Suing the Parents of Bullies?

[Thief]

and for the lesser forms of assault......
point the guy out to a cop.....and may there be misdemeanor charges....

 

[SomeRandom]

Very strong emotions on this subject.

I stick by my guns. We as individuals have to learn to deal with all kinds of situations no matter how difficult they are. Life can throw some devastating curve balls.

What's probably missed in from my opinion is that I will ensure my kids safety first and foremost but if I feel it could be a learning experience then I would prefer to see my children handle it. If I step in, then I will be a crutch to them. Maybe the first several times are fine, but I won't always be around to fight their battles. Nor should I.

I can see the value in such a viewpoint. But I kind of have to side with @lewisnotmiller. Build them up before any potential bullying starts. It's much easier to teach a kid to fight against the world when they feel good about themselves.

Having said that, however, my dad's friends actually took an approach much like yours probably is. We young girls grew up around their very harsh words towards us. But we were taught early on that the reasonable response to such treatment was to give as good as we got and not let it bother us in the slightest. So as we grew up, when we were confronted with situations of bullying, we shot straight back and walked away with heads held high.
I distinctly recall my "cousin" telling her dad once (she was around like 12 - 14 at the time and I looked up to her because she was older and "cooler") that a guy pulled a knife on her and a girlfriend when out one night. Her father replied "once you stopped laughing at the fool, what did you do?"

I guess ultimately we were raised as scrappers. Our parental units were always there for us, obviously. But we were taught that we were capable of fighting back. And that did probably enable us to traverse various obstacles with a lot more ease than some kids. So there is a lot of merit in letting the kids fight instead of saving them all the time.

 

[Thief]

almost lost my left eye in one of those......just for fun ordeals....

 

[idav]

Should people be allowed to sue the parents of bullies? Why or why not?

[Interesting, albeit poorly written, article on a town that allows lawsuits against the parents of bullies]

Sometimes it might not be a crime per se so they can answer to civil.

 

[Father Heathen]

Perhaps parents should be held responsible for the behavior of their children, since their children's behavior is likely the result of how they were taught, raised, influenced, disciplined, etc. by their parents.

 

[Smart_Guy]

So, what kind of thread can they be sewed with that can benefit this matter?

No seriously, sew them? It makes sense to put responsibility on them being the guardians, sewing them? Then again, if parents can be harassed by the government for spanking their children, I can imagine it happening. Unless I'm missing something here being my ignorant self?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Should people be allowed to sue the parents of bullies?

Not as long as my kid is allowed to beat the crap out of bullies without fear of punishment.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

OMG, does this really happen? Where I live "severely bullied" does not even do the bullying we get justice (trust me, I know), but so far I've never heard it happened.

Unfortunately, it does. The documentary I linked to even mentions someone that did.

and for the lesser forms of assault......
point the guy out to a cop.....and may there be misdemeanor charges....

For what we think of, typically, as bullying, a child would go to their teacher. Far too often the teacher does nothing and the bullying is excused.

 

[Thief]

Unfortunately, it does. The documentary I linked to even mentions someone that did.

For what we think of, typically, as bullying, a child would go to their teacher. Far too often the teacher does nothing and the bullying is excused.

oh....yeah....
I guess my point of reference is a bit more severe

 

[Milton Platt]

Should people be allowed to sue the parents of bullies? Why or why not?

[Interesting, albeit poorly written, article on a town that allows lawsuits against the parents of bullies]

Each person is responsible for his/her own actions. Should you sue the grandparents because their children did not properly raise their Grandchildren???

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I can see the value in such a viewpoint. But I kind of have to side with @lewisnotmiller. Build them up before any potential bullying starts. It's much easier to teach a kid to fight against the world when they feel good about themselves.

Having said that, however, my dad's friends actually took an approach much like yours probably is. We young girls grew up around their very harsh words towards us. But we were taught early on that the reasonable response to such treatment was to give as good as we got and not let it bother us in the slightest. So as we grew up, when we were confronted with situations of bullying, we shot straight back and walked away with heads held high.
I distinctly recall my "cousin" telling her dad once (she was around like 12 - 14 at the time and I looked up to her because she was older and "cooler") that a guy pulled a knife on her and a girlfriend when out one night. Her father replied "once you stopped laughing at the fool, what did you do?"

