Should Teens Marry?

[Bishka]

Why does marriage necessarily equal living apart from the rest of your family? Is love that exclusive that you can only be with one family at any given time?

That's not at all what I getting at. Usually, in the United States, when you get married, you are not living with your family; you are usually on your own. My statement had nothing to do with whether they loved each other or their families, it had to do with their maturity.

 

[Aqualung]

That's not at all what I getting at.

Then why did you specify that they don't have the maturity to cook, clean, or run a household? If they are living with the rest of their family, they won't need that maturity right away and can grow into it, just like an unmarried teen would do, but probably faster.

Usually, in the United States, when you get married, you are not living with your family; you are usually on your own. My statement had nothing to do with whether they loved each other or their families, it had to do with their maturity.

Answered above, I believe.

 

[hollyintuc]

He is very religious and wants to follow the bible and that includes sexual purity, although we admire this we too feel that he they should just go ahead and have sex with caution. He is not buying into that though. I say if you feel that strongly about it then you should just refrain (show your strength) finish college and then get married.

 

[Bishka]

Then why did you specify that they don't have the maturity to cook, clean, or run a household?

Because most of them do not, and as I have stated, most of the people I know who are married, are not living with their families -- therefore they need those skills to run a household. You are assuming that they will live with their families, I am not.

 

[Listener]

I told my daughters they were barred from dating until they're 40. They've all disobeyed me. I'm plotting my revenge as we speak.

I actually have 4 children (3 girls, 1 boy) whom I am very proud of. Although my youngest daughter is doing her best to get me to disown her. She's doing a damn fine job at it, too.

I completely agree with putting no restrictions on love. However, logic often outweighs love. And logic tells me that how you act when you're young is not how you will be when one gains in years. You may be in love and 100% compatible when you are 18 but most likely you will develop a vastly different personality when you arrive in your late 20s and early 30s. It's very likely both of you will be different people and quite possibly grow apart. I believe this is one of the reasons for the mile-high divorce rate in this country.

There's also this image nowadays that women feel the need to marry straight out of high school. My youngest daughter is 16 and some of her friends whom are seniors are already engaged. It's frightening in a way.

In the end my best advice to all the future parents out there would be to teach your children as best you can and trust they will make the best decisions. Oddly enough, if brought up with good values, they usually make you proud.

Personally I don't understand it.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

What I would like to know, is what is the rush to marry? If you love each other than much it shouldnt matter whether your married or not! Marriage isnt going to be banned anytime soon, so it will still be around in the next few years when the are older, more mature and know for certain that they have found the right person!

 

[Bishka]

What I would like to know, is what is the rush to marry?

Mine was for a couple of reasons.

One of the reasons was for sex. In my faith (LDS), we beleve in waiting to have sex until after marriage and that was a big deal to me, so I knew when I met my husband, he was the right one and I did not want to get myself into trouble.

Two, for me, it was just the right thing to do, and I am glad that I did. I look back at my life over the past couple of years and I try to imagine what it would have been like to not have married him and I shudder.

 

[UnTheist]

If you have proven yourself to be mature and responsible, then yes.

 

[Aqualung]

Because most of them do not, and as I have stated, most of the people I know who are married, are not living with their families -- therefore they need those skills to run a household. You are assuming that they will live with their families, I am not.

So basically, we could reword your proposition as this - in a society where teen couples must live outside of their family, then they should not be able to marry. But in a society such as this where that sort of thing isn't forced (ie, where they are perfectly able to live with their families and learn responsibility from them), then why force them to not marry?

 

[Sunstone]

I also don't believe that most teens have any idea about what they want in a partner. When I was a teenager all I really cared about were looks. One has to be older, wiser and experience life as an adult before you can really know what qualities you want in a spouse.

I've found that to be very true.

 

[Ðanisty]

What I would like to know, is what is the rush to marry? If you love each other than much it shouldnt matter whether your married or not! Marriage isnt going to be banned anytime soon, so it will still be around in the next few years when the are older, more mature and know for certain that they have found the right person!

If you love each other that much, why wait? I mean, I had been dating my husband for 2 years when we got married. We went through more together in those two years than most people deal with in their whole life. If you're certain, what reason is there to wait?

 

[Bishka]

So basically, we could reword your proposition as this - in a society where teen couples must live outside of their family, then they should not be able to marry.

No. If you would read my posts and understand my position, I said most teenagers are immature and probably should not marry. When I was 16-18, there is no way that I would have gotten married, even getting married at age 19 was a bit too soon for me. I am not going to ban those teenagers from getting married, but it is not a smart move to get married so young.

