That would make a good name for a crappy horror movie.
I think
I was a Teenage Satanist would be a good romantic comedy. Imagine the trailer...
Narrator: This Halloween...
Young Roddy: Lord Satan, I evoke you and
all the forces of darkness into this Triangle of Art!
Roddy's Mother: Roddy, your father and I have been concerned about you lately...
Young Priscila:
Young Roddy: Come to me, Dark Master, and receive this sacrifice!
Roddy's Mother: We noticed the Satanic symbol you drew on your hand...
Young Roddy: Let my joy be the sins of the flesh!
Roddy's Father: We're afraid you're getting yourself involved in Satanism, son.
Young Roddy: Crush my enemies like beetles!
Roddy's Mother: Yes. Wouldn't it be better if you just found yourself a girlfriend instead?
Young Roddy:
Narrator: In a high school where love is against the rules...
Principal Godfrey: I don't wanna see any of you students hugging, kissing, or holding hands on school property.
Young Roddy: What Principal Godfrey says is irrelevant. Satan has made me my own authority.
Narrator: One young man will do his own will...
Principal Godfrey: There will be absolutely no dating among students of Mocking Bird High.
Young Roddy: Hey, Sarah. Will you go out with me?
Sarah: No! Get away from me, you devil-worshipping freak!
Young Roddy: O Prince of Darkness, why must it be so hard to get what I want in life?
Narrator: Until he becomes a foreign exchange student... in Colombia!
Roddy's Father: Son, this will be a great experience for you.
Young Roddy: I doubt it.
Principal Garcia: Welcome, Rodi, to Bogotá High School! I guarantee you'll love it here.
Young Priscila: Hello. I'm Priscila. What's your name?
Young Roddy: Roadie, apparently.
Narrator: From the people who brought you
When in Rome and
The Proposal...
Young Priscila: I'm so happy to have met you, Rodi. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Young Roddy: Not too many girls fall in love with a Satanist.
Young Priscila: Deep down, I know you are actually a good guy.
Narrator: Comes a film about true love and spiritual discovery.
Young Roddy: Mom, Dad, I'm going to Harvard next year.
Swami Harananda: The pursuit of wealth and pleasure are legitimate goals, Roddy. So is realizing the God who is seated in the lotus of your heart and containing the whole uniwerse.
Boss: Congratulations, Roddy! You are now the new Director of Finance.
Older Roddy: Lord Shiva, my life is incomplete without a loving companion.
Swami Harananda: When you are ready, he will pair you with the right woman.
Older Priscila: Rodi!
Older Roddy: Priscila...
Roddy's Mother: I am so happy that your life has turned out this way.
Older Roddy: Priscila and I are getting married in December.
Roddy's Father: Don't get cold feet.
Older Priscila:
Narrator:
I was a Teenage Satanist. Rated PG-13. In theaters October 31.