Polygamy (polygyny)

[Peace]

Yes it's, it's up to her because you have to fullfill all her rights before even thinking of marrying another one. It's not a game. There is no prejudice in the law of Allah. It's not a male religion my brother. Just because men chose to ignore women's right (which Allah gave to them) so that doesn't mean all what we practice now is right. We love it when Allah make it easy on us but we ignore the conditions which God made to prevent us from being unjust to our spouses or women in general (i.e. preventing them from going to mosques in some areas).



Brother, just because we want to obey God so that doesn't mean our desire go side by side with that. That's why we don't follow our vain desires. For instance, a young man wants to have sex, get drunk but even though he wants so, following Allah and fearing him will prevent him "God willing" from doing so. Got it now?

I'll give the best example of all.

Do you know that prophet Mohammed asked his cousion Ali bin abi talib "who was married with the prophet's daughter", to divorce her in case he wanted to marry another woman?

Ali wanted to marry another one but prophet Mohammed, for the love he has for his daughter, he told Ali to divorce her if he really wants to go on in that thing.

Do you think Prophet Mohammed don't know that it's ok in Islam to have more than one wife"God forbid"?

Just because somthing is Halal so that doesn't mean i have to like it. If there is a certain food which i might not like so i don't have to eat it just because it's halal, don't you think so?



Well, that's her own choice. Do you know that she can make a list of what she wants, not just A till C but even till Z, including it in the contract of marriage?

:clap Macha'Allah great post brother!! Barakallahu fik! May Allah bless you!

Peace

 

[Peace]

But if Allah(SWT) has allowed me to have more than one wife, then it really is'nt up to her is it?

So before getting married to your first wife you must tell her that you can marry a second, thus she will be aware and to avoid any shock afterwards.
I really wonder why some men take as an excuse for polygamy that it is a Sunnah. And the problem is that they don't apply Sunnah in their daily life, they can even be not religious at all but when they want to marry another wife they take the excuse that it is halal and a Sunnah.
Don't they know that Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him married the mother of believers Khadija may Allah be pleased with her and didn't think for a moment, during all the 25 years he was to married to her, to marry another woman though she was older than him. It is after to her death only that he got married and it was according to Allah's command.
No man could be as just and best to his wives as Prophet Muhammed was salla lah `alayhi wa sallam.

Peace

 

[TashaN]

So before getting married to your first wife you must tell her that you can marry a second, thus she will be aware and to avoid any shock afterwards.

That's how married people must behave toward each other, to take care of each other and about their feelings.

I really wonder why some men take as an excuse for polygamy that it is a Sunnah. And the problem is that they don't apply Sunnah in their daily life, they can even be not religious at all but when they want to marry another wife they take the excuse that it is halal and a Sunnah.

Excatly, they claim to follow the part in the Sunnah which they like the most and they leave the rest.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

Sister, i'm sure you know how very much i respect you. But honestly, there is no basis for the second, C, and third, D, condtion's you posted. They are what we call in Sharee'a "mardood". Concerning condition A, of course. Al Adl, justice, between the wive's is a must.

I'm sorry if i seem harsh. But i mean no such thing. It's just if Allah(SWT) had allowed women to marry more than one, then i would agree totally (to my wife marrying another). But he did'nt, (SWT). He allowed the man to have more than one wife, on the condition that he uphold's the guideline's he, (SWT), has set for the man, in the Qur'an and Sunna.

Al Salam Alaikum.

At no point did I go against anything that Allah has made permissible. I cannot make haram what Allah has permitted. However, I don't have to jump for joy if my husband marry another woman, even if he does it according to Allah's commands and for the pleasure of Allah. Women have not been exhorted to be happy about it, only to make sabr if they can. I do think that out of courtesy a man should tell his intended wife that he is the type of man who would like to a second wife. In this way she is well prepared in the even that he actually does that. I have seen many cases where neither the first nor second wife's feelings have been taken into account. The man will secretly marry another woman, without notifying either of them that they are not the only wives. In this way the second woman is almost tricked into marriage under the false pretense that she is his only wife. The first wife is left in the dark about the whole situation, and usually finds out in a way that is humiliating to all of them. Many times the man looses both women. Furthermore, during this whole process he is lying to the women about his whereabouts. This is because he must divide his time between them. He will tell them he is going on a business trip, or even say something like he is going in the path of Allah to learn Islam, when really he is going to his other wife. In this way he makes much haram out of an otherwise halal thing.

