Trailblazer
Veteran Member
I am sorry to have to post this on Christmas. I would not suggest reading it unless you are comfortable with death.
I know this is supposed to be a joyous season, but not all people are joyous, and it bothers me that people are joyous when other people are not because something does not seem right about people being joyous when other people are out of work, ill, dying, or grieving the loss of a loved one.
This world is a dark and narrow place and I want nothing more than to be free of it, but I have my responsibilities and those I love, my cats and my husband and a few friends.
The first thing I thought of when I woke up today was on Christmas 2019 I had five cats that are no longer with me. This has been a terrible year for me because I have lost five of my family members to death. They were not human, they were my cats, but what’s the difference? Death is death and loss is loss and love is love.
I always get angry at God when I lose a cat because I blame God for death, and if you think about it, who else could be responsible for the death, unless I had been irresponsible? One could just say that death is part of life if they were an atheist…..
Job 1:21
King James Version
21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
I blame God for death, even if that is not rational, because I know life has to end so more life can be born. Christians don’t blame God for death, they blame Adam and Eve, because they believe that if they had not disobeyed God and eaten the apple, everyone would have lived forever in a physical body from that day forward, but how rational is that?
I want to add that I have had a kind of a breakthrough recently since a man on the Pet Loss Support forum said something and it clicked. He said: “Anyway, that's what I meant. I do not blame God for taking Marmalade away. I thank God for introducing me to Marmalade in the first place.”
After that I thought of the three cats I have gotten this year, and I know that God helped me find them. Because the circumstances under which I found them were very unusual it was highly unlikely for me to find them as I did. The same applies to all the other cats I found after previous cats died. I think about how precious they are and how much I love them all.
We are down by two cats but I am okay with that, for the first time in years. Also, for the first time in many, many years, we have no cats that are very ill and just hanging on to life thanks to all the special treatments my husband administers to keep them alive. However, any day now one of the two older cats that we still have left could be diagnosed with kidney and heart disease just like the other ones we lost. The only way to deal with it is just to shut my feelings down, which is what I have done for the most part. I am supposed to pretend it does not matter to me and be detached, like other Baha'is, but the problem is it does matter to me, as much or more than God or religion. They can judge me for that if they want to, I don't care.
In a way I am relieved that I do not to have this pall hanging directly over my head, not yet anyway, but the other part of me is so sad that I want to die, if I think about the cats I have lost. I have found that the only solution is to stay busy and focus in other people and the cats I have left. I cannot even read in the Pet Loss Support forum because it sets me off immediately and takes me right back to the trauma. I feel so deeply for other people, yet I feel helpless to be able to help them, and I do not want to say the wrong thing and make them feel worse, so it is best I do not go to that forum. I also feel guilty that I still have cats and most of them don’t have any but I doubt anyone there has lost five cats this year.
So last Wednesday night we went to the grocery store, and coming back to our house down the long gravel road we saw an ambulance. Actually, there were two ambulances and they were blocking the driveway so we parked on the property that is just before our property and walked home. The man who lives in that single wide mobile home has been near death for a very long time, as his kidneys and liver are failing, so he has people living there caring for him. I would guess he is in his late 30s or early 40s. I heard from someone who knows him that it was caused by alcoholism but I would never blame him, I just consider it very sad.
Not too long ago, he told my husband he is in so much pain he does not want to keep living. His parents live on the lot below our lot on the lake and they are such nice people. I cannot even imagine what they must be going through. I don’t even know if he is still alive. I heard from his caretakers that he was taken to the hospital, but he might have died that night. They are Christians and they believe in heaven, but what good does it do? Well, maybe it does them more good than it does me. I don't like it when people say “well, he is in heaven now” as if it does not matter that someone died! I also do not like it when someone in the Baha’i community dies and the Baha’is say almost gleefully “he went to the Abha Kingdom” as if he just took off on a trip to Europe. I understand that is what they believe, but I consider it insensitive to share that in a community e-mail.
If it does not matter if people die, why all the fuss about the number of people who have died in this pandemic, and why do all these valiant health care workers try to save lives and take care of these patients until the very end of their lives? I believe it does matter of people die and I think some religious people minimize physical death and I think they should keep their opinions to themselves because not everyone believes as they do. There is something arrogant about this attitude… “We know where we are going, too bad you don’t know.” They do not have to come out and say that, it is implicit in their attitude.
That said, I know where I am going after I die and that it is a lot better than this world, but I would never impose that belief upon anyone, although I will share it if people are interested, because this is a religious forum. But I would never say it does not “matter” if someone dies, because every life matters, whether it is a human or an animal.
