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Please don't judge me that way

dyanaprajna2011

dyanaprajna2011

Dharmapala
I don't know if it's like this anywhere else, but here in the US, this is what normally happens:

You meet someone new. You shake their hand, exchange names. Inevitably, the next question is: "So what do you do?", in other words, what's your job?

My job is not who I am. It's how I make money to pay my bills and take care of my family. But here, your job is equated with you, as a person. It's, for some reason, inherently tied to your personality and characteristics. And it's disturbing, at least to me. I'm not "Mr. assembly line auto worker". I'm a Buddhist, a father and husband, a philosopher.

So please, don't equate who I am with my job.

Anyone else feel this way, or is it something that bothers just me?
 
illykitty

illykitty

RF's pet cat
True, I really wouldn't like that. I just started to work at a canteen and it is so far from who I am, but it's a job and stepping stone to what I really want. I have near to nothing in common with the other ladies working there.

I think a job can only reflect one's personality if they're doing what they love, their passion. I'd love to be an artist and do conservation work for the environment and animals. If I did those things I'd say it would be a part of who I am.
 
Vouthon

Vouthon

Dominus Deus tuus ignis consumens est
Premium Member
Dom Cyprian Smith, a Benedictine monk and spiritual writer in my tradition, addresses this very topic in his work on Meister Eckhart, "The Way of Paradox". He explains how the labels not only people attach to us but that we attach to ourselves are simply projections and not "who we really are".


"...I am not who I think I am, and 'You' are not who you think 'You' are. What we call 'I' and 'You' is indeed a projection, and if we go far enough in withdrawing the projections and in piercing the veils, we shall reach a point at which there is no longer any 'I' or 'You'. We shall reach a point at which we realize that our true self has nothing to do with 'function'...a lawyer, a chimney-sweep, a doctor, a dustman, a priest...These are only functions, things we do; they are not us...These roles and functions are real projections...they give us a sense of security, a sense of identity and belonging. They prevent us from glimpsing the awful void and emptiness within ourselves: they make us feel solid, needed, valued and permanent...But it is not only our external, social personalities that are a tissue of projections and illusions. The same is true of much of our inner, private world, which we may well be tempted to regard as our 'self'...We are not our social functions or roles; but neither are we our private thoughts or emotions...If we watch our emotions and thoughts long enough, we may eventually become aware of something which is not not these emotions or thoughts...There is something within me which is at all times perfectly detached, tranquil and serene. It is never excited about anything, never downcast or depressed by anything. It is like a deep, perhaps, bottomless lake; my various thoughts and emotions are like ripples or waves upon the surface. But below the surface, in the depths, there are no ripples; everything is still...We are a different 'self' depending on the moods or activities of the moment...There is nothing to give any unity or continiuity to my identity...I am not one self but a sequence of different or even conflicting selves...We are not real, unified 'selves', we are not capable of true action, until we learn to enter the Ground...It transcends place and time. Anyone who enters the Ground no longer cares about the past or the future: he is aware only of the present moment, and the present moment is shot through with Divine Light, because it is in the present, and in the present alone, that the world of time touches the world of eternity. Standing within this impregnable citadel, we are troubled neither by the thought of our past experiences nor of possible troubles and preoccupations still to come..."

- Cyrprian Smith OSB, Catholic theologian & author of books on contemplation
Click to expand...
 
Revoltingest

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
dyanaprajna2011 said:
I don't know if it's like this anywhere else, but here in the US, this is what normally happens:

You meet someone new. You shake their hand, exchange names. Inevitably, the next question is: "So what do you do?", in other words, what's your job?

My job is not who I am. It's how I make money to pay my bills and take care of my family. But here, your job is equated with you, as a person. It's, for some reason, inherently tied to your personality and characteristics. And it's disturbing, at least to me. I'm not "Mr. assembly line auto worker". I'm a Buddhist, a father and husband, a philosopher.

So please, don't equate who I am with my job.

Anyone else feel this way, or is it something that bothers just me?
Click to expand...
So...what do you do for a living?
 
Sunstone

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
dyanaprajna2011 said:
I don't know if it's like this anywhere else, but here in the US, this is what normally happens:

You meet someone new. You shake their hand, exchange names. Inevitably, the next question is: "So what do you do?", in other words, what's your job?