But in a society such as this where that sort of thing isn't forced (ie, where they are perfectly able to live with their families and learn responsibility from them), then why force them to not marry?

I am not forcing anybody to do anything, you have inferred that from my post and it is not something that I have said.

 

[Bishka]

If you're certain, what reason is there to wait?

Exactly.

I must point out though, that you and your husband seemed to be a bit more mature then most couples who think everything will peaches and cream.

To illustrate this point I will relay the story of my ex-best friend from high school. In high school, I never 'dated' anyone and was actually never asked out on a date by a guy. This friend of mine had several boyfriends and during my senior year she was very serious with this one boy. They eventually ended up having sex (she was LDS) and then she decided after those times that she wanted to marry him. As I was friends with them both I heard both sides of the story. He did not want to get married, but she kept going on about how 'in love' she was and eventually I believe he sadi he would just to shut her up.

She was only a sophmore in school and she said that once he graduated she would drop out of school so they could get married and then they could move away and live 'happilly ever after'. She was naive enough to believe that things would be perfect if that happened. There were other issues with him and she said to me once 'after we get married, those things won't bother me anymore'. To me this is pure immaturity and a refusual to see things for what they actually are.

This is just one of the many stories I could tell you about people I knew in high school. Like I mentioned, I was hardly mature enough to get married, but I grew real fast as soon as I did and realized that marriage is not all peaches and cream and that it consists of hard work, service, sacrafice and love.


Anywho. *Steps off soapbox*

 

[Zeno]

Biologically I think we are fitted to marry in our teens, at least in terms of reproduction and families and such. But the reason we evolved in this way is because average lifespans used to be much, much younger than they are now.

[Caveat: The rest of this will be USA-centric because it is where I live]

Our society is actively pushing back adulthood. Even in terms of the past 30 years or so the amount of people attending college has increased dramatically. Add to that the increasing attendance in professional and graduate schools, and we're looking at a dramatically increased path to adulthood. I think the mentality associated with continuing school well past age 22 means that people tend to avoid that "adult" mindset until they begin their careers. How much the actual mindset has to do with a successful marriage, I am not really sure. However I think the experiences (lots of dating, lots of different social settings) and education of college definitely contribute to a better understanding of relationships.

I don't have the specific statistic on this, but I read not too long ago that for every year marriage is put off starting at like age 20, divorce rates increasingly decline until topping out somewhere in the 30's. Basically, the chance of divorce with people who have college degrees tends to be much lower.

• Just found a couple stats: for women who marry between 20 and 24, there is a 36.6% chance of divorce. And for women who marry between 25 and 29, the percentage drops to 16.4%. It further drops to 8.5% for women who marry between age 30 and 34.
• 59 percent of marriages for women under the age of 18 end in divorce within 15 years. The divorce rate drops to 36 percent for those married at age 20 or older.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

if the times were different, and teenagers were actually mature... (they are not this day and age) why not?

after sexual organs develop i think that would be a good time designated by nature to marry or copulate or whatever. Of course thats how i believe we were designed...but there is a bit of a huge population problem, so marrying later is good for curbing that just a tad.

teens, right now, are NOT capable of handling serious relationships though...100 years ago...they were

I agree with that completely. The societal structure would need an overhaul starting with education. First school would have to be condensed. I think that is probably the best idea anyway. I think school curriculums are stretched to far over too long a time period. Being able to get an education at a younger age, would allow for getting a means to support yourself finacially. This will enable the teens to mature faster. Well its too much to go into the details, but if it were set up better I'd have no problem with teens marrying.

 

[Aqualung]

No. If you would read my posts and understand my position,

I suppose I could say the same to you. I agreed that they were immature, after all, but I then posited that this is not a reason they should not get married, because there are fall backs for immaturity. You then retorted with the idea that not many people live at home, but I still wonder why this is any reason that teens should not marry. This is the question I am on. You can answer it or not. I really don't care.

 

[Jaymes]

Sometimes I don't think teens should be allowed to drive, much less marry.

I'd say yes if and only if at least one of the two had a steady job that pays something more than a grocery bagger and they're both mature.

 

[jacquie4000]

I agree with alot of the previous post. I believe they do not usually know at this age who would make the best partner for them for one. I only figured that out when I was in my 30's. True love is not always the best choice, it may seem like it at first but it may not last over the long haul. Plus why do they need the extra burden of marriage at such a young age. They should live and explore and truely know who they are before diving into marriage.

 

[Bishka]

but I then posited that this is not a reason they should not get married, because there are fall backs for immaturity. Y

Like what?

 

[Mathematician]

As if most adults should marry.