Teaching kids about sex.

[Booko]

I agree completely. But is casually having sex in front of a child the extreme to keeping it in the closet?

I grant you that molesting the child and excusing it as "education" would be more extreme. :cover:

I only personally know of one incidence anything like this, and while obviously (!) anecdotal, it does follow what Nutshell is saying about the research.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

I agree with Gentoo... I woul'nt try to justify exopsing children and it may even be illegal to put on a sex show for adolesents. However, I would advocate sex education suttle starting at late 12 to 13

What of those who learn about sex before 12 or 13? Sexuality was an issue for me before 5.

This is a very sensitive and important topic. I don't know whether I support sex in front of kids, but I don't think the idea should be thrown away...

As I said before, I don't think it should be kept in the closet. I agree with Booko, though, that it should also not be the other extreme (what would that be?). So what's the happy medium?

Perhaps there is none, and parents should just go with the flow and do the best they can in relation to the individual child's needs?

 

[Booko]

I agree with Gentoo... I woul'nt try to justify exopsing children and it may even be illegal to put on a sex show for adolesents. However, I would advocate sex education suttle starting at late 12 to 13, there are many professional publications to guide parents. Nudity would be ok, it is a lifestyle but sex...NO!!!!!!

Pet ducks are a great tool for sex education!

For that matter, some of the primate species at the zoo are randy little buggers as well...

We figured when the kids were asked about something sex-related, that was a hint they were ready to know something about it.

We never made a big issue about nudity. It's just family here.


Am I gonna have to moderate myself for that bit of duck porn?

 

[Guitar's Cry]

I grant you that molesting the child and excusing it as "education" would be more extreme. :cover:

I only personally know of one incidence anything like the "casual sex" thing, and while obviously (!) anecdotal, it does follow what Nutshell is saying about the research.

You may be right; it could do a lot of damage. I'm just wondering where the damage is coming from. But, I will have to review the research done.

I don't mean to come off as saying that I believe we should have sex in front of our kids. I just worry that we may be disposing the idea for the wrong reasons.

 

[Ðanisty]

Uh, yes you are.

You said:

Emphasis added.

That was never my claim. Reread more carefully and you'll see that.

You are implying that I'm deliberately twisting your words to create a new meaning and I take offense to that. I'm only commenting on what I read. I've never maliciously twisted people's words on this forum. I don't even have an agenda...I'm not even having kids!

However, the reality is a young brain does not have the capability to process the information. The doctor said what typically happens is these children begin sex early.

To me, this reads as "children who learn about sex early have sex early. The reason it reads this way is because you're talking about the brain's capability of processing information.

Care to address the possibility that kids who are curious about sex at a young age would likely have sex at a young age regardless of their exposure?

 

[nutshell]

You are implying that I'm deliberately twisting your words to create a new meaning and I take offense to that. I'm only commenting on what I read. I've never maliciously twisted people's words on this forum. I don't even have an agenda...I'm not even having kids!

Yes you are and Booko recognized it too.

Nice try.

To me, this reads as "children who learn about sex early have sex early. The reason it reads this way is because you're talking about the brain's capability of processing information.

Care to address the possibility that kids who are curious about sex at a young age would likely have sex at a young age regardless of their exposure?

As you pointed out I said "a young brian does not have the capability to process the information." emphasis added.

"The information" was NOT a blanket statement on all information about sex. Rather, it was a direct link to the OP of this thread: parents having repeated sex - that is the information I was talking about.

Care to argue some more? Or do you accept you were wrong about my post?

 

[Gentoo]

What of those who learn about sex before 12 or 13? Sexuality was an issue for me before 5.

This is a very sensitive and important topic. I don't know whether I support sex in front of kids, but I don't think the idea should be thrown away...

As I said before, I don't think it should be kept in the closet. I agree with Booko, though, that it should also not be the other extreme (what would that be?). So what's the happy medium?

Perhaps there is none, and parents should just go with the flow and do the best they can in relation to the individual child's needs?

Maybe you and I are polar opposites on this, I was a very naive child who didn't even know sex existed before 6th grade sex ed. classes. But I have a very hard time saying that this was the right course of action for education. Though I agree that it shouldn't be kept in the closet, I think there are less intrusive methods of going about it. Books were available when I was younger and they were very informative without the disturbing thoughts of my parents going at it.

