What is wrong with me...

[Dezzie]

I am looking for honest answers here... What is wrong with me? I am a very quiet individual. I don't talk much and I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone. Everyone I work with always has a comment or two to say about how quiet I am. Why do I feel so abnormal? I am at work right now, listening to my co-workers make comments about my silence and it hurts. I am on the verge of tears because I feel so out of place... People create this image of me that is wrong. They think that I feel too good for them... like speaking to them doesn't matter... and I swear that's not it at all... I don't know why people think this about me. All it does is make me feel like less of a human being.

I just need some honest answers... if there are any. I need someone to talk to but no one is there...

*edit*

One of my co-workers actually told me that talking to me is very difficult because I don't say much. Every time they try and speak to me, it takes me more and more out of my comfort zone and I feel sick. I just want them to leave me alone...

 

[Dezzie]

I think I have an anxiety problem too when people speak to me. My heart is actually racing right now.

 

[Rakhel]

I can't diagnose you, but it does sound like an anxiety issue.

 

[Dezzie]

Anyone else here have this problem? I am really interested to know if I am not the only one.

Rakhel, I have had issues with anxiety for quite a few years now. When I was younger though, I never had this speaking problem. I used to be able to conversate with others very easily. Now, I just can't find the words and people actually scare me. I'm not looking for simpathy... I just feel so alone in this. My husband notices and tells me I need to stop it and just make friends. I always tell him that he doesn't understand. It's not that simple.

 

[HiddenDjinn]

No offense meant, but it sounds like it's time for you to see a psychiatrist about some anti-anxiety meds.

 

[Dezzie]

No offense meant, but it sounds like it's time for you to see a psychiatrist about some anti-anxiety meds.

No offense taken... the fact that I am in the Military kind of turns me away from going to a Psychiatrist though.

 

[Me Myself]

This sounds really hard. And it does because I´ve been you quite a good amount of times.

It´s very hard to feel so out of place... all that I can tell you is you are not alone. There are billions of people along human history that have felt like that.

I know how hard it can be, sometimes you just don´t know WHAT to say, but that doesn´t mean you don´t want to conect!

I am glad you have your husband, and I know even then it can feel lonely, but if you can, you can look for comfort in him more than in words in silent hugging or just petting, dk.

When this happens to me I generaly try poetry or just somewhere or something whith which I can communicate to people without words.

Hopefully I helped a little.

Best wishes and blessings.

 

[Rakhel]

Anyone else here have this problem? I am really interested to know if I am not the only one.

Rakhel, I have had issues with anxiety for quite a few years now. When I was younger though, I never had this speaking problem. I used to be able to conversate with others very easily. Now, I just can't find the words and people actually scare me. I'm not looking for simpathy... I just feel so alone in this. My husband notices and tells me I need to stop it and just make friends. I always tell him that he doesn't understand. It's not that simple.

I;m quiet myself, and usually don't like to socialize. I know I have to but I really don't like to. I generally don't answer the phone or the door. I prefer doing most of my chat via online or by text. I have, however, learned how to hide my dislike for talking by being a listener. I do a lot of nodding and uh-huhing and yes. It gives me time to find a way to build up the nerve to talk and I can talk as long as it is a subject I know and like.

 

[Rakhel]

No offense taken... the fact that I am in the Military kind of turns me away from going to a Psychiatrist though.

off base with your own money. It's a bit(lot) more expensive, but it protects your anonymity.

 

[Alceste]

No offense taken... the fact that I am in the Military kind of turns me away from going to a Psychiatrist though.

If you aren't up for seeing a specialist, you could always write. A decent psychoanalyst would listen to you talk until you'd worked out your problem for yourself, maybe hold a lantern here and there to light the way. You may be able to do this for yourself by keeping a journal. I used to be more awkward with others than I am now (not in the same way, but still), and writing helped me to no end. Although I was writing for years before I read the book, the writing process I learned from the Artist's Way worked best:

Every morning, before you start the day, write three pages of stream of consciousness (unfiltered and spontaneous) writing. Don't read it, don't censor yourself, don't share it with anyone, just pour whatever is in your head out onto three pages, shut the book and lock it away where nobody can read it, including you. If you can keep that up for a few months, then go back and look at whatever you wrote. Highlight whatever strikes you as meaningful. Look for patterns and see if you can think of anything you could do for yourself to alleviate your anxiety.

Anyway, that's one tool of many different tools you might get from a therapist. The book I mentioned is very much like a course of therapy, if you stick to it. (According to friends who've been in therapy). It's specifically geared toward people who feel stifled creatively, but I think it could be useful to anyone.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Sometimes there just isn't anything to say.