All of this is done under the premise that he is doing only what Allah has permitted. He loses sight of what marriage is and what it means. He does not care the way that he went about it. He ignores the other facets of the situation that Allah brings to the attention about this. He ignores the fact that Allah gives men a degree over women strictly because of the wealth he spends to maintain her, and that he is the protector of her, and for no other reason. He ignores that women have a basic right to be fed, clothed, and shelter all at the expense of the husband. He forgets that she is not responsible one bit for any of her own maintanence. Many men even ask if the woman will forfeit her mahr to make it easier on the pocketbook. This is disgusting. This is why I listed the things I did, and I see nowhere where it was wrong to ask for justice in the situation as Allah demands. Also, I can't see where it was wrong to prefer the second wife be a muslim. She doesn't have to be, but it will go a long way in making it an easier transition for us all.

There is nothing wrong with a husband discussing this issue with his wife. Ultimately the decision is his, but if his aim is to please Allah and do the right thing, (and not just get another piece of ***) then his current wife's opinion should matter to him. If he sees that it will make very much stress, and his wife really can't take it, then he should try to take that under consideration. The whole point is to have two wives, not exchange one for the other. This is particularly the case when there is no pressing need for him to marry another woman. If there is a pressing need, then he should try to express this to his wife the best he can, and ask her to make sabr over the situation. If she is a clear thinking muslimah, she will get her mind around it eventually.

 

[TashaN]

At no point did I go against anything that Allah has made permissible. I cannot make haram what Allah has permitted. However, I don't have to jump for joy if my husband marry another woman, even if he does it according to Allah's commands and for the pleasure of Allah. Women have not been exhorted to be happy about it, only to make sabr if they can. I do think that out of courtesy a man should tell his intended wife that he is the type of man who would like to a second wife. In this way she is well prepared in the even that he actually does that. I have seen many cases where neither the first nor second wife's feelings have been taken into account. The man will secretly marry another woman, without notifying either of them that they are not the only wives. In this way the second woman is almost tricked into marriage under the false pretense that she is his only wife. The first wife is left in the dark about the whole situation, and usually finds out in a way that is humiliating to all of them. Many times the man looses both women. Furthermore, during this whole process he is lying to the women about his whereabouts. This is because he must divide his time between them. He will tell them he is going on a business trip, or even say something like he is going in the path of Allah to learn Islam, when really he is going to his other wife. In this way he makes much haram out of an otherwise halal thing.

All of this is done under the premise that he is doing only what Allah has permitted. He loses sight of what marriage is and what it means. He does not care the way that he went about it. He ignores the other facets of the situation that Allah brings to the attention about this. He ignores the fact that Allah gives men a degree over women strictly because of the wealth he spends to maintain her, and that he is the protector of her, and for no other reason. He ignores that women have a basic right to be fed, clothed, and shelter all at the expense of the husband. He forgets that she is not responsible one bit for any of her own maintanence. Many men even ask if the woman will forfeit her mahr to make it easier on the pocketbook. This is disgusting. This is why I listed the things I did, and I see nowhere where it was wrong to ask for justice in the situation as Allah demands. Also, I can't see where it was wrong to prefer the second wife be a muslim. She doesn't have to be, but it will go a long way in making it an easier transition for us all.

There is nothing wrong with a husband discussing this issue with his wife. Ultimately the decision is his, but if his aim is to please Allah and do the right thing, (and not just get another piece of ***) then his current wife's opinion should matter to him. If he sees that it will make very much stress, and his wife really can't take it, then he should try to take that under consideration. The whole point is to have two wives, not exchange one for the other. This is particularly the case when there is no pressing need for him to marry another woman. If there is a pressing need, then he should try to express this to his wife the best he can, and ask her to make sabr over the situation. If she is a clear thinking muslimah, she will get her mind around it eventually.

:clap MashAllah, what a great respond, full of wisdom and fiqh issues which every muslim must know.

 

[Peace]

At no point did I go against anything that Allah has made permissible. I cannot make haram what Allah has permitted. However, I don't have to jump for joy if my husband marry another woman, even if he does it according to Allah's commands and for the pleasure of Allah. Women have not been exhorted to be happy about it, only to make sabr if they can. I do think that out of courtesy a man should tell his intended wife that he is the type of man who would like to a second wife. In this way she is well prepared in the even that he actually does that. I have seen many cases where neither the first nor second wife's feelings have been taken into account. The man will secretly marry another woman, without notifying either of them that they are not the only wives. In this way the second woman is almost tricked into marriage under the false pretense that she is his only wife. The first wife is left in the dark about the whole situation, and usually finds out in a way that is humiliating to all of them. Many times the man looses both women. Furthermore, during this whole process he is lying to the women about his whereabouts. This is because he must divide his time between them. He will tell them he is going on a business trip, or even say something like he is going in the path of Allah to learn Islam, when really he is going to his other wife. In this way he makes much haram out of an otherwise halal thing.

