Seeking personal advice for life-changing decisions

[The Hammer]

Thank you for your kind offer, The Hammer. I would love a tarot reading in private. Thanks, in advance. I've been wanting to ask you for quite some time, but I couldn't muster up the courage to ask. I've been thinking about purchasing tarot cards for myself, but I haven't done that yet.

My inbox is always open. Feel free to PM me.

 

[Sedim Haba]

I don't know much about my birth parents, and I seriously doubt what my adopted parents have told me about them is the truth. I'd like to find out, if I can. Also, a legal annulment of my adoption would more be symbolic than anything else, and it's important to me. I left home shortly after I turned 18, and I'm 48 now. Personally, I see going to court and standing before a Judge to have my adoption annulled as a brave and courageous gesture on my part because I'm taking legal action against what was done to me. My husband said he understood why I want to do this and he supports me. And you're right, my abusive past is part of my history, but that doesn't mean that I can't legally separate myself from my parents and my extended family for my recovery and mental health.

I'd say do what lets you feel in control. These people aren't your flesh & blood kin, and abused you or permitted abuse. Cut off these toxic ties, be free of them.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I think your real family is not necessary the people who raised you.
Sometimes you have to create your family from among the people near you, you know you can trust.

There's a saying that you don't choose your family but you can choose your friends.

 

[idea]

I've shared my story about the abuse I endured for 13 1/2 years while growing up and how my extended family knew about it, but no one in my family ever reported the abuse to the authorities. I was abused at home for 13 1/2 years and perpetually bullied, pushed around and harassed in school for 12 years. Well, I haven't spoken to my parents or seen them for almost two years. It was more difficult for me to cut them out of my life than it was for me to cut my older brother out of my life. And I just recently made the decision to cut my extended family out of my life after an aunt told me that she and my other relatives knew about the abuse.

She told me that it was decided that she and my relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents) wouldn't report my mother to the police or to CPS because they were worried that I might end up in a much worse situation if I had been placed into foster care. She told me that the reason why she didn't report my mother to the police was because my mother is her sister. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and to say that I was totally devastated by hearing these things is an understatement. I feel deeply betrayed by my family.

I've said all that to say this... my personal recovery has been a long and painful process, and I've finally come to the realization that I haven't quite done enough to separate myself from my parents and my so-called family. So, I've decided to (1) legally change my name back to the name I was given at birth and (2) consult an attorney to find out if I can legally have my adoption revoked by a Judge. I'm also going to ask an attorney what it would take to have my adoption papers unsealed. I would like to learn more about my birth parents because I have a feeling that they aren't as horrible as my adopted parents let on. For the record, my husband is completely supportive of my decision to cut all ties with my parents and extended family. He said he'd support me on what I decide.

As you can see, my decisions to cut off all ties to my parents and extended family are literally life-changing decisions, and I'm asking for personal advice (not legal advice) on my difficult situation because I need it. But what I don't need (and I definitely don't want) is to be preached at in this thread. I don't want to hear anything that has to do with Christianity. I'm sorry if saying this is offensive to any Christian (or other theists) who reads this particular request, but I'm not even remotely interested in being preached at. God isn't part of my life anymore, and I don't want to hear anything related to him or to Christianity. I hope my request is respected.

Long story short, I'm seeking some specific advice on my personal situation. I truly feel like legally changing my name and possibly having my adoption revoked will significantly help me recover from the trauma of the abuse I endured while I was growing up.

I would like to know what other people here on RF think.

Mine is a different story, but pulling my name from the records of "the church" (child abuse), and walking away from everyone in that church - walking away from people I thought were my friends, walking away from past beliefs, has been very healing. There are still things that I get triggered from, especially when it comes to kids being hurt by selfish adults (I am a teacher, and school policies that hurt children trigger me). I'm not sure that stuff like this ever goes "away", but I can at least keep my own kids from it.

My parents preached at me last night - I've learned to tune quite a lot of things out, they are old and just do not know any better... I need to be better at setting boundaries with everyone. It is difficult for sure. Blessings on your journey, and big hugs!