Restaurant bans screaming kids

[Smoke]

My parents would never have let me misbehave. I remember my Granny always saying that children "should be seen and not heard", so that has stuck with me.

I'm not going to claim we never misbehaved in public, but it was rare. My mother would lean down and whisper, "You're going to get it when you get home," and we'd try to be still and quiet thereafter, hoping she'd forgive or forget by the time we got home. She never did.

The dread of punishment was worse than the actual punishment, and helped discourage future misbehavior.

 

[Reverend Rick]

You have to understand that some families are so used to chaotic behavior in their homes, that they have learned to tune it out.

They look at the rest of us and don't even have a clue.

 

[Kathryn]

Honestly, I can't believe what some parents tolerate - in public AND in private.

In my years of selling real estate, I would sometimes walk into a home and it would be immediately apparent that this was the home of a dysfunctional family because of the chaos - and I'm not talking about just toys laying about. I'm talking about PARENTAL chaos.

Unfortunately this impacts the kids. When kids grow up in chaos, they act -well, chaotically. The ramifications of these dysfunctional homes manifest themselves in public.

It's pitiful really. They are not learning critical life skills and their lives will be negatively impacted well into adulthood.

 

[dawny0826]

vs. a child who screams and is dealt with by the parent? I'm guessing someone in the restaurant will be policing parents right?

Thank you. This is my concern as well.

 

[Kathryn]

Look, it's simple really. If your kid is screaming, and you don't take care of the situation promptly, restaurant managment will exercise their right to insist that you leave the premises.

Amen to that.

 

[linwood]

My daughter acted up one time in a restaurant.

I immediately took her outside and we waited for 45 minutes in the car for the rest of my family to slowly finish their meal with me constantly voicing my displeasure at having to wait in the car because she was an intolerable brat.

She has been an absolute pleasure in every public place I`ve ever taken her since that one episode.

I hope this restaurant enforces their policy vigorously.

 

[Kathryn]

Linwood, I had a similar experience - with an older child. My youngest daughter was at that lovely age of about 13 (girls between the ages of 11 and 14 should be sequestered at some sort of private school until they get past that point and become fit for human consumption!). I was a single mom with four kids, so for us to go out to eat after church was a pretty big deal financially. We took a vote and the majority voted on Applebees so off we went. She was unhappy with this choice - as she would have been with any choice that day. The rest of us were trying to have a pleasant meal but her snarky attitude was permeating everything. When the waitress came to take the order, my daughter rolled her eyes and said something along the lines of, "I hate all of this but if I have to order SOMETHING, I guess I'll have THIS crap" and pointed to a menu item. The other kids placed their orders while I fumed. When the waitress got to me, as I looked across the table at that pouty, ungrateful, horrid little person, I suddenly said, "Her order? Take it off the ticket. She won't be eating it. I'll have the oriental chicken salad and an iced tea. Candace, come with me." I took her out to the car (it was a lovely cool spring day) and sat her inside it. I told her, "Sit here till we finish." The car was parked just outside the window we were sitting at.

We ate our meal in peace while she sat in the car fuming.

I have to say, it made an impression - not just on her, but on the other kids as well.

It was a quite satisfying meal.

 

[linwood]

You lucked out and got to eat Kathryn.


Mine was 4 at the time and the car was out of sight.

What I`ve learned about my daughter is that fear of displeasing me is a more impressive motivator for good behavior than any threat or punishment I can dole out.

She loves and respects me, the idea that I disapprove or am disappointed in her just crushes her.

She`s only 10 now so we`ll see how long that lasts.

I`ll milk it as long as I can.

 

[beenie]

My daughter acted up one time in a restaurant.

I immediately took her outside and we waited for 45 minutes in the car for the rest of my family to slowly finish their meal with me constantly voicing my displeasure at having to wait in the car because she was an intolerable brat.

She has been an absolute pleasure in every public place I`ve ever taken her since that one episode.

I hope this restaurant enforces their policy vigorously.

i am a mother of six daughters, ages 12 down to 2. yep, i'm insane...i'll say it before someone else does.

anyway, my husband and i have removed one or more of our children from a restaurant to the car a few times in 12 years. yes, it's only been a few times, because we showed our displeasure with having to sit in the car as well.

it's a parent's responsibility to know their childrens' limits. take them out for lunch during naptime and you'll have a cranky kid. take them out to a crowded lunch/dinnertime and you'll have a hyper, cranky kid.

we pick child-friendly restaurants and we go during the off-peak times...maybe a late lunch at 2 or so. it's better for us and for the few around us.

for what it's worth, i haven't had to remove any of my children in 5 years. the older kids keep the younger ones in-check, and the older ones know better.

it's about common sense. don't expect anyone else to tolerate YOUR kids. it's not fair. i don't tolerate others' kids...i'm dead serious. if i'm out at a restaurant with my hubby or friends, the last thing i want is someone else's kids screaming and running around.

...this coming from a mom of SIX.

 

[Reverend Rick]

I have experienced the same situation with my children when they where younger. All I had to do was ask them if they wanted to go out to the car. They declined.

Now I go to dinner with my adult children and my grandchildren. We never have had a problem thus far.

 

[Kathryn]

You lucked out and got to eat Kathryn.


Mine was 4 at the time and the car was out of sight.

What I`ve learned about my daughter is that fear of displeasing me is a more impressive motivator for good behavior than any threat or punishment I can dole out.