All of this is done under the premise that he is doing only what Allah has permitted. He loses sight of what marriage is and what it means. He does not care the way that he went about it. He ignores the other facets of the situation that Allah brings to the attention about this. He ignores the fact that Allah gives men a degree over women strictly because of the wealth he spends to maintain her, and that he is the protector of her, and for no other reason. He ignores that women have a basic right to be fed, clothed, and shelter all at the expense of the husband. He forgets that she is not responsible one bit for any of her own maintanence. Many men even ask if the woman will forfeit her mahr to make it easier on the pocketbook. This is disgusting. This is why I listed the things I did, and I see nowhere where it was wrong to ask for justice in the situation as Allah demands. Also, I can't see where it was wrong to prefer the second wife be a muslim. She doesn't have to be, but it will go a long way in making it an easier transition for us all.

There is nothing wrong with a husband discussing this issue with his wife. Ultimately the decision is his, but if his aim is to please Allah and do the right thing, (and not just get another piece of ***) then his current wife's opinion should matter to him. If he sees that it will make very much stress, and his wife really can't take it, then he should try to take that under consideration. The whole point is to have two wives, not exchange one for the other. This is particularly the case when there is no pressing need for him to marry another woman. If there is a pressing need, then he should try to express this to his wife the best he can, and ask her to make sabr over the situation. If she is a clear thinking muslimah, she will get her mind around it eventually.

Frubals :clap
Indeed macha'Allah sister for your wisdom and good opinion!!! May our dear Allah bless you and grant you happiness in this life and the life to come, ameen!!

Salam
Peace

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

I agree with you, most of them think that just because their wives are Muslims so they should be perfect but as you said, it won't be the case if she was non-muslim.

I think if the same thing happened to me, i would ask from my muslim wife to be much greater than the non-muslim (because the non-muslim might not have that knowledge of the accepted moral code within our community the same as the muslim one) but i don't know why i'll take it easy on the non-muslim more than the muslim.

I think it's not fair for the muslim woman at all but i don't know why i keep thinking that i would react the same as you described.

That's really make me feel so bad. :sad4:

Don't feel bad Truth. I'm sure you are trying to be a devout muslim man and may Allah give us all hidayyat ameen.

Ok, let me clarify. It is only natural for a man with two wives, one of which is not a muslim, to expect from the muslim wife what he does not expect from the other. It's when a brother takes it too far that I get angry. Some men expect the muslimah to be perfect woman from the moment she takes shahadah. He expects that she will be completely obediant to his every word, never "talk back", wear full hijab from the moment she accepts Islam, expects her to be very pious in all matters of deen. Now, it is natural for him to want this, but the approach is all wrong. Some men will degrade their wives and tell them they are bad women and not good muslims if she gives him what he thinks is some kind of opposition or trouble. He will daily remind her of her character flaws, defects in her practice of Islam she might have, and point out all her shortcomings. For the non-muslim wife he will have nothing but the best character. He will be kind and soft spoken for her all in the name of giving her dawa through his actions. I'm not saying that he should be treating the non-muslim wife badly, I am saying that if both are his wives he should treat them equally well.

This extends to another area I have a problem with some muslims, men and women alike. That is the double-standard issue. I'll give the perfect example. When a new muslim first take their shahadah.

When a man takes his shahadah:

The brothers will be very kind in their dealings with him. Let's say he has a girlfriend. The other brothers will be saying something like; "don't worry about that brother. This will all work out in time when you can build your iman". They won't be telling him the importance of visiting the masjid and not even teach him salaat. All this because they don't want to put too much pressure on him. In short, they don't present him with all the do's and don'ts of deen as this can be intimidating.

When a woman takes shahadah:

Immediately the first thing they get on is the dress code. A full hijab, overgarment, and sometimes a face veil too. If she has a boyfriend or husband that is not muslim, the tell her immediately it is haram to go home to her husband and live with him. Notwithstanding that it will be difficult to just up and leave her husband, and break her home like that.

