What is Your Relationship Status?

[Trailblazer]

Widowed for 19 years was married for 44 years 4 days.

I was married for half my life, to date, in Years.

Widowed for 1 year, was married for 37 years and 1 month.

I was married for almost half my life, and people think it is just like a walk in the park to deal with being alone, which happened quite suddenly.

 

[Trailblazer]

Married to my phone and coffee cup.

Married to my laptop and cats.

 

[Trailblazer]

Early next month it’ll have been 40 years of knotted bliss. Damn I must be old.

Lucky you. My 40 years was cut short last year. Blissful or not, I would still rather be married.

 

[Trailblazer]

Revise that to "single and want to be left the hell alone, I'm serious".

That's quite a shift. I am getting to the same point.

 

[Trailblazer]

Still single. Not looking.

I wasn't looking either, back in 1985 when I got married, but 3 weeks later I was married.
The rest is history, joy and sadness.

 

[Whateverist]

Lucky you. My 40 years was cut short last year. Blissful or not, I would still rather be married.

Very sorry to hear that. It can be disorienting to lose a primary relationship. According to the actuarial charts I am far more likely to be the one to cope with that than my wife who is ten years older. At 30 and 40 that seemed such a remote issue. Hope you’re doing okay. Do you think you’ll persue a new relationship. I always figured I would but now I’m not so sure.

 

[Secret Chief]

It's really the same as marriage since it involves a contract.

Er, no it isn't the same. We chose it because we did not want a marriage. No vows required.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

That's quite a shift. I am getting to the same point.

I got burned this year and I'm just sick of people treating me like garbage. So I want to be left alone. I also have a couple of friends I sometime go out with and they are always pressuring me to get with someone and pointing out people they find attractive. I find this annoying and keep telling them I'm not interested, over and over.

 

[Trailblazer]

Very sorry to hear that. It can be disorienting to lose a primary relationship. According to the actuarial charts I am far more likely to be the one to cope with that than my wife who is ten years older. At 30 and 40 that seemed such a remote issue. Hope you’re doing okay. Do you think you’ll persue a new relationship. I always figured I would but now I’m not so sure.

Welcome to the club. I was 32 when I got married and my husband was 42, and only about a week after we got married did it dawn on me that I had married a man who was 10 years older than me! It was not as if I had a lot of time to think about it since it was a whirlwind romance that ended up in marriage 3 weeks after we met.

Mind you, my father died when I was 12, and ever since that time I have had abandonment issues and PTSD, since he died quite suddenly. My husband also died quite suddenly.

When my husband first passed on, I was in shock so I thought I had to get married, so I signed up for several dating sites and that has been quite an experience. I have learned a lot, and the main thing I have learned is that men are looking for what I am not looking for and there are no men looking for what I am looking for. Even though I found no man, I am glad I went through this. I still retain my membership in a few dating sites but I am not at all hopeful my luck will change. I believe that only by fate, if God wills it, will I find a man.

About 6 months after he passed on I joined a GriefShare group that I attended weekly for about 5 months. Most of that I already knew from my psychology background and from having been in counseling for grief and loss since the year 2000, but it was helpful to be among other people who understood how I feel.

As far as how I am doing, I am still in a state of disbelief that this could happen to me, but I have adjusted as well as I can. Fortunately, I was the one who did everything business and home related and I am financially set for life. However, it is being alone that is strange, not loneliness, because I do not feel lonely, partly because I have the company of my 8 cats and people on this forum to post to. However, I have no children or other family since all have passed on, except my older brother who lives in a distant state. I also have no close friends that I see in person, since my husband was my best friend and we were pretty isolated, so it is really like I am starting my life all over again.

 

[Trailblazer]

I got burned this year and I'm just sick of people treating me like garbage. So I want to be left alone.

I certainly understand how you feel, given all the men on dating sites who have treated me like garbage, but I guess it is even worse when it happens in person. But at this point I just want to be alone, unless God matches me up with someone, as happened when I got married. I am not holding my breath waiting for that to happen though.

 

[SalixIncendium]

Is there are reason you did not 'want to' get married again?

Yes. It's because I don't want to be in a relationship again and getting married without one seems a bit silly to me.

Of course, unless you have religious restrictions, which I don't think you have, you don't have to get married in order to have a woman.

It is a lot different getting divorced than being widowed, as divorce is a choice.

So is celibacy.

 

[Trailblazer]

Yes. It's because I don't want to be in a relationship again and getting married without one seems a bit silly to me.

So is celibacy.

That is kind of where I am sitting right now. I do not want to be in a sexual relationship with a man, but there are very few men who would want to be married and not have sex; only if they were impotent, and even those men want phycsical closeness, cuddling, hugging and kissing, and I don't even want that. I might want a partner, a life companion, but that is all I want. I don't know why, but I am offended by men who want to have sex with me, and they expect it as if it were a given. Maybe I could understand that if they were younger, but these men and in their 60s and 70s. Can't they think of anything better to do? I can.

 

[VoidCat]

That is kind of where I am sitting right now. I do not want to be in a sexual relationship with a man, but there are very few men who would want to be married and not have sex; only if they were impotent, and even those men want phycsical closeness, cuddling, hugging and kissing, and I don't even want that. I might want a partner, a life companion, but that is all I want. I don't know why, but I am offended by men who want to have sex with me, and they expect it as if it were a given. Maybe I could understand that if they were younger, but these men and in their 60s and 70s. Can't they think of anything better to do? I can.

