What to Do about "evil alcohol" when Dad visits

[Not_a_sheep]

So I’m new here and have an issue that I’ve been mulling over in my mind, and thought I’d seek some advice on. I don’t intend to get into a philosophical debate about alcohol consumption.

My dad is coming to visit me and I’m faced with this issue. He is a very conservative Christian, Nazarene. I was raised this way but I followed my mother’s suggestion and I question things. I am sure that I drive my minister crazy asking why for everything but I am, as my moniker says, not a sheep. I have a brain and I use it.

So, my father. Love him to death, but he believes that “alcohol is evil.” He says those very words, actually. Me, I believe that nothing is good in extremes, but moderation is good. As a result, I do not believe that alcohol is bad/evil/demonic/etc. In moderation. In excess, everything is bad. I enjoy beer. In moderation.

Dad is visiting, and I always keep my fridge stocked with some beer. I like to try new things, so I have a variety. My issue is how do I deal with dear old dad and his set ways? I don’t want to change just for him, because it’s my life, my choices and my heart is happy with my choices. I think it would be hypocritical of me to remove the ‘evil alcohol’ from my home, actually.

Would anyone have a suggestion with how to address this with my very conservative father? We have a great relationship, but I don’t change my life just because someone tells me to.

Thank you for your input

 

[Gjallarhorn]

You could point out that God incarnate regularly drank.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

So I’m new here and have an issue that I’ve been mulling over in my mind, and thought I’d seek some advice on. I don’t intend to get into a philosophical debate about alcohol consumption.

My dad is coming to visit me and I’m faced with this issue. He is a very conservative Christian, Nazarene. I was raised this way but I followed my mother’s suggestion and I question things. I am sure that I drive my minister crazy asking why for everything but I am, as my moniker says, not a sheep. I have a brain and I use it.

So, my father. Love him to death, but he believes that “alcohol is evil.” He says those very words, actually. Me, I believe that nothing is good in extremes, but moderation is good. As a result, I do not believe that alcohol is bad/evil/demonic/etc. In moderation. In excess, everything is bad. I enjoy beer. In moderation.

Dad is visiting, and I always keep my fridge stocked with some beer. I like to try new things, so I have a variety. My issue is how do I deal with dear old dad and his set ways? I don’t want to change just for him, because it’s my life, my choices and my heart is happy with my choices. I think it would be hypocritical of me to remove the ‘evil alcohol’ from my home, actually.

Would anyone have a suggestion with how to address this with my very conservative father? We have a great relationship, but I don’t change my life just because someone tells me to.

Thank you for your input

You have the upper hand now in your home, your fridge, your life. My parents after more than 20 years haven't always seen eye to eye with me, and at first it was difficult for all of us to find mutual ground. But the nice thing was they could leave my home to go back to theirs, and I could live my life the way I planned it.

Funny thing is, now we have grown kids that we visit, or they visit us, and their choices and perspectives make us scratch our heads wondering where in the sam heck they got those views. Why it's funny is that the way I viewed my parents questioning me was that they were challenging me, when they really were just utterly confused about who their daughter was as an adult.

Now the shoe's on the other foot. My parents and I now laugh about the whole thing.

In summary, you don't have to live with your father. The concern comes from being a good host. If your dad becomes that distressed and is unable to even be around alcohol, my advice is to choose your battles. If I really wanted a good weekend with my mother visiting, I'd be sure to create an environment that was good for both of us. But if I felt this was a dealbreaker, I'd just go about what I was doing and allow her to make up her mind whether or not she wanted to be a part of my life.

Oh and finally, welcome to RF!

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

You could just hide the beer for the sake of argument?
My family is anti-abortion, if I had an abortion, I wouldn't tell them. But I am very outspoken about being pro-choice, pro-gay, and questioning the good book in general, they know my views.

 

[oldbadger]

You could point out that God incarnate regularly drank.

Yes! Good one, Glallarhorn....

Jesus enjoyed his food and wine. He was sometimes accused of being a drunkard, even! Does your Dad recognise this simple fact?

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

We have a great relationship, but ...

Then discuss the matter with him with great openness and sensitivity before he arrives.

