Polygamy (polygyny)

[AbuQuteiba]

Al Salamu Alaikum.

Hey everyone. I just wanted to know what the Muslim women on RF thought personally of polygyny. The reason for this thread is that i had asked a French Muslim brother, studying with me, about getting married to a Muslim woman from France. And it seems that they very much dislike the husband having more than one wife, which is the way it is where i'm from also btw. It was actually a very vital part of their decision in marrying the man or not.

I know i asked for what the Muslim women on RF thought, but the Muslim guys here are free to post insha'Allah .

Al Salam Alaikum

 

[TashaN]

I know i asked for what the Muslim women on RF thought, but the Muslim guys here are free to post insha'Allah .

If you didn't say this, i wouldn't post in here, thanks anyway.

it seems that they very much dislike the husband having more than one wife

Well, who does?

Most of women like their partner to be for them only and i find it so confusing for the man to marry more than one wife, even the Quran itself instructs the Muslim men to have one wife only, unless the husband has a strong reason for why he wants to do so.

Hey, i'm the first one who respond in here even though i'm a guy.

Looking forward to hear from the sisters.

 

[Peace]

Most of women like their partner to be for them only and i find it so confusing for the man to marry more than one wife, even the Quran itself instructs the Muslim men to have one wife only, unless the husband has a strong reason for why he wants to do so.

:clap Frubals for you brother
Well there are some men nowadays who think that marrying more than one woman is an easy thing. Allah has put conditions and for those who want to marry more than one. It is not an easy thing at all.

Peace

 

[jacquie4000]

I am not Muslim, however I believe they're are reasons to warrent it in your faith. But I also it believe it says you must love them equal and treat them equal. I think it would be hard to love two women the same....so best to stay with one.

 

[TashaN]

I am not Muslim, however I believe they're are reasons to warrent it in your faith. But I also it believe it says you must love them equal and treat them equal. I think it would be hard to love two women the same....so best to stay with one.

It just says the same.

[3] If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

[129] Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Quran 4:3, 129)

 

[TashaN]

Allah has put conditions and for those who want to marry more than one. It is not an easy thing at all.

Indeed.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

Mnay brothers do not understand what the conditions are for marrying two or more women. Specifically speaking about the brothers where I live, they marry two women all the time. They never treat them with justice. Usually one is working to pay all her own bills and taking care of herself, while the other he is taking care of. Thats not fair at all. They think it's nothing wrong with that, but there is nothing good about the way they do women.

On a side note, the men often marry mushrikeen women or simply non-muslim women, and will pass up a muslim woman for marriage. I have a problem with this because so many muslim women get neglected like this. When they do marry a muslim woman, they expect perfection from her, while they take it easy on the non-muslim wives. This upsets me very much, as it makes many muslim sisters dissatisfied, angry, and leads them off into various haram activity just to get some attention and love.

 

[Sahar]

If i was married and my husband thought for a moment to look at another woman, he would have to deal with me first

To marry more than one woman is uncommon now especially where i live for many reasons and it's not really accepted although it's halal. Personally, i would never agree on such situation but who knows how the circumstances will be like?!

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

I would agree under certain circumstances, although technically my agreeance has no bearing. I would agree only if:

a) My husband had adequate finances to support us both. I would not want to suffer hardship on this account, and I wouldn't want the other wife to suffer not be properly cared for by him.

b) She really needs to be helped. If she is destitute need and marrying will greatly solve her problems, and my husband was the only available man, then I would consent.

c) I would like her to be muslim. Actually, I'd like to pick her if I could. I would interview her for him to see if she is a good lady. I wouldn't want him to pick a hellcat of a woman, because it could cause problems for our marriage.

Ok the third condition is just a preference, but I would want her to be a muslim. I just would want fairness. It would be hard to accept but I think I could get used to it under the right circumstances, especially if all parties involved are interested in gaining the pleasure of Allah.

 

[Sahar]

I would agree under certain circumstances, although technically my agreeance has no bearing. I would agree only if:

a) My husband had adequate finances to support us both. I would not want to suffer hardship on this account, and I wouldn't want the other wife to suffer not be properly cared for by him.

b) She really needs to be helped. If she is destitute need and marrying will greatly solve her problems, and my husband was the only available man, then I would consent.

c) I would like her to be muslim. Actually, I'd like to pick her if I could. I would interview her for him to see if she is a good lady. I wouldn't want him to pick a hellcat of a woman, because it could cause problems for our marriage.

Ok the third condition is just a preference, but I would want her to be a muslim. I just would want fairness. It would be hard to accept but I think I could get used to it under the right circumstances, especially if all parties involved are interested in gaining the pleasure of Allah.

Masha' Allah, you have a great character, Fullyveiled muslimah

 

[AbuQuteiba]

Well, who does?

