Suing the Parents of Bullies?

[Sunstone]

Should people be allowed to sue the parents of bullies? Why or why not?

[Interesting, albeit poorly written, article on a town that allows lawsuits against the parents of bullies]

 

[lovesong]

Should people be allowed to sue the parents of bullies? Why or why not?

[Interesting, albeit poorly written, article on a town that allows lawsuits against the parents of bullies]

Depends on how severe the bullying is. If it was taken care of by school authorities and the bully stopped, then no. If the bully caused substantial physical harm (more than poking, for example), or deep psychological trouble to the point where the child felt unsafe, was unable to concentrate on school, or developed deeper issues as a result, than yes.

 

[Raahim]

Stoning them would be enough if you ask me.
[Hint: Joke]

I don't support this, although parents are mostly the ones responsible for child's behaviour but they simply can't have 100% control over their kids.
I'm not strictly against it, depends more on how hard the bullying is - if it's just on words (despite it being possible leader to some issues in self-esteem etc.) then some normal acts should be done like detention for the kid but if physical bullying is present with (even a bruise) then I would say a sue is legit and it could be taken to the court against parents (& kid).

Edit: I wonder, what evidence could be taken for such case?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

No, on the grounds it may be taken out--and rather harshly--on the bully child by their bully parents.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Therapists and school officials need to develop and monitor an intervention that engages both parent and child. Punitive action can and should be taken against those who resist such efforts, but to simply say "fix your child or pay a fine" is to abdicate our responsibility to our youth.

 

[Draka]

Many times children will bully to have a sense of control over others that they feel they lack at home. Fining parents who already likely mistreat their children will only exacerbate some problems. Now that's not to say parents shouldn't be held accountable but other methods should be looked at. School counselors sitting down with the bully and parents both separately and together would be a start.

I've gone through both the school and used direct communication with other parents both. Everything isn't perfect, but when is it ever?

 

[Valjean]

Is the defect in the parenting or in the child? The best parenting in the world isn't going to rewire the brain of a child with an organic personality disorder.

 

[suncowiam]

I see bullying as a test for our children.

I rather not have my children be bullied but if it happens then I see it as a learning opportunity assuming the form of bullying is not too extreme.

They're going to learn that not everyone will treat them fair. They will have to build esteem and confidence to deal with those situations. At the same time, they can learn that bullies are human too.

This would be my opportunity to guide them through what I think is a normal experience for anyone. When they grow up, they most likely will experience more extreme forms like racism, bigotry, hate. These events now will help prepare them for future events.

I would only sue if there was actual property damage or money loss occurred.

Anyone can sue for any situation. It's their choice, doesn't mean they'll win in a court of law.

 

[Smart_Guy]

More weird suit cases? What the heck, USA?
(I'm presuming it is in USA. The link is blocked here)

 

[SomeRandom]

No.
I think bullying is a multifaceted issue. Some kids just bully as a bit of regular (though still unacceptable) behavior. A bit of teasing, mocking or deriding someone. Children fight, children mock each other. Children tease. That's just what kids will do. Many times it will even be a friendship thing. Such actions should be subject to regular discipline, detention, talks and other punitive measures.
For more serious instances of bullying I think there's other things going on. Isn't that why we have mental health professionals in schools in the first place?

I do think there are issues with the system. Often a kid will snap after weeks or months or even years of bullying and find themselves on the receiving end of the discipline after fighting back. A nasty side affect of a lot of "no tolerance" policies.

Bullies and the bullied both need to have their own issues addressed but simply fining the parents won't help neglectful or ruthless parents. This could cause the bully to be treated even more harshly by their parents (if they have that home life) and in turn merely make said bully more prone to lash out and just make the situation worse.
Parents of both kids need to be included, but not like this.

 

[Papoon]

I think I went a bit old school some years back. I was living in a small town in Tasmania (where even the state capital, Hobart, is a small town ) amnd the nearest police officer worked out of a sort of nearby slightly larger town.

There was no way that officer could adequately serve his jurisdiction.

