Premarital sex-- any logical arguments against it?

[Ezzedean]

Nope, and neither can you. There are a lot of people out there that stay married for very bad reasons. There are a few people out there that stay married because they're genuinely happy. Incidentally, these aren't things I saw growing up. These are things I've seen in as an adult.

It's funny how you say a few people out there, as if it's so little...it's almost a little depressing. I never said that I thought all marriages were all hunky dorrey.... I'm just trying to point out that not every marriage has gone the way you've seen, and a lot more than you think are good and happy. It's funny because you're talking about marriages that stay together for all the wrong reasons... some of those wrong reasons could be the fact that a lot of relationships that go down between people move too fast... they begin having sex and the relatioship becomes a lustful one. I've seen people who don't want to be with eachother, but yet they kept having sex and all that was binding these people together was sex... This could lead to Accidental pregnancy.. yayyyyy. Who's now stuck together and not happy? Now obviously this isn't the only situation where people get stuck together and end up unhappy... but let'sjust try and stick to the topic of premarital sex. I would also like to state that not all sexually binded relationships end in pregnancy... but the fact that people can't get rid of eachother because of lust is one very good reason why premarital sex shouldn't go down. A man and women who have both had sex with other partners and have dated countless other people, get married and enjoy life for the first little while and then get bored... just like they did with every other relationship they've been in... the only problem is.. they have trained themselves to be capable of leaving one another because they've broken up with many people whom they've had a sexual relationship with and loved.

So back to unhappy marriages. You need to be around some more happy people. I'm especially grateful today for my mom and dads happy way of being, along with my aunt zine and uncle dean... and I can't forget aunt niza and uncle hani, and aunt surria and uncle ramsey... oh yeah uncle nazee and aunt najwa... plus not to mention the schilbes and cuthberts, ohhh the biranis and my brothers and their wives, the ewens, the winklers, the chalmers , the elsayeds, the seeds, the elrafihs, and the zabians... I could name pages worth. Now are these marriages perfect? NOPE... but that's what a marriage is, you deal with the ups and downs, and get through it together... now although they aren't perfect... I'm willing to bet a months worth of work ($2200) that every married couple I just mentioned there would say they are happy right now, and that they wouldn't have done it any differently. The problem isn't marriage, the problem is people getting married when they aren't ready, or without understanding the act of marriage. Now I may be considered naive right now... but the marriages I've heard that didn't work from some friends of mine are ones that were CLEARLY doomed from the start.



Peace and Blessings

 

[Ðanisty]

but the fact that people can't get rid of eachother because of lust is one very good reason why premarital sex shouldn't go down.

This really doesn't make sense to me. From what I've seen, people who simply lust after each other are rather quick to get rid of each other...not stick together and try to get married.

A man and women who have both had sex with other partners and have dated countless other people, get married and enjoy life for the first little while and then get bored... just like they did with every other relationship they've been in... the only problem is.. they have trained themselves to be capable of leaving one another because they've broken up with many people whom they've had a sexual relationship with and loved.

You're presuming that the reasons unmarried couples end relationships with each other is because they are sexually bored. Just because people have sex doesn't mean that every decision they make is based on it. I've had sex with 7 men and one woman before I found my husband. I broke up with the first one because we didn't have enough of the same interests, I broke up with the second one because he was a jerk, the third one broke up with me because it was a long distance relationship that just wasn't working very well, the fourth one broke up with me because he moved, I broke up with the sixth one because he cheated on me, and the seventh one was a casual encounter. I broke up with the woman because she was certifiably crazy. None of these instances had anything to do with growing sexually bored. I've been married to my husband for 7.5 years (and we were sexually active for a year and half before that) and I'm not in the least bit bored.