What should be considered is that these people have only just now accepted Islam. Many kufr habits that are totally against Islam, they will have to work gradually to eliminate it from their lives. Some things need to be stopped right away, but other things, need work and will diminish on their own once a person's iman is stronger. I don't want to seem like I am saying that having such bad habits is somehow okay. I just see the double-standard. Women are expected to conform on the spot, while men are given a grace period to adjust to a new way of thinking and acting.

Ok I don't really know how I got off into all that. Just ranting and letting off a little steam I guess. If I have said anything wrong may Allah forgive it.

 

[Hacker]

What about the women, are they allowed to marry more than one husband?

 

[Peace]

What about the women, are they allowed to marry more than one husband?

No a woman can't have more than one husband at the same time. However, when she is divorced or her husband died in that case she can get married to another man.

Peace

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

What about the women, are they allowed to marry more than one husband?

No, women are not allowed to marry more than one man at a time. The main reason why men are allowed this (under certain conditions I might add) is that sometimes it becomes necessary. Let's take the prophet for example. During the time when there were many wars, many men were getting killed. This unfortunately left the women and children without caretakers. It also by default left more women in the population than men. In Quran Allah states that men are the maintainers and protectors of women. In order to accomplish this without getting into prohibited actions, the men simply married one or two more women. The prophet himself married more than four women, because his position made him directly responsible for the wellfare of all the muslims. Therefore he took on more wives than what the other men were allowed to take, in order to shoulder most of the responsibility. It is important to note that not all time did the men marry the women they took care of. Many times the wealthier companions simply provided finances to women in need that they had no sexual contact with.

It doesn't have to be a condition of war to make polygamy useful. At any time a woman can be having the types of problems that a marriage would solve. If she is poor and can't make ends meet, she will need help. If there is no single muslim man available who can take on that responsibility, then it becomes the community job to take care of her. This usually plays out in the form of a brother with some wealth who will simply marry her in order to relieve her of the burden of taken care of herself, which had become too dificult for her to manage alone.

The islamic version of polygamy is more about maintanence and assisting women in the community, rather than trying to get your rocks off by having multiple sex partners.

A man may need to take on and care for more than one woman, but a woman will not need more than one caretaker. Because of the reasons that polygamy is allowed, women have no use for multiple husbands. If her current husband cannot or will not take care of her adequately, then she is free to divorce him and get another husband who will.

Another effect that polygamy can have is that it can relieve an overburdened public welfare system, since many of the people who are on welfare are single mothers, who are classified as the working poor. If every community took it upon themselves to assist the poor (in this case specifically poor women), then the welfare system would be free to cater to those who have no community or any where else to turn for financial assistance. Being raised in a western society it is difficult to swallow the idea of polygamy as anything good or useful. In other societies it's just the opposite. Polygamy is the norm, and to have a single wife is seen as odd.

 

[Hacker]

It's not a male religion my brother.

Just because men chose to ignore women's right (which Allah gave to them)

Why is it that men are permitted to marry more than one wife but women aren't? That seems a bit unfair to me.

 

[maro]

A couple of days ago , I and my family were watching a program for a famous egyptian scholar (whom I respect very much )
(Ishak al hewini ) if you know him ,
and then a woman called him on air , and asked him to talk about the importance of polygamy these days , because there are alot of widows , divorced women , and many girls who haven't been married yet

he said that ,polygamy is just like many other issues in islam that can be ( wageb / mostahab/ makroh / and even haram ) , but he really didn't mention much details about that

and then he mentioned that about 30% of the egyptian women (wether widow , divorced, or not married yet ) are waiting for the unavailable husband

and then he told us a story about , a widow , with a heart disease , and five children ,
and how this story was one of his personal motives for polygamy ,

and then , he mentioned that it's well known that jelousy is part of the woman nature ,
but this doesn't mean it's a healthy thing , and he proved that by saying that when the prophet ( Pbuh) asked mother (Um Salama) for marriage

she said ( I am a jelous woman ) , and the prophet (Pbuh) replied : I will ask god to relieve your jelousy ,

Anyway , he said that the woman who accepts that her husband can have another wife , of course is in gihad , and she will be rewarded on that , as she takes part of her happiness , to give it to her muslim sister who have no happiness at all


to be honest , My mother ( although one of his biggest fans ) didn't like what he said , especially because my father was watching too

but believe it or not , I was touched

and for all my muslim sisters here , :sorry1:

