Rape Culture is Real

[MysticSang'ha]

I found a great piece from TIME.com that spells out the reality of rape culture, why it's important, and why our turning a blind eye is hurting us as a community.

Last week, in an essay here at Time, Caroline Kitchens wrote that rape culture as a theory over-hyped by “hysterical” feminists. Emboldened by a disappointing and out of touch statement by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), Kitchens writes, “Recently, rape-culture theory has migrated from the lonely corners of the feminist blogosphere into the mainstream. In January, the White House asserted that we need to combat campus rape by ‘[changing] a culture of passivity and tolerance in this country, which too often allows this type of violence to persist…’ Tolerance for rape? Rape is a horrific crime, and rapists are despised.”

Kitchens goes on to downplay the problem of sexual violence saying, “Though rape is certainly a serious problem, there’s no evidence that it’s considered a cultural norm.”

Is 1 in 5 American women surviving rape or attempted rape considered a cultural norm? Is 1 in 6 men being abused before the age of 18 a cultural norm? These statistics are not just shocking, they represent real people. Yet, these millions of survivors and allies don’t raise their collective voices to educate America about our culture of rape because of fear. Rape culture is a real and serious, and we need to talk about it. Simply put, feminists want equality for everyone and that begins with physical safety.

It explains why those who come forward to report rape are categorically humiliated, threatened, and harassed to the point where those who feel they have nowhere else to go end their own lives.

It explains why we don't teach people more about how not to rape, but how not to get raped. We teach people not to steal, to lie, to murder. But we don't teach people more about how to NOT be mugged, how NOT to be lied to, how NOT to be murdered, etc.

We expect human beings to commit sexual assault under the radar, pass it off as no big deal, and protect those who are accused of rape more than those who are raped (and have successfully brought their rapists to justice). From many an archdiocese to university football programs to fraternities to entire cities (Steubenville, OH)....rape culture accepts that rape will happen, and we must expect that those closest to us will assault us at some point.

How dare we call them to accountability for their violence.

Topic for debate: do you believe rape culture exists? Is it as Kitchens writes a product from hysterical feminists? How do we all respond to sexual violence?

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

Last week, in an essay here at Time, Caroline Kitchens wrote that rape culture as a theory over-hyped by “hysterical” feminists.

This is exactly what I have been believing for much time... Then I realised that even walking in the streets or taking the bus, as a woman, was becoming more and more a ordeal and that sexual harassement was common... AND CONSIDERED MORE AND MORE A NORMAL THING.

I am just realizing how terrifying it is, and I have the feeling it's becoming worse and worse. Even in the medias, and on the ads, womens are more and more objectified as sexual objects that are servile and free to use anytime anywhere.

What is not normal, but it's only my opinion, is by being exposed to this whole idea of sexual/gender servitude, mens are becoming more bold and womens are conditionned to this role to the point of believing they deserve it or that it's normal because they are womens.

There is a very good Tumblr about true stories of womens sexually harassed by mens in daily life. And it happen everyday, everywhere, and really show with real life exemples how this "rape culture" is becoming more and more common, and how womens are viewed more and more as sexual objects that are to be taken with or without consent.

Unfortunately it's in french, but there is a very nice "tutorial" for womens about the good and bad reactions while facing a case of sexual harassement. I will translate it after school, because I think it can be useful to discuss about this subject.

Projet Crocodiles

 

[freethinker44]

It explains why we don't teach people more about how not to rape, but how not to get raped. We teach people not to steal, to lie, to murder. But we don't teach people more about how to NOT be mugged, how NOT to be lied to, how NOT to be murdered, etc.

I disagree, I think we do place more burden and criticism on victims of any crime. Lying is the easiest example here. When a car salesman lies through his teeth and rips you off, he's not the bad guy, you're the idiot who didn't see through his lies, you deserved it. It isn't "he lied to you" it's "you got ripped off". Stealing? Why wasn't it secured, why didn't you have your door locked, why was your window open? It shouldn't matter, but it does. Murder gets a bit more sympathy but in cases where the is even a little bit of doubt the victims character is always questioned. The Trayvon Martin case is a great example of someone being put on trial for being murdered.

