What is your opinion on internet privacy?

[Kathryn]

Only in so much as your lives are legally and financially entwined.

The less so... the less gathering and information necessary.
The less "protection" you need.
The easier it is to simply walk away.

This I think, is where peoples' scenarios become very different.

The example of the OP in this thread
bears no resemblance whatsoever
to anything we have been talking about here.

It seems to me some people just don't want the apples and the oranges in the same bowl.
As you said yourSelf, "snooping" and "Self Preservation and Protection"
are not the same thing at all.
The thread really, was about snooping.

As you know, these threads evolve. If we were purists about OPs, most threads would be a lot shorter.

And - here is the original question posed in the OP:

Despite whatever curiousity a person has is there such thing as a right to invade another adults privacy?

This thread evolved to discussing the limits of personal privacy within different levels of relationships. "Whatever curiosity" and "a person" and "a right to invade another adult's privacy" does not limit the question to simply casual dating relationship and snooping - it broadens the question to include WHATEVER the situation is, and is asking for parameters. These parameters, and the line between "snooping and self preservation" IS the discussion. And my response has been - sometimes what some people think of as snooping is absolutely justified, and sometimes it's not.

Also - in community property states, regardless of how "separate" you keep your stuff, you still own property bought after the marriage together, and you still owe any debt incurred in the marriage - TOGETHER. With very few exceptions. Including, for example, five year leases on commercial property, even if you didn't sign the lease and you're long gone from the marriage.

So - it's often not so easy to keep things separate - or to simply walk away.

And by the way, if I'd "snooped" earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of risk and trouble.

 

[blackout]

/

As you know, these threads evolve. If we were purists about OPs, most threads would be a lot shorter.

And - here is the original question posed in the OP:



This thread evolved to discussing the limits of personal privacy within different levels of relationships. "Whatever curiosity" and "a person" and "a right to invade another adult's privacy" does not limit the question to simply casual dating relationship and snooping - it broadens the question to include WHATEVER the situation is, and is asking for parameters. These parameters, and the line between "snooping and self preservation" IS the discussion. And my response has been - sometimes what some people think of as snooping is absolutely justified, and sometimes it's not.

Also - in community property states, regardless of how "separate" you keep your stuff, you still own property bought after the marriage together, and you still owe any debt incurred in the marriage - TOGETHER. With very few exceptions. Including, for example, five year leases on commercial property, even if you didn't sign the lease and you're long gone from the marriage.

So - it's often not so easy to keep things separate - or to simply walk away.

And by the way, if I'd "snooped" earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of risk and trouble.

This all furthers my case against marriage.
Seriously.

Anyway, I'm not so sure if curiosity and self preservation are the same thing,
and as well, there is no "privacy" in matters of legally entwined obligations.
In other words it IS LEGITIMATELY your business.
Finding out what IS YOUR BUSINESS, and your LEGAL right to know,
is in no way snooping, and should hold far more weight than a mere "curiosity".
(as it may very well keep you out of jail)
You GIVE UP your "right" to privacy when you take on shared legal responsibilities
with another person.
You have instead a legal RESPONSIBILITY to know, for example,
that your taxes have been paid.

 

[Archer]

/


You have instead a legal RESPONSIBILITY to know, for example,
that your taxes have been paid.

And that sets the precedent.

My wife got mad at me for messing with her facebook Not because I looked at anything but because I forgot to tell her about the notification that she did not see. Pics of my kid at camp:sorry1:

 

[Hypersonic]

It may be your business to know economically where the family money is going yes but it isn't your business to invade someones internet dealings. I believe the only way personal investigation is acceptable is if communication towards the partner has become strained and inefficient and that no other options are available.

 

[ChristineES]

I have come to the conclusion that one shouldn't post anything on the internet that they wouldn't say out loud on a busy street. More than likely, no one cares what I write on the web, but why tempt fate.

 

[Hypersonic]

I have come to the conclusion that one shouldn't post anything on the internet that they wouldn't say out loud on a busy street. More than likely, no one cares what I write on the web, but why tempt fate.

Makes no sense......

So long as it doesn't violate the law of the land why not? Many people post derogatory things against others with no legal recourse. Why should private matter be any different?

