Should couples have sex before marriage or not?

[illykitty]

I have no problems with sex before marriage (or outside of marriage, there's people who don't care for this practice). It's up to the people involved, obviously. I don't think there's a "should" involved. I'm not going to say they have to or they shouldn't. I don't have any religious views that sees it as "sinful" or whatever else.

Personally, I preferred to know if I was compatible with my husband with this and other matters. It's not super high on my priorities but no one wants to be stuck in a marriage feeling unfulfilled.

 

[Guy Threepwood]

life is too short to make sex complicated with "morality". As long as it's is consensual, have sex with people you enjoy spending your time with and enjoy life. We are animals and we have needs and it is wrong to sentimentalise our sexual desires as a prelude to life long monogamy as psychologically humans don't really work that way. We may have lasting relationships but that is not the same as "till death do us part" as it is based on mutual feeling rather than legal arrangements. Sexual repression is more trouble than it's worth. Abstinence is a myth as we all masturbate so rather than society making us feel guilty about our desires we should embrace them and enjoy them. It's not a sin to want to sleep with another person. Why should we turn the ecstasy of an orgasm into the enemy?

same 'if it feels good do it' argument could be (and is by some) made for alcohol, drugs etc. Hedonism is not a recipe for happiness. When superficial physical pleasure is your main pursuit, it makes that person superficial and selfish, it makes those selfish 'needs' ever more urgent and ever more difficult to satisfy.

Resisting temptation gives a person strength, control, self respect, frees them from the burden of addiction to lead a more productive, rich , fulfilling life. These are not controversial observations in Christianity.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

same 'if it feels good do it' argument could be (and is by some) made for alcohol, drugs etc. Hedonism is not a recipe for happiness. When superficial physical pleasure is your main pursuit, it makes that person superficial and selfish, it makes those selfish 'needs' ever more urgent and ever more difficult to satisfy.

Resisting temptation gives a person strength, control, self respect, frees them from the burden of addiction to lead a more productive, rich , fulfilling life. These are not controversial observations in Christianity.

How are you getting reckless hedonism out of what he said? He's just saying that humans are animals with sexual needs and we shouldn't feel any shame in fulfilling them, consensually, and that repression is harmful - which it is. Superficiality has nothing to do with it. Selfish? We're all a bit selfish. That's just normal. We all have needs and desires and make use of others to achieve them, while hopefully the other person or persons involved have their needs and desires met, as well.

Actually, there's nothing wrong with hedonism either, as long as you don't let it rule over you. There's nothing wrong with enjoying alcohol or other recreational drugs in moderation.

 

[Laika]

same 'if it feels good do it' argument could be (and is by some) made for alcohol, drugs etc. Hedonism is not a recipe for happiness. When superficial physical pleasure is your main pursuit, it makes that person superficial and selfish, it makes those selfish 'needs' ever more urgent and ever more difficult to satisfy.

Resisting temptation gives a person strength, control, self respect, frees them from the burden of addiction to lead a more productive, rich , fulfilling life. These are not controversial observations in Christianity.

a morality that goes against mans nature by punishing temptation is doomed to hypocrisy. What use is such a morality if we betray the standards of right and wrong we profess but do not practice?

 

[Godobeyer]

I just imagine that I made sex with woman ,then after 10 or 20 years , she comes to me ,and tell me that I have son/daughter from that sex relation !

That's would not be good surpise at all

 

[Smart_Guy]

I just imagine that I made sex with woman ,then after 10 or 20 years , she comes to me ,and tell me that I have son/daughter from that sex relation !

That's would not be good surpise at all

Now some will say "hey, this could happen after marriage too".

Good example, by the way. Now, who of the three is going to (most likely) suffer the most here, the man, the woman or the child? I think the answer is obvious. I don't suppose many of who practice premarital sex even care enough about this. But regardless to if they did or did not, such possible tragedies do happen.

 

[Godobeyer]

Now some will say "hey, this could happen after marriage too".

Good example, by the way. Now, who of the three is going to (most likely) suffer the most here, the man, the woman or the child? I think the answer is obvious. I don't suppose many of who practice premarital sex even care enough about this. But regardless to if they did or did not, such possible tragedies do happen.

Who suffer more?
The child then the woman,and man start suffering just after the moment of shock/ "suprise" that he had child for 10 years ago,and he don't know

 

[Spideymon77]

What if the couple had sex and are already living together? They don't need to be married to live with their lover. Or, someone decides to live with the person they are having the child with.

Sex before marriage can end horribly and can end amazingly well. Of course, it's all about circumstance.

 

[anna3d]

Marriage laws should be reworked in general. As it is, a relationship that is already scary is made terrifying by the laws. Its no surprise that people get married, find out they can't live together and then find out they can't get away from the other person or can't get away from an unhealthy relationship. That's much worse than people sleeping around too much, though there is some increased risk of disease. If your goal is to get married unselfishly and benefit each other, perhaps for the purpose of bringing some awesome and well educated children into the world then you have a responsibility to try to find a solid partnership that will work.

i agree with you

 

[Demonslayer]

same 'if it feels good do it' argument could be (and is by some) made for alcohol, drugs etc.

Alcohol and drugs are harmful to your health. Sex is not.

Hedonism is not a recipe for happiness.

Neither is persistent self-denial.

When superficial physical pleasure is your main pursuit, it makes that person superficial and selfish, it makes those selfish 'needs' ever more urgent and ever more difficult to satisfy.

