That's what you believe because of your preferred Christian beliefs, but not everyone, not even every Christian, experiences what you believe.
I did for forty years, and I found nothing. I remember a scripture that states, "
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (
Jeremiah 29:13). Well, I sought after God for forty years with all of my heart, but I never found God. I did, however, find disappointment, heartache, and a constant feeling of hopelessness because I was left all alone to deal with the abuse, bullying, and harassment on my own while I was growing up. I also had to learn how to deal with PTSD as an adult, but fortunately for me, I have a husband who has been there for me every step of the way for the past 30 and 1/2 years.
After forty years of looking for God, I discovered that either God doesn't actually exist, or if he does, he obviously doesn't give a damn about me.
On the other hand, there are those who truly seek God for years on end only to ultimately come up empty-handed, as I did. I've said this before, and I'd like to say it again: as an ex-Christian and survivor of childhood abuse, I see God as a narcissistic and abusive parent who only "loves" you when you do or say exactly what they want you to do. And you think that if you don't make them angry, they won't hurt you, but you're not sure because they have a violent temper and are known to irrationally lash out. So, if you disobey them and make them angry, there will be hell to pay. That is not a relationship based on unconditional love, but rather one based on fear and mistrust. If God exists, then I don't believe that he is worthy of my respect and reverence, let alone my love and worship. I do believe, however, that he has earned my contempt. If God exists, then he can go to hell. He obviously doesn't think I'm worth his time, and I now don't think he's worth mine. I also see God as a sadistic and psychopathic monster who delights in inflicting pain and torturing people, as well as in causing total chaos and disasters in order to inflict pain and kill people. I certainly don't see him as loving, merciful, just, or a heavenly father.
It took me many years to finally realize that believing in God was an emotional crutch for me and a total waste of my time. Sadly, I wasted forty years of my life looking for God. I realized that he might not even exist in the first place, or if he does exist, he obviously doesn't give a damn that I suffered abuse while I was growing up or that I've dealt with PTSD as an adult because of the severe abuse, trauma, and constant bullying I suffered while growing up.
I used to believe that when I was a devout Christian as well, but then I removed my rose-colored glasses and faced my reality, which was that I had been ignorant of trusting in God for so long and had mistakenly assumed he would be my heavenly father. I eventually learned how to care for myself and my family, and I finally realized that I don't need or want God in my life and that I'm far better off emotionally without believing in and having faith in God.
Finally, I decided to share what I wrote in another thread on a related topic.
In my case, I have reason to reject belief in the biblical God because I was a very devout Christian for 30 years and genuinely believed in God for years before that, but I never experienced anything that other Christians claimed happened to them, even though we believed in the same God. For example, they claimed to experience peace and joy in their lives because they believed in God, while I, on the other hand, felt nothing but sadness and despair during the years I was a devout Christian. To be honest, I only began to feel peace and joy in my life after I renounced my belief in God and abandoned Christianity. Have you ever heard of the expression "playing church?" That's exactly what I did. I went through the motions and pretended to experience God, as other Christians claimed they had, but I never did. I tried really hard to experience God, but I felt such hopelessness whenever I tried and failed.
It took me a long time to admit that I had been pretending to experience God's presence in my life when I never genuinely did. I understood I had to be honest with myself and quit pretending. I realized that I was wasting my life by pretending to feel the presence of God in my life when he either doesn't really exist or, if he does, obviously doesn't give a damn about me. A couple of years ago, I did a lot of soul-searching and had to ask myself why I was so committed to clinging to the false hope that I had in believing in God. I realized that believing in God was an emotional crutch for me. I also recognized that if I was ever going to recover emotionally and change my life for the better, I needed to let go of that crutch. My mental health and emotional well-being have significantly improved since I disavowed my belief in God and Christianity. In retrospect, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. While I don't regret my decision, I wish that I had made it years earlier so that I could have avoided decades of depression and emotional turmoil.