So the locals in my little town struck a deal. The local football club was The Law. So long as they didn't generate problematic paperwork for the officer by actually killing someone or whatever. Classic example - punk gangsters arrive in town and start selling drugs. OK, that's fine... Selling hard drugs to youngsters ? Not fine. The dealers got a visit from the Football Club, who politely ask them to leave town. The punks say **** you. The Football Club enter the premises with baseball bats and telephone books, and without them leaving any bruises or tedious paperwork, the miscreants agree to leave.

This was circa 1999.

It took a little while living there to really appreciate the virtue of community delivered values and justice. As far as I know, this arrangement between the community and the police officer worked very well, without excesses, because it was relatively transparent to that community, and did in the final analysis enact the will and values of the community.

The relation of that anecdote to this thread is - the delivery of mediation and justice is now very abstracted from the community whose values it ostensibly serves. In fact, the idea of enacting community values locally without reference to committee and lawyer driven politically correct protocols seems almost barbaric. We've been stooged.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I see bullying as a test for our children.

It is not a test. Not only does it tear children (and even adults) down, it's not at all unusual for their problems to get dismissed and sweep under the rug, and when they try to stand up for themselves they are the ones causing trouble. And what of those who were bullied so severely they killed themselves? What of the bullies who tell their targets to go kill themselves?
Personally, I'd rather see this "right of passage" type of mentality die off sooner than homophobia. No one deserves to be bullied, no one should have to endure it, and the bullied should never get in trouble for standing up for themselves, even if it does involve blood and broken bones.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I see bullying as a test for our children.

I rather not have my children be bullied but if it happens then I see it as a learning opportunity assuming the form of bullying is not too extreme.

They're going to learn that not everyone will treat them fair. They will have to build esteem and confidence to deal with those situations. At the same time, they can learn that bullies are human too.

This would be my opportunity to guide them through what I think is a normal experience for anyone. When they grow up, they most likely will experience more extreme forms like racism, bigotry, hate. These events now will help prepare them for future events.

I would only sue if there was actual property damage or money loss occurred.

Anyone can sue for any situation. It's their choice, doesn't mean they'll win in a court of law.

I get what you mean, but as with any learning, children aren't as easily guided down the right path, in terms of how to handle the mistreatment.
Building self-esteem and confidence in a child WHILST they are being bullied is largely an oxymoron. Instead, children with self esteem and confidence tend to handle bullying better (largely by not becoming victims in the first place).
What I would like for my kids when they are going through school (as they are now) is to be able to concentrate on their studies, their friendships, and their ability to communicate. Whilst they need to fall (metaphorically) and learn to pick themselves up, I don't particularly want this occurring at the hands of some emotionally stunted individual who is probably targeting my kids due to their 'differences' or confidence issues in the first place.

(Note : There is a clear difference to me between bullying and simple disagreements, arguments, etc. One is repetitive and ongoing.)

 

[suncowiam]

It is not a test. Not only does it tear children (and even adults) down, it's not at all unusual for their problems to get dismissed and sweep under the rug, and when they try to stand up for themselves they are the ones causing trouble. And what of those who were bullied so severely they killed themselves? What of the bullies who tell their targets to go kill themselves?
Personally, I'd rather see this "right of passage" type of mentality die off sooner than homophobia. No one deserves to be bullied, no one should have to endure it, and the bullied should never get in trouble for standing up for themselves, even if it does involve blood and broken bones.

I get what you mean, but as with any learning, children aren't as easily guided down the right path, in terms of how to handle the mistreatment.
Building self-esteem and confidence in a child WHILST they are being bullied is largely an oxymoron. Instead, children with self esteem and confidence tend to handle bullying better (largely by not becoming victims in the first place).
What I would like for my kids when they are going through school (as they are now) is to be able to concentrate on their studies, their friendships, and their ability to communicate. Whilst they need to fall (metaphorically) and learn to pick themselves up, I don't particularly want this occurring at the hands of some emotionally stunted individual who is probably targeting my kids due to their 'differences' or confidence issues in the first place.

