Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. I do truly appreciate it. If those quotes you listed of so-called church fathers actually represented God or biblical truth...then I would reject Christianity and such a malevolent God, too, as you say you have.
That strongman deity is what appeals to many about Christianity. Many Christians are kind, gentle people as I suspect you are, and gravitate toward the deity that represents their disposition, the God of love and mercy as they call it. Others are worshiping the strongman. They like that he gives orders and metes out severe punishment. These are the people who like to tell us unbelievers that they will be in hell and regret it then, but it'll be too late. They're angry at atheists and want them punished. And so, we see both types of Christians and a spectrum between.
We see the same in American voters. Trump and Biden are the two archetypes - kick a** and take names later authoritarianism versus the contemplative, gentle type. People gravitate to the candidate that reflects their own psychology.
Also, I just wanted to remind you that those quotes are not what caused me to leave Christianity. I mentioned them as evidence that Christianity very much teaches that perdition is eternal torture, and not in the sense of being separated from God, but of being eternally burned and impaled.
May I ask, back when you said you became a Christian; how did it happen and/or what church was this associated with?
I was in the Army in the seventies when I decided to give Christianity a chance. It's probably relevant that my life was in a bit of a shambles. I graduated high school early and went to university, where I found that I lacked the discipline to get myself to class. I dropped out just before flunking out. This was a huge setback, as I had always been an academic achiever, and my dream was to become a physician in an era when getting into medical school was extremely competitive. I saw myself throwing my life away, helpless to right the ship. That's why I chose the Army - imposed structure and discipline.
It was a good choice that accomplished its intended purpose - but that was out of the frying pan into the fire. I was really out of my element now, and far from home. Stress levels rose, and I think that in large part is why I found Christianity appealing. I think most people come into the religion from childhood, where it is just their family and community culture. But those who come later often have a personal crisis of sorts, which is why I always said that it is easier to find converts on Skid Row and Death Row than Restaurant Row.
My initial congregation was Pentecostal. They spoke in tongues, although I never did. We had a gifted and charismatic preacher, and Sundays were always Spirit-filled. When my army days ended, I returned to my home state, and began looking for another congregation. I tried other Pentecostal churches, but also Baptist and Methodist, and found them all lifeless. Where did the Spirit go? It didn't follow me back to California. I eventually understood what that meant - I had misunderstood the significance of the euphoria in the first congregation as the Holy Spirit. As I said, even though I had agreed to suspend disbelief to try the religion out, I apparently never lost the ability to evaluate evidence. I had made a mistake interpreting the euphoria.
By this time, I was back at university and accomplishing my goals, so all my angst had been resolved - both the angst of looming academic failure, and that of being lonesome and a long way from home.
God desired they have freewill to make the choice themselves, rather than be created and programmed to obey. This freedom appears to be a priority in God’s design of humans created in His image
But it doesn't make sense. We have animal urges and the ability to manifest them. Why would a good god give people the desire and ability to hurt one another and ruin lives, and then end up in hell? It wouldn't. You wouldn't. I wouldn't. If we had the power of a god and could cause our children to never want to rob a convenience store or become addicted to cocaine, we would take that possibility away from them by programming that option out.
As you know, I don't believe that there was a god granting free will. I believe we live in a godless universe (or one indistinguishable from a godless universe), where we would expect animals to have instincts and urges naturally as a survival mechanism. Man has evolved to now possess higher cortical centers, where intellect and conscience reside, and which give him contradictory commands to those coming from the older reptilian and mammalian centers. A male dog sees a female dog and mounts her. Man has the same instincts, which he must tame or harm others and face prison. This is just how it is for us. It would be a mess for an intelligent designer to have caused, but understandable if we just evolved.
How does Christianity depict this? Free will is a gift from God. Some gift. God doesn't want robots. Why not? I do, if by robot we mean people who reliably make good choices and never will harm to others. I want my friends to be that kind of a "robot." This robot depiction suggests empty heads. Not at all. Why wouldn't people with no will but the will to do good and right have full and satisfying lives that they would choose to live again and again?
As with many other issues theists face, such as why God chooses to give man a dual nature and also free will to express either, one of which leads to unhappiness for self and others, these problems evaporate away with atheism, as you have seen. The atheist doesn't need to resort to verbal gymnastics to explain that.