 

[IsmailaGodHasHeard]

You need counseling to figure out what is wrong. Maybe medication too.

 

[Badran]

I am looking for honest answers here... What is wrong with me? I am a very quiet individual. I don't talk much and I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone. Everyone I work with always has a comment or two to say about how quiet I am. Why do I feel so abnormal? I am at work right now, listening to my co-workers make comments about my silence and it hurts. I am on the verge of tears because I feel so out of place... People create this image of me that is wrong. They think that I feel too good for them... like speaking to them doesn't matter... and I swear that's not it at all... I don't know why people think this about me. All it does is make me feel like less of a human being.

I just need some honest answers... if there are any. I need someone to talk to but no one is there...

*edit*

One of my co-workers actually told me that talking to me is very difficult because I don't say much. Every time they try and speak to me, it takes me more and more out of my comfort zone and I feel sick. I just want them to leave me alone...

Personally, and based on how i've been in what i think is a similar position to yours (the only difference is i was very young, not sure if that makes a big difference or not), my answer to your question 'whats wrong with me' is nothing really. Being a quite person isn't a problem. However, the extra anxiety or being more uncomfortable might be, but probably not i think and here's why.

When people reacted the way they did with you, with me, i got worse, much worse. It didn't help me be any more comfortable with them, and in fact, distanced me more. Because on top of honestly not having much, or anything to say, a couple of things are now also happening when i'm around them.

One, is that i'm now supposed or expected to be quite, or thats how they see me. So when i do otherwise, thats going to attract more attention than normal, and reactions that would not (and have not when occurred) helped be any more comfortable. It actually made me regret the decision to even try and take care of their need for me to speak more. The dislike for that extra attention might be caused by many things, i couldn't guess without knowing more. In my case, it was simply because it wasn't actually a good type of attention, they weren't like "oh cool he's talking now" or something like that, but more like just watching in mild astonishment.

All of this made me view them as stupid, and made me rather dislike them. Because they first misinterpreted my being silent, then complained about it, and talked about me in the third person when i was right there, and then when i tried to help them, they're reacted like morons. If any of this is similar to your situation, i don't think you need to worry too much. This went away from me, but i couldn't be too sure as to how or why it went away. What seemed like it helped though, is that when i hung around people where i could really be myself, or express myself in the way i want to, and enjoyed that, made me more inclined to be comfortable more often than not.

So, when faced with these situations of possible lack of comfort or anxiety due to people's reactions to me being quite, i automatically tend to seek being comfortable, so that i don't have a rough time. By either talking to them and catering for their needs (quite comfortably) or just sitting there not reacting much until they get the hell out of my face (depending on the mood and who's the person in question).

If you don't identify with any of this, then truly sorry to ramble about my experience, but i couldn't do any better but to offer it this way. As i'm no way capable of giving you advice that i would be confident it would work. Particularly because i don't know how it works with you and why.

 

[lunakilo]

I think I have an anxiety problem too when people speak to me. My heart is actually racing right now.

This sounds exactly like what happens to me when I have to speak to people on the telephone.

Fortunatly I don't have to do that a lot, but it happened twice this week

Basically if the phone rings I actually feel a bit scared and my heart starts racing.
I really have to pull myself together to answer the phone. I know it is silly, what could be so dangerous about a telephone right?
I also really struggle to have a normal conversation over the phone.

I don't know how to fix my problem, nor do I know how to fix yours but you sound quite normal to me

 

[Kathryn]

Well, I've heard a lot about extreme shyness and how awkward that makes people feel. It sounds to me that this may be part of your discomfort. I say "discomfort" rather than "problem" or "issue" because my hunch is that your shyness is very normal -just not very well understood by your co workers. The military teaches and encourages traits considered "strong" and "brave" and "assertive" and those traits often manifest themselves in strongly expressed opinions and other assertive behaviors. Nothing WRONG with that attitude, but there's also nothing WRONG with your less assertive style and feelings.

However, I disagree with the idea that there's nothing to be concerned about. This is causing you discomfort and even distress - so there IS a problem. It sounds as if you would like to be more comfortable talking with people and expressing yourself. My family is predominately military, and I don't think that there's anything risky about you going and talking with a counselor. That's no one's business, and the visit and discussions are confidential. You're not seeking help because you feel like you want to abuse children, or hurt animals. You're simply trying to deal with extreme shyness, and that's a more common situation than you may think. There's nothing shameful or weird about it.

I really encourage you to make an appointment. I think you could learn some coping skills and simple methods to minimize your discomfort in social situations.

Good luck. And by the way, I have a hunch that you're a lovely person. Your posts on this forum are always a joy to read. You're quite eloquent.

