My mother passed away last Friday around this time. She has been battling a very rare type of breast cancer for 3 years and she was doing quite well considering. She was doing fine last month, good vitals, decent blood work and all and then went into a very rapid decline within a couple of weeks. There was a false sense of hope when she bounced back from being in CCU and was her old self again, very alert and happy. That lasted for about 3 days before she went back into further decline and eventually passed away.
My father died almost 3 years ago from skin cancer that he let go and get bad. I don't know if you have ever seen anyone die from liver failure, but it is a very ugly and painful death. My parents, who are the sweetest, most caring and selfless people I have ever known and so full of love, died from such a ugly and horrible death. They never did anything in this life to deserve that and after hearing others describing to me such a death, I always hoped and prayed that my parents never went out like that....no such luck. My mom was so scared and kept crying to me for help, all I could do was lie to her and tell her that she was going to be fine. She was trying to get into a clinic in West L.A. that said they could help her a great deal with hypothermia treatment which is FDA approved and covered by her insurance, however her insurance kept blocking it for arbitrary, red tape reasons, and her doctor would not expedite it simply because "he was not familiar with it," despite telling my mother to simply accept that she had a good life when she ran out of medicine. I gave him $5.00 worth of copied material so he could "familiarize himself" with it, but of course he never got back. My mother kept begging me to take her to that clinic, she kept saying just to wheel her in there.
I was telling myself last month how this would be the first year in a long time that no one in my family has passed away. My cousin Jesse, who I was very, very close with, passed away from a freak blood clot in November of 2006 a week before my birthday; My mom's dad died a year later on December 17th 2007; another cousin who was quadriplegic for almost three decades, died shortly after the in January 2008 and one of my great uncle's the year after that in 2009. In 2010, my grandfather (dad's dad) died; my dad became paralyzed from his back tumors the night before my birthday around Thanksgiving time that year. He died in 2011 on his own birthday in March. My Uncle, who was like a second father to me and biological father to Jesse, died last year in 2012...and now, my mother has passed away just 4 days ago in 2013.
Any faith I had in anything is now gone. I don't know if there is a god, I'm betting not, but I wake up every morning cursing the heavens with middle fingers to the sky. If there is a god or higher power, he is certainly no friend of mine. Quite the opposite.
Thank you for letting me vent and having a little pity-party for myself. I think I deserve it in light of the circumstances. I will be fine, I am strong and I will go on and make myself as happy as I can for as long as I'm here, I just needed to let it out some where. My Christmas is pretty shot as you can imagine and I needed to get things off of my chest. Thank you all.
My father died almost 3 years ago from skin cancer that he let go and get bad. I don't know if you have ever seen anyone die from liver failure, but it is a very ugly and painful death. My parents, who are the sweetest, most caring and selfless people I have ever known and so full of love, died from such a ugly and horrible death. They never did anything in this life to deserve that and after hearing others describing to me such a death, I always hoped and prayed that my parents never went out like that....no such luck. My mom was so scared and kept crying to me for help, all I could do was lie to her and tell her that she was going to be fine. She was trying to get into a clinic in West L.A. that said they could help her a great deal with hypothermia treatment which is FDA approved and covered by her insurance, however her insurance kept blocking it for arbitrary, red tape reasons, and her doctor would not expedite it simply because "he was not familiar with it," despite telling my mother to simply accept that she had a good life when she ran out of medicine. I gave him $5.00 worth of copied material so he could "familiarize himself" with it, but of course he never got back. My mother kept begging me to take her to that clinic, she kept saying just to wheel her in there.
I was telling myself last month how this would be the first year in a long time that no one in my family has passed away. My cousin Jesse, who I was very, very close with, passed away from a freak blood clot in November of 2006 a week before my birthday; My mom's dad died a year later on December 17th 2007; another cousin who was quadriplegic for almost three decades, died shortly after the in January 2008 and one of my great uncle's the year after that in 2009. In 2010, my grandfather (dad's dad) died; my dad became paralyzed from his back tumors the night before my birthday around Thanksgiving time that year. He died in 2011 on his own birthday in March. My Uncle, who was like a second father to me and biological father to Jesse, died last year in 2012...and now, my mother has passed away just 4 days ago in 2013.
Any faith I had in anything is now gone. I don't know if there is a god, I'm betting not, but I wake up every morning cursing the heavens with middle fingers to the sky. If there is a god or higher power, he is certainly no friend of mine. Quite the opposite.
Thank you for letting me vent and having a little pity-party for myself. I think I deserve it in light of the circumstances. I will be fine, I am strong and I will go on and make myself as happy as I can for as long as I'm here, I just needed to let it out some where. My Christmas is pretty shot as you can imagine and I needed to get things off of my chest. Thank you all.