 

[Archer]

It may be your business to know economically where the family money is going yes but it isn't your business to invade someones internet dealings. I believe the only way personal investigation is acceptable is if communication towards the partner has become strained and inefficient and that no other options are available.

In an honest relationship there is nothing to hide and I am glad my wife knows all of my passwords (I have had to ask her a time or two).

Now I am speaking of marriage and long term monogamous relationships here.

In a non committed relationship what I do is my business. It is like a simple friendship and what I do away from you is none of your business unless I choose to tell you.

 

[Hypersonic]

Ok but marriage and boyfriend girlfriend relationships are different as you have pointed out. A boyfriend/girlfriend situation there are no investments, no kids,no mutual interests except the obvious.

 

[Archer]

Ok but marriage and boyfriend girlfriend relationships are different as you have pointed out. A boyfriend/girlfriend situation there are no investments, no kids,no mutual interests except the obvious.

I will agree right up until sex comes into play. Then if it is supposed to be a monogamous relationship you throw some of your privacy out the window. I mean if Jane or Joe want to screw everything they can it is fine but don't infect Jack and Jill.

As far as financial information that should be left alone but the idea of going down on someone that is with someone else or kissing someone who has in the past few hours is sickening to some of us. I care where my Johnson goes as well as my mouth. If it is sexual and supposedly monogamous then some things are the partners business.

 

[ChristineES]

Makes no sense......

So long as it doesn't violate the law of the land why not? Many people post derogatory things against others with no legal recourse. Why should private matter be any different?

It makes perfect sense: What I am saying is that if you don't want people to read private things about you, then keep it off the internet because you never know who is going to see it and how it is going to be spread. I am not saying what we are doing, but what we SHOULD do. (But should is one of those useless words, lol). And I was also saying that nothing I would say should not be of any interest to anyone (except hopefully to the ones I am writing it to), but why take the chance? Do you understand it now?

 

[Hypersonic]

I will agree right up until sex comes into play. Then if it is supposed to be a monogamous relationship you throw some of your privacy out the window. I mean if Jane or Joe want to screw everything they can it is fine but don't infect Jack and Jill.

As far as financial information that should be left alone but the idea of going down on someone that is with someone else or kissing someone who has in the past few hours is sickening to some of us. I care where my Johnson goes as well as my mouth. If it is sexual and supposedly monogamous then some things are the partners business.

As far as I know of American culture sex is apart of most if not all relationships. Some relationships sex is casual, and some sex is more each relationship is diverse as the next. As I mentioned previously, there is no set standard

 

[Hypersonic]

It makes perfect sense: What I am saying is that if you don't want people to read private things about you, then keep it off the internet because you never know who is going to see it and how it is going to be spread. I am not saying what we are doing, but what we SHOULD do. (But should is one of those useless words, lol). And I was also saying that nothing I would say should not be of any interest to anyone (except hopefully to the ones I am writing it to), but why take the chance? Do you understand it now?

But in the case of that Vendetta fellow clearly it was a violation of his privacy. He didn't delete those messages for whatever reason and his friend decided to read them after he trusted her with his password in the interest of assisting him with hacker issues. Now I had to read that several times before I would defend him. From what little I understand he was dating this young girl and from the looks of it more was going on however in his case, his privacy was purely violated. Private or not messages or not, marriage, boyfriend girlfriend or not, some people should go through private things.

Men and women definitely think differently. Its funny in Alexandria I have a friend who is having "intimacies" with a woman. Apparently he has made it clear they are friends but of course they like sex. One day, over her house after having intimacies he lays his phone down while about to take a shower, and she decided to look through his phone. When he came out, she was furious and scolded him. His question to her was "why are you mad?" She assume they were monogamous. However he made it clear that they weren't, and had no obligations to each other.

Apparently she assumed that good sex on a regular basis meant monogamy go figure. She of course stayed, but the problems were as you would say cyclical. I think marriages should be monogamous with full disclosure, but I believe privacy in some cases should be established. But what I am driving home is before a woman or a man who suspects something, decides to look for clues perhaps they should talk to their mate first and wait until they are completely sure that what they feel is legitimate. If the suspected attitude persists then I believe one should investigate. Or at least prior to, see a marriage counselor.

Let me also say full disclosure doesn't mean a person isn't devious. There are men who have had years of infidelity without skipping a beat in their life. For example international travelling business men.