Who says it has to be someone's "main pursuit?" So a man meets a woman, they date, and let's say on the 5th date they have consensual, wonderful sex. Next day they go to work, pay the bills, etc. etc., all the other things in life. They had sex before marriage, but it doesn't make it their "main pursuit" and it's hardly selfish.

Resisting temptation gives a person strength, control, self respect, frees them from the burden of addiction to lead a more productive, rich , fulfilling life.

Yeah sure, but resisting temptation from what? If I'm talking about cheating on my wife here, I agree with your statement. There is temptation to do that, sure, but I know it's wrong. If I'm talking about eating a tomato, I disagree with your statement. Resisting the temptation to eat a tomato doesn't make you strong, etc, because eating a tomato isn't wrong in any way. Two adults having consensual sex is not wrong in any way either.

These are not controversial observations in Christianity

Except the vast majority of Christians have sex before marriage, very nearly the same number as non-Christians.

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/27/why-young-christians-arent-waiting-anymore/

 

[Spideymon77]

Alcohol and drugs are harmful to your health. Sex is not.



Neither is persistent self-denial.



Who says it has to be someone's "main pursuit?" So a man meets a woman, they date, and let's say on the 5th date they have consensual, wonderful sex. Next day they go to work, pay the bills, etc. etc., all the other things in life. They had sex before marriage, but it doesn't make it their "main pursuit" and it's hardly selfish.



Yeah sure, but resisting temptation from what? If I'm talking about cheating on my wife here, I agree with your statement. There is temptation to do that, sure, but I know it's wrong. If I'm talking about eating a tomato, I disagree with your statement. Resisting the temptation to eat a tomato doesn't make you strong, etc, because eating a tomato isn't wrong in any way. Two adults having consensual sex is not wrong in any way either.



Except the vast majority of Christians have sex before marriage, very nearly the same number as non-Christians.

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/27/why-young-christians-arent-waiting-anymore/

Damn... Threepwood, I think your effed!

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Now some will say "hey, this could happen after marriage too".

Good example, by the way. Now, who of the three is going to (most likely) suffer the most here, the man, the woman or the child? I think the answer is obvious. I don't suppose many of who practice premarital sex even care enough about this. But regardless to if they did or did not, such possible tragedies do happen.

I cared enough to use three different forms of birth control. But I also don't assume that having a child out of wedlock means that child will suffer. And the child could suffer quite a bit more if two incompatible people tried to stay together 'for the kid' and ended up being miserable.

Anyways I'm also pro-choice, so even if I had (against all statistical odds) gotten pregnant, I still wouldn't have brought a child into the world. Again though, with three forms of birth control the likelihood of failing all three is incredibly remote.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I just imagine that I made sex with woman ,then after 10 or 20 years , she comes to me ,and tell me that I have son/daughter from that sex relation !

That's would not be good surpise at all

That's what condoms are for.

 

[1137]

I feel it would be irresponsible not to. Heck, sex is the one thing that truly sets apart a love from a friend. It's important to who we are, to our health, to our relationship.

 

[Demonslayer]

That's what condoms are for.

"Condoms cause AIDS!"

- Pope Benedict

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2009/mar/17/pope-africa-condoms-aids

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

"Condoms cause AIDS!"

- Pope Benedict

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2009/mar/17/pope-africa-condoms-aids

Yeah, I know what they've said. But that's not helping this thread. Certain people in this thread might actually take it seriously, so just don't.

 

[Demonslayer]

Certain people in this thread might actually take it seriously, so just don't.

Just to clarify for any dunderheads out here, condoms do not, nor have they ever, caused AIDS.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Who suffer more?
The child then the woman,and man start suffering just after the moment of shock/ "suprise" that he had child for 10 years ago,and he don't know

Poor child. Poor woman too. Ah, I guess poor man as well

 

[Smart_Guy]

I cared enough to use three different forms of birth control. But I also don't assume that having a child out of wedlock means that child will suffer. And the child could suffer quite a bit more if two incompatible people tried to stay together 'for the kid' and ended up being miserable.

Anyways I'm also pro-choice, so even if I had (against all statistical odds) gotten pregnant, I still wouldn't have brought a child into the world. Again though, with three forms of birth control the likelihood of failing all three is incredibly remote.

Sorry, I know there are who care. I do believe you when you say it in an honest way like this.

It is just that premarital sex has the potential in causing those problems in its nature and birth control still either fails or some don't care about it because they want to have pleasure at its best, but well organized marriage does not have that bad potential in its nature. It is like driving at 200 mph saying it's the same as driving safe within speed limit because the latter still could suffer a bit more death-causing accident possibility.

Even in having abortion in mind, the man could just change his mind in having the relationship go on if pregnancy happens, disappearing like a ninja, and the woman chooses to not have the abortion. This will have the child come to this life not having a father like other children.

I really don't mean to impose in people's freedom, I'm saying all this because children are the first to get hurt in such cases.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Sorry, I know there are who care. I do believe you when you say it in an honest way like this.

It is just that premarital sex has the potential in causing those problems in its nature and birth control still either fails or some don't care about it because they want to have pleasure at its best, but well organized marriage does not have that bad potential in its nature. It is like driving at 200 mph saying it's the same as driving safe within speed limit because the latter still could suffer a bit more death-causing accident possibility.

Even in having abortion in mind, the man could just change his mind in having the relationship go on if pregnancy happens, disappearing like a ninja, and the woman chooses to not have the abortion. This will have the child come to this life not having a father like other children.

I really don't mean to impose in people's freedom, I'm saying all this because children are the first to get hurt in such cases.

Because parents obviously never abandoned their spouse and children after marriage.