What is wrong with me...

[Alceste]

Ideally you would see a therapist who advocates medication for the short term coupled with heavy counseling. If you are extremely debilitated and have known no other way of life the extra "push" is definitely needed to get you through the beginning, the eventual tapering and withdrawal is a small price to pay.

How can you say medication is "ideal" when we don't know the seriousness of the problem, what the medication is likely to be, and whether the side effects of that medication might be worse than the original problem?

Medication should be a LAST resort. Not the first. A therapist who recommended medication right off the bat would be a quack.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I'd suggest going to a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. Skip the drugs unless absolutely necessary.

 

[Badran]

I don't recommend medication except as a last resort, if your anxiety begins to interfere with your ability to function on a day to day basis, if it starts to get worse, or if you're really at the end of your rope. Pills for mental health problems have all kinds of side effects, they can be addictive, they change your whole personality, they are costly and your doctor may tell you to take them for your entire life. I've got a lot of friends and family who have mental health problems. I've watched them struggle terribly with various medications. It would be nice if pills could be a magic bullet, but they are not.

If you can see a therapist, you will learn some tools to help you work through your anxiety.

I totally agree, thats how i view medication, as a last resort.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I don't think you have a problem, some people me include are quiet. I have never liked large groups And I hate chattering for the sake of it.
However if it is some thing I am interested in I can be quite vocal.
It is not even about speaking in public, I have always been able to get up, and give a talk or Run a meeting.
I simply do not care for socialising.

We are all different, we all fit somewhere on the scale of things... I am quite old now and people are happy for me to be quiet, not that it ever bothered me.

I doubt you will change much, it is part of you.. It may seem rather "UN-American" to be seen as anti-social.But don't let it bother you. Try to concentrate on Just one or two friends at a time, I always found that worked.

 

[Quagmire]

I am looking for honest answers here... What is wrong with me? I am a very quiet individual. I don't talk much and I have a hard time starting a conversation with someone. Everyone I work with always has a comment or two to say about how quiet I am. Why do I feel so abnormal? I am at work right now, listening to my co-workers make comments about my silence and it hurts. I am on the verge of tears because I feel so out of place... People create this image of me that is wrong. They think that I feel too good for them... like speaking to them doesn't matter... and I swear that's not it at all... I don't know why people think this about me. All it does is make me feel like less of a human being.

I just need some honest answers... if there are any. I need someone to talk to but no one is there...

*edit*

One of my co-workers actually told me that talking to me is very difficult because I don't say much. Every time they try and speak to me, it takes me more and more out of my comfort zone and I feel sick. I just want them to leave me alone...

Dezzie, has this situation come up just since you joined the military?

If so, this may be truer than you realize:

I feel so out of place

The pressure for conformity is much more pronounced in a such a structered environment (and I couldn't think of any way to say that that wouldn't have sounded like an understatement).

This, what you're coworkers are doing here:

I am at work right now, listening to my co-workers make comments about my silence and it hurts.

...wouldn't be considered appropriate behavior in most other places. The fact that it is there just demonstrates and underlines the importance placed on conformity in that world, and the intolerance for individuality (and the resultant disregard for the individual's feelings or rights).

You may just be in the wrong place.

 

[Quagmire]

And I'm sorry, because this may be more information than what you were looking for but this...

My husband notices and tells me I need to stop it and just make friends. I always tell him that he doesn't understand. It's not that simple.

...telling you to just "stop it" instead of asking you what's wrong just ties in with everything I said in my last post: you're violating the unspoken law of social conformity that almost always becomes dogmatic within an environment of mandated conformity.

Whatever's going on, he needs to realize that "stop it" isn't going to fix anything.

 

[no-body]

How can you say medication is "ideal" when we don't know the seriousness of the problem, what the medication is likely to be, and whether the side effects of that medication might be worse than the original problem?

Medication should be a LAST resort. Not the first. A therapist who recommended medication right off the bat would be a quack.

Obviously the final decision lies with her and the opinion of the therapist she visits, but she sounds clinically depressed and has classic symptoms of social anxiety to me. You must think the majority of doctors are quacks then since most of them would immediately recommend medication, at least in my experience seeking treatment.

 

[Alceste]

Obviously the final decision lies with her and the opinion of the therapist she visits, but she sounds clinically depressed and has classic symptoms of social anxiety to me. You must think the majority of doctors are quacks then since most of them would immediately recommend medication, at least in my experience seeking treatment.

Yes, family doctors prescribe medication when you bring them your mental health concerns. They prescribe medication for everything. I've never once been to see a doctor and been sent away without a prescription in my hand.