I guess ultimately we were raised as scrappers. Our parental units were always there for us, obviously. But we were taught that we were capable of fighting back. And that did probably enable us to traverse various obstacles with a lot more ease than some kids. So there is a lot of merit in letting the kids fight instead of saving them all the time.

Just to clarify my position, I absolutely do not advocate 'saving all the time' and would define bullying as ongoing and targetted activities. Arguments, fights and whatever are (basically) of no interest to me and I wouldn't want to get involved.

 

[SomeRandom]

Just to clarify my position, I absolutely do not advocate 'saving all the time' and would define bullying as ongoing and targetted activities. Arguments, fights and whatever are (basically) of no interest to me and I wouldn't want to get involved.

Fair enough.

 

[suncowiam]

Can't speak for @Shadow Wolf, but in my case it's more a nod to my primary school teaching background, my psychology training, and my experience as a parent.
Not suggesting that makes me an 'expert' on this, just giving some information on my reasoning.

Trial by fire works great AFTER someone has been prepared to cope with it. It reinforces a belief in their own strength.
Trial by fire can cause great damage if performed BEFORE someone has been prepared to cope with it. It becomes a mental barrier, a scar.

I'm simplifying greatly, but I am convinced of this. Some kids would be ready/able to cope with such trials very early, and this would speak to their home life, their genetics, etc. Some would not be ready.
Kids that lack confidence, etc, tend to more often become the targets of bullies, who are ultimately seeking to reinforce their own sense of power, often based on an underlying powerlessness against some other force in their lives (parents being a common example).

I like letting my kids fall. Helicopter parents (hovering around) do a massive amount of damage to their own children, in my opinion. But targeted and repetitive bullying isn't a 'normal' life experience.

If I can draw an analogy, my daughter is playing basketball. Playing against some stronger and more aggressive kids is good for her, I think. But she is 7. There is a limit. Were I to throw her in an under 15's game, all she is going to learn is that basketball is no fun, and it's easy to get badly hurt. The 'trials' need to be ones your children have a legitimate chance of learning positive lessons from. We all learn from all things. But 'learning' isn't inherently positive.

Try telling that to the children who were so severely bullied they killed themselves.

When arguments are made with hypothetical death results, well, there's really not much to respond back without sounding a bit callous. But I'll give it a shot...

Obviously, I wouldn't let my children run with knives or play with guns so there's some evaluation to be made as to what is acceptable and if it meets a goal. Simply said, that goal is not to die. As I've stated before, that goal is to learn and become more independent.

There's a lot of subjectivity on this topic as what constitutes bullying, less or even more than bullying. I believe that is where, we're all not seeing on the same level.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Obviously, I wouldn't let my children run with knives or play with guns so there's some evaluation to be made as to what is acceptable and if it meets a goal. Simply said, that goal is not to die. As I've stated before, that goal is to learn and become more independent.

There is more to it than just that. It's not uncommon for a child who is being bullied to stand up for themselves, but be the one that gets in trouble for starting trouble. Or they go to a teacher or other adult, and the bullying is excused and dismissed, and nothing is done. Universally bullying should be condemned, and no decent person should ever think of it as anything positive. EVER! Do we look at abusive parents and tell the child(ren) that it's a learning experience, a right of passage, and it's something they'll be grateful for later on? Of course not! And we don't do that because we know abusive parents are, at minimum, cause psychological damage in their children. It's no different when comes to bullying, especially when people dismiss it, turn cold shoulders, and don't help with it. What do you tell a child who is being bullied by just about everyone? The ones who are pretty much the class punching bag? Are you going to tell them it's a "trail" when even the teachers are siding against them?
Bullies shouldn't be bullied themselves, but they most certainly should be brought to face the consequences of their actions. And because bullying does cause psychological damage and trauma, it should never be dismissed, and it should never be thought of as a "right of passage" or a "trial."
Myself, I didn't kill myself over it, but because I was having to endure it, every day, in an environment where I got in trouble for standing up for myself and my teachers kept turning a blind eye to it, I had poor grades in school, I had poor attendance, I wanted to drop out of school, I knew anxiety and panic attacks as a child, I was only in second grade when a doctor thought I developed a stomach ulcer from the stress, and instead of learning how to interact with people I learned how to avoid them and not trust them - it went a very long way in exacerbating the social difficulties I already have with having Asperger's. My childhood was not a happy one, but rather a hellish existence of having to endure day-after-day of pain, being mocked and ridiculed, degraded, pushed around, and harassed. There was absolutely nothing good about it.