(Note : There is a clear difference to me between bullying and simple disagreements, arguments, etc. One is repetitive and ongoing.)

Very strong emotions on this subject.

I stick by my guns. We as individuals have to learn to deal with all kinds of situations no matter how difficult they are. Life can throw some devastating curve balls.

What's probably missed in from my opinion is that I will ensure my kids safety first and foremost but if I feel it could be a learning experience then I would prefer to see my children handle it. If I step in, then I will be a crutch to them. Maybe the first several times are fine, but I won't always be around to fight their battles. Nor should I.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Very strong emotions on this subject.

I stick by my guns. We as individuals have to learn to deal with all kinds of situations no matter how difficult they are. Life can throw some devastating curve balls.

What's probably missed in from my opinion is that I will ensure my kids safety first and foremost but if I feel it could be a learning experience then I would prefer to see my children handle it. If I step in, then I will be a crutch to them. Maybe the first several times are fine, but I won't always be around to fight their battles. Nor should I.

Can't speak for @Shadow Wolf, but in my case it's more a nod to my primary school teaching background, my psychology training, and my experience as a parent.
Not suggesting that makes me an 'expert' on this, just giving some information on my reasoning.

Trial by fire works great AFTER someone has been prepared to cope with it. It reinforces a belief in their own strength.
Trial by fire can cause great damage if performed BEFORE someone has been prepared to cope with it. It becomes a mental barrier, a scar.

I'm simplifying greatly, but I am convinced of this. Some kids would be ready/able to cope with such trials very early, and this would speak to their home life, their genetics, etc. Some would not be ready.
Kids that lack confidence, etc, tend to more often become the targets of bullies, who are ultimately seeking to reinforce their own sense of power, often based on an underlying powerlessness against some other force in their lives (parents being a common example).

I like letting my kids fall. Helicopter parents (hovering around) do a massive amount of damage to their own children, in my opinion. But targeted and repetitive bullying isn't a 'normal' life experience.

If I can draw an analogy, my daughter is playing basketball. Playing against some stronger and more aggressive kids is good for her, I think. But she is 7. There is a limit. Were I to throw her in an under 15's game, all she is going to learn is that basketball is no fun, and it's easy to get badly hurt. The 'trials' need to be ones your children have a legitimate chance of learning positive lessons from. We all learn from all things. But 'learning' isn't inherently positive.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I stick by my guns. We as individuals have to learn to deal with all kinds of situations no matter how difficult they are. Life can throw some devastating curve balls.

Try telling that to the children who were so severely bullied they killed themselves.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Perhaps you should watch this if you think it's some sort of trial or right of passage (It's the Bully documentary):
http://www.veoh.com/watch/v45037010aXNkPw8X

 

[Smart_Guy]

Try telling that to the children who were so severely bullied they killed themselves.

OMG, does this really happen? Where I live "severely bullied" does not even do the bullying we get justice (trust me, I know), but so far I've never heard it happened.

 

[Estro Felino]

Is the defect in the parenting or in the child? The best parenting in the world isn't going to rewire the brain of a child with an organic personality disorder.

Sure, there are extreme cases where children have problems which can't be corrected by parental education. Although, in most cases, children's behavior (that is how they interact with the external world) is the direct result of what they learned in the family, or in other words, of what their parents directly taught them to do.
So I am sorry to say that it is almost always parents's fault. Because if you teach your kid to do self-criticism, instead of criticizing others, they will understand that bullying is totally wrong and repulsive.
But if you teach your kid values like extreme competitiveness, bullying will be considered an admissible practice by the kid in question

 

[Thief]

Should people be allowed to sue the parents of bullies? Why or why not?

[Interesting, albeit poorly written, article on a town that allows lawsuits against the parents of bullies]

I'm going to say ...yeah

in my old neighborhood....it was not uncommon for a total stranger to kick your *** for fun
serious fun
hard fun
omg....go to the hospital ......fun....

so yeah.....