Topic for debate: do you believe rape culture exists? Is it as Kitchens writes a product from hysterical feminists? How do we all respond to sexual violence?

I think rape culture isn't a separate entity unto itself, I think it is a symptom of a violent culture. So I think it would be far more constructive to combat violence overall instead of rape specifically. In short, because I don't have a lot of time right now, we don't have a problem with rape culture we have a problem we have a problem with violent culture, and I think the perception of rape culture branches from that.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I disagree, I think we do place more burden and criticism on victims of any crime. Lying is the easiest example here. When a car salesman lies through his teeth and rips you off, he's not the bad guy, you're the idiot who didn't see through his lies, you deserved it. It isn't "he lied to you" it's "you got ripped off". Stealing? Why wasn't it secured, why didn't you have your door locked, why was your window open? It shouldn't matter, but it does. Murder gets a bit more sympathy but in cases where the is even a little bit of doubt the victims character is always questioned. The Trayvon Martin case is a great example of someone being put on trial for being murdered.

When we were burglarized, not one person ever suggested to us that we were careless in securing our household. When a family member was physically assaulted, not one person ever asked him if he provoked the assault (oh, and he was left alone after the guy received the guilty verdict. When a con artist is exposed in the media, I haven't seen one person suggest that the victim(s) should die, should shut the **** up and leave the perpetrator alone.

Now bringing up the Martin case, and I'm of the camp that systemic racism still exists in this culture, given that young black men in hoodies are mostly certainly singled out as assumed violent perpetrators just because of how they look and how they talk. I do agree that our culture puts victims of hate-crimes on trial overall, whether it's murder of a transgendered person or a minority person (for example). But the context here is that males and females alike when assaulted sexually, the vast majority of responses is to blame, harass, and threaten the victim.

I think rape culture isn't a separate entity unto itself, I think it is a symptom of a violent culture. So I think it would be far more constructive to combat violence overall instead of rape specifically. In short, because I don't have a lot of time right now, we don't have a problem with rape culture we have a problem we have a problem with violent culture, and I think the perception of rape culture branches from that.

I think rape culture isn't so much under the umbrella of violence, whether people believe the violence is a product of biology or conditioning. I think sexual assault and it's treatment of perpetrators with kid gloves by the justice system and by society as a whole is a product of deeply instilled patriarchy, where power and privilege is granted to the hierarchy. Disrupting the power distinctions is a cultural faux pas of the most insidious kind. Why else would men who rape their 3 year old daughters be sentenced to probation? Or women teachers who molest young 13-year-old boys be fawned over while the boy is ignored for the pain he endured? Or why the boys convicted of rape in Ohio were covered by CNN reporters as brave young men who now have to endure hardship?

Do we give those people who commit murder, arson, and grand theft the same "poor me" pampering treatment?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

This is exactly what I have been believing for much time... Then I realised that even walking in the streets or taking the bus, as a woman, was becoming more and more a ordeal and that sexual harassement was common... AND CONSIDERED MORE AND MORE A NORMAL THING.

I am just realizing how terrifying it is, and I have the feeling it's becoming worse and worse. Even in the medias, and on the ads, womens are more and more objectified as sexual objects that are servile and free to use anytime anywhere.

What is not normal, but it's only my opinion, is by being exposed to this whole idea of sexual/gender servitude, mens are becoming more bold and womens are conditionned to this role to the point of believing they deserve it or that it's normal because they are womens.

There is a very good Tumblr about true stories of womens sexually harassed by mens in daily life. And it happen everyday, everywhere, and really show with real life exemples how this "rape culture" is becoming more and more common, and how womens are viewed more and more as sexual objects that are to be taken with or without consent.

Unfortunately it's in french, but there is a very nice "tutorial" for womens about the good and bad reactions while facing a case of sexual harassement. I will translate it after school, because I think it can be useful to discuss about this subject.

