This might be stupid but...

[Renji]

As you all know, I am a hit and run victim, got hospitalized and the univ have to make me stop my studies in the middle of this sem (which makes me very sad). Anyway guys, the driver who hit me was now caught and jailed. I was able to meet him face to face and his 2 kids yesterday (he can't even dare to stare on my face). I was smiling alright because I wanted to lessen the tension between me and him. The first question that I was able to ask him is why did he ran away and just left me lying in the street. I'll just not put his answer here, but I can feel some sort of fear and sincerity in his answer. I've also seen his 2 kids (which I think are about 5-7 years old) crying from a distance while I was conversing with their dad. I was really moved (and I pity the kids) by that so I can't help but call them and say "Don't worry, I'm not going to do something wrong with daddy. Don't be afraid, I'm your bro"- something like that.


And as I've put in the title, this might be stupid, crazy or whatever, but I DON'T want to file any complaints against that driver. It's not like I'm making him not responsible for what happened to me or I don't feel any "bitterness" on him, but it's just that I pity his kids and I don't want to take their dad away from them because of being jailed for years (he's a single parent and I worry of who will take care of the kids when he's "in"). I have soft spot on kids and seeing them so concerned for their dad really breaks my heart. What I was thinking now (and what I've been suggesting to my attorney) is just to revoke his license, make him do some community service on our univ and make him pay expenses that my parents had spent when I was hospitalized (they're saving that money so that they have something to use when they are already old). Se Jin, my parents and my friends disapprove this of course, but I just said that they should just leave it to me...

 

[Madhuri]

I would do the same, actually. It was a terrible thing for him to do but putting him in jail wouldn't make me feel like justice is done, especially if he has a family to look after.
I think that shows a great quality Lawrence! Compassion and forgiveness. Wonderful.

 

[Iti oj]

As you all know, I am a hit and run victim, got hospitalized and the univ have to make me stop my studies in the middle of this sem (which makes me very sad). Anyway guys, the driver who hit me was now caught and jailed. I was able to meet him face to face and his 2 kids yesterday (he can't even dare to stare on my face). I was smiling alright because I wanted to lessen the tension between me and him. The first question that I was able to ask him is why did he ran away and just left me lying in the street. I'll just not put his answer here, but I can feel some sort of fear and sincerity in his answer. I've also seen his 2 kids (which I think are about 5-7 years old) crying from a distance while I was conversing with their dad. I was really moved (and I pity the kids) by that so I can't help but call them and say "Don't worry, I'm not going to do something wrong with daddy. Don't be afraid, I'm your bro"- something like that.


And as I've put in the title, this might be stupid, crazy or whatever, but I DON'T want to file any complaints against that driver. It's not like I'm making him not responsible for what happened to me or I don't feel any "bitterness" on him, but it's just that I pity his kids and I don't want to take their dad away from them because of being jailed for years (he's a single parent and I worry of who will take care of the kids when he's "in"). I have soft spot on kids and seeing them so concerned for their dad really breaks my heart. What I was thinking now (and what I've been suggesting to my attorney) is just to revoke his license, make him do some community service on our univ and make him pay expenses that my parents had spent when I was hospitalized (they're saving that money so that they have something to use when they are already old). Se Jin, my parents and my friends disapprove this of course, but I just said that they should just leave it to me...

Your a Christian right? if so, I think this make you a shinning example of the beauty in your religion, and over all an example of how and what humanity should be. :clap:clap

 

[Renji]

I would do the same, actually. It was a terrible thing for him to do but putting him in jail wouldn't make me feel like justice is done, especially if he has a family to look after.
I think that shows a great quality Lawrence! Compassion and forgiveness. Wonderful.

Thanks Madhuri. I agree and I don't think that's just for him because I'm still "here" and there's no permanent disability that have caused that incident to me.

 

[Renji]

Your a Christian right? if so, I think this make you a shinning example of the beauty in your religion,

If only it's always that beautiful.

and over all an example of how and what humanity should be. :clap:clap

I think so bro.

 

[Kathryn]

Well, this will sound hard hearted after all the sunshine and roses on the thread so far, but I think there's a possibility that he brought those kids along to emotionally manipulate you.

That being said, it's up to you. I would, however, think at the LEAST you should see that he is liable for the costs and that your parents aren't stuck holding the bag.