 

[maro]

Why is it that men are permitted to marry more than one wife but women aren't? That seems a bit unfair to me.

tlcmel , you know why we are called muslims ?
because we never question god about his wisdom

but yet if we used our minds , we can figure some of it ,but not neccisarily all of it

As a woman , I think it's against woman nature to have more than one husband ,

and believe me , nowadays , it's becoming against ( Man nature ) too , although some may think other wise

 

[AbuQuteiba]

Yes it's, it's up to her because you have to fullfill all her rights before even thinking of marrying another one. It's not a game. There is no prejudice in the law of Allah. It's not a male religion my brother. Just because men chose to ignore women's right (which Allah gave to them) so that doesn't mean all what we practice now is right. We love it when Allah make it easy on us but we ignore the conditions which God made to prevent us from being unjust to our spouses or women in general (i.e. preventing them from going to mosques in some areas).

I'm sorry, but i don't how this paragraph is one, in any way related to the topic. And two, how it is a reply to what i said.

Brother, just because we want to obey God so that doesn't mean our desire go side by side with that. That's why we don't follow our vain desires. For instance, a young man wants to have sex (out of marriage of course), get drunk, etc, but even though he wants so, following Allah and fearing him will prevent him "God willing" from doing so. Got it now?

I'll give the best example of all.

Do you know that prophet Mohammed asked his cousion Ali bin abi talib "who was married with the prophet's daughter", to divorce her in case he wanted to marry another woman?

Ali wanted to marry another one but prophet Mohammed, for the love he has for his daughter, he told Ali to divorce her if he really wants to go on in that thing.

Do you think Prophet Mohammed doesn't know that it's ok in Islam to have more than one wife"God forbid"?

I'm sorry the Truth. But i don't get what you're trying to say. How is doing what Allah(SWT) has made halal, going by one's vain desires?

Secondly. It hurt's me when you use the Sunna incorrectly. Did you read that story? Ali Ibnu Abi Taalib, was prevented by the Prophet(SAWS) because the Prophet(SAWS) said "Fatima minny, wa iythaa'uha min iythaaa'y", Fatima is of me, when you hurt her you hurt me. And Ali, as you all know, was married to Fatima, the Prophet(SAWS)'s daughter. So he was prevented because she was his daughter. And hurting her by marrying another woman, would hurt the Prophet(SAWS). So Ali Ibnu Abi Taalib, in this case, would be what we call an " istithna' ". He had the pleasure and gift of marrying the Prophet's daughter, so the Prophet (SAWS) prevented him from marrying another.

Just because somthing is Halal so that doesn't mean i have to like it. If there is a certain food which i might not like so i don't have to eat it just because it's halal, don't you think so?

I did'nt say you had to like it. In fact, i very much understand that you, and probably every woman doesn't. The example you gave is incorrect. It's what we call "guyaas ma'a il faarig". You can't compare two things, in sharee'a, by using giyaas when there's a difference between the things you're comparing.
The correct example would be, If you did'nt like a certain food, which is halal, but your husband liked it and wanted to eat. Would you prevent him from doing so because of your dislike?

Well, that's her own choice. Do you know that she can make a list of what she wants, not just A till C but even till Z, including it in the contract of marriage?

Yes i do. But why would she want to? That's the question i'm asking. Today, alot of sister's put in the 'agd, contract, that they won't get married unless the husband agree's not to marry another. Allahu il musta'aan.

Ha Ha, you say so because God didn't allow it but if he does, you would get crazy if your wife slept with another man dude.

Subhan Allah. So you can tell what's in my heart? Yes i would go crazy, since Allah(SWT) did not allow women to marry more than one. But if he had, (SWT), then no, i would'nt go crazy as you claim.

 

[AbuQuteiba]

So before getting married to your first wife you must tell her that you can marry a second, thus she will be aware and to avoid any shock afterwards.

Listen. I really am trying to be sensitive, because it is a sensitive issue. But where's the proof that a man must tell his wife before marrying her that he might marry another. Of course, i'm not saying that he can't, or that she can't ask, but to say that it's must needs proof from the Qur'an or Sunna.

I really wonder why some men take as an excuse for polygamy that it is a Sunnah. And the problem is that they don't apply Sunnah in their daily life, they can even be not religious at all but when they want to marry another wife they take the excuse that it is halal and a Sunnah.

Subhan Allah. I feel very sorry for that kind of man.

