Hyper and Kilgore -
Do you think there's any difference between someone who is basically a suspicious person - who would snoop regardless of who they were with, and someone who has trusted someone for years and invested all they have into a relationship they think is open and honest, and then begins to realize that things aren't adding up?
Hyper - LONG PARAGRAPH ALERT - so please quit reading if it's going to be too stressful for you.
I was married for ten years to a man I loved. We got along great - our personalities really clicked. We bought our dreamhome and filled it with children. We built a very successful business together. We were very active in our church and in our business community, and had a wide circle of good friends, threw great parties together, traveled, and had a very good life - or so I thought.
One day, we were in the office together getting ready for a staff meeting, and because someone else was at my desk momentarily, I went into his office to print off a document. When I moved the mouse, his email opened up (and no, I wasn't snooping - that was the last thing on my mind - I was running around trying to get ready for a meeting and at least 15 people were milling around in the office). Lo and behold - there was an email from a woman and it was obviously, blatantly sexual in nature. It was obvious that they had been together several times. It was also obvious that this wasn't a serious relationship.
You know the old expression "The rug was pulled out from under me?" That's exactly how I felt. I did have the presence of mind to print the letter before walking into the meeting. Believe me, my head was spinning. This was completely out of left field.
After the meeting, I confronted him. Do you think he told me the truth? Of course not - he told me "I've never done this before, I don't know what got into me, it was an accident, I love you, she means nothing to me, it's just my luck - the first time I've ever done anything like this, yada yada yada..."
Well, I went home - and got to "snooping" thru our computer, phone records, bank accounts, etc. I found out so much stuff, I could hardly believe it. Multiple women, money gone from several accounts, a gambling habit, and falsified tax returns, just for starters. Hell, he was meeting women online, hooking up with them at casinos - all while I thought he was out selling real estate.
Meanwhile, I'd been working my *** off and raising a family. Never been unfaithful in my life, though of course I'd had opportunities. Don't we all.
It's a good thing I "snooped." I was able to minimize my losses and get my life back in order in a much more informed and orderly way. If I'd just walked out, I would have lost even more. Snooping saved me tens of thousands of dollars, and I needed the information I gathered for leverage - and for mine and my children's security and well being. In other words, I nailed him - and he deserved it.
Today (eight years later) he lives with his parents and works at Lowes (this was after a stint selling coffee makers at Bed Bath and Beyond). I'm sure he's still paying back taxes, and will be for a long time. Frankly, I'm surprised he didn't go to jail.
I'm happily married, my kids are all doing great, and my life is better than it ever was with him. And I don't regret gathering the information I needed.
That's not snooping in my opinion - it's self preservation.