 

[Me Myself]

"Dad, I love you and we disagree on this. I love that you come visit and its an honor to welcome you in my house, but my house is my rules and when the bible says Jesus made water into wine, I think it was actual wine not grape juice."

You could point out that God incarnate regularly drank.

I would assume he thinks that was grape juice. Heard it around. In this forum I heard it actually.

 

[Me Myself]

You have the upper hand now in your home, your fridge, your life. My parents after more than 20 years haven't always seen eye to eye with me, and at first it was difficult for all of us to find mutual ground. But the nice thing was they could leave my home to go back to theirs, and I could live my life the way I planned it.

Funny thing is, now we have grown kids that we visit, or they visit us, and their choices and perspectives make us scratch our heads wondering where in the sam heck they got those views. Why it's funny is that the way I viewed my parents questioning me was that they were challenging me, when they really were just utterly confused about who their daughter was as an adult.

Now the shoe's on the other foot. My parents and I now laugh about the whole thing.

In summary, you don't have to live with your father. The concern comes from being a good host. If your dad becomes that distressed and is unable to even be around alcohol, my advice is to choose your battles. If I really wanted a good weekend with my mother visiting, I'd be sure to create an environment that was good for both of us. But if I felt this was a dealbreaker, I'd just go about what I was doing and allow her to make up her mind whether or not she wanted to be a part of my life.

Oh and finally, welcome to RF!

I think this is a good advice

You can hide the bottles if they distress him such, but dont hide your life choices in your house.

If anything, have your bottles but dont drink when he is in.

As she put it, it's your house, but also be a good host

 

[Titanic]

So I’m new here and have an issue that I’ve been mulling over in my mind, and thought I’d seek some advice on. I don’t intend to get into a philosophical debate about alcohol consumption.

My dad is coming to visit me and I’m faced with this issue. He is a very conservative Christian, Nazarene. I was raised this way but I followed my mother’s suggestion and I question things. I am sure that I drive my minister crazy asking why for everything but I am, as my moniker says, not a sheep. I have a brain and I use it.

So, my father. Love him to death, but he believes that “alcohol is evil.” He says those very words, actually. Me, I believe that nothing is good in extremes, but moderation is good. As a result, I do not believe that alcohol is bad/evil/demonic/etc. In moderation. In excess, everything is bad. I enjoy beer. In moderation.

Dad is visiting, and I always keep my fridge stocked with some beer. I like to try new things, so I have a variety. My issue is how do I deal with dear old dad and his set ways? I don’t want to change just for him, because it’s my life, my choices and my heart is happy with my choices. I think it would be hypocritical of me to remove the ‘evil alcohol’ from my home, actually.

Would anyone have a suggestion with how to address this with my very conservative father? We have a great relationship, but I don’t change my life just because someone tells me to.

Thank you for your input

Alcohol can make someone evil I believe.

 

[DallasApple]

I think ...is this a battle you want to have with your dad just for the sake of having the battle?Because you are not going to change his mind.Hes not going to change yours.While he is there for a "visit " if it were me I would just put the alcohol away.Speak your mind if the subject comes up but why make a huge issue of it by drinking in front of him?Unless its REALLY that important for you ??Because it sounds like its that important to him I wouldn't press it with him.



Hes going to believe alcohol is evil no matter what you do.So I guess the question is how important is the issue to you ?Important enough to disturb your's and his otherwise good relationship?(I'm assuming?)

Spare him.Spare your self.Unless ....it means that much to you .

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Spare him.Spare your self.Unless ....it means that much to you .

And if havng the alcohol there means that much to you, you might consider that another good reason to put it away.

 

[Vinayaka]

How often does he come? I remember tolerating a lot if it was once or twice a year, or less. But if the person with differing values comes over a lot, then I'd say you should take a stand. "Know when to hold em ...."

 

[Me Myself]

If you would REALLY feel hypocritical by emoving he alcohol then dont.

You could also just leave one beer can so you have the discussion when he sees it and after you drink it there is no more but he already knows you drink.

You dont have to feel hypocritical he doesnt have to see beer during his whole stay.

but then how long is he staying? I mean if its just a visit, he can see the alcohol. Its your home. If he shouts or starts arguing you keep calm tone and demeanor and tell him you re okay its your home your rules your lifestyle and you would like to enjoy the rest of the visit.