There's a website that might help with that. Okcupid. It has an option for asexuality and demisexuality

 

[Whateverist]

Welcome to the club. I was 32 when I got married and my husband was 42, and only about a week after we got married did it dawn on me that I had married a man who was 10 years older than me! It was not as if I had a lot of time to think about it since it was a whirlwind romance that ended up in marriage 3 weeks after we met.

Nothing whirlwind about our connection. After we met we met for tea and then had a few dates. I'd been separated from my 'childhood' marriage for about five years but it had been only months for her. We were both doing therapy when we met and connected quite a bit around that. But we were both cautious. I suggested we do couples therapy to feel out how realistic we were being with ourselves. That helped. Early on she announced she thought a year was enough time to decide if we really wanted to get together. Funnily enough we ended up setting the date a year to the day we met. I often tell the story about how I got railroaded into it. She had a six year old boy when we met and I didn't meet him right away which I appreciated that as it was our relationship which had to work if it was going to. It did and I don't think a kid can have too many parents as long as they're invested.

Mind you, my father died when I was 12, and ever since that time I have had abandonment issues and PTSD, since he died quite suddenly. My husband also died quite suddenly.

So do you think you were into his being older when you met? The age difference didn't bother me at all. (She was a hottie.) Plus I've always enjoyed the company of women best and she was serious about her life and I liked that too.

When my husband first passed on, I was in shock so I thought I had to get married, so I signed up for several dating sites and that has been quite an experience. I have learned a lot, and the main thing I have learned is that men are looking for what I am not looking for and there are no men looking for what I am looking for. Even though I found no man, I am glad I went through this. I still retain my membership in a few dating sites but I am not at all hopeful my luck will change. I believe that only by fate, if God wills it, will I find a man.

I think it probably just gets tougher to hook up as we get older. We're more set in our ways and know what we want. Perhaps a friend is the best we can hope for, with benefits if that clicks. Romance was low on my priorities when we met. When it happens, assuming I don't buy the ranch first, I'd only prioritize a strong bond with great communication, intimacy and company. I like doing quite a bit on my own as she does too. Merging romantically can go too far and I'm basically introverted so need time to move at my own pace and pursue my own projects without interference. She is the same but boy is she gettin squeezed medically now, so many systems failing. The end is near and we talk about it, at least I bring it up. If she rallies and I get to go first I'll have dodged a bullet because she takes care of all paperwork, taxes, insurance, bills - like you.

About 6 months after he passed on I joined a GriefShare group that I attended weekly for about 5 months.

I anticipate doing the same. I've always thought I'm resilient enough to get through it but the real thing will be shocking, I'm sure.

As far as how I am doing, I am still in a state of disbelief that this could happen to me, but I have adjusted as well as I can. Fortunately, I was the one who did everything business and home related and I am financially set for life. However, it is being alone that is strange, not loneliness, because I do not feel lonely, partly because I have the company of my 8 cats and people on this forum to post to. However, I have no children or other family since all have passed on, except my older brother who lives in a distant state. I also have no close friends that I see in person, since my husband was my best friend and we were pretty isolated, so it is really like I am starting my life all over again.

Well chin up and keep me posted how you're doing. Feel free to PM if you prefer. Pets are a great way to go. 8 cats sounds like enough. I've had dogs all my life and am on #8 now. After this pup goes I intend to adopt nothing but pups who have lost their human. I've always liked herding breeds but I'll need to think more about what they'll do when I'm gone finally.

 

[VoidCat]

There's a website that might help with that. Okcupid. It has an option for asexuality and demisexuality

@Trailblazer. There's also this app that is solely looking for dating without sex. Not everyone on it is asexual but it may be useful

Best asexual dating app & site

Explore the top asexual dating app for meaningful connections! Find friendship and romance in a welcoming, pressure-free community. Join now!

taimi.com

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

@Trailblazer. There's also this app that is solely looking for dating without sex. Not everyone on it is asexual but it may be useful

Best asexual dating app & site

Explore the top asexual dating app for meaningful connections! Find friendship and romance in a welcoming, pressure-free community. Join now!

taimi.com

Taimi could prove an interesting app, although it may be difficult to find many people on it with a very favorable opinion of religion. Such is the case with apps which have minority groups.

 

[VoidCat]

Taimi could prove an interesting app, although it may be difficult to find many people on it with a very favorable opinion of religion. Such is the case with apps which have minority groups.

Possibly. I don't know. I know a lot of asexuals into religion but a number may have negative views

 

[Trailblazer]

There's a website that might help with that. Okcupid. It has an option for asexuality and demisexuality

Thanks, but I am not asexual or demisexual. I am just not interested in sex.
Why do people think that people have to be interested in sex? There is much more to life than sex.

 

[VoidCat]

Thanks, but I am not asexual or demisexual. I am just not interested in sex.
Why do people think that people have to be interested in sex? There is much more to life than sex.

Ah I thought you were due to a post long ago. My bad.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I tried a dating app recently but lots of guys on it were unkempt and sloppy in appearance, like and interested in children's things and as such I'm still single.