Respect

[YmirGF]

I am not sure I understood the issue. Do you mean I shouldn't speak to my boss in a casual manner ?

There is always some leeway but over-familiarity could be seen as lack of respect.
For example:
"Sure, Robert, I'll be right there."
"Sure, *******, I'll be right there."
"Sure, mein fuhrer, I'll be right there"
"Sure, excellency, I'll be right there."
"Sure, Mr. Peterson, I'll be right there."

Depending on circumstance, the first four could be going a teeny bit too far. The last one might also make the person uncomfortable in a relaxed situation, but won't upset them.

 

[Koldo]

There is always some leeway but over-familiarity could be seen as lack of respect.
For example:
"Sure, Robert, I'll be right there."
"Sure, *******, I'll be right there."
"Sure, mein fuhrer, I'll be right there"
"Sure, excellency, I'll be right there."
"Sure, Mr. Peterson, I'll be right there."

Depending on circumstance, the first four could be going a teeny bit too far. The last one might also make the person uncomfortable in a relaxed situation, but won't upset them.

People tend to confuse familiarity with lack of respect, or even formality in speech with respect, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

 

[YmirGF]

People tend to confuse familiarity with lack of respect, or even formality in speech with respect, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

I agree, but communication is not an exact science and so people do have to tread lightly. The times I detected a lack of respect, it was often people's actions or slowness to action that made me begin to pay attention to them. It often comes across as arrogance or a chip on the shoulder.

 

[Mister Silver]

Should it be the manager because she is a supervisory role and is responsible for the behaviors and actions of the employee? Or should it the employee because she is 20 years older than the manager?

When should respect be afforded? Is respect something that should be given solely because of a person's age? Or does respect have to be earned? What are your thoughts?

The employee should respect the manager. If the employee feels that the manager is wrong or if the employee feels that the manager simply is not respecting the employee's point of view, then the employee should go over the manager's head to speak to the next person in charge.

As for me personally. I afford everyone the courtesy in so far as I treat them as people deserving of kindness, but usually I reserve respect for those who earn it.

 

[Vee]

I had a discussion with one of my employees, who is in her 40s, last week about a disagreement she had with one of my managers. In that conversation, she mentioned that the manager, who is in her 20s, should treat her with respect because she is her elder.

I'm sure we've have all heard the saying, "Respect your elders." But in this scenario, who should be afforded respect in the disagreement (given both should respect each other, but I'm speaking in the case of conflict)? Should it be the manager because she is a supervisory role and is responsible for the behaviors and actions of the employee? Or should it the employee because she is 20 years older than the manager?

When should respect be afforded? Is respect something that should be given solely because of a person's age? Or does respect have to be earned? What are your thoughts?


Edited to clarify: It is already assumed that each person should afford whatever respect deserved as a human being. That is not what is being asked here.

I have a manager who is a few years younger than me and general we get along very well but sometimes we have a disagreement and when that happens, she's the one who has the last word. She's the manager, not me. That never made me feel disrespected.
As the manager, she's entitled to make decisions. That has nothing to do with age and I don't believe anything good can come out of mixing personal feelings in a professional situation.

 

[Sanzbir]

It's unclear. Is the older woman under the manager in the business structure??

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I had a discussion with one of my employees, who is in her 40s, last week about a disagreement she had with one of my managers. In that conversation, she mentioned that the manager, who is in her 20s, should treat her with respect because she is her elder.

I'm sure we've have all heard the saying, "Respect your elders." But in this scenario, who should be afforded respect in the disagreement (given both should respect each other, but I'm speaking in the case of conflict)? Should it be the manager because she is a supervisory role and is responsible for the behaviors and actions of the employee? Or should it the employee because she is 20 years older than the manager?

When should respect be afforded? Is respect something that should be given solely because of a person's age? Or does respect have to be earned? What are your thoughts?


Edited to clarify: It is already assumed that each person should afford whatever respect deserved as a human being. That is not what is being asked here.

I noticed respect for age is not an American thing compared to other countries. The idea is that one of age and/or spiritual experience has more wisdom of things in the past and/or things experienced for years that someone who is young or just started practicing would experience.

Respect for employee and manager in American culture I've noticed is somewhat of the same standards but instead of basing it on wisdom and knowledge, it's based on hierarchy and title. So a manager who has less work-experience and more college experience in financing would be respected more because of their title and station rather than the former wisdom and experience. Age is a factor by default; but then you have a lot of elders who haven't learned by experience. You have younger folk that are more open to how others experienced and can empathize and even take the knowledge in as their own.

