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Oh, dear...

Jayhawker Soule

Jayhawker Soule

-- untitled --
Premium Member
YmirGF said:
I'm fortunate enough to have taken care of her to the "very end". I literally did everything I could and I am good with my efforts. On her bed yesterday she said, "Over the last few months you have behaved brilliantly. Thank you for being there." It doesn't get much better than that, coming from a person looking death in the eye. I later said something like, "I've nothing left to say that I have not already said. You know how I feel. I know how you feel. Don't be afraid. You're safe and so just lay back and smile."
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Way to go ...
 
Saint Frankenstein

Saint Frankenstein

Here for the ride
Premium Member
Brian Schuh said:
My mother heard some of my MeMa's last words. She was talking to someone who wasn't there, "But I don't know how to fly." My mom believes an angel wanted her to fly to heaven. But I know she had dementia, she could have been hallucinating.

Good for you! You endured with your parent to the end.
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The last time I saw my mom alive, she was delusional because of the illness and the painkillers. She was saying horrible things, but she also kept saying "I see him...". I think she was referring to Jesus in that instance, since she was a strong Christian. She passed a few days later. I hope it gave her some comfort.
 
Shia Islam

Shia Islam

Quran and Ahlul-Bayt a.s.
Premium Member
YmirGF said:
Well, I had hoped this news would come in the distant future, but I was informed about an hour ago that my mom may not make it to Mother's day. She is 84, and was diagnosed with an inoperable cancerous tumor the size of a grape, situated in a duct running between her liver and pancreas. The cancer is not directly killing her, but it has caused severe damage to her liver and kidneys. So sad.

On a brighter note, I'm so glad that I've been able to spend the last few years as her primary care giver. It's been a huge challenge, but I was able to make a friend out of a parent. I'm executor of her will and everything gets split between myself and my sister, so we will be relatively OK here in Paradise. It's just too bad that the great speckled bird probably won't be back to enjoy her little corner of wonderland.

I have to start making some calls now..... *sigh* (One of billions...)
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She will always be around you...My condolences.
 
4consideration

4consideration

*
Premium Member
My condolences to you, YmirGF.

You speak so lovingly of your mother. She sounds like a wonderful woman. My best to you and your family.

.
 
YmirGF

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
4consideration said:
My condolences to you, YmirGF.

You speak so lovingly of your mother. She sounds like a wonderful woman. My best to you and your family.
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Thanks so much. This is how she was 6 years ago at a spritely age of 78 ...

DSC00009_zpsfcw7yicv.jpg



and yes, that is a mischievous glint in her eyes, lol...
 
SkepticThinker

SkepticThinker

Veteran Member
YmirGF said:
Update: Mom further weakened in the last 24 hours and the doctor I spoke to early yesterday morning urge me to come in yesterday and see her "while she is still lucid, as in a very short time she may not even recognize you". That certainly got my attention and me and sis made the trek over to the mainland and surprised her with a visit. I'm glad we went while she still had her faculties, though she was a bit hazy due to the Dilaudid.

It's strange having a conversation with someone and being quite aware that it may be your last. One idea I have used for decades now is to treat each moment and encounter as if it is my last on Earth. That idea has made me so attentive to the truly meaningful aspects of life and I'm glad I learned that lesson so early. I'm also grateful for a dear lady imploring me to "get in touch with my feelings" when I was in my late teens. I did and her lesson has served me well.
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This is the outlook I took on after my dad died at 56 years old. I stressed over the last words I had said to him and what I would have said had I known I would never see him again. I wondered if he could hear what I was saying to him while he was in a coma. That's when I fully realized that any conversation I have with anybody could very well be the last one; to make every moment count because none of us are guaranteed old age, or even tomorrow.
But still, it's not any easier when we lose someone who has been lucky enough to grow old. In some ways it's harder, especially if they've been ill for some time and we know what's coming. And it is strange to know this could be your last conversation. But the one good thing about knowing that is, you can make it count; you can make sure your loved one hears what you want to say to them, and maybe you can both take some peace from that.
 
SkepticThinker

SkepticThinker

Veteran Member
YmirGF said:
Ah, I see, Brian. Things get complicated unnecessarily over the Internet. I'm fortunate enough to have taken care of her to the "very end". I literally did everything I could and I am good with my efforts. On her bed yesterday she said, "Over the last few months you have behaved brilliantly. Thank you for being there." It doesn't get much better than that, coming from a person looking death in the eye. I later said something like, "I've nothing left to say that I have not already said. You know how I feel. I know how you feel. Don't be afraid. You're safe and so just lay back and smile."

I'm sorry that you didn't get a chance to savor this kind of feeling. I'm sure you did a fine job nevertheless.
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Beautiful words. :heart:
 
Papoon

Papoon

Active Member
Thank you for sharing this with us YmirGF.

I was thinking about it, and the fact that you chose to post at such a time. I realised a few things. One is that you feel a close enough connection with the RF community to share this. You could have just PM'd a few close friends here, and kept it to yourself, but you chose to talk freely with all members here.

That is a kind of generosity of spirit, and I want to acknowledge that, and thank you. And also, you have given especially the younger members here a heads up about life and death and love - what is real, what matters, and what should not be taken for granted.

Again, thank you.
 
dawny0826

dawny0826

Mother Heathen
YmirGF said:
Well, I had hoped this news would come in the distant future, but I was informed about an hour ago that my mom may not make it to Mother's day. She is 84, and was diagnosed with an inoperable cancerous tumor the size of a grape, situated in a duct running between her liver and pancreas. The cancer is not directly killing her, but it has caused severe damage to her liver and kidneys. So sad.

On a brighter note, I'm so glad that I've been able to spend the last few years as her primary care giver. It's been a huge challenge, but I was able to make a friend out of a parent. I'm executor of her will and everything gets split between myself and my sister, so we will be relatively OK here in Paradise. It's just too bad that the great speckled bird probably won't be back to enjoy her little corner of wonderland.

I have to start making some calls now..... *sigh* (One of billions...)
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I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you have been able to spend precious time with her. ((HUG))
 
YmirGF

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
I just wanted to let you all know that this thread has helped to cheer me up. I have to be the brick for others to lean on and so it is greatly appreciated.

I've now spoken with so many people about so many details that it has become fairly routine and my emotions no longer get the better of me.... for the most part. I have to remain focused and ready to act as everyone will be expecting me to lead through the next few weeks.

I'm so looking forward to the trip to the lawyer's office. (I'd rather listen to Obama's speeches for hours on end... *Shivers*)
 
YmirGF

YmirGF

Bodhisattva in Recovery
Father Heathen said:
Sorry to hear this. Hang in there.
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Thanks FH. It's been about 10 days now and the formerly feisty critter has all but passed away. Every time I go to visit I tell her everything is good and that she did a great job and she can go whenever she wants. There's no reason to linger. She was such a go-getter, almost a positive variant of OCD, where she was always busy with endless lists of things to do that it is heartbreaking to see her just lying there.

When I was in two days ago she was quite unresponsive. Hopefully today will be better, but she barely knew anyone was there. She's told the nurses that she had a dream with a bunch of angels and thought she had died already. The symbolism struck me because the dream is somewhat like a precursor... No, not literally angels, but to a dying person, they may certainly seem like angelic beings. I guess they are getting her ready for her new look. :)

I just wish it was over... and I say that with the deepest love and affection.
 
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