I know this is supposed to be a joyous season, but not all people are joyous, and it bothers me that people are joyous when other people are not because something does not seem right about people being joyous when other people are out of work, ill, dying, or grieving the loss of a loved one.
This world is a dark and narrow place and I want nothing more than to be free of it, but I have my responsibilities and those I love, my cats and my husband and a few friends.
The first thing I thought of when I woke up today was on Christmas 2019 I had five cats that are no longer with me. This has been a terrible year for me because I have lost five of my family members to death. They were not human, they were my cats, but what’s the difference? Death is death and loss is loss and love is love.
I always get angry at God when I lose a cat because I blame God for death, and if you think about it, who else could be responsible for the death, unless I had been irresponsible? One could just say that death is part of life if they were an atheist…..
Job 1:21
King James Version
21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
I blame God for death, even if that is not rational, because I know life has to end so more life can be born. Christians don’t blame God for death, they blame Adam and Eve, because they believe that if they had not disobeyed God and eaten the apple, everyone would have lived forever in a physical body from that day forward, but how rational is that?
I want to add that I have had a kind of a breakthrough recently since a man on the Pet Loss Support forum said something and it clicked. He said: “Anyway, that's what I meant. I do not blame God for taking Marmalade away. I thank God for introducing me to Marmalade in the first place.”
After that I thought of the three cats I have gotten this year, and I know that God helped me find them. Because the circumstances under which I found them were very unusual it was highly unlikely for me to find them as I did. The same applies to all the other cats I found after previous cats died. I think about how precious they are and how much I love them all.
We are down by two cats but I am okay with that, for the first time in years. Also, for the first time in many, many years, we have no cats that are very ill and just hanging on to life thanks to all the special treatments my husband administers to keep them alive. However, any day now one of the two older cats that we still have left could be diagnosed with kidney and heart disease just like the other ones we lost. The only way to deal with it is just to shut my feelings down, which is what I have done for the most part. I am supposed to pretend it does not matter to me and be detached, like other Baha'is, but the problem is it does matter to me, as much or more than God or religion. They can judge me for that if they want to, I don't care.
In a way I am relieved that I do not to have this pall hanging directly over my head, not yet anyway, but the other part of me is so sad that I want to die, if I think about the cats I have lost. I have found that the only solution is to stay busy and focus in other people and the cats I have left. I cannot even read in the Pet Loss Support forum because it sets me off immediately and takes me right back to the trauma. I feel so deeply for other people, yet I feel helpless to be able to help them, and I do not want to say the wrong thing and make them feel worse, so it is best I do not go to that forum. I also feel guilty that I still have cats and most of them don’t have any but I doubt anyone there has lost five cats this year.
So last Wednesday night we went to the grocery store, and coming back to our house down the long gravel road we saw an ambulance. Actually, there were two ambulances and they were blocking the driveway so we parked on the property that is just before our property and walked home. The man who lives in that single wide mobile home has been near death for a very long time, as his kidneys and liver are failing, so he has people living there caring for him. I would guess he is in his late 30s or early 40s. I heard from someone who knows him that it was caused by alcoholism but I would never blame him, I just consider it very sad.
Not too long ago, he told my husband he is in so much pain he does not want to keep living. His parents live on the lot below our lot on the lake and they are such nice people. I cannot even imagine what they must be going through. I don’t even know if he is still alive. I heard from his caretakers that he was taken to the hospital, but he might have died that night. They are Christians and they believe in heaven, but what good does it do? Well, maybe it does them more good than it does me. I don't like it when people say “well, he is in heaven now” as if it does not matter that someone died! I also do not like it when someone in the Baha’i community dies and the Baha’is say almost gleefully “he went to the Abha Kingdom” as if he just took off on a trip to Europe. I understand that is what they believe, but I consider it insensitive to share that in a community e-mail.
If it does not matter if people die, why all the fuss about the number of people who have died in this pandemic, and why do all these valiant health care workers try to save lives and take care of these patients until the very end of their lives? I believe it does matter of people die and I think some religious people minimize physical death and I think they should keep their opinions to themselves because not everyone believes as they do. There is something arrogant about this attitude… “We know where we are going, too bad you don’t know.” They do not have to come out and say that, it is implicit in their attitude.
That said, I know where I am going after I die and that it is a lot better than this world, but I would never impose that belief upon anyone, although I will share it if people are interested, because this is a religious forum. But I would never say it does not “matter” if someone dies, because every life matters, whether it is a human or an animal.
