Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber & Business Owner
In a zombie apocalypse, if you are bitten, a friend tells you everything is going to be alright and drags you along. A good friend blows your brains out.
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What is friendship?
- Thread starter Deidre
- Start date
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber & Business Owner
I've always defined friends pretty much as those I like hangout with and being around, but I've been reading there much more to it than that. Supporting each other and having each others backs is also an aspect of it. And I have to admit there is also a degree of the "emotional drainage ditch" that Nietzsche wrote about. Apparently there is also elements of reciprocal emotions, or something like that (something I've read about).
I should put this in my signature and of course, give you the credit!
just posted this link in another thread, think it's relevant to what friendships are:
http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-traits-2015-11
http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-traits-2015-11
Unveiled Artist
Veteran Member
I see a healthy friendship as developing a relationship without asking for a ring. I read in a Native Amercan book that friends are family. I dont know how true it is today, but it said that when one was a child, their brother (or sister?) that isnt blood related are somewhat paired as friends natually. Its not an arranged relationship, though. They grow up together and take their lives for each other.
I told my friend I never devorce friends. Most of them divorced me. I havent spoken to my friend in almost a year. She hasnt returned my phone calls or anything. One time she accidently called me while she was talking to her boyfriend on a three way. I kept saying hello. She usually calls back after talking and explains but this time she just hung up.
I feel that when one is a good friend, they willl always be friends no matter how far they are from each other. Thats why its hard for me to make friends because I also feel friendship is based on trust. My other friend thought I was lying when I explained that I interpret his inappropriate comment in the wrong manner. It was a joke. I thought it was serious. I havent spoke to him in the same amount of time as my other friends.
I feel friendships are worth staying through unless it becomes unhealthy. I also feel by situation if friends dont want to be friends, they should talk about it.
Like a marriage, friendship should have constant communication. Unlike a marriage where one is bounded by vows and family as bound by blood, a friend has none of these things. That is why friendship is so sacred. You're befriending and sharing your life with a "stranger".
psychoslice
Veteran Member
Theree is no should, or should nots in true friendship.
If it is a true friendship...it will be reciprocal. Otherwise, it is one person merely using another.
Sorry to hear of your friendship issues, @Carlita - it can be disheartening when we feel someone is a friend, but they're not. That said...does anyone here feel that social media has cheapened the meaning of friendships? I feel you can become e-friends with someone, but in some ways, we are very quick to believe someone is our 'true' friend online, when they're really not at all.
Sorry to hear of your friendship issues, @Carlita - it can be disheartening when we feel someone is a friend, but they're not. That said...does anyone here feel that social media has cheapened the meaning of friendships? I feel you can become e-friends with someone, but in some ways, we are very quick to believe someone is our 'true' friend online, when they're really not at all.
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber & Business Owner
That reminds me of a very good friendship I have, whom I typically refer to as my friend here on the forums. And it's not just with her, but her brother and her parents. I've done more with them than I have my own family, I feel more accepted by them than what I do with my own family, and I even get to hear each individuals side of an argument when there is a family argument. We're really good friends, and even after many years of wondering how I finally got my friend's dad to acknowledge that we're friends, and I'm not just a friend of his daughter. But me and my friend, we've been there for each other, we've lent an ear for difficult relations, we've partied together, we've went to a ton of concerts together, and have opened up to each other in a rather deep way. We may have not grown up together, but we've been very close friends starting in our early teens and about decade into our adult lives.
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber & Business Owner
On the downside, there is one friend whom I cut ties with. Really, it boils down to I grew up and he remained a boy, and as I grew I found it harder to tolerate his views, which are often racist, homophobic, and misogynist. I realized he is a lazy looser, and that I just don't have the time or spare effort for someone who is immature, insufferable in the ways the talk about some groups, and got stuck in a dream and never got any further than idly talking about ideas for this dream (he wants to be a pro-wrestler, which I totally support, but he's gotten very lazy, out of shape, and he's put on a ton of weight. But he still talks like he's WWE material, even though even to an entirely untrained eye he can't even support a micro-sized Youtube promotion).