Most of women like their partner to be for them only and i find it so confusing for the man to marry more than one wife, even the Quran itself instructs the Muslim men to have one wife only, unless the husband has a strong reason for why he wants to do so.

Sorry, but the Qur'an says no such thing. Islam is'nt a religion of emotion's. It's a religion of the law and justice of Allah(SWT). I'm sure that women want their man to be for them, and them alone. But if Allah(SWT) has allowed me to have more than one wife, then it really is'nt up to her is it?

 

[AbuQuteiba]

If i was married and my husband thought for a moment to look at another woman, he would have to deal with me first

To marry more than one woman is uncommon now especially where i live for many reasons and it's not really accepted although it's halal. Personally, i would never agree on such situation but who knows how the circumstances will be like?!

I totally disagree with this kind of attitude. First you say, "he'd have to deal with you first", then you say "it's halal". Well? Please explain. If it's halal, it's a sunna actually, then what say do you have in the subject? If the man can uphold the guideline's that Allah(SWT) has set for the man who want's to marry more than one, then where's the problem exactly?

 

[AbuQuteiba]

I would agree under certain circumstances, although technically my agreeance has no bearing. I would agree only if:

a) My husband had adequate finances to support us both. I would not want to suffer hardship on this account, and I wouldn't want the other wife to suffer not be properly cared for by him.

b) She really needs to be helped. If she is destitute need and marrying will greatly solve her problems, and my husband was the only available man, then I would consent.

c) I would like her to be muslim. Actually, I'd like to pick her if I could. I would interview her for him to see if she is a good lady. I wouldn't want him to pick a hellcat of a woman, because it could cause problems for our marriage.

Ok the third condition is just a preference, but I would want her to be a muslim. I just would want fairness. It would be hard to accept but I think I could get used to it under the right circumstances, especially if all parties involved are interested in gaining the pleasure of Allah.

Sister, i'm sure you know how very much i respect you. But honestly, there is no basis for the second, C, and third, D, condtion's you posted. They are what we call in Sharee'a "mardood". Concerning condition A, of course. Al Adl, justice, between the wive's is a must.

I'm sorry if i seem harsh. But i mean no such thing. It's just if Allah(SWT) had allowed women to marry more than one, then i would agree totally (to my wife marrying another). But he did'nt, (SWT). He allowed the man to have more than one wife, on the condition that he uphold's the guideline's he, (SWT), has set for the man, in the Qur'an and Sunna.

Al Salam Alaikum.

 

[TashaN]

If i was married and my husband thought for a moment to look at another woman, he would have to deal with me first

Ha Ha

Who would be the lucky one!

 

[TashaN]

Mnay brothers do not understand what the conditions are for marrying two or more women. Specifically speaking about the brothers where I live, they marry two women all the time. They never treat them with justice. Usually one is working to pay all her own bills and taking care of herself, while the other he is taking care of. Thats not fair at all. They think it's nothing wrong with that, but there is nothing good about the way they do women.

In this case, i don't think this man has the right to marry two wives unless he can be just with both of them. If he didn't, so she can go to the court and let him pay the bills for her because it's his duty. If he can't afford that so he can just keep one of them.

On a side note, the men often marry mushrikeen women or simply non-muslim women, and will pass up a muslim woman for marriage. I have a problem with this because so many muslim women get neglected like this. When they do marry a muslim woman, they expect perfection from her, while they take it easy on the non-muslim wives. This upsets me very much, as it makes many muslim sisters dissatisfied, angry, and leads them off into various haram activity just to get some attention and love.

I agree with you, most of them think that just because their wives are Muslims so they should be perfect but as you said, it won't be the case if she was non-muslim.

I think if the same thing happened to me, i would ask from my muslim wife to be much greater than the non-muslim (because the non-muslim might not have that knowledge of the accepted moral code within our community the same as the muslim one) but i don't know why i'll take it easy on the non-muslim more than the muslim.

I think it's not fair for the muslim woman at all but i don't know why i keep thinking that i would react the same as you described.

That's really make me feel so bad. :sad4:

I would agree under certain circumstances, although technically my agreeance has no bearing. I would agree only if:

a) My husband had adequate finances to support us both. I would not want to suffer hardship on this account, and I wouldn't want the other wife to suffer not be properly cared for by him.

b) She really needs to be helped. If she is destitute need and marrying will greatly solve her problems, and my husband was the only available man, then I would consent.

c) I would like her to be muslim. Actually, I'd like to pick her if I could. I would interview her for him to see if she is a good lady. I wouldn't want him to pick a hellcat of a woman, because it could cause problems for our marriage.

Ok the third condition is just a preference, but I would want her to be a muslim. I just would want fairness. It would be hard to accept but I think I could get used to it under the right circumstances, especially if all parties involved are interested in gaining the pleasure of Allah.