Projet Crocodiles

I get the jist of the link, but a translation would be generous. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Brickjectivity]

I think rape culture begins at the family level when people value their family honour too highly. The children and family members then become afraid to talk about problems. An obsession with family honour is kind of like anorexia: no matter how awesome your family is you feel like you're going to be shamed by society over the slightest issue. A lot of families live with this terrible and groundless fear. It often happens to families by itself due to personal insecurities, but it is sometimes encouraged by the cultural norms. Not all families obsess over their honour, and they shouldn't feel like they have to. There are ways of establishing culture that doesn't punish families for having problems. These should be pursued.

I think some families sense the danger and go in the complete opposite direction, choosing to be as different as possible. I think sometimes they do it to protect their descendants from the fear of exposure when problems come up, so that they can have their problems dealt with and without any additional pressure to keep things a secret.

 

[Amechania]

I think sexual assault and it's treatment of perpetrators with kid gloves by the justice system and by society as a whole is a product of deeply instilled patriarchy, where power and privilege is granted to the hierarchy. Disrupting the power distinctions is a cultural faux pas of the most insidious kind.

Thank you for your thoughful treatment of this subject. This statement really stood out to me. When someone is raped there always seems to be this perception that they might possibly be lying in order to gain some power over the accused. It is another kind of faux pas to actually voice that concern, so instead the victim is tortured in the manner of a medieval witch trial in the hope a confession might lead to repentance.

 

[LuisDantas]

The way I see it, there is a culture of acquisition of "rights", not exactly rape or even violence.

We are taught to think of the world as a retail store of sorts, where things and people exist for our enjoyment and insistence and exercise of power are supposed to be admirable traits.

Rape sort of breeds naturally from such an outlook. Many rapists fail to understand that they are doing something wrong.

 

[illykitty]

I get the jist of the link, but a translation would be generous. Thank you for sharing.

I could translate any you're interested in reading. I ended up reading the whole blog, when I only wanted a peak.

 

[Revoltingest]

When a con artist is exposed in the media, I haven't seen one person suggest that the victim(s) should die, should shut the **** up and leave the perpetrator alone.

But con artists who are clearly guilty are often tolerated by the justice system. We even hear that they
play on the greed of the victim, who expected way-too-easy money, thereby deserving their loss.
Story time:
Saturday, I discovered a friend was being bilked out of money by a con man I know. He only lost $1000, but I know others who lost far more over the years. (One guy lost $130,000.) I'd worked with the USPS Inspector & an FBI office, & discovered that even after raids on his homes ($30,000,000 in stock fraud) they still declined to prosecute. Such matters take a back seat to the drug war & terrorism these days.
I have other stories, which I'll spare you. They are the reason I consider law enforcement useless.

Now bringing up the Martin case, and I'm of the camp that systemic racism still exists in this culture, given that young black men in hoodies are mostly certainly singled out as assumed violent perpetrators just because of how they look and how they talk. I do agree that our culture puts victims of hate-crimes on trial overall, whether it's murder of a transgendered person or a minority person (for example). But the context here is that males and females alike when assaulted sexually, the vast majority of responses is to blame, harass, and threaten the victim.

This case also illustrates anti-white racism. (Zimmerman had to become the newly discovered "white hispanic" in order to be properly demonized & pre-judged.)

I think rape culture isn't so much under the umbrella of violence, whether people believe the violence is a product of biology or conditioning. I think sexual assault and it's treatment of perpetrators with kid gloves by the justice system and by society as a whole is a product of deeply instilled patriarchy, where power and privilege is granted to the hierarchy. Disrupting the power distinctions is a cultural faux pas of the most insidious kind. Why else would men who rape their 3 year old daughters be sentenced to probation? Or women teachers who molest young 13-year-old boys be fawned over while the boy is ignored for the pain he endured? Or why the boys convicted of rape in Ohio were covered by CNN reporters as brave young men who now have to endure hardship?

This is not a universal picture. Rapists do often receive hard time.
The issue is a less extreme one, ie, disparate treatment.

