Please don't judge me that way

[Draka]

There is no reason why not, at least from a logical standpoint. But it's not something that feels right from a guy's perspective. We have to be more competitive than simply sitting round all day while the girl does all the work, I'd never allow my girl to do the work for me. There is no problem with her earning more than me, but not contributing anything at all is unacceptable. We don't have the strength we have for no reason you know. We're built to work ffs.

Excuse me???? "Simply sitting around all day"? "Not contributing anything at all"?

 

[dyanaprajna2011]

Excuse me???? "Simply sitting around all day"? "Not contributing anything at all"?

That's what confused me. I kept the house cleaned, took care of two autistic kids, and that takes all day. About the only thing I didn't do was cook (I suck at it, and my wife is pretty much a gourmet chef).

 

[ignition]

Excuse me???? "Simply sitting around all day"? "Not contributing anything at all"?

I meant financially. Sitting at home all day rather than going to work.

 

[Draka]

I'm thinking...I have a manual washing machine and a clothes line. So that's how I do laundry when the weather is nice otherwise I pack it off to the laundromat. Cooking, cleaning, dishes, childcare, grocery shopping, school runs, teacher meetings, laundry, and basically just making sure everyone gets what they need, when they need it, and where they need to go when they need to be there. Nope, stay-at-home parents don't do jack. They just do the jobs of maids, butlers, taxi drivers, accountants, personal shoppers, assistants, childcare providers, and restaurant workers all without getting paid...but nah...they don't contribute anything.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I don't know if it's like this anywhere else, but here in the US, this is what normally happens:

You meet someone new. You shake their hand, exchange names. Inevitably, the next question is: "So what do you do?", in other words, what's your job?

My job is not who I am. It's how I make money to pay my bills and take care of my family. But here, your job is equated with you, as a person. It's, for some reason, inherently tied to your personality and characteristics. And it's disturbing, at least to me. I'm not "Mr. assembly line auto worker". I'm a Buddhist, a father and husband, a philosopher.

So please, don't equate who I am with my job.

Anyone else feel this way, or is it something that bothers just me?

I too really hate the question. But fortunately for me "student" is an acceptable answer for some and I can put myself higher on the social totem pole in their minds after they ask what I am going for, compared to telling them what my job actually is and being placed closer to the bottom.

 

[ChristineES]

Since I don't believe that people mean any harm when they ask what you do for a living, I would just tell them that I am a parent, wife, Christian, and maybe what my job is. If it really would bug me, I would just gently tell them "I am not my job".

 

[Draka]

I meant financially. Sitting at home all day rather than going to work.

Oh...they work...and by taking care of the children you aren't paying for daycare either (which can be rather expensive). Depending on how many kids you have versus how much money the SAHP can make at what jobs are available, sometimes it is actually more economically feasible for a parent to stay home rather than go to work as what one parent makes can sometimes just barely cover the daycare required for them to work outside the home in the first place. Kind of makes having a job useless at that point, at least until all kids are in school or other arrangements can be made.

 

[ignition]

Oh...they work...and by taking care of the children you aren't paying for daycare either (which can be rather expensive). Depending on how many kids you have versus how much money the SAHP can make at what jobs are available, sometimes it is actually more economically feasible for a parent to stay home rather than go to work as what one parent makes can sometimes just barely cover the daycare required for them to work outside the home in the first place. Kind of makes having a job useless at that point, at least until all kids are in school or other arrangements can be made.

I agree. But that parent in my opinion should be the father who should be going to work, and the mother can do whatever she feels like. Unless she's clearly more able physically to go to work every morning then I don't see how a guy who is stronger can just sit there not have to worry about getting to work on time, that's my point. I'm aware a lot of couples aren't like that, sometimes the man is clearly less able-bodied, but most of the time, it's better if the guy goes to work.

 

[Draka]

I agree. But that parent in my opinion should be the father who should be going to work, and the mother can do whatever she feels like. Unless she's clearly more able physically to go to work every morning then I don't see how a guy who is stronger can just sit there not have to worry about getting to work on time, that's my point. I'm aware a lot of couples aren't like that, sometimes the man is clearly less able-bodied, but most of the time, it's better if the guy goes to work.

