I am terribly irritated today. I slept for two hours last night. Like Troublemane I got a rude awakening today. I really do have to get this 'have no expectations thing' practiced up better. A friend of mine dissapointed me today. Involved my bully boss and her manipulating tactics. If I'm honest, today I dont believe that god could have meant what he said, when he said....LOVE your enemies. Or perhaps I'm irritated cause I know he does mean it, and there is no way, no matter how hard I try, that I am able to do it today.
I dont blame god for my problems, i dont demand that he intervenes, but today, I really wished he did. The only thing worse than my bosses bullying, is the notion that I dissapointed my god today. And that just ads to my irritation.
I ask god, 'what is it that you want from me? 'what is it, that I could possibly do to make you happy?' Today, i would do just about anything unless he asked me to love my boss. I just dont know how.
How these words ring in my ear. God doesnt want that which you are willing to give, god wants that which you would rather keep. Suffering isnt for the weak. Or is it? When I am weak, then I am strong. I did not feel strong today. Where was my god today?