That was so great from you.

 

[Sunstone]

I'm not a Muslim, but the sense I get here is that you should not take more than one wife unless you can treat them all fairly and equally, and also unless there is some special reason for taking more than one wife. A reason such as she would be unsupported unless you married her. Am I getting this right? Or, have I misunderstood?

 

[Sunstone]

Well there are some men nowadays who think that marrying more than one woman is an easy thing.

Yikes, Peace! The last time I was married, it was full time work just keeping one woman happy. I cannot imagine how I could possibly keep two or more women happy. I would work myself to death if I tried. These men who think it's easy to marry more than one woman must know something I don't, because I cannot imagine it being at all easy.

 

[TashaN]

Sorry, but the Qur'an says no such thing. Islam is'nt a religion of emotion's. It's a religion of the law and justice of Allah(SWT). I'm sure that women want their man to be for them, and them alone. But if Allah(SWT) has allowed me to have more than one wife, then it really is'nt up to her is it?

Yes it's, it's up to her because you have to fullfill all her rights before even thinking of marrying another one. It's not a game. There is no prejudice in the law of Allah. It's not a male religion my brother. Just because men chose to ignore women's right (which Allah gave to them) so that doesn't mean all what we practice now is right. We love it when Allah make it easy on us but we ignore the conditions which God made to prevent us from being unjust to our spouses or women in general (i.e. preventing them from going to mosques in some areas).

I totally disagree with this kind of attitude. First you say, "he'd have to deal with you first", then you say "it's halal". Well? Please explain. If it's halal, it's a sunna actually, then what say do you have in the subject? If the man can uphold the guideline's that Allah(SWT) has set for the man who want's to marry more than one, then where's the problem exactly?

Brother, just because we want to obey God so that doesn't mean our desire go side by side with that. That's why we don't follow our vain desires. For instance, a young man wants to have sex (out of marriage of course), get drunk, etc, but even though he wants so, following Allah and fearing him will prevent him "God willing" from doing so. Got it now?

I'll give the best example of all.

Do you know that prophet Mohammed asked his cousion Ali bin abi talib "who was married with the prophet's daughter", to divorce her in case he wanted to marry another woman?

Ali wanted to marry another one but prophet Mohammed, for the love he has for his daughter, he told Ali to divorce her if he really wants to go on in that thing.

Do you think Prophet Mohammed doesn't know that it's ok in Islam to have more than one wife"God forbid"?

Just because somthing is Halal so that doesn't mean i have to like it. If there is a certain food which i might not like so i don't have to eat it just because it's halal, don't you think so?

there is no basis for the second, C, and third, D, condtion's you posted. They are what we call in Sharee'a "mardood". Concerning condition A, of course. Al Adl, justice, between the wive's is a must.

Well, that's her own choice. Do you know that she can make a list of what she wants, not just A till C but even till Z, including it in the contract of marriage?

I'm sorry if i seem harsh. But i mean no such thing. It's just if Allah(SWT) had allowed women to marry more than one, then i would agree totally (to my wife marrying another). But he did'nt

Ha Ha, you say so because God didn't allow it but if he does, you would get crazy if your wife slept with another man dude.

 

[TashaN]

I'm not a Muslim, but the sense I get here is that you should not take more than one wife unless you can treat them all fairly and equally, and also unless there is some special reason for taking more than one wife. A reason such as she would be unsupported unless you married her. Am I getting this right? Or, have I misunderstood?

Welcome phil.

Well, in general, a man can marry more than one wife anytime he wants according to most of scholars, unless his wife mentioned in the contract of marriage that she doesn't want him to marry another one. If there is no restrictions in the contract of marriage so when he got married with another woman, he must be fair and just with both of them.

That's why got said:

[3] If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. (Surah 4)

These men who think it's easy to marry more than one woman must know something I don't, because I cannot imagine it being at all easy.

Excatly.

[129] Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah 4)

 

[Peace]

I would agree under certain circumstances, although technically my agreeance has no bearing. I would agree only if:

a) My husband had adequate finances to support us both. I would not want to suffer hardship on this account, and I wouldn't want the other wife to suffer not be properly cared for by him.

b) She really needs to be helped. If she is destitute need and marrying will greatly solve her problems, and my husband was the only available man, then I would consent.

c) I would like her to be muslim. Actually, I'd like to pick her if I could. I would interview her for him to see if she is a good lady. I wouldn't want him to pick a hellcat of a woman, because it could cause problems for our marriage.

Ok the third condition is just a preference, but I would want her to be a muslim. I just would want fairness. It would be hard to accept but I think I could get used to it under the right circumstances, especially if all parties involved are interested in gaining the pleasure of Allah.

Masha' Allah, you have a great character, Fullyveiled muslimah

I second that

Peace