Don't they know that Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him married the mother of believers Khadija may Allah be pleased with her and didn't think for a moment, during all the 25 years he was to married to her, to marry another woman though she was older than him. It is after to her death only that he got married and it was according to Allah's command.
No man could be as just and best to his wives as Prophet Muhammed was salla lah `alayhi wa sallam.

Peace[/quote]

Wait. How do you know that the Prophet(SAWS) did't even think for a moment, during all the time he was married to Khadeeja, of marrying another woman? And according to this logic, the rest of the Prophet(SAWS)s' wive's, our mother's, are less than Khadeeja(RAA). What about Aisha, and the rest of the Prophet(SAWS)s' wive's?

 

[AbuQuteiba]

At no point did I go against anything that Allah has made permissible. I cannot make haram what Allah has permitted. However, I don't have to jump for joy if my husband marry another woman, even if he does it according to Allah's commands and for the pleasure of Allah. Women have not been exhorted to be happy about it, only to make sabr if they can.

Where did i say that you had to jump for joy? Why would you even assume i meant that?

I do think that out of courtesy a man should tell his intended wife that he is the type of man who would like to a second wife. In this way she is well prepared in the even that he actually does that.

I think that a man can if he wants to. And does'nt have to if he does'nt. We follow the Prophet(SAWS).

I have seen many cases where neither the first nor second wife's feelings have been taken into account. The man will secretly marry another woman, without notifying either of them that they are not the only wives. In this way the second woman is almost tricked into marriage under the false pretense that she is his only wife. The first wife is left in the dark about the whole situation, and usually finds out in a way that is humiliating to all of them. Many times the man looses both women. Furthermore, during this whole process he is lying to the women about his whereabouts. This is because he must divide his time between them. He will tell them he is going on a business trip, or even say something like he is going in the path of Allah to learn Islam, when really he is going to his other wife. In this way he makes much haram out of an otherwise halal thing.

May Allah(SWT) guide men who do this to the correct path. There are case's where, the man marrie's another, come's back and tells his first wife, and then she want's a divorce. What about these kind of women? I'm not saying that this kind of stupid behaviour, should make a man do the things you've mentioned. But it is a factor.

All of this is done under the premise that he is doing only what Allah has permitted. He loses sight of what marriage is and what it means. He does not care the way that he went about it. He ignores the other facets of the situation that Allah brings to the attention about this. He ignores the fact that Allah gives men a degree over women strictly because of the wealth he spends to maintain her, and that he is the protector of her, and for no other reason. He ignores that women have a basic right to be fed, clothed, and shelter all at the expense of the husband. He forgets that she is not responsible one bit for any of her own maintanence. Many men even ask if the woman will forfeit her mahr to make it easier on the pocketbook. This is disgusting. This is why I listed the things I did, and I see nowhere where it was wrong to ask for justice in the situation as Allah demands. Also, I can't see where it was wrong to prefer the second wife be a muslim. She doesn't have to be, but it will go a long way in making it an easier transition for us all.

Again. This is one type of man. Are all men like this? Are all men who marry more than one like this?

You can't ask for justice sister. It's a must. Allah(SWT) has already demanded it from the man. That's what i said the first time.

There is nothing wrong with a husband discussing this issue with his wife. Ultimately the decision is his, but if his aim is to please Allah and do the right thing, (and not just get another piece of ***) then his current wife's opinion should matter to him. If he sees that it will make very much stress, and his wife really can't take it, then he should try to take that under consideration. The whole point is to have two wives, not exchange one for the other. This is particularly the case when there is no pressing need for him to marry another woman. If there is a pressing need, then he should try to express this to his wife the best he can, and ask her to make sabr over the situation. If she is a clear thinking muslimah, she will get her mind around it eventually.

You see. This is what i don't understand. All of what you're saying has no basis in sharee'a. What is the wife has no sabr? And her opinion is crap, or she does'nt "eventually get her mind around it"? What then? Will the marrying of another woman go against his intention of pleasing Allah(SWT)?

And all of what you mentioned is in the case that the man wants a second wife. What about if he wants a third? And/ or fourth? Also, there is never really a pressing need for a man to marry more than one. It's just another source of happiness Allah(SWT) has granted the man. Happiness that come's with responsibility of course.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

I think that a man can if he wants to. And does'nt have to if he does'nt. We follow the Prophet(SAWS).