I do think they're quacks for prescribing powerful, addictive, personality-changing meds for mild depression and anxiety. I would still go see one if I thought I had a problem that would respond to medication, like an infection. I would never go to a GP with a mental health issue, except to get a referral. That is not their area of expertise.

 

[Revoltingest]

Yes, family doctors prescribe medication when you bring them your mental health concerns. They prescribe medication for everything. I've never once been to see a doctor and been sent away without a prescription in my hand.

That might be a Canadian problem. Here in Revoltistan, I'm seldom given a prescription. Usually, we discuss diet, exercise & supplements.
Once though, when I had pneumonia, I did get antibiotics, which worked like a charm.

I do think they're quacks for prescribing powerful, addictive, personality-changing meds for mild depression and anxiety. I would still go see one if I thought I had a problem that would respond to medication, like an infection. I would never go to a GP with a mental health issue, except to get a referral. That is not their area of expertise.

That would run counter from what my tenants do for their clients. Canada must be one hopped up place, eh?

Dezzie...
You've had enuf good advice to figger out where & how to seek help. Drugs are something to discuss in detail if recommended to you.
My only advice to add is to be a concerned & informed patient. Well....one more piece of advice - We engineers improve our communication
skills by working up to it gradually. When we talk to someone, we try to remember to look at their shoes instead of our own.

 

[Alceste]

To be fair, I only go to the doctor when I have a problem. If I did the check-up thing I might get out without a prescription once in a while. But yes, in general Canadian doctors are pill pushers. The older you get, the more pills you have to take. My dad's only in his 50s and has to have one of those days-of-the-week pill boxes to keep it all straight.

 

[Kathryn]

Meds can be helpful. I'm slightly OCD and when I am very stressed out, it really manifests itself. When that happens, I have absolutely no problem taking a small dosage of Luvox to balance things out - and it DOES help. Generally speaking though, I try coping without it first, and that usually works. Of course, meds should be avoided if other more holistic or natural remedies will work.

I would not accept a prescription from a general practitioner - I would insist on a referral to a mental health specialist and then take it from there. I would also be very clear that I prefer NOT to take medication - and if the doctor isn't open to that, then I'd seek a second opinion.

But - meds can be very effective, and safe, and the best option in some cases. Every case is different. I do think, though, that you need some professional advice.

Which you will definitely not get from me - unless you want to talk about banking!

 

[HiddenDjinn]

Here's an idea that just might work:
Admit that you're socially-awkward to your coworkers. One of two things will happen: 1. They will embrace you(hopefully not literally) and help ease your social anxiety. or 2. They will shun you, and essentially leave you alone for the duration of your assignment with them. Either way, it's better than what you're living with now.

 

[Dezzie]

All of this made me view them as stupid, and made me rather dislike them. Because they first misinterpreted my being silent, then complained about it, and talked about me in the third person when i was right there, and then when i tried to help them, they're reacted like morons. If any of this is similar to your situation, i don't think you need to worry too much. This went away from me, but i couldn't be too sure as to how or why it went away. What seemed like it helped though, is that when i hung around people where i could really be myself, or express myself in the way i want to, and enjoyed that, made me more inclined to be comfortable more often than not.

This is exactly what happens with me... only when I get the anxiety, I want to shy away into the bathroom and just cry. I feel so pathetic honestly. I have no friends because of this problem. I've noticed that I only really talk to people I feel comfortable around (there aren't many). My husband is the main person... I usually just call people aquaintances... but they are rarely ever "friends".

 

[Dezzie]

Well, I've heard a lot about extreme shyness and how awkward that makes people feel. It sounds to me that this may be part of your discomfort. I say "discomfort" rather than "problem" or "issue" because my hunch is that your shyness is very normal -just not very well understood by your co workers. The military teaches and encourages traits considered "strong" and "brave" and "assertive" and those traits often manifest themselves in strongly expressed opinions and other assertive behaviors. Nothing WRONG with that attitude, but there's also nothing WRONG with your less assertive style and feelings.

However, I disagree with the idea that there's nothing to be concerned about. This is causing you discomfort and even distress - so there IS a problem. It sounds as if you would like to be more comfortable talking with people and expressing yourself. My family is predominately military, and I don't think that there's anything risky about you going and talking with a counselor. That's no one's business, and the visit and discussions are confidential. You're not seeking help because you feel like you want to abuse children, or hurt animals. You're simply trying to deal with extreme shyness, and that's a more common situation than you may think. There's nothing shameful or weird about it.

I really encourage you to make an appointment. I think you could learn some coping skills and simple methods to minimize your discomfort in social situations.