So back to unhappy marriages. You need to be around some more happy people. I'm especially grateful today for my mom and dads happy way of being, along with my aunt zine and uncle dean... and I can't forget aunt niza and uncle hani, and aunt surria and uncle ramsey... oh yeah uncle nazee and aunt najwa... plus not to mention the schilbes and cuthberts, ohhh the biranis and my brothers and their wives, the ewens, the winklers, the chalmers , the elsayeds, the seeds, the elrafihs, and the zabians... I could name pages worth. Now are these marriages perfect? NOPE... but that's what a marriage is, you deal with the ups and downs, and get through it together... now although they aren't perfect... I'm willing to bet a months worth of work ($2200) that every married couple I just mentioned there would say they are happy right now, and that they wouldn't have done it any differently. The problem isn't marriage, the problem is people getting married when they aren't ready, or without understanding the act of marriage. Now I may be considered naive right now... but the marriages I've heard that didn't work from some friends of mine are ones that were CLEARLY doomed from the start.

*shrug* I'm around the people who are here. I can't do much about that. My parents have a wonderful relationship, but other than that, I haven't really met anyone who's as happily married as I am. I agree that the problem is people getting married when they aren't ready or without understanding the act of marriage...that just doesn't really have anything to do with sex. And by no means am I under the delusion that my marriage is perfect or that marriage is easy. It takes effort to make it work.

 

[An-D]

Exactly what are you trying to say about comic books??? Some of them are very thought-provoking. There are comic book authors out there that are as good, if not better, than some classical authors.

Like "Mous"!! As anyone ever read that one? It's a story about Jews who look like mice in the "graphic novel" and are running from the cats, Nazis, during the Holocaust. GREAT GREAT GREAT graphic novel!!! and not funny at all!! ....off topic, of course.

 

[Ezzedean]

This really doesn't make sense to me. From what I've seen, people who simply lust after each other are rather quick to get rid of each other...not stick together and try to get married.

Well I was trying to stay on topic. All I was stating was the fact that from what i've seen... a lot of people stick together a lot longer because of sex. Or they will break up and not want to be with one another... and then one night have sex... and suddenly everything is complicated again... because of sex. I don't think Sex is a good thing to be doing before marriage... I'm not saying it's gonna ruin peoples lives, but in general I think the bad outweighs the good... although i'm sure both have a decent weight to them, I think the bad is a little heavier.

You're presuming that the reasons unmarried couples end relationships with each other is because they are sexually bored. Just because people have sex doesn't mean that every decision they make is based on it. I've had sex with 7 men and one woman before I found my husband. I broke up with the first one because we didn't have enough of the same interests, I broke up with the second one because he was a jerk, the third one broke up with me because it was a long distance relationship that just wasn't working very well, the fourth one broke up with me because he moved, I broke up with the sixth one because he cheated on me, and the seventh one was a casual encounter. I broke up with the woman because she was certifiably crazy. None of these instances had anything to do with growing sexually bored. I've been married to my husband for 7.5 years (and we were sexually active for a year and half before that) and I'm not in the least bit bored.

I tried to make it very clear that I knew all relationships weren't based on sex, and didn't end because of a boring sex life. I was just trying to stick to the topic, like I stated in that post. I also mentioned after the sex issue why some marriages don't work and you seeme to agree with them. You've mentioned your partners.. now may I ask you something? Doesn't it bother you that you have your body and something personal to someone who is now considered a jerk to you? Does it make you happy that you gave your body to a women who you now consider crazy? Does it not bother you that you gave your body and opened yourself to a guy who didn't even appreciate it and cheated on you? Yet another reason why I think pre-marital sex is a bad idea. It usually ends in regret... I'll hate looking at my wife who is a virgin knowing i've had sex with someone else, and couldn't wait like she did... what a horrible feeling.

*shrug* I'm around the people who are here. I can't do much about that. My parents have a wonderful relationship, but other than that, I haven't really met anyone who's as happily married as I am. I agree that the problem is people getting married when they aren't ready or without understanding the act of marriage...that just doesn't really have anything to do with sex. And by no means am I under the delusion that my marriage is perfect or that marriage is easy. It takes effort to make it work.