Okay, it isn't fardh that he tell his wife anything. I wasn't trying to make it a stipulation that if he does not inform his wife, then marrying another woman is wrong. I don't have a problem with the rights that Allah has given anyone. I have a problem when rights are trampled upon. Alhamdulillah, a man has the right to marry up to four women. He doesn't have the right to be callous about it, hurt any of the feelings of the women invlolved, nor make any one of their lives miserable all because he wishes to fulfill a right that he has. This is all I'm saying. A lot of brother go about it in such a way as to make hard feelings. Even a good muslim woman is going to have a hard time with that, so why not make it a little easier to bear? Why not display good character in the situation? It has been my experience to see that when men take the time out to talk about it with a woman they are suppossed to love and care for, she usually tries her best to deal with it for the pleasure of Allah, without giving him alot of grief about it.

It takes nothing away from a man's rights or masculinity to look after the feelings of his wife.

May Allah(SWT) guide men who do this to the correct path. There are case's where, the man marrie's another, come's back and tells his first wife, and then she want's a divorce. What about these kind of women? I'm not saying that this kind of stupid behaviour, should make a man do the things you've mentioned. But it is a factor.

If the man has a very emotional wife then he should make sabr over it. Going about marrying another woman in a sneaky way is both unecessary, and likely to aggrevate her much more. If he knows that there is a good chance he will loose his wife over this issue, perhaps he should make dua and have some patience, and Allah will reward him for having good character with her.

Again. This is one type of man. Are all men like this? Are all men who marry more than one like this?

I wouldn't make a blanket statement that all brothers do anything. This is the type of behaviour that I have witnessed, and I think its childish. Since it is a right of his to take another wife, then men should act like it. What men don't realize is that many women will readily accept co-wiffe situations if they are informed about them. It is when it is sneakily carried out, that makes feelings of betrayal. If a woman knows that the man she is with is likely to take more wives and she agrees to marry him with that knowledge, it can be a good thing for all.

You can't ask for justice sister. It's a must. Allah(SWT) has already demanded it from the man. That's what i said the first time.

What is that supposed to mean brother? It takes taqwa for men to treat their wives fairly just because Allah said so. It is also a woman's right to receive mahr, but I've seen a lot of men not give it after promissing her that he would. Mahr is fardh obligation, yet some men will dissmiss it as unimportant. One man even divorced his new wife, because when he refused to give her mahr, she refused him sex and cooking for him. He called her selffish but what was she to do? It had been two years and all she wanted was a car. He was a wealthy man so a simple inexpensive car was well within his means.

Women have a right to be fed properly, but one man refused to buy food because she was working and she could get it herself. Astaghfirullah, it is not her responsibilty to buy food.

Since shariah is not established, the men feel free to treat the women as they please whether it is fair or not. This is why the women here have a bad taste in their mouths about the plural wife issue. We have seen breach after breach of the rights of wives carried out by men who are seeking the fulfillment of their own rights without a care. The wives have no place to complain to to get their rights taken care of. They must either stay and deal with it, or leave him. Leaving isn't always as simple as that though. So our only recourse is Allah. It is a strong recourse, and I thank Allah for the strength of it since it is the only one these women have.

You see. This is what i don't understand. All of what you're saying has no basis in sharee'a. What is the wife has no sabr? And her opinion is crap, or she does'nt "eventually get her mind around it"? What then? Will the marrying of another woman go against his intention of pleasing Allah(SWT)?

So what if her opinion is crappy, he married her didn't he? If she is being really unreasonable, but he is trying to do the right thing in the right way, then he should go ahead with it then. Don't take it to extremes brother. I never said that his right to take another wife was dependant on his wife's response. What I'm saying is he perhaps can prevent alot of trouble with a few minutes of communication. Most women can handle it quite well with a little preperation from the man. She should be reassured that he is not marrying another women because of her faults. It goes a long way in the strengthening of marriage bonds when a woman feels included in the decisions that her husband is making.

BTW shura is a good thing brother. Like I said a little shura is all it takes to make the decision of polygamy easier to handle.

I don't know whats so bad about it. You need an explicit command in shariah to sit with your wife and explain a decision of yours that will affect her? This is what men fail to comprehend. The decision to remarry is not one that affects only him. It affects the wife as well. Her time that she is accustomed to spend with you must be cut in half. Not to mention the extra money you used to spend on her with gifts and such, must now go towards the maintanance of another wife. Even now your love is divided between her and the other wife/wives.