 

[DallasApple]

I don’t want to change just for him, because it’s my life, my choices and my heart is happy with my choices. I think it would be hypocritical of me to remove the ‘evil alcohol’ from my home, actually.

You aren't "changing"..You can still be happy with your choices.You would not be "hypocritical" removing the alcohol as to not start conflict.Hypocritical would be if he went on a rant about "evil alcohol" and you went on the rant with him.Judging others for the same thing you do.Abstaining to keep the peace out of respect is not hypocritical.

I'm wondering if this is more about some sort of hurt feelings you have that you are fine doing something your dad thinks is evil?Rather than you not wanting to be a hypocrite?

 

[Me Myself]

You aren't "changing"..You can still be happy with your choices.You would not be "hypocritical" removing the alcohol as to not start conflict.Hypocritical would be if he went on a rant about "evil alcohol" and you went on the rant with him.Judging others for the same thing you do.Abstaining to keep the peace out of respect is not hypocritical.

I'm wondering if this is more about some sort of hurt feelings you have that you are fine doing something your dad thinks is evil?Rather than you not wanting to be a hypocrite?

He will be the one judging what makes him feel hypocritical and what not. I can understand not drinking in front of him to avoid conflict and makes sense.

Hiding stuff feels like you are being hypocritical in the other hand.

But he got to be the one figuring out how he feels about it.

The way I see it, he can find a way to do stuff where he feels he is being a good host but also respecting his own feelings and choices.

 

[DallasApple]

I would modify my opinion if your dad pops in 2 or 3 times a week and looks in your fridge.

 

[Me Myself]

If your dad already knew you drink beer and you knw he knew and he knew you knew he knew then I would chane my opinion if you want to not buy beer or put it in a place out of his sight so he doesnt feel stressed out.

 

[DallasApple]

Hiding stuff feels like you are being hypocritical in the other hand.

Its not "hypocritical" to not leave in the open every thing about your life to your parents.

Really its like if you normally leave the bed unmade and have clutter around ..you know your mother or father detest that ...if you clean up before you know they are coming for a visit you are a "hypocrite".I don't think so.

 

[DallasApple]

If your dad already knew you drink beer and you knw he knew and he knew you knew he knew then I would chane my opinion if you want to not buy beer or put it in a place out of his sight so he doesnt feel stressed out.

Lets put it this way..If his dad LIVED with him I would not say he should quit ever having alcohol in the house.Its not "hypocritical" if on some level we temporarily modify our behavior for the comfort of others.Or that we are somehow FAKE liars just because we ever conform to fit in.

Am I a lying hypocrite if I don't fart in front of anyone even though I fart in private?If I "hold it in" ? Because there is NOTHING wrong with farting I should let um RIP whenever wherever or else I'm a lying hypocrite because I "abstain when I'm around others I'm sure it would offend?NO! And that is a natural body function everyone does.Drinking is optional.Completely .

 

[Me Myself]

Its not "hypocritical" to not leave in the open every thing about your life to your parents.

It depends. We are not talking about leaving a dildo at the table, we are talking about deliberately hiding beer so he doesnt know he drinks, which surely is going to revive memories of times in his past were his father may have made him feel ashamed for drinking or thinking about drinking.

He will have to innerly repeat himself its not about that while the most important art f him feels is an excuse and he is weak and his father still controls his life.

I would be surprised if he couldnt imagine the voice of his dad in his head telling him what he thinks of him hiding beer from him.

If he leaves it there and nothing happens, success. If he leaves it there and dad says something, he can directly talk to him about it and hopefully defuse the situation. IF the visit goes bad, his dad will still eventually accept his son and not bother him about it the next time he goes visit as he finds out his son wont change this.

If his dad wouldnt see his son siply because he drinks beer, I personally wouldnt give such a dad authority over my life for such a blackmail.

Really its like if you normally leave the bed unmade and have clutter around ..you know your mother or father detest that ...if you clean up before you know they are coming for a visit you are a "hypocrite".I don't think so.

There is a difference between "think its immoral" and "just get (very) annoyed by the sight"

If having beer in the dridge was commonly seen as disrespectful to guests, I d change my mind too.