Don't forget that it's not a shining star on his character that he HIT YOU WITH HIS CAR AND LEFT YOU IN THE STREET TO DIE. He had no idea how seriously injured you were - and it seems that you WERE pretty seriously injured for that matter. He just drove off - more concerned about himself than about the person he was leaving to die. What does this say about the man's character? This seems absolutely cruel and inhumane. Do you think he's truly great dad material?

What's his criminal record like? Do you have any idea? Does he have prior convictions?

If someone had hit your mom and left her critically injured laying in the street, would you say that was a serious criminal act?

Here's something else to consider. You can't get blood out of a stone. Does this man even HAVE the money to pay your medical expenses? You can get a judgment against him but that doesn't mean he'll ever pay a penny of it.

Also, think long term. You may be convalescing well now, but trust me on this one - these injuries may come back to haunt you in later years. Will you still feel the same magnanimity when you're going back for another surgery three years from now, and this guy still hasn't paid your parents back?

It's right and good to forgive him. It's right and good to be merciful. But there's nothing wrong with allowing him to accept full responsibility for what he's done to you and your family.

I'd say that for SURE you need to find out if he has previous convictions - were any of them DUI's (driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol)? If so, honestly, you need to help get this man off the street and he needs more than just a slap on the wrist.

Just some things to think about.

 

[waitasec]

if you feel at peace with it...

what else can anyone say?

 

[waitasec]

Your a Christian right? if so, I think this make you a shinning example of the beauty in your religion, and over all an example of how and what humanity should be. :clap:clap

here here

 

[Renji]

Well, this will sound hard hearted after all the sunshine and roses on the thread so far, but I think there's a possibility that he brought those kids along to emotionally manipulate you.

I'm not easily manipulated just like that. I can see a person's character by looking into his eyes and observing his actions. It's a skill.

That being said, it's up to you. I would, however, think at the LEAST you should see that he is liable for the costs and that your parents aren't stuck holding the bag.

Don't forget that it's not a shining star on his character that he HIT YOU WITH HIS CAR AND LEFT YOU IN THE STREET TO DIE. He had no idea how seriously injured you were - and it seems that you WERE pretty seriously injured for that matter. He just drove off - more concerned about himself than about the person he was leaving to die. What does this say about the man's character? This seems absolutely cruel and inhumane. Do you think he's truly great dad material?

What's his criminal record like? Do you have any idea? Does he have prior convictions?

If someone had hit your mom and left her critically injured laying in the street, would you say that was a serious criminal act?

Here's something else to consider. You can't get blood out of a stone. Does this man even HAVE the money to pay your medical expenses? You can get a judgment against him but that doesn't mean he'll ever pay a penny of it.

Also, think long term. You may be convalescing well now, but trust me on this one - these injuries may come back to haunt you in later years. Will you still feel the same magnanimity when you're going back for another surgery three years from now, and this guy still hasn't paid your parents back?

It's right and good to forgive him. It's right and good to be merciful. But there's nothing wrong with allowing him to accept full responsibility for what he's done to you and your family.

I'd say that for SURE you need to find out if he has previous convictions - were any of them DUI's (driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol)? If so, honestly, you need to help get this man off the street and he needs more than just a slap on the wrist.

Just some things to think about.

This is too bulky. It makes my eyes sore. No past crim records for him ( I did ask some investigations about that). And he can't ran away from it. I'm very sure.

 

[Renji]

And it's not really like "hey, let's forget about it." I still have some "bitter melons" on the guy, but I guess my "justice" is different.

 

[Reptillian]

You're a very compassionate guy, but I've got to say I'm leaning more towards Kathryn's side. For all this guy knew, you had two kids waiting for you at home that totally depended upon you. Its one thing if you accidentally shoot someone while hunting, but its a totally different thing if after realizing your mistake you just walk away and leave that fellow dying in the woods. Sure you pulled through, but what if you had spent the rest of your life in a coma, been paralyzed, lost a limb, or something like that? What if the police hadn't caught him? Would he just keep going about his day to day life as if nothing happened? What kind of lesson is he setting for his children...that something is wrong only if you get caught?

Theres a reason the victims of crimes don't decide the appropriate punishment, they're too 'close' to the incident to make objective decisions. The question isn't, "Is this guy deep down a decent person who has two loving children?" its "Is this man guilty of hitting, and seriously injuring, another human being with his car and then running away without taking responsibility for his accident?" From societies point of view, I think he needs to be held responsible for his actions. He's guilty, let the judge decide the just punishment. My heart sides with you and your mercy, but my reason says that he needs to pay the piper.