And when you stop pretending that some people are your friends, also? That's magic, too. I think I'm finally done pretending that certain people are my friends, and going to just move on. If someone is my true friend, I'll know it...in their actions.Friendship is magic
This thread has been very helpful to me.
Jonathan Ainsley Bain
Logical Positivist
That's a very contentious issue. African culture and Christianity both imply the notion that society
does owe you respect, and human rights. It is natural for a child to expect to be supported, it would
die otherwise. As humanity becomes more integrated there are less opportunities to survive outside
of the legal-economic 'system'. And yet, the environment/ecosystem can only support a limited
number of people. Historically, a nation could only survive with large families as so many died
due to disease and other disasters. As society has advanced, the natural fecundity of people
has resulted in WAR due to overpopulation as people survive so much better.
But when one tries to teach this dynamic, the response is often stubborn refusal. Society could
be so much friendlier if people were limited in the number of offspring. Then when these large
numbers attack you as they have projected their suffering onto those who are wealthy, they make
us look like the problem.
I think that even populations that are sustainable in numbers are still suffering from the after effects
of population pressure from generations past. This is the core reason people are unfriendly.
Do not underestimate how misery can take 3 or even 4 generations to subside in society.
Most psychoses are imparted subconsciously. Often this can go on for centuries.
Jonathan Ainsley Bain
Logical Positivist
Its also very easy to misunderstand the meaning in mere text.
There can often be a subtly fine line between and insult and a joke.
The whole notion of being friends with people when you cannot
pick up on their body language is not easy to decide on. Though
I do have a few friends who I have never met, that I am still
chatting to almost a decade later. But then we are all writers and poets.
Aw, that's so nice. My heart is warmed right now reading this.
NewChapter
GiveMeATicketToWork
My definition: someone who truly helps me or tries to truly help me.
I'm a loner so it's just me and God. God is my friend and people who try to truly help the less fortunate are my friends. They are all worth keeping because they truly help me.
I've never severed a friendship and I try to truly help people sometimes.
I tend to have this perspective, although I'm not a loner.
What do you all think about the saying 'a friend in need, is a friend indeed?' I used to think this meant that someone is a user, lol but now...maybe it means just the opposite. That if someone requests your help, he/she trusts you enough to ask for the help. That could be considered a true friend.
Timothy Bryce
Active Member
Okay, I didn't realise that I actually had already replied to this thread. I was in a very abstract, emotional-charged state of mind when I wrote this.
Now that I'm a little more settled, I would say that, especially during my early adult years, I was a lot more open, kind and receptive to people - to a fault.
There's an old saying that "a friend to everyone is a friend to no one" - I think there's a lot of truth to that and I experienced it first hand. There are a lot of people who I really regret giving any of my time to, but I guess it's just part of the process of "coming of age".
Right now, I'm finding it remarkable who are still in my life, who are still in contact with me and who are actually still willing to do anything for me. One friend in particular is blowing my mind on a regular basis as to how much she's willing to do for me.
As I'm only 27, I'll chalk it up to being part of growing up and my peers finding their own places in the world. I'm still figuring it out; I would definitely say that the people that you allow into your life define your personality to an extent.
Timothy Bryce
Active Member
With what I'm going through at the moment, it seems like trying times almost define who your friends really are.
Digital_Monk
Member
Loner here. No friends. Moved a LOT when I was a kid, so I never developed many friendships, and I'm extremely hard to get along with anyhow, so that doesn't make things easier. Have a couple people IRL I occasionally do things with, but we aren't close. I keep everyone at an arm's distance to keep myself protected.
God is right next to me though and always has been.
God is right next to me though and always has been.
Yes it most certainly does! When I left Christianity, I lost two Christian ''friends,'' and I was very hurt. It showed me that they weren't friends at all. However, one has since returned into my life...why? Because I returned to Christianity. I ended up losing contact with an atheist friend upon returning to Christianity. The moral of this story could be that friends can be very fleeting depending on what your beliefs are lol
Sorry you're going through some trying times, atm. ((hug))
I totally get this. I have quite a few friends, some who are closer than others, but I tend to keep people at an arm's length a lot of the time. My fiance is my best friend, I'd say...he is someone whom I trust, which I never thought I'd ever trust someone this much, but I do. I agree about God. He never leaves us, and His love is different than worldly love.