I never thought I'd see that day that it was too much to ask that a man have good manners with his wife, even in the pursuit of his rights. There is plenty of daleel in deen for the good treatment of muslims, and the good treatment of wives. I don't see why good manners have to stop when it comes to men and obtaining their rights.

 

[TashaN]

I'm sorry, but i don't how this paragraph is one, in any way related to the topic. And two, how it is a reply to what i said.

You have to read it again then.

You said:

then it really is'nt up to her is it?

Then i answered you saying:

Yes it's, it's up to her

I'm sorry the Truth. But i don't get what you're trying to say. How is doing what Allah(SWT) has made halal, going by one's vain desires?

I was making the point that our desire might be against islamic teaching and we must do a jihad within ourselves to prevent ourselves from doing any wrong. That's because you said to sister not4me that, how comes that she doesn't like "the multiple marriage thing", then she says it's halal. Brother, you are going against human being's nature. You are saying to not4 me that she can't be jealous and dislike the idea because it's Halal which is totally wrong.

I remember one of prophet's wives when she was complaining to him "before he marry her" that she is a jealous woman "she meant that she can't handel that prophet has more than wife", then prophet Mohammed told her that he will ask God to help her with her jealousy. He didn't shout at her as you are doing so claiming that once it's halal so no need to complain. I guess you have a problem in distinguishing between what is halal and what is an obligation.

Secondly. It hurt's me when you use the Sunna incorrectly.

You must read what you are talking about brother. Remember that you told me ....

Islam is'nt a religion of emotion's.

So don't allow your emotion to involve in the discussion unless you think that you are above us all with your knowledge and that you are so sure of it 100%.

in this case, would be what we call an " istithna' ".

Prove this with any opnion of the known scholars, that it was an exception "istithna", other than that, your claim, according to how i see it is rejected because you have no proof "daleel".

The correct example would be, If you did'nt like a certain food, which is halal, but your husband liked it and wanted to eat. Would you prevent him from doing so because of your dislike?

He can eat it but you can't force her to like it, plus that she can write in the contract of marriage that she doesn't like that certain food, or to ask that she doesn't want even to let it enter to her house, but she can't force her husband not to like that food.

Yes i do. But why would she want to?

Try to put yourself in a woman's shoe for few minutes, that's all what does it take to understand this issue.

Subhan Allah. So you can tell what's in my heart? Yes i would go crazy, since Allah(SWT) did not allow women to marry more than one. But if he had, (SWT), then no, i would'nt go crazy as you claim.

Well, you didn't try it out, didn't you?

You will never know, because such thing doesn't exist.

There in an arabic saying, it says: the one whom his hand is inside the fire is not alike with the one whom his hand inside the water. I guess you got it now. "sorry for the bad translation".

Peace and blessing,

TT

 

[Peace]

Wait. How do you know that the Prophet(SAWS) did't even think for a moment, during all the time he was married to Khadeeja, of marrying another woman?

Don't you know that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is the only Prophet that we do know every single detail about him. His life is an open book for everybody. There isn't a hint that he had ever thought to marry another woman while our mother Khadija RAA was alive.

And according to this logic, the rest of the Prophet(SAWS)s' wive's, our mother's, are less than Khadeeja(RAA). What about Aisha, and the rest of the Prophet(SAWS)s' wive's?

They are all our mothers and have a high level, but don't you know what our Prophet pbuh said about her in the authentic famous hadith? "The best of of the world's women are four: Mariam bint Imran (Mary), Khadjia Bink Khuwaylid, Fatima daughter of Prophet Muhammad and Asiya the wife of Pharaoh ” [Ahmad, Sahîh]


And also the famous hadith of Jibril may peace be upon him coming to Prophet Muhammad to tell him that God sends His salutation and to Khadija and to tell her that her abode is Paradise.

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال أتى جبريل النبي فقال: يا رسول الله هذه خديجة قد أتت معها إناء فيه إدام أو طعام أو شراب. فإذا هي أتتك فاقرأ عليها السلام من ربها ومني ، وبشرِّها ببيت في الجنة من قصب لا صخب فيه ولا نصب".

Doesn’t this shows the importance of the mother of believers Khadija may Allah be pleased with her?

Peace

​

 

[Mujahid Mohammed]

I am not Muslim, however I believe they're are reasons to warrent it in your faith. But I also it believe it says you must love them equal and treat them equal. I think it would be hard to love two women the same....so best to stay with one.

It is not love them equal. You cannot love them equal and how would he know. He does say to be just which as you said means treat them equal.