Understood... you can't help who you're surrounded by. Luckily you have a good marriag, and so do your parents.. I just wanted to clear up the fact that there are plenty of good marriages out there, good and happy. Take care Danisty.. I'm going to break my fast and have some dinner with my mother.

Peace and Blessings to you.

Ezz

 

[Ðanisty]

I tried to make it very clear that I knew all relationships weren't based on sex, and didn't end because of a boring sex life. I was just trying to stick to the topic, like I stated in that post. I also mentioned after the sex issue why some marriages don't work and you seeme to agree with them. You've mentioned your partners.. now may I ask you something? Doesn't it bother you that you have your body and something personal to someone who is now considered a jerk to you? Does it make you happy that you gave your body to a women who you now consider crazy? Does it not bother you that you gave your body and opened yourself to a guy who didn't even appreciate it and cheated on you? Yet another reason why I think pre-marital sex is a bad idea. It usually ends in regret... I'll hate looking at my wife who is a virgin knowing i've had sex with someone else, and couldn't wait like she did... what a horrible feeling.

Quite honestly, none of that bothers me at all. I have no regrets about any of the sexual experiences I've had. Whether good or bad, they were experiences that shape who I am and I learned a whole lot from them about myself and others.

 

[Flappycat]

Am I the only person here who just didn't have an interest in sex until after ending up in a commitment?

 

[Mike182]

i have no problems with pre-marital sex

i have had two partners, both of which i was sexually involved with, and i am not married

sorry to jump into the debate without reading the thread, who has an objection to my behaviour?

 

[Inky]

Quite honestly, none of that bothers me at all. I have no regrets about any of the sexual experiences I've had. Whether good or bad, they were experiences that shape who I am and I learned a whole lot from them about myself and others.

Hear hear. I don't think of sex as "giving yourself" to someone; it's an activity with two participants. It doens't make anything about you fundamentally different, and it certainly shouldn't be a sacrifice on your part for their benefit. Same with "loss" of virginity; I would see it as more a gaining of experience, and so more beneficial than regrettable.

 

[Bishka]

Am I the only person here who just didn't have an interest in sex until after ending up in a commitment?

Raises hand! ME!

Until I met my husband, I really had no interest in sex. Nada. Once we started dating, whoooooooa, then it got really intresesting all of a sudden.

 

[Inky]

Am I the only person here who just didn't have an interest in sex until after ending up in a commitment?

Same here...anything sexual just seemed to have nothing to do with me until I was in a relationship for the first time.

 

[Ezzedean]

Quite honestly, none of that bothers me at all. I have no regrets about any of the sexual experiences I've had. Whether good or bad, they were experiences that shape who I am and I learned a whole lot from them about myself and others.

That's cool with me. I know that I've done things in the past which were bad, these bad things were a lesson and also helped shape who I am... but I still regret them. I could have shaped just fine without them... but I know what you mean for sure.

Just a little side note for anyone reading... I don't have anything against people who have sex before marriage...I can't say that there hasn't been a few close calls for myself.. but in the end I think it's better to save yourself before marriage.. that's all. Live as you wish... I'm the last person in the world to have the right to judge.. that's for sure.

Peace and Blessings

 

[Flappycat]

Just a little side note for anyone reading... I don't have anything against people who have sex before marriage...I can't say that there hasn't been a few close calls for myself.. but in the end I think it's better to save yourself before marriage.. that's all. Live as you wish... I'm the last person in the world to have the right to judge.. that's for sure.

"Close call"? Okay, that's very strange language. As much trouble as it is to get laid in the first place, how is it an effort not to? Granted, I've had to fend off unwanted advances before, but this in itself would immediately soil any chances of me actually having sex with a person. I would have figured that, with orgasm readily available without need of a partner, it wouldn't be the slightest bit of strain to hold out for an emotionally and intellectually intimate, devoted relationship.

, I mean it's nice to cuddle up with someone, but you can get that with a dog or cat. Sheesh, if you want, you can get both at the same time with the larger breeds :cover:, but that's kind of gross. The only things that you can't get without the help of another human being are tied with the love and devotion of a full-fledged life partnership, so, dear auntie of Christ on a moped, how is it so hard to hold out for one? I don't get it.

