Through my years of studying transgenders and transsexuals, a common theme is that people in their middle ages begin to transition once they have lost some friends. Today, however, I feel rather sad in knowing that three people I went to school with have died. One accidentally died, one died in some bad circumstances, and one it was known she would die young but even knowing that I didn't even know her for a full decade. I've been told I'm too young to know the problems with arthritis and knee problems I have, but not even being 30 quite yet and still knowing some people who have died, I don't want to say I'm too young to know such things, but it does leave me with mixed emotions. A since of sorrow that I have not come even close to enjoying life and living it to the fullest as the latest acquaintance I know who has, maybe, or maybe not, traveled to that undiscovered country, a since of outrage over the one I know who has died over things that just should not be, sympathy over over the one died over an accident that can happen to anyone, and I wonder, I question, I challenge myself, what I have done with my own life? I know there is never really an age that is too young to contemplate such things, but yet nevertheless it leaves me feeling that I should be focused on any other thing than death. I know it's not logical or rational, but people who are only in their 20s discussing life, love, and making the world a better place, it just doesn't seem right to have to be making funeral arrangements for someone whose middle-age was only 14, a freshman in high school.