Good luck. And by the way, I have a hunch that you're a lovely person. Your posts on this forum are always a joy to read. You're quite eloquent.

Thank you so much for your kind words... All of you have been so helpful! I am really thinking about making an appointment to at least talk to someone. I'm so nervous though because talking to others is my main "discomfort"... :areyoucra I'm glad I can talk to others online though... not much stress is involved.

 

[Kathryn]

Dezzie, maybe this will help you a bit. I don't know but maybe.

I am a very extroverted person and I "never meet a stranger." I can small talk with the best of 'em.

But I have very few actual FRIENDS. Nearly all my "buds" are acquaintances that I happen to be around because of work or some other proximity that's semi forced on me.

Most of them are not people that I'd choose to be my friends. Now sometimes I even do social things with them, but that doesn't mean that they are friends.

My true friends I can count on one hand with fingers left over.

You seem depressed or at least distressed about this issue - that's why I think you should seek professional help. No need to suffer if something can be done to make this easier for you.

But - don't assume that people who are more extroverted are truly happier or more fulfilled than you are. They have their own struggles.

You should have a friend or two though - not just your husband. That's too much expectation for emotional fulfillment for one person to carry.

 

[Dezzie]

How can you say medication is "ideal" when we don't know the seriousness of the problem, what the medication is likely to be, and whether the side effects of that medication might be worse than the original problem?

Medication should be a LAST resort. Not the first. A therapist who recommended medication right off the bat would be a quack.

I do not want to take meds for this issue... trust me. I don't trust those types of meds at all. Talking to a therapist will probably help a little bit. One thing I did notice is that talking to older people is 10 times easier than talking to peers at my own age level. I had issues with friends and other people judging me as a kid, so maybe that's my problem.

 

[Dezzie]

You may just be in the wrong place.

I see your point here... I have had this issue since I was in the 8th grade but it did get a little bit worse when I arrived at my current Command (I'm currently stationed in Hawaii... no money to travel and see family... go figure... I'm trapped on an island...). My last Command was so great. Everyone was so nice and never made any comments about how quiet I was. They accepted me for who I was. I actually miss those people... bad... It must just be where I work now. I actually dread coming into work because I don't want people to talk about me.

 

[Badran]

This is exactly what happens with me... only when I get the anxiety, I want to shy away into the bathroom and just cry. I feel so pathetic honestly. I have no friends because of this problem. I've noticed that I only really talk to people I feel comfortable around (there aren't many). My husband is the main person... I usually just call people aquaintances... but they are rarely ever "friends".

I didn't have any real friends neither at that point. You really needn't feel pathetic at all though. None of what you said is indicating to me that there is anything you should even remotely feel pathetic for, but rather the people reacting poorly to your very common silent personality and contributing to your anxiety who are pathetic.

Also i agree with what you said in a following post, its probably a good idea to make an appointment to at least talk to someone about all of this, it certainly wouldn't hurt. The most important thing i want to emphasize again though, is that this is really not at all a problem with you. But rather with people around you, and like Quagmire said you're perhaps in the wrong place right now as well.

If i understand the situation properly now, i think this won't be necessarily a difficult issue to work through with a professional. All you seem to need is to understand where the anxiety is stemming from, and work on that.

 

[YmirGF]

Thank you so much for your kind words... All of you have been so helpful! I am really thinking about making an appointment to at least talk to someone. I'm so nervous though because talking to others is my main "discomfort"... :areyoucra I'm glad I can talk to others online though... not much stress is involved.

I am just concerned that it is one of the first signs of something more significant, if it is allowed to remain unchecked. I won't say, "Dezzie, there is something wrong with you!" Rather, I'll say, "You have some challenges ahead of you that you can make it through."

Unlike others, I am in no position to say if drugs are a reasonable solution or not. I doubt any of the others here are qualified to say either. Leave such decisions to your doctor, yourself and your hubby. Weigh the pro's and con's if that is what is suggested.

I think it is positive that you have reached out to people here as a healthy start. I hope that things go well with the therapist. I guess my only advice is to tell you to try to figure out a way to verbalize your plight in advance. Practice in the bathroom, in front of a mirror if you need to. Again, you have a challenge to overcome, not a problem that cannot be solved.

 

[Rakhel]

I do not want to take meds for this issue... trust me. I don't trust those types of meds at all. Talking to a therapist will probably help a little bit. One thing I did notice is that talking to older people is 10 times easier than talking to peers at my own age level. I had issues with friends and other people judging me as a kid, so maybe that's my problem.

I think that is why I liked working in a nursing home. I loved the patients, hated my coworkers.