 

[Inky]

Just a little side note for anyone reading... I don't have anything against people who have sex before marriage...I can't say that there hasn't been a few close calls for myself.. but in the end I think it's better to save yourself before marriage.. that's all. Live as you wish... I'm the last person in the world to have the right to judge.. that's for sure.

Same back to you. Sex before marriage isn't the best thing for every single person. What I've gotten most from this thread is hearing from people who abstain for reasons other than fear of some sort of punishment, divine, social, etc.

The only things that you can't get without the help of another human being are tied with the love and devotion of a full-fledged life partnership

That depends on your own personality and preferences. Not everyone enjoys sex only within a life partnership.

how is it so hard to hold out for one? I don't get it.

It's not about whether it's hard or not; it's about whether you want to. I'd stop having sex if I believed the bad outweighed the good in my personal life.

 

[Ezzedean]

"Close call"? Okay, that's very strange language. As much trouble as it is to get laid in the first place, how is it an effort not to? Granted, I've had to fend off unwanted advances before, but this in itself would immediately soil any chances of me actually having sex with a person. I would have figured that, with orgasm readily available without need of a partner, it wouldn't be the slightest bit of strain to hold out for an emotionally and intellectually intimate, devoted relationship.

Well I've said it many times before, I am not a perfect muslim. I've made mistakes, and probobly still will make some in the future. I'm not one of those people who do something which is considered wrong in the eyes of God and then try and justify it. I've messed around with a few girls back in the day, but nothing close to sex... but I was not dating those girls or exclusive to them in anyway. Now on the other hand, I am seeing someone and we are pretty serious. Family has met, and pretty much thinks we're gonna get married. We've messed around and a couple times it got to the point where we just about sealed the deal. How were we able to stop? Easy... I didn't have the necessary protection, and neither did she.. we weren't planning on having sex so there was no need for us to have one... good thing we didn't, obviously I want to, obviously it's tempting but we've come to an agreement on the topic and are gonna work our hardest to stick to it. What's gonna happen? I don't know... but it wont change the fact that I think it's best to wait before marriage. I love her regardless... and I can wait the short amount of time between now and when we tie the knot. Hopefully that explains the "close call" comment.

I know the comments I've just made above have thrown many muslims on this forum off... but there are some things I just can't control.. and my love for her is one of them. I am working my hardest to do it as respectful to her and myself as possible, and we plan on doing the kiti-biktab soon (muslim engagement)... she is not a muslim, but is more than willing to follow the muslim guideline when it comes to marriage... kit-i-bik-tab and then the fatiha.. after we do that she will get her white wedding... but before the white wedding we will sign the papers with the imam and do the fatiha.. her outdoor wedding is gonna be crazy expensive...

Peace and Blessings

 

[Flappycat]

Ezzedean, if you're already commited to her, though, it doesn't make any difference. It doesn't make any difference whether the law, mosque, or family believes that you are married to one another, for they cannot refute a fact. Weddings are for relatives, marriage licenses are for lawyers, and sex is for politicians. If you really felt for her, I would think that you'd be happy with her no matter what you did together, so long as you were somehow connected to each other. The love that I am used to is sublime in its own right and is servant to none.

 

[retrorich]

Premarital sex helps compensate for lack of sex after marriage.

 

[Noirhaired]

Sex is a huge part of being married! I think sex with a partner before you get married is good, especially if you’re thinking about marrying this other person. What if you don’t like the same things in bed?
Then more in likely one or the both of you are going to cheat. No ifs & butts about it.
Its fact ask anyone who wasn’t getting what they felt like they needed at home.
There is no study for this it is just a fact.
Like the old saying would you buy a car without driving it? :no:

I don't necessary agree with that thinking. After all, people aren't inanimate objects that just require a key to start ignitions-- I agree with other people that getting to know them and establishing a nonsexual relationship first is more important. After all, people have feelings, thoughts, and are open to compromise.