What's the best insult you've heard ?

[sandandfoam]

I like this one -

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

this too-
Whatever is eating you - must be suffering horribly​

 

[Alex_G]

ha, like the blueprint one to be fair

 

[Magic Man]

Someone once told me I play soccer like Roy Keane. I can think of nothing more insulting.

 

[sandandfoam]

Someone once told me I play soccer like Roy Keane. I can think of nothing more insulting.

They said you were a great asset. I told them they were off by two letters.​

 

[Magic Man]

They said you were a great asset. I told them they were off by two letters.​

What do you mean I'm a great set?

 

[Alex_G]

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.

not really a direct insult but made me laugh when i heared it

 

[ChristineES]

I heard this one on the Waltons:
"May you buy a hotel with 100 rooms and be found dead in every one of the rooms" Or something like that. It was amusing (yet a bid morbid).

 

[Heneni]

Beauty goes skin deep, ugliness goes to the bone.

Its your right to be ugly.

 

[Magic Man]

You're so ugly, the government moved Halloween to your birthday.

 

[ChristineES]

Here another I read on a t-shirt:
I may be fat but you're ugly and I can lose weight.

 

[McBell]

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

When you were a child you were so ugly your parents put you in the corner and fed you with a slingshot.

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know.

The way you look in the mirror is unique. Unique up on it.

 

[McBell]

Your so hairy Big Foot takes pictures of you.

 

[Alex_G]

A wife of 40 should be like money... You should be able to change her for two of 20

god women are getting a thrashing from me tonight lol

 

[Heneni]

I like the one about reincarnation, and dont sweat it alex, women wouldnt mind two twenties as well. Though im not sure either men or women over 40 can afford two twenties! Perhaps the 40 is less maintenance.

Heneni

 

[McBell]

A wife of 40 should be like money... You should be able to change her for two of 20

My uncle made the mistake of saying this in front of his wife.
She handled rather well, I think.

She simply revealed that he was not "wired" for two twenty.

 

[Alex_G]

yeah, but like the money you quickly try and iron out the creeses and hide the tears, before attepting to buy somthing
...i dont really know what that means lol:areyoucra

 

[Mister_T]

Your arse, your face....what's the difference?

 

[3.14]

did it hurt when you fell out of heaven or were you attacked by wild dogs
the devil called to say you get your soul back, even he doesn't have enough power to make you attractive
there are 2 things certain in live, death and taxes. they wanted to include your ugly face but it was to obvius

 

[Alex_G]

-you have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs.. in a bag

-Your brain for example is so minute, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

both courtesy of the great 'Blackadder' show

 

[+Xausted]

oh you all are so rubbish at insults...attack them personaly and they can come back with a retort.
i usually just say, in a disbelieving tone
"do i know you"
they feel so unmemerable and insignificant, they usually go crawl under the rock that all other people should be under



arh....dont ya love my happiness