 

[McBell]

But in the case of that Vendetta fellow clearly it was a violation of his privacy. He didn't delete those messages for whatever reason and his friend decided to read them after he trusted her with his password in the interest of assisting him with hacker issues. Now I had to read that several times before I would defend him. From what little I understand he was dating this young girl and from the looks of it more was going on however in his case, his privacy was purely violated. Private or not messages or not, marriage, boyfriend girlfriend or not, some people should go through private things.

I disagree.
He gave her his password.
Giving someone your password gives that person permission to look at anything and every thing that password allows them to look at.

 

[Hypersonic]

I disagree. If the intentions is for one specific thing its not at least mentally not for other things. If I have an email and I give my wife my password under the impression she is doing a specific thing it is my trust she will complete that and nothing else. Even in a job if I give you a task its not apart or that criteria to violate the initiative I've established.

 

[McBell]

I disagree. If the intentions is for one specific thing its not at least mentally not for other things. If I have an email and I give my wife my password under the impression she is doing a specific thing it is my trust she will complete that and nothing else. Even in a job if I give you a task its not apart or that criteria to violate the initiative I've established.

BU it is still not an INVASION of privacy if you give her your password.
Violation of trust, perhaps, but not an invasion of privacy.

 

[Hypersonic]

BU it is still not an INVASION of privacy if you give her your password.
Violation of trust, perhaps, but not an invasion of privacy.

I don't see how a violation of trust and a violation of privacy are not the same thing. Again, if I trust you to complete a specific task I trust you'll complete that task. If you deviate that task to satisfy that curiousity you are deviating from an initiative that was agreed upon. Sure you can say he willingly gave her his password under the impression she would assist him, but when she goes in his person messages this is transgressing the initiative because whatever private messages he had, had nothing to do with her that was my impression.

I don't look at invasion of privacy as just something where someone hacks into your account and you don't know about it, I look at as something that is a violation of trust and privacy.

If I found out that my wife went through my snails under the guise of suspicion I would be upset especially if her suspicion was not valid. Sometimes things aren't clear and sometimes miscommunication occurs this is why people should talk not Snoop.

 

[Kathryn]

Well, by the time someone's having an affair, they're not likely to be honest about it when you ask. I'm not saying DON'T ask, but the odds are low that they are going to be forthright with you about it.

Even if they are flat out CAUGHT, they will probably only admit to the smallest amount of wrongdoing that they can - leaving you still vulnerable.

When you have reasons to suspect that someone is lying to you, I believe that investigating further by any means possible is not only OK, but also the most responsible thing you can do.

And to repeat myself further - if you suspect everyone all the time, the problem is most likely with you. Deep seated insecurities are no excuse to snoop.

Someone coming home four hours late over and over again and telling you they "had to see a man about a dog" is a good indicator that they are hiding something.

 

[McBell]

If I found out that my wife went through my snails under the guise of suspicion I would be upset especially if her suspicion was not valid. Sometimes things aren't clear and sometimes miscommunication occurs this is why people should talk not Snoop.

This is something I just do not understand.
It is OK for someone to invade your privacy if they have a "valid" reason to, but not OK if they do not have a "valid" reason to?

Who gets to decide the "validity"?
Obviously they felt validated...

 

[Kathryn]

I'd say if you're "caught" when someone "snoops" then their "snooping" was "valid."

 

[blackout]

I'll just say from my end,
if any partner of mine goes snooping through my stuff,
they are no longer my partner.

I am willing to share my ALL
with someone who can handle it.

As well, a partner who I find out
cannot HANDLE "my all",
is also no longer my partner.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to share everything
with someone who cannot handle your "everything".
I personally want a partner who can be happy with the All of Me.
Otherwise, there is bound to be drama,
and the whole thing is pointless.
Better to just put an end to it right away.

Any partner who snoops on me is just stupid.
I deserve WAY the hell better than stupid.

All you have to do is ask.
So simple.
But I will not tolerate drama,
and childlike behavior,
because you don't like what my honesty reveals.
If you can't handle my honesty,
you can't handle Me.

Jealousy won't work with me either.

You have to know what does and doesn't make a match for you,
and follow through with that.
Anything less is a waste of your time and energy. and Life.