 

[ChristineES]

I am looking for honest answers here... What is wrong with me? I am a very quiet individual. I don't talk much and I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone. Everyone I work with always has a comment or two to say about how quiet I am. Why do I feel so abnormal? I am at work right now, listening to my co-workers make comments about my silence and it hurts. I am on the verge of tears because I feel so out of place... People create this image of me that is wrong. They think that I feel too good for them... like speaking to them doesn't matter... and I swear that's not it at all... I don't know why people think this about me. All it does is make me feel like less of a human being.

I just need some honest answers... if there are any. I need someone to talk to but no one is there...

*edit*

One of my co-workers actually told me that talking to me is very difficult because I don't say much. Every time they try and speak to me, it takes me more and more out of my comfort zone and I feel sick. I just want them to leave me alone...

I am the same way- I have always been shy and introverted. You have to learn to accept yourself. If you are quiet, you are quiet. I never had a lot of friends, and I never got into a lot of conversations, but I did have some friends and I always manage to find someone to talk to. I am a middle aged woman now, but way back when I was young, I also felt that something was wrong with me. But just because I don't strike up a lot of conversations, doesn't mean I am less of a human.

I can't speak for you, since I am not you but those things you say your coworkers say to you, was also said to me when I was younger. If people form opinions of you that are not true, then that is their problem and not yours.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your quietness is not a problem. But your feeling that there is something wrong with you may be one. If you feel as though you need to speak more then maybe a specialist can help you. If you feel fine with who you are then all you should do is learn to accept this. There is nothing wrong with not being the same as everyone else.

 

[YmirGF]

One of my co-workers actually told me that talking to me is very difficult because I don't say much. Every time they try and speak to me, it takes me more and more out of my comfort zone and I feel sick. I just want them to leave me alone...

Short, to the point. Dezzie, I don't like the sound of this. I recommend that you seek counseling immediately.

 

[Father Heathen]

I am looking for honest answers here... What is wrong with me? I am a very quiet individual. I don't talk much and I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone. Everyone I work with always has a comment or two to say about how quiet I am. Why do I feel so abnormal? I am at work right now, listening to my co-workers make comments about my silence and it hurts. I am on the verge of tears because I feel so out of place... People create this image of me that is wrong. They think that I feel too good for them... like speaking to them doesn't matter... and I swear that's not it at all... I don't know why people think this about me. All it does is make me feel like less of a human being.

I just need some honest answers... if there are any. I need someone to talk to but no one is there...

*edit*

One of my co-workers actually told me that talking to me is very difficult because I don't say much. Every time they try and speak to me, it takes me more and more out of my comfort zone and I feel sick. I just want them to leave me alone...

I've been there. I'm a shy and quiet guy by nature, and some co-workers at places I've worked at in the past thought I was being a snob for not interacting with them. I have trouble striking up conversations, especially considering I don't share the same interests or views as most people around me.

 

[no-body]

Social anxiety sucks. Meditation, hypnosis, balanced diet, exercise can help a lot but to be honest you will probably need therapy and medication short term.

There is nothing wrong with introversion, but if it is affecting your life then it is a problem.

Personally I have always felt the same way, I don't "get" small talk who the f cares about all the small minutiae in our lives or what the latest tv show is about or which sports team won ? Speaking with people "drains" me unless I know them very well and can be comfortable with them .

 

[Alceste]

I don't recommend medication except as a last resort, if your anxiety begins to interfere with your ability to function on a day to day basis, if it starts to get worse, or if you're really at the end of your rope. Pills for mental health problems have all kinds of side effects, they can be addictive, they change your whole personality, they are costly and your doctor may tell you to take them for your entire life. I've got a lot of friends and family who have mental health problems. I've watched them struggle terribly with various medications. It would be nice if pills could be a magic bullet, but they are not.

If you can see a therapist, you will learn some tools to help you work through your anxiety.

 

[no-body]

I don't recommend medication except as a last resort, if your anxiety begins to interfere with your ability to function on a day to day basis, if it starts to get worse, or if you're really at the end of your rope. Pills for mental health problems have all kinds of side effects, they can be addictive, they change your whole personality, they are costly and your doctor may tell you to take them for your entire life. I've got a lot of friends and family who have mental health problems. I've watched them struggle terribly with various medications. It would be nice if pills could be a magic bullet, but they are not.

If you can see a therapist, you will learn some tools to help you work through your anxiety.

Ideally you would see a therapist who advocates medication for the short term coupled with heavy counseling. If you are extremely debilitated and have known no other way of life the extra "push" is definitely needed to get you through the beginning, the eventual tapering and withdrawal is a small price to pay.