 

[Draka]

I have to say I'm also leaning more towards Kathryn's and Reptillian's positions. For all the man knew, he left you for dead. Would he be as forgiving if someone had rundown one of his children and left them to die on the street? You may think you can see into someone well, but remember, some people are very good actors and liars. This is a man, who regardless of any explanation from him, hit someone with his car and despite the fact he may have just killed someone in cold blood due to his own recklessness, took off to save his own hide. I'd let the courts decide his punishment. You could always give a victim's statement at his hearing, but I wouldn't just say he had to pay back some money...you'll never see it anyway.

 

[Astravalon]

As you all know, I am a hit and run victim, got hospitalized and the univ have to make me stop my studies in the middle of this sem (which makes me very sad). Anyway guys, the driver who hit me was now caught and jailed. I was able to meet him face to face and his 2 kids yesterday (he can't even dare to stare on my face). I was smiling alright because I wanted to lessen the tension between me and him. The first question that I was able to ask him is why did he ran away and just left me lying in the street. I'll just not put his answer here, but I can feel some sort of fear and sincerity in his answer. I've also seen his 2 kids (which I think are about 5-7 years old) crying from a distance while I was conversing with their dad. I was really moved (and I pity the kids) by that so I can't help but call them and say "Don't worry, I'm not going to do something wrong with daddy. Don't be afraid, I'm your bro"- something like that.


And as I've put in the title, this might be stupid, crazy or whatever, but I DON'T want to file any complaints against that driver. It's not like I'm making him not responsible for what happened to me or I don't feel any "bitterness" on him, but it's just that I pity his kids and I don't want to take their dad away from them because of being jailed for years (he's a single parent and I worry of who will take care of the kids when he's "in"). I have soft spot on kids and seeing them so concerned for their dad really breaks my heart.

What I was thinking now (and what I've been suggesting to my attorney) is just to revoke his license, make him do some community service on our univ and make him pay expenses that my parents had spent when I was hospitalized (they're saving that money so that they have something to use when they are already old). Se Jin, my parents and my friends disapprove this of course, but I just said that they should just leave it to me...

I don't think it's stupid or crazy at all, I think it's beautiful! It's the
perfect balance between compassion and also teaching the other
person responsibility for his actions.

Awesome.


.

 

[Quintessence]

... [he] took off to save his own hide.

Or he took off because he was afraid.
Or he took off because he didn't realize how serious it was.
Or he took off because he needed to be somewhere.
Or he took off because he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

Or he took off because in the heat of the moment, he wasn't thinking clearly and just reacted in a manner that the law would punish him for.

Seriously. Having been in accidents before, "thinking" is the last thing you're doing while it is going on. You don't have time to think. You react. A motive like "OMG I don't want to get in trouble" requires a heck of a lot more thought process than can occur when you're getting in an accident. There's no malevolence, no benevolence, and certainly no selfishness. Just reacting, and reacting in a way that happened to be a mistake according to the law.

Now, AFTER the accident when the guy was home and the animalistic adrenaline/fear responses settled down, I can buy him feeling motives that are selfish or altruistic. But not during. Accidents happen. Sometimes that's all there is to it. How the man conducts himself after the fact speaks much more of his character than the mistake itself.

(obvious exceptions granted in certain cases, such as the accident being caused by drunken inebriation)

 

[Draka]

Or he took off because he was afraid.
Or he took off because he didn't realize how serious it was.
Or he took off because he needed to be somewhere.
Or he took off because he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

Or he took off because in the heat of the moment, he wasn't thinking clearly and just reacted in a manner that the law would punish him for.

Seriously. Having been in accidents before, "thinking" is the last thing you're doing while it is going on. You don't have time to think. You react. A motive like "OMG I don't want to get in trouble" requires a heck of a lot more thought process than can occur when you're getting in an accident. There's no malevolence, no benevolence, and certainly no selfishness. Just reacting, and reacting in a way that happened to be a mistake according to the law.

Now, AFTER the accident when the guy was home and the animalistic adrenaline/fear responses settled down, I can buy him feeling motives that are selfish or altruistic. But not during. Accidents happen. Sometimes that's all there is to it. How the man conducts himself after the fact speaks much more of his character than the mistake itself.