My job is not who I am. It's how I make money to pay my bills and take care of my family. But here, your job is equated with you, as a person. It's, for some reason, inherently tied to your personality and characteristics. And it's disturbing, at least to me. I'm not "Mr. assembly line auto worker". I'm a Buddhist, a father and husband, a philosopher.

So please, don't equate who I am with my job.

Anyone else feel this way, or is it something that bothers just me?
Click to expand...

I hear it's largely an American thing to ask about someone's job. That's because Americans try to assess people in terms of their income and/or wealth. And, supposedly, we do that because there have traditionally been few other ways of assessing us. For instance, we have no nobility nor noble titles.

At any rate, for whatever reason we do it, it sucks. We place way too much importance on it. I'd make an exception to that "it sucks" rule if one were doing what they are passionate about in life, however.
 
Draka

Draka

Wonder Woman
Oh, and don't dare be a SAHM. Might as well say "Hello, I'm Peg Bundy, remember me?"
peg.jpg


People tend to think, "Oh...she's unemployed" as if I can't get a job, or lost a job, or something is wrong in that department. I chose not to work at this point in my life while my kids are little. That baffles the minds of some people. And then when they do get it...I'm just a mom. :rolleyes:
 
dyanaprajna2011

dyanaprajna2011

Dharmapala
Draka said:
Oh, and don't dare be a SAHM. Might as well say "Hello, I'm Peg Bundy, remember me?"
peg.jpg


People tend to think, "Oh...she's unemployed" as if I can't get a job, or lost a job, or something is wrong in that department. I chose not to work at this point in my life while my kids are little. That baffles the minds of some people. And then when they do get it...I'm just a mom. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

It's even worse for guys. At one point, my wife worked while I stayed at home and took care of the house and kids, and most people simply couldn't comprehend that. Of course, now that that's reversed, with me working and her staying home, people are still dumbfounded as to why I don't like telling people what job I have. I work for survival, any other details are not important, especially to who I am. I have a few family and friends still who still don't know what job I have.
 
Secret Chief

Secret Chief

Degrow!
I think it's an easy topic, like the weather. It doesn't describe or define me either. Some people invest a lot psychologically in their means of remuneration. This can cause difficulties if one is made redundant from the role. "I am X" I am no longer X, so what am I? What is my purpose?
 
Breathe

Breathe

Hostis humani generis
dyanaprajna2011 said:
I don't know if it's like this anywhere else, but here in the US, this is what normally happens:

You meet someone new. You shake their hand, exchange names. Inevitably, the next question is: "So what do you do?", in other words, what's your job?

My job is not who I am. It's how I make money to pay my bills and take care of my family. But here, your job is equated with you, as a person. It's, for some reason, inherently tied to your personality and characteristics. And it's disturbing, at least to me. I'm not "Mr. assembly line auto worker". I'm a Buddhist, a father and husband, a philosopher.

So please, don't equate who I am with my job.

Anyone else feel this way, or is it something that bothers just me?
Click to expand...
"Hi, what's your name?"
Handshake.
"So what's your religion?"

"Hi, what's your name?"
Handshake.
"Do you have any ties to nobility?"

"Hi, what's your name?"
Handshake.
"What is your political affiliation?"

All seem so... inappropriate. :D
 
Draka

Draka

Wonder Woman
dyanaprajna2011 said:
It's even worse for guys. At one point, my wife worked while I stayed at home and took care of the house and kids, and most people simply couldn't comprehend that. Of course, now that that's reversed, with me working and her staying home, people are still dumbfounded as to why I don't like telling people what job I have. I work for survival, any other details are not important, especially to who I am. I have a few family and friends still who still don't know what job I have.
Click to expand...

My second husband did the stay-at-home dad thing. My income at the time was quite good and we weren't worrying about money and he had back issues anyway, so it just seemed to make the most sense.
 
I

ignition

Active Member
Draka said:
Why not? If it works one way, why not the other?
Click to expand...
There is no reason why not, at least from a logical standpoint. But it's not something that feels right from a guy's perspective. We have to be more competitive than simply sitting round all day while the girl does all the work, I'd never allow my girl to do the work for me. There is no problem with her earning more than me, but not contributing anything at all is unacceptable. We don't have the strength we have for no reason you know. We're built to work ffs.
 
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