Trapped in a marriage sounds rather juvenile to me. It sounds like anyone who looks at marriage as a trap is code for not taking resonsibility for their agreements. What part of for better or worse did you not understand when you uttered those words?
Rick, you're a strong, independent business owner. You probably cannot relate well to a very young woman with several kids who realizes that she's financially and emotionally trapped in an abusive relationship.
Did you even mean those words when you spoke them? Perhaps you did not understand what you agreed to?
She probably didn't envision subtle...and then not so subtle...abuse being a part of marriage. Abuse is as much a mind game as it is actual physical violence.
This generation looks at marriage like a paper plate. Disposable marriage is not an improvement, it is the perfect example of not taking any responsibility for agreements.
No one takes marriage seriously any more why get married in the first place?
Before I went thru a divorce, I felt the same way. I was very judgmental of people who got divorced - after all, I was "sticking it out" in a living hell. Lord knows, if I could honor my marriage vows, anyone ought to be able to!
Only after I went thru a divorce, did I understand how gut wrenching, how heartbreaking, and how devastating it is - and not just the divorce, but the death of the marriage. I did NOT take the marriage, or the divorce, casually. I gave it my all - but as the old song goes, "But I guess my all wasn't good enough."
In fact, I was so devastated, that I made another bad decision, because I was so afraid of having to make it on my own with four small kids. I didn't address the emotional issues I had which attracted me to my first husband. I also didn't address the issues that living in an abusive marriage for eleven years causes. I married the first man I dated after that divorce. This is the man I caught cheating on me - ten years later. Actually, we had what I thought was a pretty good marriage - not without problems, but he was certainly not abusive. The cheating took me completely by surprise. I had been having some health issues for two years, and I guess he didn't find me attractive anymore.
But God is so good to me - and so forgiving and generous! After that second failed marriage, I realized I needed to get my head and my life together, which I did. It took work, and it took time, but I did it. When I got my head together, I set my standards VERY high for my next relationship. And I knew if I was going to have very high standards, I would also have to be worthy of that sort of man. I worked at reaching the high standards I would expect my future husband to expect in a wife.
Six years ago, I married a fine man. We have built a very good life together. We had both been down very similar paths and learned similar lessons and we greatly appreciate each other. We trust each other completely and are very grateful to God for this chance rather late in life to experience and enjoy a healthy relationship and marriage.