(obvious exceptions granted in certain cases, such as the accident being caused by drunken inebriation)

I really don't see any of those as valid excuses, and even if they were, how long did it take for the police to find him? After the adrenaline and fear and whatever settled down from the heat of the moment the right thing to do would be to come forward, but he didn't.

 

[McBell]

As you all know, I am a hit and run victim, got hospitalized and the univ have to make me stop my studies in the middle of this sem (which makes me very sad). Anyway guys, the driver who hit me was now caught and jailed. I was able to meet him face to face and his 2 kids yesterday (he can't even dare to stare on my face). I was smiling alright because I wanted to lessen the tension between me and him. The first question that I was able to ask him is why did he ran away and just left me lying in the street. I'll just not put his answer here, but I can feel some sort of fear and sincerity in his answer. I've also seen his 2 kids (which I think are about 5-7 years old) crying from a distance while I was conversing with their dad. I was really moved (and I pity the kids) by that so I can't help but call them and say "Don't worry, I'm not going to do something wrong with daddy. Don't be afraid, I'm your bro"- something like that.


And as I've put in the title, this might be stupid, crazy or whatever, but I DON'T want to file any complaints against that driver. It's not like I'm making him not responsible for what happened to me or I don't feel any "bitterness" on him, but it's just that I pity his kids and I don't want to take their dad away from them because of being jailed for years (he's a single parent and I worry of who will take care of the kids when he's "in"). I have soft spot on kids and seeing them so concerned for their dad really breaks my heart. What I was thinking now (and what I've been suggesting to my attorney) is just to revoke his license, make him do some community service on our univ and make him pay expenses that my parents had spent when I was hospitalized (they're saving that money so that they have something to use when they are already old). Se Jin, my parents and my friends disapprove this of course, but I just said that they should just leave it to me...

He was "caught"?
You mean, he did not turn himself in?

How was he "caught"?

 

[Songbird]

I love your heart, Lawrence.

I haven't been around much lately, so maybe you've described the details in another thread, but I don't know enough to form an opinion. I think it may be wise to listen to your lawyer, your family, and the involved law enforcement. I'm wondering what the laws are in your area and what would change for him were you to press charges. I couldn't tell from your post if your decision could actually determine jail time for him or not.

I hope you're recovering well and resting!

 

[Father Heathen]

I think there's a possibility that he brought those kids along to emotionally manipulate you.

And coached to cry.

 

[Draka]

I love your heart, Lawrence.

I haven't been around much lately, so maybe you've described the details in another thread, but I don't know enough to form an opinion. I think it may be wise to listen to your lawyer, your family, and the involved law enforcement. I'm wondering what the laws are in your area and what would change for him were you to press charges. I couldn't tell from your post if your decision could actually determine jail time for him or not.

I hope you're recovering well and resting!

Wondering about that as well. At least here, I know that it wouldn't really matter if the victim wanted to press any charges or not, there are already laws broken that the police would charge him with. The victim couldn't change that.

 

[JacobEzra.]

Excuses, excuses. The normal reaction is to call for help(911 here) and check the victim and if able, help the victim. You described the action of cowards and criminals.

To Lawrence. Its sounds good to be punishex how you want. But will he learn? I'm not in your position so I can't say. If I was you, id say the same thing. If I was your family member, id say hang him.

Or he took off because he was afraid.
Or he took off because he didn't realize how serious it was.
Or he took off because he needed to be somewhere.
Or he took off because he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

Or he took off because in the heat of the moment, he wasn't thinking clearly and just reacted in a manner that the law would punish him for.

Seriously. Having been in accidents before, "thinking" is the last thing you're doing while it is going on. You don't have time to think. You react. A motive like "OMG I don't want to get in trouble" requires a heck of a lot more thought process than can occur when you're getting in an accident. There's no malevolence, no benevolence, and certainly no selfishness. Just reacting, and reacting in a way that happened to be a mistake according to the law.

Now, AFTER the accident when the guy was home and the animalistic adrenaline/fear responses settled down, I can buy him feeling motives that are selfish or altruistic. But not during. Accidents happen. Sometimes that's all there is to it. How the man conducts himself after the fact speaks much more of his character than the mistake itself.

(obvious exceptions granted in certain cases, such as the accident being caused by drunken inebriation)