The order of respect depends on culture. I'm born, raised, and probably die an American with no cultural experience and never been out of the country. So, respect is somewhat different in southern states as compared to northern.

I'd say that both manager and employee have the responsibility to respect each other. Without the employee, the manager would have to do the work. Without the manager, the employee wouldn't know what work he needs to do. They are dependant of each other for the success of whatever business both of them work for.

In business, age shouldn't factor in the work equation. If anything, respect should be mutual. Unless in the military, I don't' see why respect wouldn't be mutual because titles don't mean anything if you don't have respect for your employee.

 

[SalixIncendium]

...I reserve respect for those who earn it.

How is respect earned?

 

[Brickjectivity]

The issue arose due to the employee thinking that she should be afforded a greater amount of respect because of her age to the extent that she didn't feel the need to follow directives passed down by the manager simply because she was 20 years her junior.

I am curious, because I have never been in management. That sounds odd, like the person has a serious failure to understand what a manager is. Perhaps they are pretending ignorance in order to win something. Everyone wants a manager to leave them be, but managers cannot leave people alone. If managers aren't measuring performance they are attempting to understand motivations and change processes. If they didn't need to do that they'd be assistants not managers. On the other hand if the manager isn't polite and belittles older employees that is going to cost you. I think you should make sure your manager knows how to please people in addition to finding out what precisely happened. Managers are supposed to save you money by knowing their people. It might be a good idea to find out specifically what annoys this employee, particularly if they are a good worker. Perhaps it is a misunderstanding and your manager is too thick to understand the situation? On the other hand maybe you are too distant from the office and have not fully trained your manager.

 

[Mister Silver]

How is respect earned?

It is more along the lines of when I personally deem them worthy of my respect. I tend to have trust issues, so I do not just respect people because it is to be expected or deemed the proper social construct.

 

[Stanyon]

{snip} When should respect be afforded? Is respect something that should be given solely because of a person's age? Or does respect have to be earned? What are your thoughts?

There are right ways of doing things and a lot of wrong ways to do things on both ends, a good manager is one that at least attempts to understand their employees so as to come to the most useful way to approach a problem if they arise and a good employee is one who takes responsibility for their actions and can be reasonable- age doesn't really seem to matter, of course it would be great if it actually worked that way all the time but I've seen unreasonable people on both sides of the fence.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I am curious, because I have never been in management. That sounds odd, like the person has a serious failure to understand what a manager is. Perhaps they are pretending ignorance in order to win something. Everyone wants a manager to leave them be, but managers cannot leave people alone. If managers aren't measuring performance they are attempting to understand motivations and change processes. If they didn't need to do that they'd be assistants not managers. On the other hand if the manager isn't polite and belittles older employees that is going to cost you. I think you should make sure your manager knows how to please people in addition to finding out what precisely happened. Managers are supposed to save you money by knowing their people. It might be a good idea to find out specifically what annoys this employee, particularly if they are a good worker. Perhaps it is a misunderstanding and your manager is too thick to understand the situation? On the other hand maybe you are too distant from the office and have not fully trained your manager.

As alluded to in the OP, the employee in question feels that she should be an additional amount of respect because she is the manager's senior. She tends to question managers that are younger than here. In my discussion with the employee, I made the comparison to me giving her the same directives as the young manager gave her, and she implied that she would have less of an issue following a directive I passed down because I am older than her, which leads me to believe that she feels the manager should afford her a greater amount of respect than I do because of her age.

 

[SalixIncendium]

It is more along the lines of when I personally deem them worthy of my respect. I tend to have trust issues, so I do not just respect people because it is to be expected or deemed the proper social construct.

What qualities lead you to respect someone?

 

[Quintessence]

I had a discussion with one of my employees, who is in her 40s, last week about a disagreement she had with one of my managers. In that conversation, she mentioned that the manager, who is in her 20s, should treat her with respect because she is her elder.

In honesty, the situation sounds like a personal gripe. The employee lost the argument, isn't satisfied with that, and now needs to conjure validation for perceived injustices. Instead of taking responsibility for the situation, they're criticizing how someone else should be behaving.