Why is it better if the guy goes to work? So what if he's stronger? What if she's smarter? So she has a better education and therefore can get a better and higher paying job? Wouldn't it make more sense that a female doctor go to work and her strong husband, should he choose to, stay home and take care of their young children? If that's what they choose, why shouldn't they?

 

[ignition]

Why is it better if the guy goes to work? So what if he's stronger? What if she's smarter? So she has a better education and therefore can get a better and higher paying job? Wouldn't it make more sense that a female doctor go to work and her strong husband, should he choose to, stay home and take care of their young children?

If it's a very high paying job then yes, the fact that she has to get up every morning and come back late at night is offset by the money the couple make. She still has to spend all day at work no matter what she makes while the guy who is more likely stronger is at home all day, but this is offset by a high salary I guess.

 

[ChristineES]

As to whether a mother or a father should stay home and work (without pay, but still a lot of work) should be determined by which one wants to and which one is best suited to stay home- sometimes it's the mother, other times it's the father. But usually, both parents usually have to work outside the home and still work to do laundry, clean, break up the kid's arguments, cook, etc. If it is done fairly, then both parents should chip in with that.

 

[Draka]

If it's a very high paying job then yes, the fact that she has to get up every morning and come back late at night is offset by the money the couple make. She still has to spend all day at work no matter what she makes while the guy who is more likely stronger is at home all day, but this is offset by a high salary I guess.

And if she just has a really good job, stable in it? Maybe better than he could get? Not very high paying, but say really good for their area. Or perhaps he could also get such a job, but she already has seniority where she's at and it wouldn't make much sense for her to leave just so he could work.

I'm just wondering why it makes any difference which one works if it works for them.

 

[ignition]

And if she just has a really good job, stable in it? Maybe better than he could get? Not very high paying, but say really good for their area. Or perhaps he could also get such a job, but she already has seniority where she's at and it wouldn't make much sense for her to leave just so he could work.

I'm just wondering why it makes any difference which one works if it works for them.

Look, I don't have problems with the woman or mother. It's the father I don't get. How can he just sit there. That's my opinion anyway.

 

[Erebus]

Anyone else feel this way, or is it something that bothers just me?

It's not just you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E837tnxRVS0

 

[Draka]

Look, I don't have problems with the woman or mother. It's the father I don't get. How can he just sit there. That's my opinion anyway.

By saying that you are saying the mother is "just sitting there" and she's not. Nor is he. You are looking down your nose a those who make their children and their home their first priority. Why?

 

[ignition]

By saying that you are saying the mother is "just sitting there" and she's not. Nor is he. You are looking down your nose a those who make their children and their home their first priority. Why?

I'm only looking down on men who do it, not women, especially mothers who gave birth to the child in the first place. She has every right to take care of the child rather than going into work.

 

[Draka]

I'm only looking down on men who do it, not women, especially mothers who gave birth to the child in the first place. She has every right to take care of the child rather than going into work.

But by "looking down" on men who do it you are still degrading the work that is done. You are saying there is something wrong with it and a man is lowering himself by doing it. But obviously it is not to low for a woman to do, therefore you think lower of women than of men.

 

[ignition]

But by "looking down" on men who do it you are still degrading the work that is done. You are saying there is something wrong with it and a man is lowering himself by doing it. But obviously it is not to low for a woman to do, therefore you think lower of women than of men.

I think I explained my opinion enough. By all means draw your own conclusions about me and my opinions haha I'm not really that bothered, especially online.

 

[Draka]

I think I explained my opinion enough. By all means draw your own conclusions about me and my opinions haha I'm not really that bothered, especially online.

You didn't explain it though. Not where it makes any sense. Just that you look down on men that do it but it's fine for women to do. That doesn't make sense unless you find the work degrading for men to do in some way. In what way is it degrading and if it is then why isn't it degrading for women as well?

 

[ignition]

You clearly were not paying attention then, and this is getting boring -_-