Lest you think I oppose your perspective, I'll add an aspect to the "rape culture" problem:
Convicted people are sent to prison with an expectation that they'll likely be sexually assaulted. And we often hear how some perps deserve to be raped there. (One of my sisters even expressed approval of men being raped there, so that they'd know what it's like.)

Regarding Americastan:
"Rape culture exists" if it's defined as a culture (or culture within a larger culture) which accepts rape.
If feminists are saying the larger culture exhibits "rape culture", then I'd disagree. But I say it exists
in various sub-cultures.

 

[Poeticus]

This case also illustrates anti-white racism. (Zimmerman had to become the newly discovered "white hispanic" in order to be properly demonized & pre-judged.)

If Zimmerman is White,
then I am a gamboge-
colored extraterrestrial
from the Algol System.​

 

[Revoltingest]

If Zimmerman is White,
then I am a gamboge-
colored extraterrestrial
from the Algol System.​

That's a lovely shade of yellow you have there.

 

[Poeticus]

That's a lovely shade of yellow you have there.

Why, thank you, sir!
​

 

[Revoltingest]

Why, thank you, sir!
​

I only knew of it from watching Elementary (better than Sherlock) on TV.

 

[Sunstone]

Even if American rape culture is no more than a manifestation of a larger culture of blaming the victim -- and I personally doubt that it's no more than that -- that would not excuse it, nor lessen its effects.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I think rape is an incredibly vile act and it's disturbing how common it is. However, I've never had the urge to rape anyone, nor have I perceived any cultural or social imperatives, messages, or expectations that I should be out raping people, so, personally, I wouldn't define our society as a "rape culture." I find such a phrase to me more of a tool of rhetoric than a useful or meaningful descriptor.

 

[Brickjectivity]

The way I see it, there is a culture of acquisition of "rights", not exactly rape or even violence.

We are taught to think of the world as a retail store of sorts, where things and people exist for our enjoyment and insistence and exercise of power are supposed to be admirable traits.

Rape sort of breeds naturally from such an outlook. Many rapists fail to understand that they are doing something wrong.

LuisDantes, I don't fully understand what you are trying to say. I agree that many rapists don't comprehend how wrong the act is.

 

[LuisDantas]

LuisDantes, I don't fully understand what you are trying to say. I agree that many rapists don't comprehend how wrong the act is.

Rape is just a particularly obvious and aggressive form of an abusive, misguided mindset of a predatory nature that also manifests in other ways - drug use, attachment to military or "quasi-military" behavior, attachment to the idea of lawsuits or to excess in a more general way.

It is the expression of one's will over the environment, gone way wrong and with an utter lack of wisdom or empathy.

 

[illykitty]

I replied offering translation for a blog earlier but I'll share some stories of my own, related to acceptance of misconduct.

When I was around 14, my mom looked after my cousins for my aunt and uncle (by marriage). Then their dad's sister and her husband would pick them up afterwards. So sent my cousins out to go in the car my mom said she would go take a shower (but she really wanted to avoid the husband). My cousins were out but someone buzzed the apartment again and I let him in. It was the husband and he started talking to me on how I was so grown up and how he wanted to buy me clothes. Then when it was time to leave, he put me against the wall held my hips and started kissing my neck... Then gave me $20 and left.

It took me months before telling this to my mom (only after I told my friends) then my mom called my aunt, who called her sister in law and then I told them. What resulted from this? My aunt said I was lying and it was no big deal, the wife denied it all and of course he denied doing this. My mom, thank goodness, believed me.

I don't think my aunt's ever acknowledged it (only says it's a "misunderstanding") and I felt isolated, alone, the world was against me and so on. If only people believed more/took harassment and rape more seriously. No men should think it's ok to kiss forcibly a woman and even more a teenager. No men should think they "deserve" sex and that it's ok to intimidate women, shout obscenity and so on.

It leaves real psychological scars and even physical ones (I remember feeling dirty for a while after this incident).

 

[freethinker44]

No men should think it's ok to kiss forcibly a woman and even more a teenager. No men should think they "deserve" sex and that it's ok to intimidate women, shout obscenity and so on.

You misspelled "person".