The trope of a bossy wife can be seen in both a humorous and in a somber light. Even women joke about it (you might recall in A Big Fat Greek Wedding how one of the women explained it - paraphrased, the man is the head of the house and the woman is the neck that turns the head). To a certain extent this is quite true, but a lot of men appreciate that women take care of things they don't have to think about; they're just somehow magically done (and men can often have no awareness of how much work actually goes into that magic). So there's the joke, and then the somber truth that for many women, when men "order them around" there's all too often an element of abuse to it. Emotional, mental, physical, or all of those things. This is where a huge difference comes in. Society and culture have historically looked the other way. I'm sure you know all this so no need to go into it in detail. It's a fact.
As for the change in marriage: there's a lot of good, and some not so good, but overall I wouldn't go back and I'm thankful for the women who worked to give me the freedom I have today. The freedom to vote, to have a checking account, credit cards, a mortgage in my name without needing permission from a husband. That's first wave feminism, and then there were more waves to follow. I'm different than a lot of women my age, I worked until I had my first child and then I was a stay-at-home mom until they were all in school. Even then, I got a job that allowed me to be the one to pick them up after school and be home to get them to sports, dentist and doctor appointments, and make dinner while they played outside or did homework or hung out in the kitchen talking about stuff. These were the best years of my life, and while having children is the hardest job I ever had (and it's never over, no matter how old they are you still worry and sometimes - or often - help), it's also the best, most rewarding, most fulfilling job I could ever hope to have have. No regrets. I don't give out much more information about my kids other than I have them, because I'm protective of their privacy. But I do feel badly for latchkey kids, for babies who are in daycare from 6 weeks on. I wish there was a better way for our society to support young mothers in the early years. There's something to be said for Sweden (perhaps all of Scandinavia) that allows for 16 months of maternal leave at 80% pay.
I don't subscribe to some of third and fourth wave feminism. I don't hate men, I don't denigrate them, I understand and appreciate their worth, but I know many women who've said that after (or if) they were widowed or divorced they would never marry again. Statistics bear that out, so it's not just anecdotal. And I understand them and I agree with them.
Anyway. That's just me thinking off the top of my head, hope it gives you an idea of where I'm coming from.