 

[suncowiam]

There is more to it than just that. It's not uncommon for a child who is being bullied to stand up for themselves, but be the one that gets in trouble for starting trouble. Or they go to a teacher or other adult, and the bullying is excused and dismissed, and nothing is done. Universally bullying should be condemned, and no decent person should ever think of it as anything positive. EVER! Do we look at abusive parents and tell the child(ren) that it's a learning experience, a right of passage, and it's something they'll be grateful for later on? Of course not! And we don't do that because we know abusive parents are, at minimum, cause psychological damage in their children. It's no different when comes to bullying, especially when people dismiss it, turn cold shoulders, and don't help with it. What do you tell a child who is being bullied by just about everyone? The ones who are pretty much the class punching bag? Are you going to tell them it's a "trail" when even the teachers are siding against them?
Bullies shouldn't be bullied themselves, but they most certainly should be brought to face the consequences of their actions. And because bullying does cause psychological damage and trauma, it should never be dismissed, and it should never be thought of as a "right of passage" or a "trial."
Myself, I didn't kill myself over it, but because I was having to endure it, every day, in an environment where I got in trouble for standing up for myself and my teachers kept turning a blind eye to it, I had poor grades in school, I had poor attendance, I wanted to drop out of school, I knew anxiety and panic attacks as a child, I was only in second grade when a doctor thought I developed a stomach ulcer from the stress, and instead of learning how to interact with people I learned how to avoid them and not trust them - it went a very long way in exacerbating the social difficulties I already have with having Asperger's. My childhood was not a happy one, but rather a hellish existence of having to endure day-after-day of pain, being mocked and ridiculed, degraded, pushed around, and harassed. There was absolutely nothing good about it.

I felt this was more personal for you. No, I don't condone those actions and I'm sorry for your experience.

All I can tell you with context to the original subject, that as a parent, I won't be around forever for my kids. They have to be able to endure any situation that arises no matter how dire. I have to find a ways to spin a situation on its toes so my kids can be better from it. Shielding them won't do them justice, imho.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

All I can tell you with context to the original subject, that as a parent, I won't be around forever for my kids. They have to be able to endure any situation that arises no matter how dire. I have to find a ways to spin a situation on its toes so my kids can be better from it. Shielding them won't do them justice, imho.

I never mentioned shielding children from anything, but rather the issue not be dismissed, not acknowledged as something positive, that a child who is bullied not get into trouble for standing up to their bullies, and for teachers and other adults to take a proactive role in addressing the problem.

 

[psychoslice]

I think all bullies should be put into one school, a school for no one other than bullies, then let them do whatever they want to each other.

 

[averageJOE]

I see bullying as a test for our children.

I rather not have my children be bullied but if it happens then I see it as a learning opportunity assuming the form of bullying is not too extreme.

They're going to learn that not everyone will treat them fair. They will have to build esteem and confidence to deal with those situations. At the same time, they can learn that bullies are human too.

This would be my opportunity to guide them through what I think is a normal experience for anyone. When they grow up, they most likely will experience more extreme forms like racism, bigotry, hate. These events now will help prepare them for future events.

I would only sue if there was actual property damage or money loss occurred.

Anyone can sue for any situation. It's their choice, doesn't mean they'll win in a court of law.

So what would you do, as an adult, if I, and any of my friends, beat the crap out of you every time we saw you just for fun? Call the cops and press charges?

 

[suncowiam]

So what would you do, as an adult, if I, and any of my friends, beat the crap out of you every time we saw you just for fun? Call the cops and press charges?

Even if I answer your question, what does it have to do with the topic? I mean, my hypothetical answer to your hypothetical question would probably align to how any adult living in a civilized nation would do. And you did answer that so, this almost seems rhetorical, as in I probably shouldn't have replied to this.

 

[averageJOE]

Even if I answer your question, what does it have to do with the topic? I mean, my hypothetical answer to your hypothetical question would probably align to how any adult living in a civilized nation would do. And you did answer that so, this almost seems rhetorical, as in I probably shouldn't have replied to this.

So when a child is physically assaulted it's a "learning experience", but not for an adult?