The "damage" to this child may be years away, when she's a teenager how will she handle the memories? If you ask me, that's a therapy session waiting to happen.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

I heard a doctor talking about this topic recently (not Dr. Laura). He said people do this claiming to be "open" and "educating their child." However, the reality is a young brain does not have the capability to process the information.

What is the information that the young brain cannot process?

The doctor said what typically happens is these children begin sex early. They have an unhealthy view of what sex is. And they have difficulties establishing healthy relationships in general.

My problem with this is what is defined as an "unhealthy" view of sex? Is it an abnormal view, or something that does cause harm to the child? And if it does cause harm, is it due to the view of sex or the affects of society's reaction to it?

In other words, is the research biased?

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Maybe you and I are polar opposites on this, I was a very naive child who didn't even know sex existed before 6th grade sex ed. classes. But I have a very hard time saying that this was the right course of action for education. Though I agree that it shouldn't be kept in the closet, I think there are less intrusive methods of going about it. Books were available when I was younger and they were very informative without the disturbing thoughts of my parents going at it.

The "damage" to this child may be years away, when she's a teenager how will she handle the memories? If you ask me, that's a therapy session waiting to happen.

I don't necessarily think it is the right way to educate. I just think it's important to question why it isn't. Someday this child may need a therepy session, but will it necessarily be what she saw or how everyone reacted to it? Many kids catch their folks in the act...is their a difference in the degree of psychological harm? And just what is the harm, and why?

 

[Gentoo]

I don't necessarily think it is the right way to educate. I just think it's important to question why it isn't. Someday this child may need a therepy session, but will it necessarily be what she saw or how everyone reacted to it? Many kids catch their folks in the act...is their a difference in the degree of psychological harm? And just what is the harm, and why?

At least if the parents were caught in the act, they could say something else (and were trying to remain private), like "just having some private fun with no kids around", "Mommy and Daddy need some alone time every now and then". I don't equate that to keeping it in the closet, just going along with my thought that kids don't need to know about sex when they're still kids.

 

[nutshell]

What is the information that the young brain cannot process?

The information is the visual intake of the sexual act.[/quote]

My problem with this is what is defined as an "unhealthy" view of sex? Is it an abnormal view, or something that does cause harm to the child? And if it does cause harm, is it due to the view of sex or the affects of society's reaction to it?

In other words, is the research biased?

"Unhealthy" was (I thought) defined in an earlier post. It means that they start sex early and put themselves in unsuccessful and unsatisfying relationships. I don't have the exact research. I'm passing on info. from a doctor.

 

[Comprehend]

What is the deal with so many people assuming this false dichotomy anyway?

Seriously, we have more choices than the two extremes.

Why is it we have to choose between doing everything and keeping it in the closet?

We've done neither of those things with our kids.

Anyone for some "grey area" here?

I was going to say the same thing about the two extremes. I think I will opt for telling my kids just barely enough to satisfy their questions about sex until they are older. I find that little children aren't looking for in-depth answers anyway. When my three year old asks why we have rainbows I tell her that the sun shines through the rain drops and it makes a rainbow. That is about the amount of depth she seems to handle best.

 

[Comprehend]

Maybe you and I are polar opposites on this, I was a very naive child who didn't even know sex existed before 6th grade sex ed. classes. But I have a very hard time saying that this was the right course of action for education. Though I agree that it shouldn't be kept in the closet, I think there are less intrusive methods of going about it. Books were available when I was younger and they were very informative without the disturbing thoughts of my parents going at it.

The "damage" to this child may be years away, when she's a teenager how will she handle the memories? If you ask me, that's a therapy session waiting to happen.

Gentoo, I was the same way. I didn't really understand that sex existed until about 6th grade and even then I pretty much forgot about the class as soon as it was done. I do not think it is terribly important for a 9 year old to know THAT much about sex. Besides that, how disgusting to watch your parents go at it? and it wasn't even her biological dad (I think). Like she needs to learn some great technique at 9 for when she has sex at 20? (or 15 I guess these days).

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I was going to say the same thing about the two extremes. I think I will opt for telling my kids just barely enough to satisfy their questions about sex until they are older. I find that little children aren't looking for in-depth answers anyway. When my three year old asks why we have rainbows I tell her that the sun shines through the rain drops and it makes a rainbow. That is about the amount of depth she seems to handle best.

