Okay, I hope this is appropriate.
Rival,
The Kami love you and find you precious. That would include Ra, Horus, Isis, Hathor, Bast, Osiris, your ancestors.
Whatever you do, don't attempt any type of suicide. I spent ten weeks in a wheelchair from a jump off a building. My shattered pelvis caused my urethra to be clogged with scar tissue so I couldn't pee for a week and they couldn't get a catheter in. After the surgery I was urinating blood clots larger than marbles. My depends were drenched in blood and I had a urinary tract infection that made it worse. I woke up unable to talk or move with tubes coming out of my mouth and fed through a tube going into my stomach.
A lot of attempts fail and leave people permanently messed up. Please pray for the grace to find meaning in suffering and
even perhaps pray for the grace to love suffering, so that this misery has less power over you.
Find the light within. Buddha as he was dying said to find the lamp and light within us. I know you think Jesus was a false teacher, but he did say "The Kingdom of Heaven can be found within".
I'm just using that as an example of one thing he may have been right about.
Your Kingdom, and Ra, your sunshine can be found within. Your suffering and prayers can bring all sorts of grace to the world.
Being a failure is okay. A lot of Religious people and Spiritual giants have to be failures and losers in the eyes of the world. I would never and never have thought of you as a loser or failure though. 
Y
ou wouldn't have been elected a moderator if you came across as being as worthless and unstable as myself or as badly behaved as many people at this forum.
Dear Sun Goddess Amaterasu Omikami,
Great Sun Divinity Amun-Ra, Bast, Hathor, Isis, Inanna, Athena, Nut, Mut, Fatima (Virgin Queen of Heaven and Arab Moon Goddess), Venus, Dionisia, Ishtar, Rebecca, Jacob, Miko Shrine maidens, wise enlightened Buddhas, all benevolent Pharoah's who become types of Osiris after death (Gods of the dead), Cleopatra (final Egyptian Queen and suicide), all Shinto Queens of Heaven who rule the "Holy Roman Empire of the Rising Sun" bless Rival, bless her for her trials, her suffering, her emptiness, the crosses she carries, temptations to despair and suicide.
I especially ask for the intercession of Cleopatra who was a suicide and Nafisa Joseph who was a suicide that I consider patron Saint of those considering suicides (or those who succeed) and my friend Raven Stevens who succeeded at suicide. Please help Rival never to never consider it. I hope she doesn't have a plan, as I know how dark and empty that is.
All Heavenly beings bless those who are despairing, those who will take their lives, those who will attempt and fail. Thank you for leading me to this thread where I can see someone worth suffering for and offering up my suffering and prayers for.
Please, may her suffering lead her to the first degrees of beauty, power, glory, perfection, euphoria, and exaltation, on a spiritual level. Remind her that this life is very fragile and temporary. The next life is where her home truly is. Lead her to full deification, that she become the divinity of her dreams and her dreams come true some day, and save many souls through her suffering. Enlighten her with understanding and anoint her with wisdom from wise entities that existed since before the world began.
Give her prayers that are extremely powerful. Inspire her writings, that her written words and spoken words have much power to change the universe and put all heavenly beings into motion. Prayer governs the creator and all Heavenly beings. Make her a seasoned prayer warrior.
Keep her mind aware of entities that have been around millions of years. Even if she lives to be 100, that is like a drop of water in the ocean compared to eternity. This is truly a short life. Remind her that whether she gets the job or not, a hundred years from now it won't really matter.
I offer up my sufferings and misery and temptations to sin and drug use. I offer up my desires for death and feelings of worthlessness, frustration, inability to hold a job, inability to hold relationships, inability to be mature, and all my humiliation.... I offer up my crosses afflictions and prayers, as an offering for Rival to get well, and for things to improve in her life, for her to find happiness even in the misery, the crucifixions, the crowning of thorns, the sea of bitterness, the dark nights of the soul, the sleepless nights. Let nothing shake her. After the crucifixion comes a glorious resurrection.
In every Holy name I pray, and through the Holy Hamsa and holiest of hands, may my prayer ascend to the creator. May my prayer be purified, perfected, blessed by all Heavenly beings, and embellished. May rain and waterfalls of grace pour fourth upon Rival and all those who struggle with suicidal tendencies. Remind her, she isn't alone. We are connected, because the same creator Spirit within her is within us. We are in this together.
Humanity is sick and sorrowful. May all Kami, Spirits, Angels, Saints, and Heavenly beings join me in praying for her and our troubled world. May she begin to see signs, coincidences, graces, wonders, dream dreams, have locutions, and experience whatever will make her feel life is worth living.
Amen.
Pardon me, but I take it serious when I see something like "actively suicidal" from a valued member of the forum.
That would be cool if you become a type of Joseph of Egypt in a sense. Joseph was a Hebrew slave and very low rank compared to Pharaoh who was Theologically God. Yet Pharaoh let Joseph control his household and possessions. In time of Famine, Egyptians of and people that neighbored the Empire went to Pharaoh and Pharaoh said "Go to Joseph".
If you have a lot of time on your hands, you can become princess of Egypt is my hope for you, if you would enjoy such a vocation or office. According to some traditions, Pharaohs become one with God Osiris after death (God of the dead). You can perhaps become a leader in that Kingdom and world of the dead or a type of Joseph, Princess of Pharaoh's (God's) house and possessions, so that your prayers are inspired, and what you pray or write as a prayer or spoken word will come to pass. Just as Pharaoh obeyed Joseph, despite having a much higher rank, may the gods/goddesses obey you, I pray.
And I pray you get the job too. But if not, it won't matter 100 years from now. Don't stress it. Stress releases all sorts of harmful chemicals into the blood stream and harms you spiritually.
Easy does it lad!