She loves and respects me, the idea that I disapprove or am disappointed in her just crushes her.

She`s only 10 now so we`ll see how long that lasts.

I`ll milk it as long as I can.

Hopefully it will last a long time. I'm 48 and I still want to please my daddy. It's a huge motivator for me even now.

I guess it's a good thing that he's a man who deserves the respect and admiration that I give him!

 

[Misty]

My middle girl had a temper tantrum in the supermarket when she was two, I slapped her bottom, we never had a problem again!

 

[Kathryn]

You go, Misty!

Unfortunately, there are those who would report you for child abuse in that scenario - but it wouldn't be me. I'd come up to you and tell you "Good job."

 

[Misty]

You go, Misty!

Unfortunately, there are those who would report you for child abuse in that scenario - but it wouldn't be me. I'd come up to you and tell you "Good job."

Absolutely! You are only permitted to give a child a very mild slap these days without leaving a mark, or you are up in court. Admittedly some people in my youth went far too far, some of the thrashings I received would have had the perpetrators up in court today, and probably serving a prison sentence, and rightly so.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Well, try smacking an autistic child, y'all, and I assure you it can make it worse.

I have to laugh at all the "I was a well-behaved child/look at how awful parents are nowadays/back in the good ol' days parents could discipline kids/I'm such a perfect parent" stories. LOL

Once I was in a grocery store when my six-year-old autistic son suddenly threw himself on the floor and screamed. The reason was because the cans in the aisle weren't lined up right.

So, I picked him up as best I could and took him out. An older woman said to me as I passed, "He should know better for a boy his age. I would never let my children act out like that."

I said, "Do you know he's autistic?"

She immediately became apologetic and asked how she could help.

I told her she could help by not jumping to conclusions and keeping her nose out of my business.

Food for thought, y'all. Food for thought.

 

[beenie]

Well, try smacking an autistic child, y'all, and I assure you it can make it worse.

I have to laugh at all the "I was a well-behaved child/look at how awful parents are nowadays/back in the good ol' days parents could discipline kids/I'm such a perfect parent" stories. LOL

Once I was in a grocery store when my six-year-old autistic son suddenly threw himself on the floor and screamed. The reason was because the cans in the aisle weren't lined up right.

So, I picked him up as best I could and took him out. An older woman said to me as I passed, "He should know better for a boy his age. I would never let my children act out like that."

I said, "Do you know he's autistic?"

She immediately became apologetic and asked how she could help.

I told her she could help by not jumping to conclusions and keeping her nose out of my business.

Food for thought, y'all. Food for thought.

yes, people will never learn to not jump to conclusions.
you were doing the right thing by handling it, and that stupid woman had no right to say anything to you. it's nosey idiots like that who irritate me to no end.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

yes, people will never learn to not jump to conclusions.
you were doing the right thing by handling it, and that stupid woman had no right to say anything to you. it's nosey idiots like that who irritate me to no end.

Well I'm not fishing for compliments, but thanks.

I just love parenting discussions. People really don't want to be seen as "bad parents" (it's like the worst taboo next to being seen as the town ****). So that's why I laugh.

My kids have screamed before in public. Not a lot, but they have. Did I smack them? Nope. Did I reprimand them for acting up? Nope. I saw what was the problem and just decided it wasn't a good time to be in public. So simply removing ourselves was the best solution and trying another time. Big whoopdie do.

My kids ate mud too. They aren't perfect, and neither are we. I say good for the restaurant for defining their rules clearly. But personally I like a little chaos and food fights every now and then. Keeps everybody relaxed while being on their toes.

That's ok if I'm not a perfect mother, I've been called worse.

 

[beenie]

Well I'm not fishing for compliments, but thanks.

I just love parenting discussions. People really don't want to be seen as "bad parents" (it's like the worst taboo next to being seen as the town ****). So that's why I laugh.

My kids have screamed before in public. Not a lot, but they have. Did I smack them? Nope. Did I reprimand them for acting up? Nope. I saw what was the problem and just decided it wasn't a good time to be in public. So simply removing ourselves was the best solution and trying another time. Big whoopdie do.

My kids ate mud too. They aren't perfect, and neither are we. I say good for the restaurant for defining their rules clearly. But personally I like a little chaos and food fights every now and then. Keeps everybody relaxed while being on their toes.

That's ok if I'm not a perfect mother, I've been called worse.

i totally agree.
i think a mistake people make is treating children like mini-adults. they are nowhere near adults in any fashion.

you and i think alike; i don't reprimand, i take control of the situation and remove myself and the child. i don't like to humiliate them; i do explain to them why i removed them, but not in a public venue.

i like controlled chaos too, just not where i'll annoy others.

 

[Panda]

Good on the restaurant. I can't stand screaming children.

 

[Kathryn]

Look, I am aware that there are autistic kids out there - but there are many more poorly behaved children out there than there are autistic ones. When faced with a screaming temper tantrum from a child, it's more likely that the child is just a brat than it is that they are autistic.

That being said, I don't condone jumping into a family situation when one sees a screaming kid out in public. Because - you never really do know the situation.

But I will say this - in spite of my sympathy for parents of autistic kids - I also don't think it's really fair of them to expect that a restaurant full of people should simply tolerate a screaming child. Reasonable accommodation goes BOTH ways.