:clap Absolutely true.



My opinion is much like others here. I wouldn't arrest the parents, but I thought what they were doing was inappropriate and quite extreme. I don't know the whole story, but any ideas of announcing copulation to our kids and telling them to hurry up toward our bed is not something we'd ever do.



They get embarrassed enough when we flirt, heaven forbid! Having them watch would just be awful. They like their privacy when doing bathroom duties, and are very thankful when Steve and I are private, too.



And to think that we're a "weird" family as considered by other extended family because of our open and frank nature of discussing with our children anything they ask about sex.


Our approach has always been, answer the question as simply as possible. Any details they want, they'll ask. That's the whole point. And to date, not one of our kids has ever asked us about any kind of kama-sutra techniques or anything..........it's usually about simple anatomical differences, menstrual cycles and erections, why it feels good to touch themselves, and just how does that sperm get to the egg again?



BIG grey area here. All I know is that our kids would rather stick their hands in a blender than to watch us have sex.



Peace,
Mystic

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Gentoo, I was the same way. I didn't really understand that sex existed until about 6th grade and even then I pretty much forgot about the class as soon as it was done. I do not think it is terribly important for a 9 year old to know THAT much about sex. Besides that, how disgusting to watch your parents go at it? and it wasn't even her biological dad (I think). Like she needs to learn some great technique at 9 for when she has sex at 20? (or 15 I guess these days).

I knew about it at 4 years old. A playmate of mine and I were playing Barbies, and I was all excited about Ken giving Barbie a kiss. My friend gasped, nodded her head in excitement, and pointed to both dolls' groins telling me to take their clothes off. I told her I was completely confuzzled, and she filled me in on all the details. By the time my mother told me about sex for the first time at 8, I'd already known everything.



I also had a cousin who was extremly savvy for her age, too, and knew just about everything by the time she was 8 or 9. Since we were close, she'd visit some weekends, and she'd keep me up at night in our sleeping bags telling me something new she'd learned. Mind you, these were the bits and pieces about sex that one would never think that kids would know. And she'd be telling me like it was a story about one of her cats playing in the other room.


But all that knowledge for me didn't make too much of a difference. I simply didn't care about any of it until I was starting to blossom. After that, my mother became my prime source of knowledge on sex, who was very open and willing to answer any questions (and, boy, did I ask some doozies!).



Peace,
Mystic

 

[Booko]

Yes you are and Booko recognized it too.

Uh, Nutshell, I didn't recognize that Danisty was deliberately twisting anyone's anything.

However, I've certainly been known to misunderstand before, and I assumed this was just another one of those *honest* misunderstandings.

Care to argue some more? Or do you accept you were wrong about my post?

Well, if anyone's going to argue about it, please try not to let it get personal. :cover:

 

[Booko]

I was going to say the same thing about the two extremes. I think I will opt for telling my kids just barely enough to satisfy their questions about sex until they are older. I find that little children aren't looking for in-depth answers anyway. When my three year old asks why we have rainbows I tell her that the sun shines through the rain drops and it makes a rainbow. That is about the amount of depth she seems to handle best.

:clap thank you thank you thank you!

I did think for a bit there maybe I was losing my mind or something.

 

[NonExistent]

Why would you show them sex in that way early in their life just because you can? Wait until they have a more firm grasp on reality. There's no reason to rush it

 

[Ðanisty]

Yes you are and Booko recognized it too.

Nice try.



As you pointed out I said "a young brian does not have the capability to process the information." emphasis added.

"The information" was NOT a blanket statement on all information about sex. Rather, it was a direct link to the OP of this thread: parents having repeated sex - that is the information I was talking about.

Care to argue some more? Or do you accept you were wrong about my post?

Look, I don't know what your problem is here. Again, I am not deliberately or maliciously twisting your words for any purpose. I explained how it read to me. If that's not what you meant, that's fine. Normally, I wouldn't have any problem with just agreeing that it was a misunderstanding, but apparently that isn't acceptable for you.

 

[Comprehend]

:clap thank you thank you thank you!

I did think for a bit there maybe I was losing my mind or something.

I feel that way almost every time I visit this blessed place. I am almost always the minority view.