Nah... forget the "should" game. They aren't the manager, they don't get to prescribe behavior. This person probably needs to be concerned about their own behavior, instead of projecting the blame onto someone else's. By all means offer constructive feedback, but after that? Gotta deal with it... they ain't the boss. Or quit. Or complain higher up the chain. But first really ask if that drama is worth it... or if it's easier to just swallow that ego and change oneself instead.

Besides, if it turns out they're right in the end, resist the urge to do "I told you so" and instead take that as an opportunity to gain influence in the future. Good manager will recognize the employee was right after all, and solicit their opinion down the road.

 

[Mister Silver]

What qualities lead you to respect someone?

Honesty, humor, intellect, creativeness, work ethic (this is a big one: if you're lazy at work and I am the one picking up your slack, I'm not going to respect you. If you're calling out all the time, I'm not going to respect you.)

 

[Polymath257]

When I first started teaching at the university, I was younger than many of my students. But, since I was in front of the classroom and knew the material, I was the one that received the respect.

In a business situation, the person higher up in the hierarchy is the one who makes certain decisions and those decisions need to be respected by those below in the hierarchy. That holds even if those lower are older than those above. The person higher in the structure is *assumed* to have earned the position (or, is at least judged to have done so by those even higher up).

And again, in this case, the fact that the elder person is lower in the structure means that they have NOT been judged to have earned the respect to make certain decisions.

This makes me wonder how long the two people have been with the company. What is their history? Has the elder been passed by for promotion? If so, why? Is there anger because the younger person was promoted and not the elder? Was the younger brought in from outside without experience within the company?

if it is simply a matter to taking orders from someone younger, then the elder just needs to 'get over it'. Otherwise, there may be structural issues within the company that need to be addressed.

 

[ChristineM]

I had a discussion with one of my employees, who is in her 40s, last week about a disagreement she had with one of my managers. In that conversation, she mentioned that the manager, who is in her 20s, should treat her with respect because she is her elder.

I'm sure we've have all heard the saying, "Respect your elders." But in this scenario, who should be afforded respect in the disagreement (given both should respect each other, but I'm speaking in the case of conflict)? Should it be the manager because she is a supervisory role and is responsible for the behaviors and actions of the employee? Or should it the employee because she is 20 years older than the manager?

When should respect be afforded? Is respect something that should be given solely because of a person's age? Or does respect have to be earned? What are your thoughts?


Edited to clarify: It is already assumed that each person should afford whatever respect deserved as a human being. That is not what is being asked here.

Respect is earned. You don't give it because you are told to or because its the done thing. You give respect where respect is due.

 

[SalixIncendium]

This makes me wonder how long the two people have been with the company. What is their history? Has the elder been passed by for promotion? If so, why? Is there anger because the younger person was promoted and not the elder? Was the younger brought in from outside without experience within the company?

The manager has been with the company for about 3 months, but was a general manager for the same brand working for another franchisee for a few years before leaving that group and joining ours. The employee has been with the company at this restaurant for seven years.

As far as history, they didn't really have any and had a decent working relationship until the employee decided she didn't agree with a directive she was given.

The elder has been passed over for promotion for a couple of reasons, one being her availability, another being her unwillingness to set an example by adhering to policies and procedures. Essentially, she isn't "management material."

The manager was brought in as a manager trainee, so technically, she wasn't promoted instead of the elder.

As mentioned in the first paragraph, the manager had experience both in management and with the brand.

if it is simply a matter to taking orders from someone younger, then the elder just needs to 'get over it'.

This is indeed the case as per my assessment in working with the two on a daily basis.

 

[Polymath257]

The elder has been passed over for promotion for a couple of reasons, one being her availability, another being her unwillingness to set an example by adhering to policies and procedures. Essentially, she isn't "management material."

I wonder if some latent anger is present here.

This is indeed the case as per my assessment in working with the two on a daily basis.

Fair enough!

 

[Enoch07]

Having been in this position of disciplining an older employee many years older than myself, I did treat them with dignity and respect. I was treated in kind. My crafty solution was to appeal to their years of experience and asked, "Is this good enough or should something be done?" They agreed that something had to be done. I fired him, we shook hands, and he walked out with some dignity. I did say I would give him a relatively good reference if he needed it. (He was in a rut, had grown ineffectual and knew it.)

Bottom line: In the workplace respect is a must and it is a two way street.

I would say something but Ymirgf nailed it perfectly.