire to do something stupid, and feel ashamed if you were too cowardly (smart) to be stupid? If a man refuses to do said stupid thing, it predictably leads to other men challenging their masculinity (a compliment?), and calls for them to "prove they are men". If they don't, the "manly men" punish them socially, and when those same "manly men" are challenged by women for their own stupid behavior, they admit to it, and even admit that it is stupid, but claim they can't help it "because they are men". And yet they expect "beta males" to desperately want to be like them? If anything, gluing the male identity to doing stupid things should make men
resent masculinity, not make them want to be stupid...but what do I know?
I'm not saying men ought to loathe themselves, of course, or that masculinity is inherently negative (mostly because I do not, in fact, happen to believe doing stupid things is an essential part of being male). But to me that's the logical response to this BS social pressure. (Yeah...that stuff about men being the more logical gender makes me lol. Also, I find that some men's obsessions with being "manly" ironically makes them look
weak...like they are a slave to their physical urges and insecurities. But again, what do I know?
)
Again, sorry this had to be in response to your post. I'm not suggesting you are "that" type of man, but I'm a little sad, for your sake, that you feel this pressure (there is nothing wrong with having frequent sex, obviously, just not for the sake of "feeling like a man"). That line of thinking has tended to be detrimental to the well being of men...being an important factor in the male/female life expectancy gap.
If we're talking "psychologically", I think men's typical approach to sex implies the opposite - if, of course, it implies anything at all. Men seem to be able to separate romantic love and sex more easily than women. Most of us feel it's better when they go together, and obviously we have a strong need for romantic love too, but in a study done a while back most men said they would have sex with an (attractive) total stranger if she offered it. This might come under the "stupid risk" category, of course, but regardless of its wisdom, it lends credence to the idea. If that's the case, wouldn't something purely physical like masturbating suffice? (Or do you count that as "sex"?) Not as good, but it gets the job done. Once men have masturbated, the sex drive tends to go away.
Having friends is a psychological need. Not working every waking hour is a psychological need. Take them away from a 20 year old male (or anyone at all), and you will see major emotional and mental problems. Take sex away, and you might get some antsiness, but if everything else in his life is going well, chances are he will still be well adjusted. I had sex only once between the ages of 18-22. (I'm 22 now, though, so there's hope still
). Had some chances in high school, but was too shy. Like I said, I'm shy, awkward, not very bold...decently good looking but not good at playing the dating game. I would have liked to have had more sex, but I didn't suffer in the least for not getting it. Sex is fun, but there are things in life that are much more important to me.
